Title: E-Love
Author: Ninjagurl354
PG-13
Romance/Drama
Summary: Harm and Mac are writing e-mails to each other but they don't know that the recipient is their best friend; the problem is they fall in love and want to meet…
Disclaimers: All characters belong to Donald P. Belisario and Belisarious Productions. No copyright infringement intended.
Spoilers: Second Sight, People v. Mac
A/N: Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed, you guys kept me motivated to get this chapter out!! Thanks again to my beta reader Danielle! You're the best, I don't know what I would do without you! Thank you for helping me with my ideas! J
Chapter 9: "I can't…"
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
ZULU 1930
"You can't what Sarah?" Harm asked uncertainly. Mac looked up at Harm but didn't look into his eyes. "I can't marry you." And with that she turned grabbing her purse and a set of keys, she fled from the apartment. Harm stood there torn between hurt and confusion, the last thing he heard was the click of the door shutting.
Mac leaned her head against the door, she pulled back, lifted her hand to the door. "I'm sorry Harm. I love you, but I can't marry you." Her hand slipped down the door and she ran down the stairs. In the parking lot she ran to his SUV, opened the door and jumped in. She quickly started the car and sped out of the parking lot.
Harm blinked a few times to clear his head he needed to find her. He grabbed his keys and wallet and quickly left the apartment. He ran down the stairs and into the parking lot where he saw his SUV speeding down the street. "Dammit," he cursed and quickly ran to his corvette, turned the key and sped off in the same direction as his SUV. A huge 18-wheeler pulled in front of him, "Damn." He moved his car into the next lane only to have to stop due to a red light. Harm cursed out loud.
It was as if Mac's brain were telling the car where to go, because soon she was on the familiar path to her apartment. It felt as if her heart were breaking into a million places, tears clouded her vision.
The light finally turned green and he sped off in the direction of her apartment. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling that it was the first place she would go. He turned the radio up so he wouldn't have to hear himself think.
You've always been a friend of mineAnd that's the way we'll be till the day I die
It's good to know you're on my side
'Cause you know she's leaving me
And I need your help to make her see
So turn on your charm and let it shine
'Cause you've always been the one
Who could make her stay around
So when she gets to the city limit sign
Don't let me down
Oh Laredo, don't let her go
Just take her by the heart
And let the wheels turn slow
Oh Laredo, you're my only hope
So get her back to the day we met
'Cause that's as far as she needs to get
But please don't let her go
Oh Laredo
Make her think about the moonlight walks
And the long, long talks by the waters edge
With her feet hanging off the Cane Creek Bridge
And bring to mind the first kiss we shared
At the old town square when she drives down there
'Cause that's a day she said she could never forget
Keep the nights by the candlelight
As an ace in the hole
'Cause those are the night of passion
That I know will bring her home
Harm's mind drifted as he listened to the song. He went back to the four months they'd been together. The little things that do for each other, a massage, a comforting hug, a little note, a rose, or lunch if they forgot. He smiled softly but the smile didn't reach his ears as it used to. And he knew that if he didn't get her back, that smile would never reach his ears again. He needed her to complete him she was his soul mate. He loved her with every once of life he had he couldn't lose her. He couldn't!
Oh Laredo, don't let her go
Just take her by the heart
And let the wheels turn slow
Oh Laredo, you're my only hope
So get her back to the day we met
'Cause that's as far as she needs to get
But please don't let her go
Oh Laredo\
Oh Laredo, don't let her go
Just take her by the heart
And let the wheels turn slow
Oh Laredo, you're my only hope
So get her back to the day we met'Cause that's as far as she needs to get
But please don't let her go
Oh Laredo
Mac pulled the car to a quick stop in the parking lot of her building. She pulled the key out, and let out a loud sob, her shoulders shaking. The rain wasn't letting up, and the thunder cracked and boomed above her, as the lightning forked across the sky. Mac jumped out of the car and slammed the door running across the parking lot into the building. She walked quickly up the stairs and knocked on the door to her apartment knowing that Trish and Frank were there.
Trish looked up from her book and looked over at her husband who shrugged. Trish stood up and walked over to the door, she looked through the peephole and immediately opened the door. Mac stood there wet from the rain, and her tears. "Sarah, honey, what's wrong? Where's Harm?" Mac let out a small sob, "I don't know."
