---
The Last Wish - 21
~*~
"Miaaaaaaaaaaaaaka!"
Her head snapped up from the table, stared bleary-eyed at an unfamiliar doorway. This... She frowned. This wasn't her house. No, this was most definitely not her house. And, what had woken her up? Miaka glanced sleepily around, taking in the neatly-polished countertops, the mottled wood of the cupboards, the magnet-decorated cream of the refrigerator. It certainly felt familiar, like someplace she'd been many times before, but... Damn it, where was her conscious mind!? It'd know what was going on for sure...
And, then, there came a voice from upstairs, echoing with surprising volume through the house. "Miaaaaaaaaaaaaaka!"
Nuriko's voice drew her back into reality, brought the extra touch of familiarity to the Chou family kitchen--right. She'd come in here--she glanced at her watch--two and a half hours ago, intending to raid Nuriko's cookbooks and do her best to make something edible for breakfast. But, now... Well, it was a little late for breakfast. She bit her lip in consternation, cursing herself for falling asleep on the job.
//You're not just a cook or a housekeeper, Miaka,\\ she reminded herself sternly. //You're a bodyguard.\\
"Miaaaaaaaaaaaaaakaaaaaaaaaaa!"
She leaped to her feet, noticing as she moved that--in a fit of cooking eagerness, she guessed--she'd tied a lacy apron around her waist. Her fingers ripped at the ties as she hurried from the kitchen, mounted the stairs, and thudded up towards Nuriko's room. She was out of breath and still tangling with the apron straps as she clomped in through the doorway, came to a halt just inside.
"Hai?"
Nuriko, who was lying in a semi-sitting position against the pillowed headboard, turned his head as she entered. The skin beneath his eyes was dark and shadowed, giving her a pretty good idea of how much sleep he'd gotten the night before, but he looked cheery enough.
One violet eye ducked into a wink. "How was your nap?"
She flushed. "Gomen ne. I sat down to think about what to cook, and I...I guess I drifted off."
Nuriko shrugged, swept the covers carefully back, and then just as carefully swung his legs over the side of the bed. Miaka dashed forward in shock, eyes going wide. "Nuriko!" she shrieked. "Mitsukake said not to move!!"
"He also told you not to cook," Nuriko countered dryly. "Nee?" Ignoring her continued protests, he planted his bare feet on the floor, smoothed briefly at the silky beige of his pajamas, and then hefted himself into a standing position. He was wearing the rib belt, at least, but the movement still seemed to pain him. He winced, clutching at his ribs and sucking in a sharp breath.
"Ne," Miaka growled, "told you so."
"Hai, hai," Nuriko breathed. "Help me downstairs, ne?"
It was...strange. Here was Nuriko, standing just in front of her, his face pinched with pain and his hand wrapped around his chest--and, all of a sudden, all she could think about was what he'd said a few days ago. Gods, it felt like an eternity ago. So much had happened... But, there it was, within her all of a sudden, and she couldn't help but wonder just what had happened to the Nuriko she'd glimpsed then.
He'd all but confessed his love to her--and, she'd done nothing but hurt him in return. The look in his eyes as he left that vacant lot--pain, sorrow; hopelessness. She'd meant to have a long talk with him about it before, the first moment the two of them were alone after they got back to her house, but Tamahome's family-- She winced inwardly. --and, so, she hadn't gotten the chance. But...
She glanced at Nuriko's profile as she took his arm, led him towards the door. It was so easy to pretend that it hadn't happened, so easy to look at Nuriko and see the Nuriko she'd always known. But, in this world, she hadn't always known him, had she? All she saw of him was colored by her memories of the him she'd known in the Book, tinted forever with the crimson of his blood and his death. Could she afford to let this go, to just forget that Nuriko had feelings for her and maybe always would?
If things really *were* going to happen as they had in the Book, could she afford to let it go when Nuriko was going to die?
"Miaka."
His voice jerked her out of it, and she realized with a start that she'd come to a slow halt at the edge of the stairs, had been staring off blankly into space. She blinked. "G-Gomen," she managed, giving Nuriko a very wide, very fake smile. "I was thinking about something."
