Wow! So many reviews! Thanks guys, I'm doing my best here.

12/01--I'm really sorry. But there were concerts, and History projects and math tests (oh my). That's why I'm only doing half of this scene right now. The other half will be written and up someday...I promise

DISCLAIMER: I don't own it. None of it. Not one little character. Except maybe the director. But I can claim to own it.....

I.v

CHARACTERS:

VIOLA--Alanna of Trebond

OLIVIA--Thayet jian Wilima

MARIA--Buriram Tourikom

SIR TOBY BELCH--Numair Salmalín

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK--Liam Ironarm (replaced by Alexander of Tirragin

MALVOLIO--Roger of Conté

FOOL--Nealan of Queenscove

FABIAN--Owen of Jesslaw

ORSINO--Jonathon of Conté

VALENTINE--Raoul of Goldenlake

CURIO--Gareth of Naxen Jr.

SEBASTIAN--Thom of Trebond

ANTONIO--George Cooper

CAPTAIN--Coram Smythsson

Director: *gulps* Okay.....lets do scene five... Miss Touroom? *backs away as Buri steps forwards*

Neal: *jumping up and down with excitement because he finally gets a part*

Buri: *reads* "Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will/ not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in/ way of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence."

Neal: *takes deep breath* "Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this/ world needs to fear no colours."

Buri: "Make that good."

Neal: "He shall see none to fear." *grins*

Alanna: Sooo clever.

Neal: *makes dramatic bow*

Buri: "A good lenten answer: I can tell thee where that/ saying was born, of I fear no colours/'"

Neal: "Where, good Mistress Mary?"

Buri: "In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery."

Raoul: Hear Hear!

Gary: What?

Raoul: *shrugs*

Neal: "Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that are fools, let them use their talents."

Alanna: *coughs*

Neal: Hey! What was that about?

Alanna: Nothing.

Neal: I know what you're thinking: you're thinking I'm not good enough to be a knight. I know. I know! Everyone laughs at me. No cares about my feelings. THe walking medicin cabinet who tries to wave a sword. That's me. You all despise me,

Director: Mr. Queenscove!

Alanna: Yeah Neal, do shut up.

Neal: *gives everyone a hurt look"

Director: Miss Tourokom?

Buri: *sighs* "Yet you will be hanged, for being so long absent; or./ to be turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?

Neal: "Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage and, for turning away, let summer bear it out."

Buri: "You are resolute, then?"

Neal: "Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points." *adopts professor-like pose* Firstly, that all living things are made of cells. Secondly, that all cells come from other cells. I call this cell theory.

Buri: Huh?

Jonathon: What's a cell?

Alanna: Exactly.

Neal: Huh. And you call yourself a healer?

Alanna: Now wait a minute! I taught you everything practical you know!

Director: *coughs*

Director: *coughs*

Director: *coughs*

Director: WE STILL HAVE OVER HALF OF THIS SCENE TO FINISH!

Buri: *whispers to Thayet* where am I?

Thayet: *points it out*

Buri: "That if one break, the other will hold; or, if both break,/ your gaskins fall."

Neal: *cracks up*

Raoul: What's so funny?

Neal: "Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if Sir Toby would leave drinking, tou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria." *pinches Buri*

Buri: *stabs Neal*

Alanna: You can't do that to my squire! *fixes Neal*

Neal: *complaining* I was just getting into the spirit of the thing.

Alanna: You should know better.

Neal: I, my lady? Do I ever know better?

ALanna: Obviously not.

Buri: *resheathing her dagger* "Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my lady: make your excuses wisely, you were best."

Neal: "Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!/ Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft/ prove fools; and I, that an sure I lack thee, may/ pass for a wise man: for what says Quinapalus? *pauses for effect* Better a witty fool, than foolish wit!' *Thayet steps forward* God bless thee, lady!"

Thayet: *giggling* "Take the fool away."

Neal: "Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady."

Thayet: "Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you: besides, you grow dishonest."

Neal: Me! Dishonest! How can you, lady?

Director: THat's not in the script, Mr. Queenscove

Neal: *indignantly* I was improvising.

Director: *glares at Neal*

Neal: Fine. *reads flatly* "Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is/ the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him. /Any thing that's mended is but patched: virtue that transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that amends is but patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,/ what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away." Now wouldn't you rather that I improvised?

Director: *closes eyes*

Owen: Hey! Is she upset?

Alanna: *pokes Owen* Shut up.

Thayet: "Sir, I bade them take away you." Just showing the respect you Tortallans have for foreigners. I can't even count the times the servants are slow to execute my requests! I have no power! They all think I'm a savage just because my country s in ruins! And they're so lazy! In Saraine, they'd be dangling by their feet from the palace roof by now! *bursts into tears*

Neal: *turns pale*

Jonathon: Don't cry, sweetie, I'll make it all right.

Gary: First Nealan, now the Queen, what's with this?

Director: Please, Ms. jian Wilima. *realizes that's the wrong thing to say after Jonathon makes threatening motions with his sword* I mean.....here. *thrusts handkerchief at Thayet and retreats*

Neal: *clears throat* "Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non50 facit monachum;/ that's as much to say as I wear not motley in my brain."

