"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" repeated Cluney.
He had been repeating this sentence for 4.42 hours now; it was safe to say that it was getting annoying.
"Why is he in Redwall Abbey anyway?" questioned Mortimer, referring to Cluney.
"She wanted the comedy relief near the action." shrugged Veil.
"_Who_ wanted him here?" asked Mortimer.
"Da class o' 64!" answered Matthias spontaneously.
"Wha?" asked Veil, confused.
"Reward your curiosity!" replied Matthias determinedly. (a/n: Vanilla coke rocks!)
".THAT'S IT!!! Sit in the corner!" the ancient Abbot ordered.
Matthias shrugged and skipped to the corner and sat in it, facing the wall.
Suddenly, he started repeating: "Flirt with something new!" over and over again. And with Matthias saying "Flirt with something new!" and Cluney saying "Are we there yet?" well, it was pretty darned annoying.
Finally, Veil snapped.
"WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, CLUNEY!!!" screamed the stressed ferret.
Cluney just sat there, stunned.
Martin took this point to parade into the room with a microphone. He started singing, "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog" by Elvis.
Now this was alright, the Redwall dwellers were Elvis fans, but the fact that Martin only new that one line: "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog" and was singing it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and, well, you get the idea, was pretty annoying, and the fact that Matthias hadn't stopped saying "Flirt with something new!" made it VERY annoying.
"SHUDDUP!!!" screamed the Abbot.
Martin stopped, but Matthias didn't, so the coke slogan continued.
Martin then walked over to the old mouse and leant over so their faces were only inches apart.
"IT WAS YOU!!!" screamed the warrior quite suddenly, making the old mouse jump 2.4 feet in the air.
Martin then ran away screaming the ketchup song at the top of his lungs.
For some reason Cluney pulled out a blow-up baseball bat and started bopping the creatures in the room on the head with it.
"Could you stop that?" Veil asked kindly.
"Yep." replied Cluney, continuing to bop everyone.
"Will you?" the young ferret asked politely.
"Nope." replied Cluney, belting him extra hard over the head.
Veil stood there, stunned, then his mind settled on revenge. The young ferret pulled a chainsaw the size of Brazil out of his non-existent pocket and chased after Cluney.
Cluney, deciding that the chainsaw was slightly larger than him, ran off in the other direction screaming something about pineapples.
"What is wrong with them?" asked Constance, shaking her head.
"You're asking me?" gawked the Abbot.
Matthias was still promoting new lemon coke. He likes it, I don't.
(Scene break)
Five minutes later, the chase was on. Veil still had a large chainsaw and wanted revenge. Suddenly, Veil and Cluney stopped in their tracks for in the middle of the hall stood (Dun-Dun-DUN) Swartt Sixclaw.
"EEEK!!!" Cluney shrieked in horror, in a rather high-pitched girly voice.
Swartt ignored this and turned to Veil.
"Veil, (deep rasping breaths) I am your father." he said in a Darth type manner.
"NOOOO- wait, I already knew that!" gasped Veil "You killed me! I hate you pop, I hate you!" he screamed, acting a bit like Scott Evil.
Cluney looked a bit scared, he took a few careful steps out of the line of fire.
Once again, my editor wont allow my blood and guts descriptions, but I'll tell you this, curtesy of Veils chainsaw, Swartt Sixclaw became Swartt Noclaw. You figure it out.
(4 minutes later)
Veil walked back into the room in up-most glee, Cluney close behind.
"Hey, where's Martin and Matthias?" asked the once upon a timely evil rat.
"We thought they were with you." said Constance.
"Nope." replied Veil happily, still content with his fathers outcome.
Suddenly the door burst open, Matthias walked in leading a shaken, shocked and somewhat horrified Martin.
"What happened to him?" asked Brother Methuselah, Methuselah had flown in from Rio a few minutes ago.
"Uhhh.we had an unfortunate incident with a pool filled with two tons of tic tacs." replied Matthias.