Whether it was the pain or the lack of sleep or just that he was feeling kind this morning, Nuriko let it slide. "Daijobu," he offered softly. "But, ne, I want to get downstairs in one piece, so pay attention, all right?"
Miaka nodded. "Un."
They finished the jarring trek down the stairs and--after moving into the kitchen for a moment so Nuriko could grab a box of Special-K--headed for the living room. It was about eleven-thirty, and so, after Miaka helped him to lower himself onto the couch, Nuriko grabbed the remote from the armrest, cradled it in his slender fingers, and switched on The Price Is Right.
"Kimberly Conner, come on dowwwwwwwn!" bellowed Rod Roddy. "Yoooou're the next contestant on the Price Is Right!"
The audience erupted in cheers, and an excited-looking blonde in a University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown sweatshirt leaped to her feet with a shriek. A moment later, she'd vaulted over the lap of an irritated-looking dark-haired girl, then was skipping her way down towards Bob Barker and the other contestants.
"Doo do do dooo," Nuriko sang softly. "Doo do do-doooo DOOO doo. Do-do-do--"
He broke off rather abruptly as Miaka flopped onto the cushion beside him, snatched the remote from his fingers, and muted the TV.
One dark eyebrow arched. "Miaka?"
Now, she knew, was not the perfect time for this. Tamahome's family, Nuriko's injuries, Tamahome's near-breakdown--too much had been happening, and a talk about something like this was certainly less than welcome right now. Gods, things were complicated enough. Why was she dredging this up??
But...but, no. Miaka gave herself a little shake, nodded inwardly. No, they had to talk about this. And, even if now wasn't the perfect time, it very well might be the -only- time, and so she would use it. No matter what might happen, no matter what might come of it, she would use it.
"Nuriko, I think we should talk," she said. The words came out in a rush, and she knew that her cheeks were flushed, her hands trembling in her lap, but all the inner resolve in the world wouldn't stop her body from reacting.
Beside her, Nuriko shifted. His eyes were on her, but she didn't look at him. "Talk," he echoed. "About what?"
"About..." The words felt cold on her tongue. "About what...what you said a couple days ago. About how you feel."
Nuriko was silent for a long moment, staring at her breathlessly--and, then, he let out a slightly-strained laugh, shook his head. "Iie, Miaka, that was just a misunderstanding--"
"No." For once, her voice was firm. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that her heart was thundering in her chest. "No," she repeated more softly. "Daijobu, Nuriko. I know the truth. I know that you...you have feelings for me."
"O-Of course, I do, baka. We've been friends for years--"
"You know that's not what I mean. Feelings...other than friendship."
There was a long, stricken silence. And, then, Nuriko sighed, leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. Miaka looked at him, now, the danger of his gaze elsewhere, and watched the movements of his jaw muscles as he spoke.
"I thought you'd figured it out," he said quietly. It was strange, but his voice--it was low, so unlike the one he usually spoke with. He sounded like...a man. "Gomen ne, Miaka. I know this doesn't help anything. Especially with things like they are now, with Tamahome and...his family. Demo--" His eyes flared suddenly open, and he turned to look at her. And, despite how desperately she wanted to, she found that she couldn't look away. "--I...I love you, Miaka."
It felt so strange, hearing him say those words and mean them.
"And...Miaka, it took me so long to realize it that I thought that it wasn't true, but..." The fervor drained suddenly from Nuriko's eyes, and they dropped towards the floor. "But, it is. And, I'm not...asking for anything from you. I know that you love Tamahome, and I'd never think of trying to get between you two. So...it's good, I guess, that you know--but, forget that you know, ne, Miaka? It'll make it easier for everyone. Especially me."
Forget. He wanted her to forget. Not that she could, of course--but, this was truly what Nuriko wanted her to do. He wanted her to dismiss his feelings, push them aside, and let things go back to normal. As if nothing...had ever happened.
