by
Phoenix Fyre
Disclaimer: Yoda and all other characters from StarWars belong to George Lucas and his massive bank account. And I'm not George Lucas.
NOTES: I don't usually cross over into Star Wars fiction. I usually bounce around like a rabbit on steroids in the LOTR section. But I decided to do a little fic here as I like Star Wars and I need to barnch out. One-sidedness is not a virtue.
Things that I - Yoda - hate with a passion:
Translated from Yoda's normal mad order of speech ("After the fight it will be done" etc)
- Anyone younger than me. So alot of people, actually. Obi-Wan and Anakin make me feel especially bad about my own appearance. I know they don't mean to but all they need to do is stand next to me, and everyone just thinks of me as their boring green friend. I'll have to slip them some poison. Or some of Mace Windu's cooking.
- Mirrors. Someone very selfish created them. I don't want to look at myself every day! Or at all, to be honest. When I was young, I LOVED mirrors. Mostly because I was okay-looking. I didn't look like a shrivelled up broccoli. Some could even say that I was attractive. Ah, those were the days. In my day, I was wild. Well … maybe not wild but I did put a pen away without the top on once or twice.
- My robes. I look like I'm wearing an old tablecloth. Or some humongus hankerchief.
- The lack of little black bags for Jedis. Black goes so well with green so I might as well make the most of my abnormal skin colour and keep in fashion, daahling! And I heard everyone's got really into little black bags lately. Who knows, the bag could even contrast with my tablecloth/robes.
- Scones. I don't know why but they always make me retch. Especially with custard.
- Obi-Wan banging on my door in the middle of the night wanting to ask what a word means. Last time he wanted to know what 'insipid' meant. He just can't bear to use a dictionary. It would obviously kill him not to wake me up when I'm having a nice dream. And he's got a dictionary right beside his bed. I think he's just trying to annoy me.
- Mace Windu banging on my door in the middle of the night screaming that there's a storm and can he come and stay with me until it's over? I wouldn't mind but he always insists upon singing the 'Raindrops on Roses' songs from the Sound of Music. And he is not a good singer.
- Anakin banging on my door in the middle of the night wanting me to stop Obi sleepwalking. It scares Ani. I'm not sure if Obi's doing it on purpose just to frighten Ani. But he's not really like that. Or is he? Am I reading too much into this?
- Anyone taller than me. It makes me feel so inferior.
- When the others start chatting about something and leave me out. I hate that. I usually pretend I'm having a heart attack so they take notice of me.
Spare a little sympathy for me. It's not easy being Yoda. It's not easy being green.