"Tic tacs.so many tic tacs.ehhehehehe." muttered Martin, paranoid and twitching.
"What happened?" asked Mortimer.
Suddenly Martin grabbed the Abbot by the collar and pulled him right up to his face.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOURS OF TIC TAC FRESHNESS I HAVE NOW!?! DO YOU!?! HUH!?! ANSWER ME!!!" screamed Redwalls first warrior into the old mouse's face.
"Great, huh?" Cluney grinned cheesily.
The tic tac refreshed warrior dropped the Abbot and slowly walked up to Cluney, glaring daggers at him.
"What?" exclaimed Cluney, confused.
"(glare) You would think it's great, wouldn't you?" said the glaring mouse in mono-tone.
(3 minutes later)
"Paint.must paint.everything cleeeeeeeeeeeeeean." the Scurge muttered, painting one vertical strip of yellow paint on the wall, staring blankly ahead.
"I didn't know you could use that many bad words in one sentence." Matthias muttered to Veil.
"Or that loudly." the ferret muttered back.
Martin had snapped, he shouted at the poor rat so loudly he broke several sound barriers. And as for bad words and names, well, the warrior went through the alphabet twice.
"I still can't believe he broke Cluney." said the ferret, shaking his head.
"Yeah." replied Matthias watching Cluney paint.
"Hey!" yelled the old Abbot, running up to Cluney "You can't paint this place yellow!"
Cluney paused from painting and slowly turned his head to face the Abbot.
"Why not?" he asked with a sweet, yet forced smile on his face.
"Because this is REDwall, you idiot!" yelled the dumb old mouse.
"Did you just call me an idiot?" Cluney asked kindly, still smiling sweetly.
Matthias gulped and covered Veils eyes with his paw.
(Ten minutes later)
It was rather lucky that Matthias had covered Veils eyes. There was now blood and paint everywhere. When Veil asked him where Abbot Mortimer was, he simply answered that he'd gone to a better place.
Now everyone was bored again, Cluney was painting his one vertical, Matthias was quoting commercial slogans, Veil was bouncing a ping pong ball against the wall and everyone else was.well.HEY, where WAS everyone else?
"Hey, where's everyone else?" Veil asked the others for a hopefully straight answer.
"Paint.heehee.heehee." Cluney muttered.
"Oookay.do you know were they went, Matthias?" asked the ferret.
"Hmmm." said Matthias; rubbing his chin in thought "My spider sense is tingling." he answered thoughtfully.
"You aint a spider and you got no sense," Veil informed him "now come on! We gotta find 'em!" said Veil in a determined sorta way.
He first went to Cluney and started shaking him violently.
"Getta hold of yourself man!" he screamed in the rats face, tearing him away from his painted strip which was getting slightly 3D "We've got a job to do!"
"To the bat-mobile!" exclaimed Matthias, pointing ahead.
The warrior then ran in the direction he was pointing in.
"MATTHIAS, STOP!" cried Veil "THAT'S A GLASS (smack) door."
That 'smack' was Matthias running face-first into a glass door.
Cluney couldn't help but snicker as Matthias slid down the glass leaving an imprint of his face on it. (a/n: Look, I don't know what a glass door is doing in Redwall either, OK?)
At this moment Martin skipped into the room singing 'Do wa diddy'.
"Hold this." said Cluney, passing his paintbrush to Martin as he and Veil went to see if Matthias was still alive.
Martin looked at the paintbrush and shrugged, he started using it like a microphone, he then started singing:
"It's murder on the dance floor, so you'd better not steal the groove, DJ, gonna burn this god damned house right down-"
"Give me that!" snapped Veil, snatching the paintbrush from Martin "So, where were you?"
Yes, where WAS Martin? Find out in the next chapter of ARE WE THERE YET?
Neon: Hi it's me! I just wanna point out that I might take a while with the next chapter, I haven't finished writing it yet.and that's even if I post it.Oh well! C'YA!
Disclaimer: I don't own Redwall or any of those slogans!