//Does he really love me that much?\\ she demanded silently, startled to find a sheen of tears in her eyes. //Can anyone love someone that much, that their own happiness doesn't matter to them at all??\\
But...gods, Nuriko'd done this before, hadn't he? The first time had been with Kourin, both here and in the Book. He'd loved her enough to give up all of himself for her, to sacrifice all that was Ryuen and turn himself into her--become her. And, in Hokkan, in the Book--gods, he'd given up all of himself there, too, for the sake of his Miko and his friends. He'd let himself die twice for other people, once literally and once figuratively, and now he was going to do it again, wasn't he? Now, he was going to do it again. Gods, he was going to do it again! He was going to sacrifice himself, and even though she didn't know when or where or under what circumstances, she knew that it would happen with such certainty that it scared her.
He was going to die. He was going to die, again, for her. For their friends. Nuriko was going to die.
The breath caught in her lungs.
Unless.
Unless...she changed something.
Unless she changed something -big.-
Her heart was thundering in her chest, pounding so loudly in her ears that it drowned out even the harsh in and out of her own breathing.
//Is this important enough for me to do this? Is this really important enough to do this? To risk this?\\
She knew even as the words formed that it was. Oh, gods, it was. If Taiitsu-kun wasn't going to save them, then it was a good bet that no one was. It was up to her. Her. Miaka. Suzaku no Miko. It was up to her. And, to save Nuriko, what wouldn't she do? To save him, Hotohori, all of her friends...what wouldn't she give up? What wouldn't she sacrifice?
//True love,\\ she whispered inwardly. //I would give up true love.\\
Her heart was still pounding in her ears as Miaka turned to the boy beside her, turned and stared at him and felt every nerve in her body screaming with fear and worry and something breathless like anticipation. Her pulse was racing, and there was a fearful heat rippling over her flesh, tingling in her fingers, shuddering up her spine. She was very aware of her own breathing, very aware of the rush of the blood in her veins, the trickle of saliva running down her throat, the dizzying sensation of knowing that she was about to change something that could never, ever be changed back--and, she was doing it, anyway, regardless of consequence. No. Because of consequence.
//This is our only chance.\\
Their only chance.
Not giving herself anymore time to think or reconsider, Miaka leaned forward, placed one slim hand on the silken violet of Nuriko's head...and, kissed him.
Nuriko's entire body went tense beneath her. His eyes were wide and dark and astonished, his arms held rigidly to the sides as if he were trying frantically to figure out what to do with them. And, then, suddenly seeming to shake himself from the shock of the embrace, he pulled away, backed into the far corner of the couch and stared at her like she'd lost her mind.
"M-Miaka!" he squeaked, gasping as if out of breath. "Whaa...whaaaa...what the hell are you DOING!?"
All right, so maybe this wasn't exactly the reaction she'd been expecting.
But, she supposed she should've guessed he'd be skeptical. After all, what human being wouldn't be, to suddenly find what he'd always secretly hoped for dropped into his lap without warning? So...that just meant that she had to convince him, that was all.
"Nuriko," Miaka said softly, "gomen ne." She drew his slender hand into hers, took the palm to her cheek and held it there. "I love you, too. I...I was afraid to say it before, but...it's true. I love you."
Nuriko shook his head violently, but he didn't pull his hand away. "Iie," he whispered, staring at her with pain in his eyes--as if he thought this were some cruel joke. "Iie. You...you love Tamahome. You've -always- loved Tamahome."
The girl closed her eyes briefly. "Hai," she answered softly. "I -do- love Tamahome. But..." She opened her eyes, drew in one last breath of air with Tamahome's face smiling in her mind...and then breathed out. "But, I want to be with you."
She kissed him again, then, very softly, and although Nuriko was still tense and rigid against her, this time, he made no move to pull away.
//I'll do this, if this is what it takes,\\ she promised silently. //Maybe, with me here, he won't have to sacrifice himself. Maybe, if he has me...he'll be able to live and let himself be happy.\\
...maybe.
Gods, she hoped so.