Trish looked into Mac's eyes, what she saw there startled her. The normally strong, tough, determined, stubborn, no holds barred, marine lawyer, was replaced by a frightened young girl. What Trish saw was the frightened little girl who had been abused all during her young life. Trish wrapped her arms around Mac and Mac collapsed against her crying and sobbing. Trish looked over at her husband who nodded at the unspoken agreement and stood up. He grabbed his jacket and walked down to the lobby to wait for Harm.
Trish gently pulled back from Mac and wrapped her arm around her shoulders and led her to the couch. As they sat she pulled her back into her embrace. Mac held on to her and sobbed into her shoulder. Trish spoke soothingly and rubbed her back. A few minutes later, after Mac had somewhat calmed down, Mac pulled back. "What happened sweetie?"
Mac looked up at her, "I had a nightmare. But it seemed so real. I saw my father, Chris my ex-husband, and I saw Mic. I saw flashbacks, it was terrible." "Do you want to tell me?" Mac nodded and slowly began to reiterate her dream to Trish. When she had finished Trish pulled her back into her embrace and let Mac cry. "Shhh, it's okay." Mac pulled back, "No it's not." "Why isn't it honey?"
"Harm came in when he heard me screaming, he shook me awake, and he went to comfort me, I pushed him away. I got up, I turned to him, and told him that I couldn't marry him. I ran from the apartment." Trish gasped softly. Mac put her face in her hands, "Oh god! What have I done?" Trish gently placed her hands on her shoulders and turned Mac to face here, "Honey, listen to me. What your father did to you when you were younger; there is no excuse for that. No one deserves that kind of abuse. With Chris, he made the mistake not you. He kept pushing you, and you defended yourself. And Mic well he had no right at all to do what he did at the bar or in court."
"That may be but I told Harm that I couldn't marry him. He's not going to want to have anything to do with me." "Honey, Harm loves you with everything he possesses. He would sacrifice his life for you, if it meant that you were safe. He loves you so much; I've known it for years. Every time he would call me, it was always 'Mac this' and 'Mac that', or 'Mac won this case'. You were practically all he talked about. I remember a few times when he called, he was very upset, and he kept telling me 'Mom I lost her. I lost her'. The way he looks at you, the way he talks to you. You're the only one he opens up to. Anyone who sees you two together can immediately see the chemistry you two hold. The way you look at each other, or hold each other's hand, or when you tease each other. He loves you and you love him, your love for each other radiates off you both. The ring that you wear on your hand today, when I first told Harm about it I told him that I would give to him when he found the 'one'. He did find the one, he found you."
Two tears slipped down Mac's cheeks, "I love him, I do. But I don't know what will happen to us after tonight. I need him more than anything in this world. I need his friendship, his passion, his strength, his loyalty, his compassion, but most of all I need his love. He completes me in every way possible; he made me see what love is. When I was little I didn't know what love was. My father was always drinking and hitting my mother and me, and then my mother left when I was 15, I never knew what love was until I met Harm. He showed me how to love."
Trish blinked away her tears, "If I know my son, I know that he is waiting downstairs with Frank. I would bet everything I own that is he down there right now pacing back and forth. He loves you honey and don't every forget that." Mac nodded and Trish hugged her tightly. "Now you go wash that pretty face of yours and get out of those wet clothes." Mac nodded and stood up walking into the bedroom.
The Washington
Georgetown D.C
ZULU 1940
Harm pulled his car to a stop next to his SUV. He jumped out of the car and ran into the lobby of Mac's Apartment building.
Frank was sitting in a chair when he saw Harm rushing in. Frank stood up and walked over to the frantic looking Harm. "Harm," Frank called. "Frank! Oh God, is she here?" "She's here Harm. Your mom is with her." "I need to talk to her." "I know, Harm. Give her a few minutes to talk with your mom." He put his hand on Harm's shoulder and led him over to the set of chairs, Frank had occupied earlier.
Harm couldn't sit; instead he paced back and forth in front of Frank. "I don't know what happened. She was having a nightmare, I came in, woke her up, she tells me she can't marry me and leaves." Frank nodded. "I need her Frank, I need her so much. She means the world to me; I don't know what I would do without her."
A few minutes later Frank nodded to Harm, that he thought it was time that he go up. Harm walked up the stairs and came to a stop outside her apartment door. He knocked and waited.
Inside Mac's Apartment
Trish walked to the door and opened it to reveal her son. She could see it in his eyes he was scared. He couldn't lose her. She gently pulled him into a hug. "I'm scared mom, I can't lose her," Harm whispered. "I know honey. She's scared and extremely vulnerable, it's like she's this scared little girl and not a marine right now. Talk to her, tell that you love her." "I do mom. I do." She gently pulled away from him and walked around him. She squeezed his shoulder before she walked down the stairs to join her husband.
