Little time so no extensive author's notes. Just that this is a swiftly
written and I like the first paragraphs, climaxing then coming with a
dramatic anti-climax, I had fun writing that though it is absolutely
pointless. The title implies future people coming, and they will, just not
Trunks or anyone you're familiar with... read and see.
Nothing really happens in this chapter. Things won't start happening until the next, and there isn't much humour in it either because I simply don't have the time. I felt bad for leaving you for weeks with nothing, so I quickly typed something up and voila.
By the way, I need something like a beta-reader because I am too lazy to do it myself. If you feel up to it, mail me!
Thanks to all the people reviewing TEST, I will take it down after having put up AN's. Will do some time tomorrow, then take it down a few days after that.
Reviewers' answers will follow in the next chapter
I do not own DBZ.
********************** Chapter 6:Blast from the future
***
In a vaulted place, hidden deep inside the crust of a dark planet where the light of day would appear only when the filthy sulphuric atmosphere would let it through, before it would be killed by the dark soil stained stinking geisers and hideously shaped dark black rocks, an environment murderous to everything that vaguely resembled life, there was hidden a cave which was blacker than the surface, and in that cave the only life that seemed to be was the fluorescent black throbbing presence of an evil aura which would drive any man into an insane despair. In that cave were devices for mutilation and torture, creatures more abominable than the demons on a medieval painting, souls more tortured than Sisyphos in the Tartarus, all thrived, was one long hallway which led to a single screen which seemed to give off a sickly green-white light making the environment look not brighter but darker. A red carpet, red like the blood of innocent maidens slain by the very evil that inhabitted this darkest of lairs, on it strode a haughty man, a grim look in his young eyes, his fair face twisted in fear and revulsion. But the man smiled an evil smile, and his eyes told what his face did not, this environment was his home, and he loved the tortured and loathed his place, for he had no part in the torture, though indeed he would have loved to. His rank probably made him his boss' plaything, explaining the boundariless fear in his face, for he was now approaching the screen, which still seemed to emanate evil, doubtlessly to report some heinous matters to his superior. Indeed, he put a small blackened disk into a gaping hole beneath the screem and examined the man trapped behind the screen.
His manes, flaming like hell's fire, raging like the torrent of the deluge, trembled in evil anticipation. His face contorted in an expression of pure malice, the thin stripe of his mouth revealing pure white fangs, a misleading trait as they had probably bitten through countless necks, being licked by a red tongue which seemed to radiate bloodlust, his black eyes sporting red pupils, widened in anticipation as they looked below, concentrating on something beneath him, his gaze more maniacal than Loki when he betrayed the Gods of Asgaard or Faustus when the demons finally claimed him. His broad shoulders topped two strong dark orange arms, rippling with muscles as they stretched and twisted, strained relaxed, like a hellish factory labouring to fill the world with blackness and evil of its own making. Those arms steered hands, hands most dexterous, hands most crafty, hands most evil; those arms steered hands as they crafted something, doubtlessly something deeper than the betrayal of Judas, more vindictive than God's punishment of Sodom and Gomorra, more disastrous than the plagues sent to the pharaohs of Egypt before the exodus of Moses.
He was painting his toenails. [1]
"Ah yes, Paya. It is so good to see you again. You do think this new shade of purple fits me... don't you?" The image of the lionesque man had spoken, the last part had been a dangerous growl. The man adressed as Paya had no intention of interpretting it the wrong way.
"Of course, lord Hita, but well nigh everything looks fair on your brilliant complexion." The man retorted, almost making it sound like a truth.
"You flatter, Paya, and I know you better than to think you come here just to boost my ego."
"Though that is indeed true, it does not do away the truth of me enjoying to come and see you, my lord Hita." The lie sounded a little less sincere this time, but the man behind the screen failed to notice.
"Ah yes, the data. You are doing well. I must say, invading the house of that boy was a stroke of genius."
"His name is Son Gohan sir, and we did not do that. All we did was change the name on the forms to make it look more interesting and move the day to the first of the week. We were not responsible for ensnaring the matriarch of that house. We doubt anyone could."