~*~
The Last Wish - 21
~*~
"Miaaaaaaaaaaaaaka!"
Her head snapped up from the table, stared bleary-eyed at an unfamiliar doorway. This... She frowned. This wasn't her house. No, this was most definitely not her house. And, what had woken her up? Miaka glanced sleepily around, taking in the neatly-polished countertops, the mottled wood of the cupboards, the magnet-decorated cream of the refrigerator. It certainly felt familiar, like someplace she'd been many times before, but... Damn it, where was her conscious mind!? It'd know what was going on for sure...
And, then, there came a voice from upstairs, echoing with surprising volume through the house. "Miaaaaaaaaaaaaaka!"
Nuriko's voice drew her back into reality, brought the extra touch of familiarity to the Chou family kitchen--right. She'd come in here--she glanced at her watch--two and a half hours ago, intending to raid Nuriko's cookbooks and do her best to make something edible for breakfast. But, now... Well, it was a little late for breakfast. She bit her lip in consternation, cursing herself for falling asleep on the job.
//You're not just a cook or a housekeeper, Miaka,\\ she reminded herself sternly. //You're a bodyguard.\\
"Miaaaaaaaaaaaaaakaaaaaaaaaaa!"
She leaped to her feet, noticing as she moved that--in a fit of cooking eagerness, she guessed--she'd tied a lacy apron around her waist. Her fingers ripped at the ties as she hurried from the kitchen, mounted the stairs, and thudded up towards Nuriko's room. She was out of breath and still tangling with the apron straps as she clomped in through the doorway, came to a halt just inside.
"Hai?"
Nuriko, who was lying in a semi-sitting position against the pillowed headboard, turned his head as she entered. The skin beneath his eyes was dark and shadowed, giving her a pretty good idea of how much sleep he'd gotten the night before, but he looked cheery enough.
One violet eye ducked into a wink. "How was your nap?"
She flushed. "Gomen ne. I sat down to think about what to cook, and I...I guess I drifted off."
Nuriko shrugged, swept the covers carefully back, and then just as carefully swung his legs over the side of the bed. Miaka dashed forward in shock, eyes going wide. "Nuriko!" she shrieked. "Mitsukake said not to move!!"
"He also told you not to cook," Nuriko countered dryly. "Nee?" Ignoring her continued protests, he planted his bare feet on the floor, smoothed briefly at the silky beige of his pajamas, and then hefted himself into a standing position. He was wearing the rib belt, at least, but the movement still seemed to pain him. He winced, clutching at his ribs and sucking in a sharp breath.
"Ne," Miaka growled, "told you so."
"Hai, hai," Nuriko breathed. "Help me downstairs, ne?"
It was...strange. Here was Nuriko, standing just in front of her, his face pinched with pain and his hand wrapped around his chest--and, all of a sudden, all she could think about was what he'd said a few days ago. Gods, it felt like an eternity ago. So much had happened... But, there it was, within her all of a sudden, and she couldn't help but wonder just what had happened to the Nuriko she'd glimpsed then.
He'd all but confessed his love to her--and, she'd done nothing but hurt him in return. The look in his eyes as he left that vacant lot--pain, sorrow; hopelessness. She'd meant to have a long talk with him about it before, the first moment the two of them were alone after they got back to her house, but Tamahome's family-- She winced inwardly. --and, so, she hadn't gotten the chance. But...
She glanced at Nuriko's profile as she took his arm, led him towards the door. It was so easy to pretend that it hadn't happened, so easy to look at Nuriko and see the Nuriko she'd always known. But, in this world, she hadn't always known him, had she? All she saw of him was colored by her memories of the him she'd known in the Book, tinted forever with the crimson of his blood and his death. Could she afford to let this go, to just forget that Nuriko had feelings for her and maybe always would?
If things really *were* going to happen as they had in the Book, could she afford to let it go when Nuriko was going to die?
"Miaka."
His voice jerked her out of it, and she realized with a start that she'd come to a slow halt at the edge of the stairs, had been staring off blankly into space. She blinked. "G-Gomen," she managed, giving Nuriko a very wide, very fake smile. "I was thinking about something."