Alanna: Cukolus non what?

Neal: *rolls eyes* Mithros preserve me from the unenlightened! It's latin. Most healing terms are written in it.

Jonathon: And legal too.

Alanna: BUt what does it mean you stupid squire!

Neal: If you can't figure it out, milady, I won't tell you.

Alanna: *sputtering with rage*

Neal: *very loudly* "Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool."

Thayet: *sniffing* "C-Can you do it?"

Neal: "Dexterously, good madonna."

Thayet: "make your proof."

Neal: I must catechise you for it, madonna:/ good my mouse of virture, answer me."

Alanna: *cuffs Neal* Follow the script like you're told, Squire.

Neal: But that's what it says.

Alanna: let me see *Grabs script from Neal and squints at it* Where are my glasses, the print's too small.

Gary and Raoul: *snickering*.

Alanna: *glaring at them* Never mind. *gives script back to Neal*

Thayet: "Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof."

Neal: "Good madonna, why mournest thou?"

Thayet: "Good fool, for my brother's death."

Neal: "I think his soul is in hell, madonna."

Thayet: don't you ever dare say that about my brother!

Burri: what brother?

Thayet: "I know his soul is in heaven, fool."

Neal: "The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's soul being in heaven. /Take away the fool, gentlemen."

Thayet: *sarcastically* Oh, very clever.

Neal: *bows* my pleasure, Your Majesty.

Thayet: "What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend?"

Roger: "Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him: infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool." *smiles sinisterly*

Neal: *a bit shaken* "God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the/better increasing your folly! /Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass his word for two pence that you are no fool."

Roger: I, a fool! Never! I am the greatest genius and mage that ever lived!

Numair: Would you care to wager on that? *grins* Or better, test it.

Director: Get back to the wings Mr. Salamin.

Thayet: "How say you to that, Malvolio?"

Roger: "I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a/ barren rascal: I saw him put down the other day with an ordinary fool that has no more brain than a stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard already; unless you laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest, I take these wise men,/ that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better than the fools' zanies"

Neal: Hey! Don't insult me like that!

Roger: *looks down his nose at Neal*

Thayet: *smiling* "Oh, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste with a distempered appetite." Jon's told me so much about you, you see.

Roger: That's not funny.

Thayet: "To be generous, guiltless and of free disposition, is to take those/ things for bird-bolts that you deem cannon-bullets: there is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove."

Gary: *groans* I thought I'd had enough didactic lectures from my father.

Neal: Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speakest well of fools!"

Buri: "Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much desires to speak with you."

Thayet: "from the count Orsino, is it?"

Buri: "I know not, madam: tis a fair young man, and well attended."

Raoul and Gary: *giggle*

Alanna: *glares at them*

Thayet: "Who of my people hold him in delay?

Buri: Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman."

Thayat: "Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but madman: fie on him!"

Alanna: I am not mad!

Thayet: "Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the count, I am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it. /Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it."

Neal: "Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with/ brains! for,--here he comes,--one of thy kin has a most weak pia mater."

Thayet: "By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?"

Numair: "A gentleman."

Neal: *applauds* Brilliant answer Master Salmalín!

Thayet: "A gentleman! what gentleman?"

Numair: "'Tis a gentle man here--a plague o' these pickle-herring! How now, sot!"

Neal: "Good Sir Toby!" *mutters* Sot indeed!

Thayet: "Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?"

Numair: "Lechery! I defy lechery. There's one at the gate."

Thayet: No no, not lechery, lethargy.

Buri: *points out script to THayet*

Thayet: *blushes* "Ay, marry, what is he?"

Numair: "Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not: give me faith, say I. Well, it's all one."

Thayet: "What's a drunken man like, fool?"

Neal: "Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads him; and a third drowns him."

Thayet: "Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit o' my coz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's drowned: go, look after him."

Neal: Oh, make me take care of the drunk wizard, that's right! "He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look to the madman."

Roger: *very bored* "Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with you./ I told him you were sick; he takes on him to understand so much, and therefore comes to speak with you./ I told him you were asleep; he seems to have a foreknowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak with you./ What is to be said to him, lady? he's fortified against any denial." *complains* This is so beneath me.

Alanna: Want me to stick my sword through you a third time Your Grace?

Roger: *backs away*

Thayet: "Tell him he shall not speak with me."

Roger: "Has been told so; and he says, /he'll stand at your door like a sheriff's post, and be the supporter to a bench,/ but he'll speak with you."

Thayet: "What kind o' man is he?"

Roger: "Why, of mankind."

Thayet: "What manner of man?" Honestly, men. You can't get any information out of them!

Roger: "Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you or no." That's it! I've had it with this stupid play! *walks out*

Director: Oh dear. *consults list*

Alanna: I could bring him back for you. I wouldn't mind at all *gives evil grin*.

Director: *startled.* No no, that'squite all right. I'll simply call the alternate: Mr. Wylden.

Neal: Nooooooo!

Director: *pulls out cellphone* I'm afraid we'll have to pause for a bit until he gets here.

TO BE CONTINUED.