Jocasta Revisited
By D. M. Evans
Feedback - ripewickedplum2@yahoo.com
Rating - R
Pairing - Cordy/Connor
Spoilers - Up to Slouching Toward Bethlehem
Summery - Cordelia, feeling lost and alone, finds solace in a younger man
CHAPTER ONE
Cordelia sank into the tub. The smell of vanilla filled the air as flames danced lightly on the huge pillar candle she had found at the corner bodega. She had a cup of hot chocolate and a Cosmo to read. She didn't know anything about her life, her name, her face in a yearbook, none of it really meant anything. It would someday, she was sure of it though. Just as sure as she was that awful liar, Angel, wouldn't be a part of that recovered life. She didn't believe a word he said about their shared past, their so-called friendship. He wasn't in her life, in her memories, in her heart, no matter what claims he and his friends made. She didn't know how she knew that. Maybe it was like how she just knew she loved chocolate, vanilla candles and Cosmo.
When the tub grew cold, Cordelia slogged out reluctantly. She dressed and ventured into the curtained-off portion of the warehouse loft she was using as her bedroom. She wondered if her housemate was around. She wanted to see Connor and yet she didn't. She wasn't sure of anything in regards to that young man. He was so odd and intense. His almost feminine features were somehow compelling and even thought she knew he was younger than she was, she had to admit to an attraction to him.
Was that wrong? Maybe it should be, given their age differences but she really wasn't that much older than him. And at least he didn't lie to her. She couldn't stand being lied to. Had someone lied to her badly in the past, someone other than Angel? Of course she couldn't remember. Had she ever loved anyone? Did she even like men? Yes, she felt sure she did. She didn't know who she was but she somehow knew she was the type who didn't hesitate when she saw something she wanted. She went for it.
Hearing grunting, Cordelia went to investigate. She didn't really want to. What would it be this time? Angel? His blood-soaked friends? Some green demon with bad fashion-sense? Someone else out to kill her? All her warning bells were going off. It couldn't be smart to investigate strange sounds alone and weaponless but she did anyhow. She left her 'room' and went into the main section of the warehouse loft. She rather hated it with all the dead eyes staring off the wall at her. She didn't know what she hated more, the killing of animals for decoration or just how tacky it looked.
The grunting was coming from her housemate. Connor, stripped to the waist, was fighting the air, sweat running down his skinny torso. She watched him going through his kata. Something primal in her knew movement. She knew it was one of her skills and it seemed to be one of Connor's as well. It surprised her. Despite knowing he was a warrior, she wasn't convinced entirely of his skill. Yes he had killed that demon and saved her but he looked like he could blow away in a soft summer breeze let alone stand up to the gale of a battle. He moved well alone but could he do it in a fight consistently? Had he just gotten lucky last time? How did she even know about fighting? She had been a cheerleader, according to Angel. She wasn't buying in to her being a demon fighter. Angel, Gunn and Fred swore she had been but they had proven untrustworthy.
Connor whirled in a spin kick at nothing and nearly stumbled, seeing her. She smiled.
"You're good at that," she said.
He flipped his shapeless brown bangs out of his eyes. "I know."
Coming from anyone else it would have sounded like arrogance but not from him. "Want to take a break?" she asked.
He stared at her as if she had asked him to shoot the moon. "Why?"
Cordy moved to the small windows and let the sun wash over her. "Because it's bright and beautiful out. After that thing with the mouth and what happened afterwards I need to be in the sun. Demons couldn't live in a day this wonderful."
"That's not necessarily true," Connor said but Cordy held up a hand.
"Don't tell me. Just let me believe it for a day," she pleaded. "I need something normal right now. Want to come out with me and do normal things?"
He hesitated for a moment and Cordelia had to wonder what was normal for him that he looked so lost at the suggestion. "All right. Let me shower first."
Cordelia waited for him to do that. She passed the time giving her clothing a critical once over. She needed a wardrobe in the worst way. Of course for that she'd need money, which she didn't have. Did she have credit cards? Possibly but they'd be back at the hotel. Which of course was also where she earned her salary if she did indeed work with Angel.
Cordelia felt something wash over her, a frantic darkness that threatened to dissolve her into nothing; an anxiety so sudden and strong it filleted her open. She couldn't remember who she was. It meant she couldn't remember what she was good at, what she was trained for. How could she get a job? How was she going to survive? She wrapped her arms around herself as the fear took hold. She was lost. Something brushed her shoulder and she jumped, a startled squeal tearing from her throat.
Connor backpedaled. "Sorry."
"You scared the hell out of me, Connor," she snapped.
The confused puppy look came back into his large eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just you looked so sad. Is there anything I can do?"
"Take me out of here for awhile. I was thinking of going shopping but I've spent what little money I've had at the bodega."
"I have money. I don't mind taking you shopping."
She saw the stricken look on his face, the disappointment in his blue eyes; it was the look of most men faced with a shopping trip. She wasn't about to turn it down though. Still, a part of her wondered, where did he get his money? How could Angel have turned his son out? Where were the authorities? Obviously Connor was too young to be on his own and yet he managed. It made her feel less afraid of her own situation and angrier with Angel and his friends. If they could abandon a teenager to his own devices in a city like L.A., they obviously weren't worthy of her friendship. "Thank you. Let's go."