"You could not? This sounds like an interesting woman. Once we have an opening make sure to give her a ring. This evil empire is strained to its limits as it is. But who then were those who DID convince this woman?"
"They were her second son and his friend. They did it to...erm," Paya flipped through his files before he continued "'Prank' as they called it." The lionlike man behind the screen nodded.
"Most interesting kids, Paya. Make sure to subscribe them to my 'Hita manliness and general evilness camp'. They show much potential."
"Indeed sir, indeed. I do not know however whether they will survive, considering that the older brother which we are now targetting is still emotionally unstable. It is indeed good that we found him when we did, because I feel like his mentor, one 'Piccolo', would have beaten him to emotional stability within a year, making him a so called 'complete dork' [2]"
"Yes, it is very well indeed. Within the week, I will be freed by his energy. Then the universe shall tremble under my rule! I will destroy candy everywhere, so kids will hate me! I will burn all chocolate, so all women will hate me! And I will make all men wear pants! The world will feel my wrath!" The lionlike man than continued with a howling, maniacally evil cackle.
Paya tried to hide the sweatdrops forming on several parts of his body and retreated out of the room.
***
"Geez dad, if it's going to happen anyway, why bother?"
"You don't understand, son. This new anti-paradoxal time machine Bulma and I devised will not get you into an alternate timeline, like Trunks was, but will instead give you the possibility to change things in our own timeline."
"That's right Resu, that also means there can be no paradoxes, and if dad remembers us going there, we are going there no matter what you say."
"Pfeh. You can do whatever you want Stofa, I am not going just because 'it will happen anyway', I will not be forced into things I do not want. Besides, you and dad's nerdish technobabble is getting us nowhere."
"But Resu, brother dear, who is stronger than us all and can kick our butts if he wants to except when you are fighting your dear little sister, you said just yesterday it would be so cool to see dad your age, didn't you?" "That... that's not the point Mefi!"
"Oh, then what is?"
A man with spiky hair standing in front of an odd contraption with a young girl with her long dark hair tied in a knot and wearing glasses, both wore a wight labcoat. The man had been identified as dad, and the girl as Sutoha. In front of them was a boy of the same age as the girl, with long dark spiky hair going to his waist, he had been adressed as Resu. A tail was wrapped around where his hair met his waist. His eyes were bored and confident, he seemed to radiate an attitude of 'if-you-want-me-to-move-make- me'. Next to him stood a girl, arms crossed, a snide and cynical smile on her face. Her hair was about the same as her father, only a little longer. Her big blue eyes, filled with a certain mirth after saying that last sentence, seemed to penetrate her brother's skull, who tried to back away from it. Her name would of course be Mefi, since it was the only one left vacant. Her brother tried to regain a confident smirk as he spoke, but failed miserably.
"Well, my point is, DEAR sister, I would rather spend a week with grandpa Satan than with a tomboy like YOU." The boy was obviously pleased at his retort, not thinking it was open for argument.
"Oh really? Well if I'm a tomboy, I'm still a woman. Yet I beat your ass every single day of the year. What would that make you?" Mefi had said this without humour. Resu tried desperately to find out how he was being insulted, but could not come to an answer.
"Huh?" he replied dumbly.
"What I'm saying is, dear brother, with your qualities you could easily outclass everyone in Baywatch, with your sexy long hair and all. You are helpless and dimwitted enough for the part."
"What do you mean?" Mefi rolled her eyes as Stofa tried to explain.
"What she means is that you fight like a woman." Mefi nodded at this and continued
"That, and the baywatch thing was more to insult your manliness. Obviously there isn't that much to be insulted." Resu was fuming at his sister.
"HEY!"
Mefi suppressed a giggle and put up her hand and 3 fingers "You wear spandex and leather tight enough to make any queer jealous." Mefi put one finger down as Resu protested
"HEY! You know those things are for training!"