Harm stood there in the apartment. The radio was on and over all the noise from outside both Harm and Mac heard the words.
If you need someone to take you by the handAnd help you heal your broken heart
Show you how to find the faith in love again
So you can make a brand new start
If you're looking for the man to chase away your clouds
And be your morning sun
Oh, baby I'm the one
Believing in tomorrow is so hard
When all your yesterdays are filled with pain
Trusting in the future isn't easy
When the past is just pouring rain
All you need is someone to take away
The memory of what he's done
Oh, baby I'm the one
I'm the one who longs to kiss your lips
And hold you tight
I'm the one who longs to love you
For the rest of your life
So if you're looking for the kind of man who loves
Forever and will never run
Oh, baby I'm the one
Mac stood in the doorway now in dry clothes. Harm looked up and their eyes met. Mac slowly took a step forward; Harm took two large steps and wrapped his arms around Mac's shaking figure as she collapsed against him. "I'm sorry, Harm. I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me. I need you." Mac sobbed into his shoulder. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," Harm said soothingly. "I love you. I'm sorry." "I know. It's okay." A few tears slid down his cheeks and into Mac's hair. He rubbed her back soothingly as she cried.
I'm the one who longs to kiss your lips And hold you tight I'm the one who longs to love you For the rest of your life So if you're looking for the kind of man who loves Forever and will never runOh, baby I'm the one
Oh, baby I'm the one
"Oh, baby I'm the one," Harm whispered into her ear and squeezed her tightly. Mac slowly pulled back from his embrace. He looked into her eyes and saw the scared little girl from her childhood. They slowly sat down on the couch. Mac sat staring down at her hands, Harm watched her not wanting to pressure her. She would tell him when she got her courage. She looked up at him and met his gaze.
Mac took a deep breath, "The dream seemed so real, Harm. It scared me, it really did." Harm nodded encouragingly. "I saw my father, Harm. I saw him. When he was drunk, when he was hitting my mom and me. When my mom left how he blamed me…"
Flashback
Joe MacKenzie stumbled drunkenly up the steps to his home. Deanna MacKenzie helped him to the couch. "Sarah! Come take my shoes off! NOW!!!" He yelled.
7-year-old Sarah MacKenzie shivered under her blankets as she heard her daddy yell. She slowly pulled back her blankets.
"NO! Sarah, stay upstairs! Don't come down!!" A slap echoed around the house and Deanna MacKenzie fell to the floor. "Sarah get down here! NOW!! Or I will come get you!" Sarah slowly came down the stairs and peeked around the corner. Joe pointed to his shoes. Sarah knelt in front of her father and slowly started to untie his boots. She fumbled with a knot. "Can't you do anything right?!" With that said he backhanded her across the face.
Sarah fell back holding her cheek where an ugly red handprint was appearing. She ran from the ran from the room tears streaming down her cheeks. Deanna got up from the floor and looked at her husband. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry." He sobbed before he passed out.
Flashback
15-year-old Sarah MacKenzie quietly snuck back into the house. Stumbling over the carpet in the front hallway. She had a splitting headache but she felt no pain, she was drunk. Joe MacKenzie got up from the couch and walked into the front hallway, "Where the hell have you been?" He slurred drunkenly. "I was out. What's it to you?" She snapped.
"You see what you did?" Mac looked at him, his eyes were glazed over from the drinking but they were still ablaze with fire. He walked closer to her until she could feel his breath on her face. "You bitch, you drove your mother away! You drive everyone away! Every single person you meet you'll drive away! Your friends, your men!" He sneered, "Although, I don't know why any man would want to be with you! You're worthless!" He backhanded her across the face, and fell back, her head hitting the floor.
Flashback"I'm leaving," 17-year-old Sarah MacKenzie said to her father as she began stuffing a bag full. "You can't leave!" "You don't have a choice! I'm leaving. I'm staying with Chris." "You mean that guy is still with you! What's wrong with him? Where is he, I need to knock some sense into him. So he can see what he's marrying!" "He loves me, which is more than I can say for you!" Joe laughed drunkenly, "You're not worthy enough for a man! You don't deserve the likes of him!" Mac stiffened at his words, but Joe wasn't finished. "You don't deserve to be happy! After the hell I went through after your mother left!" Mac pushed past her father and ran down to the car where Christopher Ragle was waiting.
