A/N: Furuba = Not belonging to moi. You've heard it all before...Beware of falling angst, a guy loving another guy, and being lost. One shot. @_@
~
In a cold dreary night, the boy wandered. Lost, as usual....he could never remember the way home from school, it seemed. And so now he was on his second day, wandering the streets, holding his long white jacket close to him. He looked odd, or maybe just your typical kid, wandering home after a night on the town. Not that he minded, of course. It gave him a lot of time to think, to puzzle things over in his mind. And this was the reason he got lost. He thought too much and forgot where he was going. Or he was thinking too much to look on the way there...take your pick.
But being lost was fine. He was used to it by now, and so it never really made him feel worried or scared like others tended to. Take Momiji for example. He'd probably cling to someone and cry and whine until he found his way home.
He smiled softly at this image, and looked up at the moon, leaning on the side of a brick building. A clang from the alleyway, and a frightened cat, still with its collar on, ran around the corner skittishly. He jumped slightly, and took it as a cue to continue walking, despite the fact he knew he was no where near home.
They say that if you let something dear to you go, and it doesn't come back, that it was never yours to begin with.
And he understood that. If you let a pet go, and it doesn't want to be with you, than you should let it go, right? Life is that way. If you force it, its never going to want to stay with you. Its heart will break and it'll feel hopeless, and grow up to be scared. And if its scared, there's no point in loving it. You may love it to the extent that you'd die for it, but if its unrequited, then you're simply making it worse. And soon it'll hate you. That's what Akito did.....to them, he realized. He had clung dearly to us, etched only his vision into our heads. Yuki's especially. And so it made Yuki scared.
He wanted only to make that fear melt away into his hands. Wanted to see Yuki smile, to look at Tohru, or anyone else without trying to flinch away.
But it wasn't in his hands.
When he saw Yuki running away. When he saw him fleeing to Shigure-san's place. When he could of stopped him, but only feared the wrath of Akito in the next day. When the Sohma keeper found that his favorite pet hated him, and had dissappeared. When he could have stopped him...
When he had set Yuki free. That was when Tohru, only a month or two later, had come into his life. That was when Haru realized. Realized that his heart's desire, no matter how much he had yearned for it before, had been set free.
And it didn't, and would never belong to him.
With all of his being, he wanted to hate Tohru, for taking his Yuki away. For ripping him from his hands, where he was trying to coax him out. Wanted to hate her for being able to open him up so easily, and Yuki for falling for it. But he couldn't. It was impossible to hate her for what she did. She did the impossible. She was able to do what Haru himself could not.
And, he thought to himself, it was why he couldn't hate her. She didn't know it. She wasn't aware that while she changed him, she did something that despite how hard he tried, he couldn't do. Yuki was finally happy. She meant the world to him.
There wasn't any use any more.
When he saw them together, his heart ached. Every gentle smile, every understanding look, every gaze Yuki gave.
It killed him inside to see it, to breathe it, to live it. When he saw them, smiling at each other across the hall. It made him happy...to see Yuki so happy.
But letting go was the hardest thing that he'd ever done.
~
In a cold dreary night, the boy wandered. Lost, as usual....he could never remember the way home from school, it seemed. And so now he was on his second day, wandering the streets, holding his long white jacket close to him. He looked odd, or maybe just your typical kid, wandering home after a night on the town. Not that he minded, of course. It gave him a lot of time to think, to puzzle things over in his mind. And this was the reason he got lost. He thought too much and forgot where he was going. Or he was thinking too much to look on the way there...take your pick.
But being lost was fine. He was used to it by now, and so it never really made him feel worried or scared like others tended to. Take Momiji for example. He'd probably cling to someone and cry and whine until he found his way home.
He smiled softly at this image, and looked up at the moon, leaning on the side of a brick building. A clang from the alleyway, and a frightened cat, still with its collar on, ran around the corner skittishly. He jumped slightly, and took it as a cue to continue walking, despite the fact he knew he was no where near home.
They say that if you let something dear to you go, and it doesn't come back, that it was never yours to begin with.
And he understood that. If you let a pet go, and it doesn't want to be with you, than you should let it go, right? Life is that way. If you force it, its never going to want to stay with you. Its heart will break and it'll feel hopeless, and grow up to be scared. And if its scared, there's no point in loving it. You may love it to the extent that you'd die for it, but if its unrequited, then you're simply making it worse. And soon it'll hate you. That's what Akito did.....to them, he realized. He had clung dearly to us, etched only his vision into our heads. Yuki's especially. And so it made Yuki scared.
He wanted only to make that fear melt away into his hands. Wanted to see Yuki smile, to look at Tohru, or anyone else without trying to flinch away.
But it wasn't in his hands.
When he saw Yuki running away. When he saw him fleeing to Shigure-san's place. When he could of stopped him, but only feared the wrath of Akito in the next day. When the Sohma keeper found that his favorite pet hated him, and had dissappeared. When he could have stopped him...
When he had set Yuki free. That was when Tohru, only a month or two later, had come into his life. That was when Haru realized. Realized that his heart's desire, no matter how much he had yearned for it before, had been set free.
And it didn't, and would never belong to him.
With all of his being, he wanted to hate Tohru, for taking his Yuki away. For ripping him from his hands, where he was trying to coax him out. Wanted to hate her for being able to open him up so easily, and Yuki for falling for it. But he couldn't. It was impossible to hate her for what she did. She did the impossible. She was able to do what Haru himself could not.
And, he thought to himself, it was why he couldn't hate her. She didn't know it. She wasn't aware that while she changed him, she did something that despite how hard he tried, he couldn't do. Yuki was finally happy. She meant the world to him.
There wasn't any use any more.
When he saw them together, his heart ached. Every gentle smile, every understanding look, every gaze Yuki gave.
It killed him inside to see it, to breathe it, to live it. When he saw them, smiling at each other across the hall. It made him happy...to see Yuki so happy.
But letting go was the hardest thing that he'd ever done.