Whether it was the pain or the lack of sleep or just that he was feeling kind this morning, Nuriko let it slide. "Daijobu," he offered softly. "But, ne, I want to get downstairs in one piece, so pay attention, all right?"
Miaka nodded. "Un."
They finished the jarring trek down the stairs and--after moving into the kitchen for a moment so Nuriko could grab a box of Special-K--headed for the living room. It was about eleven-thirty, and so, after Miaka helped him to lower himself onto the couch, Nuriko grabbed the remote from the armrest, cradled it in his slender fingers, and switched on The Price Is Right.
"Kimberly Conner, come on dowwwwwwwn!" bellowed Rod Roddy. "Yoooou're the next contestant on the Price Is Right!"
The audience erupted in cheers, and an excited-looking blonde in a University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown sweatshirt leaped to her feet with a shriek. A moment later, she'd vaulted over the lap of an irritated-looking dark-haired girl, then was skipping her way down towards Bob Barker and the other contestants.
"Doo do do dooo," Nuriko sang softly. "Doo do do-doooo DOOO doo. Do-do-do--"
He broke off rather abruptly as Miaka flopped onto the cushion beside him, snatched the remote from his fingers, and muted the TV.
One dark eyebrow arched. "Miaka?"
Now, she knew, was not the perfect time for this. Tamahome's family, Nuriko's injuries, Tamahome's near-breakdown--too much had been happening, and a talk about something like this was certainly less than welcome right now. Gods, things were complicated enough. Why was she dredging this up??
But...but, no. Miaka gave herself a little shake, nodded inwardly. No, they had to talk about this. And, even if now wasn't the perfect time, it very well might be the -only- time, and so she would use it. No matter what might happen, no matter what might come of it, she would use it.
"Nuriko, I think we should talk," she said. The words came out in a rush, and she knew that her cheeks were flushed, her hands trembling in her lap, but all the inner resolve in the world wouldn't stop her body from reacting.
Beside her, Nuriko shifted. His eyes were on her, but she didn't look at him. "Talk," he echoed. "About what?"
"About..." The words felt cold on her tongue. "About what...what you said a couple days ago. About how you feel."
Nuriko was silent for a long moment, staring at her breathlessly--and, then, he let out a slightly-strained laugh, shook his head. "Iie, Miaka, that was just a misunderstanding--"
"No." For once, her voice was firm. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that her heart was thundering in her chest. "No," she repeated more softly. "Daijobu, Nuriko. I know the truth. I know that you...you have feelings for me."
"O-Of course, I do, baka. We've been friends for years--"
"You know that's not what I mean. Feelings...other than friendship."
There was a long, stricken silence. And, then, Nuriko sighed, leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. Miaka looked at him, now, the danger of his gaze elsewhere, and watched the movements of his jaw muscles as he spoke.
"I thought you'd figured it out," he said quietly. It was strange, but his voice--it was low, so unlike the one he usually spoke with. He sounded like...a man. "Gomen ne, Miaka. I know this doesn't help anything. Especially with things like they are now, with Tamahome and...his family. Demo--" His eyes flared suddenly open, and he turned to look at her. And, despite how desperately she wanted to, she found that she couldn't look away. "--I...I love you, Miaka."
It felt so strange, hearing him say those words and mean them.
"And...Miaka, it took me so long to realize it that I thought that it wasn't true, but..." The fervor drained suddenly from Nuriko's eyes, and they dropped towards the floor. "But, it is. And, I'm not...asking for anything from you. I know that you love Tamahome, and I'd never think of trying to get between you two. So...it's good, I guess, that you know--but, forget that you know, ne, Miaka? It'll make it easier for everyone. Especially me."
Forget. He wanted her to forget. Not that she could, of course--but, this was truly what Nuriko wanted her to do. He wanted her to dismiss his feelings, push them aside, and let things go back to normal. As if nothing...had ever happened.