He had been repeating this sentence for 4.42 hours now; it was safe to say that it was getting annoying.
"Why is he in Redwall Abbey anyway?" questioned Mortimer, referring to Cluney.
"She wanted the comedy relief near the action." shrugged Veil.
"_Who_ wanted him here?" asked Mortimer.
"Da class o' 64!" answered Matthias spontaneously.
"Wha?" asked Veil, confused.
"Reward your curiosity!" replied Matthias determinedly. (a/n: Vanilla coke rocks!)
".THAT'S IT!!! Sit in the corner!" the ancient Abbot ordered.
Matthias shrugged and skipped to the corner and sat in it, facing the wall.
Suddenly, he started repeating: "Flirt with something new!" over and over again. And with Matthias saying "Flirt with something new!" and Cluney saying "Are we there yet?" well, it was pretty darned annoying.
Finally, Veil snapped.
"WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, CLUNEY!!!" screamed the stressed ferret.
Cluney just sat there, stunned.
Martin took this point to parade into the room with a microphone. He started singing, "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog" by Elvis.
Now this was alright, the Redwall dwellers were Elvis fans, but the fact that Martin only new that one line: "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog" and was singing it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and, well, you get the idea, was pretty annoying, and the fact that Matthias hadn't stopped saying "Flirt with something new!" made it VERY annoying.
"SHUDDUP!!!" screamed the Abbot.
Martin stopped, but Matthias didn't, so the coke slogan continued.
Martin then walked over to the old mouse and leant over so their faces were only inches apart.
"IT WAS YOU!!!" screamed the warrior quite suddenly, making the old mouse jump 2.4 feet in the air.
Martin then ran away screaming the ketchup song at the top of his lungs.
For some reason Cluney pulled out a blow-up baseball bat and started bopping the creatures in the room on the head with it.
"Could you stop that?" Veil asked kindly.
"Yep." replied Cluney, continuing to bop everyone.
"Will you?" the young ferret asked politely.
"Nope." replied Cluney, belting him extra hard over the head.
Veil stood there, stunned, then his mind settled on revenge. The young ferret pulled a chainsaw the size of Brazil out of his non-existent pocket and chased after Cluney.
Cluney, deciding that the chainsaw was slightly larger than him, ran off in the other direction screaming something about pineapples.
"What is wrong with them?" asked Constance, shaking her head.
"You're asking me?" gawked the Abbot.
Matthias was still promoting new lemon coke. He likes it, I don't.
(Scene break)
Five minutes later, the chase was on. Veil still had a large chainsaw and wanted revenge. Suddenly, Veil and Cluney stopped in their tracks for in the middle of the hall stood (Dun-Dun-DUN) Swartt Sixclaw.
"EEEK!!!" Cluney shrieked in horror, in a rather high-pitched girly voice.
Swartt ignored this and turned to Veil.
"Veil, (deep rasping breaths) I am your father." he said in a Darth type manner.
"NOOOO- wait, I already knew that!" gasped Veil "You killed me! I hate you pop, I hate you!" he screamed, acting a bit like Scott Evil.
Cluney looked a bit scared, he took a few careful steps out of the line of fire.
Once again, my editor wont allow my blood and guts descriptions, but I'll tell you this, curtesy of Veils chainsaw, Swartt Sixclaw became Swartt Noclaw. You figure it out.
(4 minutes later)
Veil walked back into the room in up-most glee, Cluney close behind.
"Hey, where's Martin and Matthias?" asked the once upon a timely evil rat.
"We thought they were with you." said Constance.
"Nope." replied Veil happily, still content with his fathers outcome.
Suddenly the door burst open, Matthias walked in leading a shaken, shocked and somewhat horrified Martin.
"What happened to him?" asked Brother Methuselah, Methuselah had flown in from Rio a few minutes ago.
"Uhhh.we had an unfortunate incident with a pool filled with two tons of tic tacs." replied Matthias.
