Do I own these characters? Let's take a poll. Everyone who thinks that I, recreant cellist and fan fiction/fantasy writer that I am, own these characters raise your hands? I didn't think so. They're not mine. This is for eddification and amusement only. So there!
And.......Act 1 Scene 4!
CHARACTERS:
VIOLA--Alanna of Trebond
OLIVIA--Thayet jian Wilima
MARIA--Buriram Tourikom
SIR TOBY BELCH--Numair Salmalín
SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK--Liam Ironarm (replaced by Alexander of Tirragin
MALVOLIO--Roger of Conté
FOOL--Nealan of Queenscove
FABIAN--Owen of Jesslaw
ORSINO--Jonathon of Conté
VALENTINE--Raoul of Goldenlake
CURIO--Gareth of Naxen Jr.
SEBASTIAN--Thom of Trebond
ANTONIO--George Cooper
CAPTAIN--Coram Smythsson
Director: Mr. Naxon, will you please stop that inane laughter!
Gary: *starts to choke all over again*
Raoul: *pounds Gary on back to stop choking but knocks wind out of him instead*
Gary: *stops laughing/choking*
Director: Right then, Mr. Goldenlake...
Raoul: *takes deep breath* "If the duke continue these favours towards you,/ Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath/ known you but three days, and already you/ are no stranger."
Alanna: "You either fear his humour or my negligence, that/ you call in question the continuance of his love:/ is he inconstant, sir, in his favours?"
Thayet: *giving John a strange look*
Jon: I thought we had discussed this already.
Thayet: So did I, so did I...
Jon: Thayet...
Thayet: *frostily* No my lord', I understand perfectly well. I'm just the homeless half-k'miri Sarain princess you took pity on in marrying. Your true love you can
Jon: *interrupting* Thayet!
Director: *uncomfortably* If you could continue this discussion later, Mr Conté and Miss Wilima?
Jon and Thayet: *both glare at director*
Director: *hastily, not wanting to miss chance to begin again* the play must go on, Mr. Goldenlake...
Raoul: *looking concernedly over at Jon and Thayet* "No, believe me."
Alanna: *deciding that best course is to ignore the royal couple* "I thank you. Here comes the count."
Alanna: *a little louder* "Here comes the count."
Alanna: Jon you idiot! Get over here and read your line!
Jon: *nervously hurries over* What? Where are we?
Thayet: Oh, so you ignore what I say, but when that little redhead calls you jump right to her!
Alanna: So I'm that little redhead' now? Do you remember, Princess, what you were when you first came to Tortall? I got you where you are. Jonathon asked me first and I turned him down for you, you ungrateful ^censored^!
Thayet: Fine. So everyone's against me. See if I care! *stomps away*
Jon: So where are we?
Gary: *points out place*
Jon: "Who saw Cesario, ho?"
Alanna: "On your attendance, my lord; here."
Jon: I know where you are.
Alanna: no, that's the line.
Jon: Oh. "Stand you a while aloof, Cesario,/ Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd/ To thee the book even of my secret soul:/ Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;/ Be not denied access, stand at her doors,/ And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow/ Till thou have audience."
Alanna: "Sure, my noble lord,/ If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow/ As it is spoke, she never will admit me."
Jon: "Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds/ Rather than make unprofited return."
Alanna: "Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?"
Jon: *loudly* "O, then unfold the passion of my love,/ Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:/ It shall become thee well to act my woes;/ She will attend it better in thy youth/ Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect."
Thayet: *from the back somewhere* I'm not listening!
Alanna: "I think not so, my lord."
Jon: "Dear lad, believe it;/ For they shall yet belie thy happy years,/ That say thou art a man: Diana's lip/ Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe/ Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound,/ And all is semblative a woman's part./ I know thy constellation is right apt/ For this affair. Some four or five attend him;/ All, if you will; for I myself am best/ When least in company. Prosper well in this,/ And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,/ To call his fortunes thine."
Raoul and Gary: *giggling*
Alanna: It's not funny!
Gary: As you say, Squire Alan!
Raoul: I can't believe I never noticed... smooth and rubious' *laughs*
Alanna: * glares at him* I can still beat you with a sword, any day! "I'll do my best/ To woo your lady:/ yet, a barful strife!/ Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife."
Thayet: I knew it! I knew it! You harlot! All that time telling me you didn't really want him when secretly you were plotting to steal him!!! And you *turns on Jon* You......rake! *starts swearing in K'miri*
Buri: *gasps*
Thayet: *takes dagger and kills Jon*
Raoul: Treason! *kills Thayet*
Alanna: *fixes Jon*
Neal: What about the queen?
Alanna: you need the practice. I'm not healing that ^censored^.
Neal: *fixes Thayet*
Thayet: Jonathon darling!
Jon: Thayet!
*they kiss passionately*
Everyone Else except Director who is on her cellphone: *gives eachother strange looks*
Director: *on cellphone* ...and they killed eachother! Just like that! With a sword...