//Does he really love me that much?\\ she demanded silently, startled to find a sheen of tears in her eyes. //Can anyone love someone that much, that their own happiness doesn't matter to them at all??\\
But...gods, Nuriko'd done this before, hadn't he? The first time had been with Kourin, both here and in the Book. He'd loved her enough to give up all of himself for her, to sacrifice all that was Ryuen and turn himself into her--become her. And, in Hokkan, in the Book--gods, he'd given up all of himself there, too, for the sake of his Miko and his friends. He'd let himself die twice for other people, once literally and once figuratively, and now he was going to do it again, wasn't he? Now, he was going to do it again. Gods, he was going to do it again! He was going to sacrifice himself, and even though she didn't know when or where or under what circumstances, she knew that it would happen with such certainty that it scared her.
He was going to die. He was going to die, again, for her. For their friends. Nuriko was going to die.
The breath caught in her lungs.
Unless.
Unless...she changed something.
Unless she changed something -big.-
Her heart was thundering in her chest, pounding so loudly in her ears that it drowned out even the harsh in and out of her own breathing.
//Is this important enough for me to do this? Is this really important enough to do this? To risk this?\\
She knew even as the words formed that it was. Oh, gods, it was. If Taiitsu-kun wasn't going to save them, then it was a good bet that no one was. It was up to her. Her. Miaka. Suzaku no Miko. It was up to her. And, to save Nuriko, what wouldn't she do? To save him, Hotohori, all of her friends...what wouldn't she give up? What wouldn't she sacrifice?
//True love,\\ she whispered inwardly. //I would give up true love.\\
Her heart was still pounding in her ears as Miaka turned to the boy beside her, turned and stared at him and felt every nerve in her body screaming with fear and worry and something breathless like anticipation. Her pulse was racing, and there was a fearful heat rippling over her flesh, tingling in her fingers, shuddering up her spine. She was very aware of her own breathing, very aware of the rush of the blood in her veins, the trickle of saliva running down her throat, the dizzying sensation of knowing that she was about to change something that could never, ever be changed back--and, she was doing it, anyway, regardless of consequence. No. Because of consequence.
//This is our only chance.\\
Their only chance.
Not giving herself anymore time to think or reconsider, Miaka leaned forward, placed one slim hand on the silken violet of Nuriko's head...and, kissed him.
Nuriko's entire body went tense beneath her. His eyes were wide and dark and astonished, his arms held rigidly to the sides as if he were trying frantically to figure out what to do with them. And, then, suddenly seeming to shake himself from the shock of the embrace, he pulled away, backed into the far corner of the couch and stared at her like she'd lost her mind.
"M-Miaka!" he squeaked, gasping as if out of breath. "Whaa...whaaaa...what the hell are you DOING!?"
All right, so maybe this wasn't exactly the reaction she'd been expecting.
But, she supposed she should've guessed he'd be skeptical. After all, what human being wouldn't be, to suddenly find what he'd always secretly hoped for dropped into his lap without warning? So...that just meant that she had to convince him, that was all.
"Nuriko," Miaka said softly, "gomen ne." She drew his slender hand into hers, took the palm to her cheek and held it there. "I love you, too. I...I was afraid to say it before, but...it's true. I love you."
Nuriko shook his head violently, but he didn't pull his hand away. "Iie," he whispered, staring at her with pain in his eyes--as if he thought this were some cruel joke. "Iie. You...you love Tamahome. You've -always- loved Tamahome."
The girl closed her eyes briefly. "Hai," she answered softly. "I -do- love Tamahome. But..." She opened her eyes, drew in one last breath of air with Tamahome's face smiling in her mind...and then breathed out. "But, I want to be with you."
She kissed him again, then, very softly, and although Nuriko was still tense and rigid against her, this time, he made no move to pull away.
//I'll do this, if this is what it takes,\\ she promised silently. //Maybe, with me here, he won't have to sacrifice himself. Maybe, if he has me...he'll be able to live and let himself be happy.\\
...maybe.
Gods, she hoped so.
~*~