"Sure they are. Whatever turns you on. Then there are those new shoes you wear in school, they are brighter red than I have ever seen." Another finger was put down, and the red on Resu's face deepened.
"THAT'S FASHION!"
"Crypto-fag. Then, last but not least, you can do nothing more than bitchslap me. And THAT is when you're having a good day." Mefi's hand was now a fist.
"THAT IS NOT...! Wait a minute, are you calling me gay?" Realisation had hit Resu. Mefi nodded.
"Not only that, I'm calling you a queen, a homo, a pansy, a queer, a fag, a..."
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK! You... you... LESBIAN!" Mefi rolled her eyes at her brother's homophobia and his lack of articulate capabilities.
"Oh, actions speak louder than words dear bro. What about that time I found you and Hikaru rolling over the floor expressing your perverse interests?"
"We were NOT expressing our perverse interests, we were wrestling!"
"Or that time I found you ki-frying someone's pants in the bathroom? You could hardly hold back your lust for him."
"Hey! I was trying to dry them, I slipped when you entered!"
"Well, what about that time you and our neigbour boy were caught 'experimenting'?"
There was a a short silence as Resu's angry red changed to an embarassed red.
"That was 10 years ago, I was just a kid!" Mefi just laughed.
"Showing your interests at such a young age, ne? [2]"
"THAT IS NOT TRUE! Besides, Hikari was there too!"
"Oh, so you could..." Mefi and Resu continued their petty squabbling, Resu bright red, Mefi smiling as she verbally pummelled her brother. The two others in the room just shook their head.
"Resu is so homophobic. Even when his sister Pan is a lesbian. And his intelligence... I am not that dumb, and neither is Videl as far as I know. Where did the genes go wrong?" the father began.
"You still have grandpa Satan in the family." At that the father laughed.
"A mix between Hercule and a Saiyan. Can you imagine Vegeta is actually proud of Resu?"
"Odd yes. But you know Vegeta is swift in accepting what vaguely resembles a saiyan. He did have Nappa in his company. As well as Raditz, and I am told Resu looks much like him, in every form." The two brethren were now rolling over the floor fighting. The father continued unfased.
"True. Though I doubt they teased Raditz with being gay." Stofa nodded at her father's words.
"Yes, but I suppose that every person is different. Besides, Resu is the most powerful of us all. Vegeta says he is more powerful than even you, but that he squandrs it by doing other things than continuous training. The only reason he is more powerful than Vegeta is because he still fights Mefi daily. I wonder how long he will keep doing that before he totally slacks off." Stofa looked at her father, who was now smiling.
"If memory serves, not too long." Stofa seemed to ponder this.
"Your theory is really weird, dad. But if it helps getting you and mom together, I suppose no harm is done. I just hope your theories on non- alternate universe timetravel hold out." Stofa said.
Her father nodded, and suddenly burst out laughing.
"What is it dad?" he shook his head and raised his hand.
"I suddenly understood something. I want you to tell my teenage self, that the theories work, okay?"
"Erm... okay."
"Good, now let's break these two cocks [3] apart." Stofa's father moved away from the machine, and took a deep breath before going Super Saiyan. The two just kept wrestling. Their father sighed and turned to the level above. The ground below had started quaking. Still no response. His hair lengthened as he ascended another level, the earth quivering beneath the awesome power, concentrated in a frail mortal body. He screamed.
"THAT IS ENOUGH!"
The two kids just continued, not heeding their father. He sighed exasperatedly and powered down. There was just no rationalising with these two. Mefi might be intelligent, but the day she put that to a use different from fighting and snide comments had yet to come. Resu was dumber than the backend of a horse, so he would be forgiven. Their father moved to where they were fighting and hunched over them, his hands extended.
"Guess you will both have to go the hard way." With that, he hit a spot he had learned would not only put them to sleep, but give them a terrible headache in the morning. He hit Mefi a little harder, since she had promissed just a few days ago she would not act on her impulses anymore. She would recognise the punishment.