"Tic tacs.so many tic tacs.ehhehehehe." muttered Martin, paranoid and twitching.
"What happened?" asked Mortimer.
Suddenly Martin grabbed the Abbot by the collar and pulled him right up to his face.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOURS OF TIC TAC FRESHNESS I HAVE NOW!?! DO YOU!?! HUH!?! ANSWER ME!!!" screamed Redwalls first warrior into the old mouse's face.
"Great, huh?" Cluney grinned cheesily.
The tic tac refreshed warrior dropped the Abbot and slowly walked up to Cluney, glaring daggers at him.
"What?" exclaimed Cluney, confused.
"(glare) You would think it's great, wouldn't you?" said the glaring mouse in mono-tone.
(3 minutes later)
"Paint.must paint.everything cleeeeeeeeeeeeeean." the Scurge muttered, painting one vertical strip of yellow paint on the wall, staring blankly ahead.
"I didn't know you could use that many bad words in one sentence." Matthias muttered to Veil.
"Or that loudly." the ferret muttered back.
Martin had snapped, he shouted at the poor rat so loudly he broke several sound barriers. And as for bad words and names, well, the warrior went through the alphabet twice.
"I still can't believe he broke Cluney." said the ferret, shaking his head.
"Yeah." replied Matthias watching Cluney paint.
"Hey!" yelled the old Abbot, running up to Cluney "You can't paint this place yellow!"
Cluney paused from painting and slowly turned his head to face the Abbot.
"Why not?" he asked with a sweet, yet forced smile on his face.
"Because this is REDwall, you idiot!" yelled the dumb old mouse.
"Did you just call me an idiot?" Cluney asked kindly, still smiling sweetly.
Matthias gulped and covered Veils eyes with his paw.
(Ten minutes later)
It was rather lucky that Matthias had covered Veils eyes. There was now blood and paint everywhere. When Veil asked him where Abbot Mortimer was, he simply answered that he'd gone to a better place.
Now everyone was bored again, Cluney was painting his one vertical, Matthias was quoting commercial slogans, Veil was bouncing a ping pong ball against the wall and everyone else was.well.HEY, where WAS everyone else?
"Hey, where's everyone else?" Veil asked the others for a hopefully straight answer.
"Paint.heehee.heehee." Cluney muttered.
"Oookay.do you know were they went, Matthias?" asked the ferret.
"Hmmm." said Matthias; rubbing his chin in thought "My spider sense is tingling." he answered thoughtfully.
"You aint a spider and you got no sense," Veil informed him "now come on! We gotta find 'em!" said Veil in a determined sorta way.
He first went to Cluney and started shaking him violently.
"Getta hold of yourself man!" he screamed in the rats face, tearing him away from his painted strip which was getting slightly 3D "We've got a job to do!"
"To the bat-mobile!" exclaimed Matthias, pointing ahead.
The warrior then ran in the direction he was pointing in.
"MATTHIAS, STOP!" cried Veil "THAT'S A GLASS (smack) door."
That 'smack' was Matthias running face-first into a glass door.
Cluney couldn't help but snicker as Matthias slid down the glass leaving an imprint of his face on it. (a/n: Look, I don't know what a glass door is doing in Redwall either, OK?)
At this moment Martin skipped into the room singing 'Do wa diddy'.
"Hold this." said Cluney, passing his paintbrush to Martin as he and Veil went to see if Matthias was still alive.
Martin looked at the paintbrush and shrugged, he started using it like a microphone, he then started singing:
"It's murder on the dance floor, so you'd better not steal the groove, DJ, gonna burn this god damned house right down-"
"Give me that!" snapped Veil, snatching the paintbrush from Martin "So, where were you?"
Yes, where WAS Martin? Find out in the next chapter of ARE WE THERE YET?
Neon: Hi it's me! I just wanna point out that I might take a while with the next chapter, I haven't finished writing it yet.and that's even if I post it.Oh well! C'YA!
Disclaimer: I don't own Redwall or any of those slogans!