Title: Brothers
Author: JeeSun
Category: Angst
Summary: He couldn't take care of Josh earlier but he can still take care of his youngest brother. / Because they're his brothers, they are his real brothers.
Spoilers: What Kind Of Day It Has Been and In The Shadow Of Two Gunmen Part 1 & 2.
Feedback: At jee__sun@hotmail.com Double underscore, folks. Thanks!
Archive: Sure, just send me a note.
Note: This isn't beta-read so I apologize for grammar and spelling mistakes.
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me.
The bar is almost empty and Toby briefly wonders why it still exists. He has gone here for two years, since the Bartlet administration moved in to the White House, and it's always this empty.
"Here."
Toby accepts the scotch Sam's offering him. "Thanks."
They just sit there, starring out in the air, at nothing, their minds and thoughts with Josh and President Bartlet at the hospital. When Toby had asked Sam to come with him for a drink, Sam had whined. Toby understood why but he also understood that if he didn't take Sam from GW he'd soon have a break down and that was the last thing they needed now. He felt the same thing. After all, he was the one who had found him. He hadn't screamed, he hadn't even whimpered. He just sat there on the ground, his hands the only things covering the wound the bullet made. Then he had fallen, fallen into his arms and there was nothing he could do. All he could do was calling for help. He wishes he could have done more.
"Toby." Sam says softly and Toby knows what Sam wants to say.
So, he shakes his head. Just as much for his own sake as for Sam's. He can't be with Josh 24 hours a day. He can't. Not with the job he has. Not with the life he's living. The life that makes him and his friends suffer on a night like should have been ordinary. He didn't know if there was a thing called an ordinary day anymore. He has to assure himself, and he has to assure Sam that Josh won't break if they leave him for a couple of hours. He has to assure them both of that.
"Where's CJ?" Sam asks quietly.
"She wanted to be alone."
Sam gives Toby a questioning look and Toby knows exactly what he's thinking. He wants to explain it to him but he can't. How can he explain that he knows CJ better than anyone else? That he knows her so well he knows what to give her at a time like this?
"Thanks by the way," Toby says, looking up at Sam.
Sam looks confused and sips his beer.
Toby thinks it's good. He should drink. He should drink a lot so maybe, for just one second he can forget what they've been through. He couldn't take care of Josh earlier but he can still take care of his youngest brother. He wants to get him drunk and then follow him home and put him to bed. He would stay on the couch and make sure to save him from bad dreams. The same as he will do for Josh when they let him out of the hospital. Because they're his brothers, they are his real brothers. Funny, just a day ago he had Sam check out of it was going for his other brother, David. His younger brother David who he's never been able to protect because he's always been jealous of him. Jealous that their parents seemed to love David more.
"For what?" Sam asks after what seems like hours, but in fact only are a few seconds.
When Toby looks up at him he wants to take his hand so Sam really understands how thankful he is to him, but he's afraid. Not afraid that Sam will push him away. He knows he wouldn't. He's afraid to be that close to someone again. He's only been close to two people in his life; Andy and of course, CJ. Instead, he briefly puts his hand over his heart.
"Thank you for taking care of CJ."
"Oh, that was nothing. We all had to be strong at the hospital for each other."
Toby looks at him and this time he actually puts his hand over Sam's arm. "Sam. If you hadn't been with CJ tonight she's probably be. where Josh and the President are. Or maybe worse."
Sam almost looks a bit offended. "Toby, I don't understand what you're talking about."
Toby smiles slightly. But only slightly, because it doesn't feel right to smile yet. Maybe it never will.
"Sam, don't you think I knew where CJ was? Don't you think I had my eyes on her." He pauses. "And on you," he continues softly.
Sam looks touched but then stiffens, because he can't show he's weak. Not yet, not when there's people on the hospital fighting for their lives. His weakness compared to theirs is nothing.
"I didn't have my eyes on Josh tonight," Toby continues quietly "I should have."
Sam says nothing. What can he say? He can't say that it wasn't his fault because he feels exactly the same. He should have seen where Josh was and what happened to him. He should have been by his side when it happened. He should have protected him.
Instead, "Toby, what will happen next?"
He knows Toby can't answer but he needs one. So, he asks the one person he still has faith in and the person he looks up to, begging that he should have the answer. But deep down, he knows he won't.
Toby shrugs.
Sam studies him. In a couple of hours it seems that Toby has aged a million years, and not only on the outside. Toby has always been the pessimistic in the Senior Staff. This won't make him more optimistic. After this, it looks as if he completely lost everything he ever believed in. Nothing matters anymore.
They don't hear the first signal, probably because the music in the bar tries to compensate that there aren't any people there. On the second they both check there cell phones. On the third, Toby answers.
Toby's always been a man of few words so when Sam hears him grumble in the phone he can't tell what or whom it's about. When Toby hangs up he slowly rises and picks up his coat. When he notice Sam looking at him with big eyes he realize that Sam thinks he's leaving him alone, that they all are leaving him.
He throws some tendollar-bills on the table and smiles, but still only slightly. "That was CJ."
Sam also rises as it goes up for him that Toby won't leave him. "Yeah?"
Toby holds out the coat for Sam. "He's waking up now."
As they leave the bar Toby doesn't smile, only on the inside. He smiles because he has his youngest brother next to him and the other one is waking up and he's going to be fine. They're all going to be fine. It's just a matter of time."