A woman with hair dyed blue walked in. A few wrinkles were hidden by make- up stylishly applied, and in her hand she held a small status chart.
"Ah, Gohan. Your kids are still as feisty as ever." The woman said as she entered.
"That's true Bulma. But now they can finally go. Stofa, will you carry your brother and sister into the machine please? You can set the coordinates too." Stofa did as she was told and closed the machines capsule like roof up. Bulma moved to a set of controls and pressed a few buttons.
"Alright Bulma, this is enough. Move to the safe area. We do not know what energy may materialise to keep physics regular." Gohan beckoned Bulma to go to a small room behind the greenish one they were in now. They both entered and looked through the window that seperated them from the machine.
******BRAINFOOD!!! READ ONLY IF YOU ARE IN FOR MENTAL EXERCISE!***** "I understand that much of your theory Gohan. But do you think this will actually work?" Gohan smiled. Bulma was finally getting to old to follow everything he did. It had irritated Gohan that the older woman always seemed to be the better genius. But now, he was finally catching up with her.
"If you say that Bulma, you understand nothing but the numbers on the paper. The theory says that if you timetravel without this device, you will create an alternate universe, no matter what you do.You can not however, change your own world with it. It would create a paradox. Universes with paradoxes are impossible and therefor do not exist. Now, as you know, the universe has a causal connection between everything, and therefor a set time will produce a set event. Therefor, a universe with a flawed system will NEVER exist. But this is not relevant with the old theory. All you did there was essentially create a new world, not so much travel through time. This machine actually travels through THIS time, not another one. That is also why everything they do in the past, has already happened to us, because they did not create a paradox, but indeed facilitated this world. They are even in the past a part of this timeline."
"But how is that possible? The timeline would have to be run through once at least for this to happen, isn't it? And that first time, they would not come, making this world a paradox and thus non-existent, yet we still exist."
"No, you are wrong. That 'first world' has never existed. They are as much part of the past as they are of the present. You see, time in my theory is not a straight line. It should be viewed upon like matter. It is everywhere, but our vision upon it relativates it and makes it bound to certain notions. The flow of time is nothing but a human concept. Time is, and nothing more."
"So if they do something wrong, we will cease to exist."
"No, we will never have existed, making it a paradox since we exist now, making it impossible. Besides, I remember their actions. And I remember the truth in my theory."
"How come?"
"Well, during the years, I have wondered and pondered over one thing Stofa told me just before she left. She said 'your theories are correct'. I had NO idea what she was talking about, until this afternoon, when a thought popped up in my head, asking her to tell me this. It all fell into place. My memories and what they are about to do ARE the same."
"Oh. Then why are there not more travellers? Surely they realise what they can do."
"And even more what they can not do. I don't remember seeing any timetraveller, meaning they are either not here, or that they don't show themselves well. Either way, it shows the future, or the past, will show great prudence with these theories. If they even come to understand them."
"What do you mean 'if they even come to understand them'? You have these theories now, don't you?"
"That is correct. I will destroy them the moment my kids get back, together with the time machine."
"And why would the future show prudence with these theories?"
"If they hadn't done so, we wouldn't have existed, would we?" ******END BRAINFOOD!!******
Bulma rubbed her temples. "Gohan, every time you try to explain me, you give me a headache. I wonder which was harder on Videl. You, or the triplet you just relieved her of."
Gohan just laughed.
"Yes, well it doesn't matter. Let's get these kids to the past, won't we?"
"Aye, captain Son."
***
"Why mom? Why did you agree to this?" Gohan whined, on his knees, his hands in a begging stance.
"Well, isn't it obvious? I thought it would be good to get to know your classmates, AND for them to get to know ME, the mother of such a wonderful boy. Doubtlessly, they will see your greatness." Chichi had gone starry- eyed, while Gohan was now hanging his head, muttering under his breath.
"When was the last time you had contact with earthlings mom?" Chichi immediately snapped her head to her son.
"WHAT was THAT?"
"Err... nothing, really!"