End of Flashback
Tears coursed down Mac's cheeks as she relived her dream and her childhood. Harm slid his arm around her shoulders and gently drew her to his side. "I know that I saw him on his deathbed. And that I forgave him, but those memories…they'll never go away." "I know, their part of you," Harm whispered. Mac nodded before she continued…
Flashback
"Chris what are you doing?" Mac asked when she walked into her apartment. "Cooking us a little supper." Removes the bags from her arms and moves his head to kiss her. Mac jerks her head away from him. Chris backs away into the kitchen saying, "Where's your garlic powder?"
"You were supposed to be gone by the time I got home!" "Yea, well I've been thinking about that." Chris said coming back into the room. "Well, I gave you $3,000 and a plane ticket…I don't want you back in my life!" "I was out of your life for twelve years, how come you never got a divorce?" Mac's looks away from him and doesn't answer.
"C'mon Sarah tell the truth, why didn't you divorce me?" Mac looks back at him, "What difference does it make?! A piece of paper does not make us man and wife!!" Chris glares, "We had more than a piece of paper between the two of us!" "The divorce is just a formality, I can get one any time!" "It's not just a formality to me. I'm not behind bars now. You can't throw me away so easy!" Chris shouted. "You don't have a choice!!"
"Why because I'm a dumb ex-con, and you're a marine officer, a lawyer! I got plans Sarah!!" Chris yelled. "Don't include me in your plans!" Mac fired back. "You think I'm a loser, but I was good enough to get you away from your drunken daddy wasn't I!?" He yelled coming to stand in front of her. "I have a new life now Chris…it's a good one!" Her eyes narrowed. "I'm not a fancy Lt. Colonel like your boyfriend Farrow am I?!" "He is not my boyfriend."
"Oh, you forget, I saw you two in Okinawa." Bends his head, "Doesn't the Marine Corp frown on its officers messing around with their C.O.'s especially if they're married?!" Mac doesn't answer him. "Hmpf…see I have choices…I can wreck your career if I want." "You can't blackmail me into loving you Chris!" "Ooohh…" Takes her chin in his hand and wags the knife threateningly in her face. "I can hurt you in so many ways." "Get out!"
Flashback"Goodbye Chris." Mac turns quickly. Chris grabs her roughly, Mac takes hold of his arms. "Don't!" Chris cups her cheek, "So beautiful." He whispers. Mac pulls his head back, "I'm sorry." She turns to leave. Chris grabs her arm and then reaches to grab something from the bed. "Chris!" He puts the gun in her hand. Mac looks at the gun and then back up at him. "Then you better kill me! Because as long as I'm alive you don't get to have a life without me!" Mac struggles against him for a moment, before throwing the gun down. She walks toward the door and opens the door.
John Farrow walks in, opens a bag and dumps out the contents. "20,000 cash. You bother Sarah again…I'll squash you like the cockroach you are!" Chris grabs the gun and points it at Farrow's back; "You steal a man's wife, try and buy him off, and then you call me scum!" Mac grabs Chris's arm, the two struggle for a second before… Gun shot!
End of Flashback
Harm tightened his arm around her shoulders. "I saw Mic next. I saw the fight at the bar, and what happened in court." Harm silently cursed the men who had heart his Sarah so much. "They came at me repeating the same phrases over and over again."
Dream Flashback
"You don't deserve to be happy! You're worthless!" Joe MacKenzie yelled his face looming in front of her. "Then you better kill me, because as long as I'm alive, you don't get to have a life without me!" Chris growled. "She's a whore! A bitch, that betrayed me! She deserved what she got!" Mic yelled angrily.
"He doesn't love you! He never did! He's using you, and you know it!"
"Nooo! He loves me Harm loves me!" Mac shouted. "Oh, he really loves you, he proposed in a rose garden where you two met. And that ring, that ring doesn't exist. Look at your hand!" Mac looked down at her hand. Where the ring had been, there was a huge snake circling her ring finger. Mac gasped and tried to shake the snake off. Flames replaced the snake.
End of Flashback
"I could feel the burn, Harm. I think it was from the sheet wrapped around my hand, it was probably cutting off the circulation. That's as far as the dream got, because then you woke me up." Mac pulled back from Harm and looked down at her hands.