CHAPTER ONE
Cordelia sank into the tub. The smell of vanilla filled the air as flames danced lightly on the huge pillar candle she had found at the corner bodega. She had a cup of hot chocolate and a Cosmo to read. She didn't know anything about her life, her name, her face in a yearbook, none of it really meant anything. It would someday, she was sure of it though. Just as sure as she was that awful liar, Angel, wouldn't be a part of that recovered life. She didn't believe a word he said about their shared past, their so-called friendship. He wasn't in her life, in her memories, in her heart, no matter what claims he and his friends made. She didn't know how she knew that. Maybe it was like how she just knew she loved chocolate, vanilla candles and Cosmo.
When the tub grew cold, Cordelia slogged out reluctantly. She dressed and ventured into the curtained-off portion of the warehouse loft she was using as her bedroom. She wondered if her housemate was around. She wanted to see Connor and yet she didn't. She wasn't sure of anything in regards to that young man. He was so odd and intense. His almost feminine features were somehow compelling and even thought she knew he was younger than she was, she had to admit to an attraction to him.
Was that wrong? Maybe it should be, given their age differences but she really wasn't that much older than him. And at least he didn't lie to her. She couldn't stand being lied to. Had someone lied to her badly in the past, someone other than Angel? Of course she couldn't remember. Had she ever loved anyone? Did she even like men? Yes, she felt sure she did. She didn't know who she was but she somehow knew she was the type who didn't hesitate when she saw something she wanted. She went for it.
Hearing grunting, Cordelia went to investigate. She didn't really want to. What would it be this time? Angel? His blood-soaked friends? Some green demon with bad fashion-sense? Someone else out to kill her? All her warning bells were going off. It couldn't be smart to investigate strange sounds alone and weaponless but she did anyhow. She left her 'room' and went into the main section of the warehouse loft. She rather hated it with all the dead eyes staring off the wall at her. She didn't know what she hated more, the killing of animals for decoration or just how tacky it looked.
The grunting was coming from her housemate. Connor, stripped to the waist, was fighting the air, sweat running down his skinny torso. She watched him going through his kata. Something primal in her knew movement. She knew it was one of her skills and it seemed to be one of Connor's as well. It surprised her. Despite knowing he was a warrior, she wasn't convinced entirely of his skill. Yes he had killed that demon and saved her but he looked like he could blow away in a soft summer breeze let alone stand up to the gale of a battle. He moved well alone but could he do it in a fight consistently? Had he just gotten lucky last time? How did she even know about fighting? She had been a cheerleader, according to Angel. She wasn't buying in to her being a demon fighter. Angel, Gunn and Fred swore she had been but they had proven untrustworthy.
Connor whirled in a spin kick at nothing and nearly stumbled, seeing her. She smiled.
"You're good at that," she said.
He flipped his shapeless brown bangs out of his eyes. "I know."
Coming from anyone else it would have sounded like arrogance but not from him. "Want to take a break?" she asked.
He stared at her as if she had asked him to shoot the moon. "Why?"
Cordy moved to the small windows and let the sun wash over her. "Because it's bright and beautiful out. After that thing with the mouth and what happened afterwards I need to be in the sun. Demons couldn't live in a day this wonderful."
"That's not necessarily true," Connor said but Cordy held up a hand.
"Don't tell me. Just let me believe it for a day," she pleaded. "I need something normal right now. Want to come out with me and do normal things?"
He hesitated for a moment and Cordelia had to wonder what was normal for him that he looked so lost at the suggestion. "All right. Let me shower first."
Cordelia waited for him to do that. She passed the time giving her clothing a critical once over. She needed a wardrobe in the worst way. Of course for that she'd need money, which she didn't have. Did she have credit cards? Possibly but they'd be back at the hotel. Which of course was also where she earned her salary if she did indeed work with Angel.
Cordelia felt something wash over her, a frantic darkness that threatened to dissolve her into nothing; an anxiety so sudden and strong it filleted her open. She couldn't remember who she was. It meant she couldn't remember what she was good at, what she was trained for. How could she get a job? How was she going to survive? She wrapped her arms around herself as the fear took hold. She was lost. Something brushed her shoulder and she jumped, a startled squeal tearing from her throat.
Connor backpedaled. "Sorry."
"You scared the hell out of me, Connor," she snapped.
The confused puppy look came back into his large eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just you looked so sad. Is there anything I can do?"
"Take me out of here for awhile. I was thinking of going shopping but I've spent what little money I've had at the bodega."
"I have money. I don't mind taking you shopping."
She saw the stricken look on his face, the disappointment in his blue eyes; it was the look of most men faced with a shopping trip. She wasn't about to turn it down though. Still, a part of her wondered, where did he get his money? How could Angel have turned his son out? Where were the authorities? Obviously Connor was too young to be on his own and yet he managed. It made her feel less afraid of her own situation and angrier with Angel and his friends. If they could abandon a teenager to his own devices in a city like L.A., they obviously weren't worthy of her friendship. "Thank you. Let's go."