END.
Author: JeeSun
Category: Angst
Summary: He couldn't take care of Josh earlier but he can still take care of his youngest brother. / Because they're his brothers, they are his real brothers.
Spoilers: What Kind Of Day It Has Been and In The Shadow Of Two Gunmen Part 1 & 2.
Feedback: At jee__sun@hotmail.com Double underscore, folks. Thanks!
Archive: Sure, just send me a note.
Note: This isn't beta-read so I apologize for grammar and spelling mistakes.
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me.
The bar is almost empty and Toby briefly wonders why it still exists. He has gone here for two years, since the Bartlet administration moved in to the White House, and it's always this empty.
"Here."
Toby accepts the scotch Sam's offering him. "Thanks."
They just sit there, starring out in the air, at nothing, their minds and thoughts with Josh and President Bartlet at the hospital. When Toby had asked Sam to come with him for a drink, Sam had whined. Toby understood why but he also understood that if he didn't take Sam from GW he'd soon have a break down and that was the last thing they needed now. He felt the same thing. After all, he was the one who had found him. He hadn't screamed, he hadn't even whimpered. He just sat there on the ground, his hands the only things covering the wound the bullet made. Then he had fallen, fallen into his arms and there was nothing he could do. All he could do was calling for help. He wishes he could have done more.
"Toby." Sam says softly and Toby knows what Sam wants to say.
So, he shakes his head. Just as much for his own sake as for Sam's. He can't be with Josh 24 hours a day. He can't. Not with the job he has. Not with the life he's living. The life that makes him and his friends suffer on a night like should have been ordinary. He didn't know if there was a thing called an ordinary day anymore. He has to assure himself, and he has to assure Sam that Josh won't break if they leave him for a couple of hours. He has to assure them both of that.
"Where's CJ?" Sam asks quietly.
"She wanted to be alone."
Sam gives Toby a questioning look and Toby knows exactly what he's thinking. He wants to explain it to him but he can't. How can he explain that he knows CJ better than anyone else? That he knows her so well he knows what to give her at a time like this?
"Thanks by the way," Toby says, looking up at Sam.
Sam looks confused and sips his beer.
Toby thinks it's good. He should drink. He should drink a lot so maybe, for just one second he can forget what they've been through. He couldn't take care of Josh earlier but he can still take care of his youngest brother. He wants to get him drunk and then follow him home and put him to bed. He would stay on the couch and make sure to save him from bad dreams. The same as he will do for Josh when they let him out of the hospital. Because they're his brothers, they are his real brothers. Funny, just a day ago he had Sam check out of it was going for his other brother, David. His younger brother David who he's never been able to protect because he's always been jealous of him. Jealous that their parents seemed to love David more.
"For what?" Sam asks after what seems like hours, but in fact only are a few seconds.
When Toby looks up at him he wants to take his hand so Sam really understands how thankful he is to him, but he's afraid. Not afraid that Sam will push him away. He knows he wouldn't. He's afraid to be that close to someone again. He's only been close to two people in his life; Andy and of course, CJ. Instead, he briefly puts his hand over his heart.
"Thank you for taking care of CJ."
"Oh, that was nothing. We all had to be strong at the hospital for each other."
Toby looks at him and this time he actually puts his hand over Sam's arm. "Sam. If you hadn't been with CJ tonight she's probably be. where Josh and the President are. Or maybe worse."
Sam almost looks a bit offended. "Toby, I don't understand what you're talking about."
Toby smiles slightly. But only slightly, because it doesn't feel right to smile yet. Maybe it never will.
"Sam, don't you think I knew where CJ was? Don't you think I had my eyes on her." He pauses. "And on you," he continues softly.
Sam looks touched but then stiffens, because he can't show he's weak. Not yet, not when there's people on the hospital fighting for their lives. His weakness compared to theirs is nothing.
"I didn't have my eyes on Josh tonight," Toby continues quietly "I should have."
Sam says nothing. What can he say? He can't say that it wasn't his fault because he feels exactly the same. He should have seen where Josh was and what happened to him. He should have been by his side when it happened. He should have protected him.
Instead, "Toby, what will happen next?"
He knows Toby can't answer but he needs one. So, he asks the one person he still has faith in and the person he looks up to, begging that he should have the answer. But deep down, he knows he won't.
Toby shrugs.
Sam studies him. In a couple of hours it seems that Toby has aged a million years, and not only on the outside. Toby has always been the pessimistic in the Senior Staff. This won't make him more optimistic. After this, it looks as if he completely lost everything he ever believed in. Nothing matters anymore.
They don't hear the first signal, probably because the music in the bar tries to compensate that there aren't any people there. On the second they both check there cell phones. On the third, Toby answers.
Toby's always been a man of few words so when Sam hears him grumble in the phone he can't tell what or whom it's about. When Toby hangs up he slowly rises and picks up his coat. When he notice Sam looking at him with big eyes he realize that Sam thinks he's leaving him alone, that they all are leaving him.
He throws some tendollar-bills on the table and smiles, but still only slightly. "That was CJ."
Sam also rises as it goes up for him that Toby won't leave him. "Yeah?"
Toby holds out the coat for Sam. "He's waking up now."
As they leave the bar Toby doesn't smile, only on the inside. He smiles because he has his youngest brother next to him and the other one is waking up and he's going to be fine. They're all going to be fine. It's just a matter of time."
END.