"Harm I'm so sorry. I love you, so much. I need you Harm; I need you in my life. You complete me." Harm placed his hand on top of hers, "Sarah, first of all, I love you. Second, I'm not going anywhere. I need you in my life. Without you all the good in my life is gone. You complete me in ways I never thought possible. It was a dream no one can help dreams." "I'm so sorry Harm." "Shhh, it's okay. What happened to you when you were younger, and what happened with Chris and Brumby, I know that nothing can ever make those memories, those hurts go away, because no matter what they'll always be there. But, I want to heal those hurts, replace those dark memories, with new memories."
Mac smiled through her tears and nodded, "Let's make the new memories." Harm smiled and pulled her into his arms. Mac wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. "I love you Harm." "I love you too Sarah." She sat up and Harm gently cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs brushed away her tears. Harm brought his lips to hers softly. When air forced them to break, Mac smiled.
Harm stood up, and pulled Mac to stand next to him. Wrapping his arm around her waist, they walked out of the apartment together.
Trish and Frank stood up upon seeing the two approach. Trish didn't need confirmation she knew all was well. She could tell by how Harm had his arm wrapped around her waist and the looks in their eyes. Trish closed the distance between herself and Mac. Mac hugged her tight whispering, "Thank you, mom." "Your welcome, dear." Trish then moved to hug her son, while Mac hugged Frank.
After saying their good-byes Harm and Mac ran back out into the rain and each to a different car. Mac started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, Harm right behind her.
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
ZULU 2105
Harm and Mac walked into the apartment. The music was still on from before, and so was the light in the kitchen. Mac stood in front of the window, looking out at the dark, rainy night. Harm watched her for a minute before coming up behind her. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms before sliding them around her waist. Mac leaned back into him, her head under his chin. Harm kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry." "I know." Mac turned in his embrace and wrapped her arms around him, her head on his chest. "Where did I find you again?" He rested his chin on top of her head, "In a rose garden Sarah." Mac smiled into his chest.
She looked up at him and her lips met his. That kiss led to them walking toward the bedroom.
Later that night
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
ZULU 0115
Harm tossed his head from side to side, tossing and turning. Mac woke almost instantly when she felt Harm moving around. "No! Sarah, please don't leave me!" Mac rolled over and placed her hand on Harm's chest gently shaking him. "Harm, it's okay. I'm right here, it's me, it's Sarah. I'm not going anywhere. Wake up," Mac spoke soothingly. Harm's eyes snapped open, he was breathing hard. He pulled her to him, "I thought I lost you." She gently rubbed his arm, "I'm sorry I scared you today." He kissed the top of her head, "It's okay. We're back where we belong."
Mac sat up and propped herself up on some pillows. She gently pulled Harm's head down, so that his head was pillowed on her chest. Her right hand rested on his chest, her left hand was running through his hair. The radio was still on from earlier, "And now here is the new one from Jamie O'Neal." The music softly drifted through the apartment. Mac had heard this song several times and softly began to sing along with the song.
Say goodbye maybe that's one way to goWalk away and say it's over call it history
Do I believe we'd be better off apart
Can I see my world without you in it
Baby, not for a single minute
Let the moon give up the night
All the stars leave heaven on high
The sun would burn out before I'd ever lose you
We can get over any wall
If we have to fly, run, climb or crawl
Love will always lead us back
Where we belong
Just today I woke up shakin' from a dream
I got a glimpse of life without you
All the good was gone
Then I realized you were lying next to me
I knew right then, baby, come whatever
When the going gets tough we'll face it together
Let the moon give up the night
All the stars leave heaven on high
The sun would burn out before I'd ever lose you
We can get over any wall
If we have to fly, run, climb or crawl
Love will always lead us back
Where we belong
Baby, all we got to do is reach out
No laying blame, no guilty party
Lay our daggers down on the ground
Hold each other and say we're sorry
Let the moon give up the night
All the stars leave heaven on high
The sun would burn out before I'd ever lose you
We can get over any wall
If we have to fly, run, climb or crawl
Love will always lead us back
Where we belong
Love is gonna lead us back
Where we belong
Laredo Performed by: Chris Cagle
I'm the One Performed by: Gary Allan
Where We Belong Performed by: Jamie O'Neal
I want to say thank you again, to all of you who reviewed!! Hope you liked the chapter, I'm starting the next chapter tomorrow! While I'm writing, why not send some reviews and keep me motivated!! Pretty please with Harm in dress whites on top!!! Lol Same deal, I need at least five reviews before I update the next chapter!! Thanks again to all of you who reviewed!!