"Anyway, it was not me, it was Goten who gave me a handout he found." Gohan's left eye twitched as he stood up, trying to maintain a warm smile.
"Really, you don't say... so it was Goten. You don't, perchance, happen to know where Goten could be right now do you?" Chichi eyed her son suspiciously. Something was feeling off about him...
"What for?" Gohan's smile turned even more scarily fake as he bowed his head and twirled his feet on the floor, feigning innocence. In a sweet- sugarry voice he continued.
"Oh... nothing special. I just want to have a brotherly... chat with him." Chichi brightened at this and said
"Oh! That's quite alright! He is out, seeking salamanders and such. You'll find him in the usual spot!"
"Greeeeat!!! Thanks mom, you are the best!" With that, he was gone.
***
Gohan flew at amazing speed, pondering on what he would do to his brother. Just killing him would be too swift and painless. Torturing would be too cliché... oh what to do?
"Don't think about killing him just yet Gohan."
Gohan stopped in mid-air at hearing this voice.
"Piccolo! Don't try to stop me. Goten has just ruined my life!" Gohan virtually screamed. Piccolo just raised an eyebrow.
"I see I have not trained you enough yet. I thought you had this covered a year ago. You KNOW it is not important what other people think, as long as you have your own things to be proud of." Gohan's face softened and he lowered his head.
"Yeah, I know you're right Piccolo, it's just..." Piccolo squeased his shoulder reasuringly. Gohan would never forget his mentor's lessons.
'It's just... I couldn't simply... Everyone will...'
But whichever way he looked at it, Piccolo was right. Being tortured wasn't so bad when you were insensitive to the torture.
"Just see this as a different form of training, Gohan. A way to train your mind." Gohan looked up at Piccolo's serious face and found comfort in it. He sighed and spoke
"I will Piccolo. Thanks." Piccolo smiled back at him, something he did rarely, and only to him.
"Any time kid, now go" Gohan nodded and ignited his aura, but turned around and looked at Piccolo thoughtfully.
"Hey Piccolo, would you mind if I beat on Goten just a little?" Piccolo facefaulted.
"NO!" He screamed, regaining his composure afterwards. Gohan pouted.
"Oh come on, it's nothing Dende won't be able to heal! Just a few broken ribs! A few bruises!" Piccolo's left eye started violently twitching while his brow was becoming sweatier by the moment.
"Gohan... you know better than to---"
"Oh, come on. I really won't hurt him that bad. Can't I just singe him a little with a Masenko? Just break his toes? It really doesn't hurt that much!" Gohan's pout increased in cuteness, but failed to provide the necessary effect on the hardened veteran in Son-resisting Piccolo.
"NO!"
"Really I won't do that---"
"NO!"
"Oh please Piccolo, I---"
"NO, NO, NO, NO and NOO!" Gohan dropped his pout and sighed.
"You're no fun Piccolo. Oh well, see ya!"
With that, Gohan flew off, leaving a mentally shaken Piccolo behind. He passed over several rivers before he heard something in the back of his head.
'Hey, Gohan?'
'Huh?'
'You didn't forget our yearly contact-evening, did you?'
Damn it! That was right, school was so hectic he had forgotten. How could he forget his dad would be contacting him?
'Erm... of course not! I was just a little fuzzy from ahh... sparring with Goten!'
It wasn't a complete lie...
'Goten? Who's Goten?'
SHIT! Gohan had promissed himself he would not tell his father, to make it easier for him to stay in other world.
'Umm... nothing really! Just some kid I know.'
'That can't be right... Chichi said that she would name our child Goten if we ever had another one... and it isn't a common name... do I have a kid Gohan?'
Gohan mentally sighed. Withholding information was one thing, lying was another. He would never lie to his father.
'Yes, he is your son. He was conceived just before the Cell Games.'
'REALLY? WOW! I have another son! This is SO cool! Really!..../eery silence/.... Hey, why didn't you tell me?'
'Well, I was afraid you would feel obligated to return from other world and- --'
'Of COURSE I will return now! I will get King Kai to contact the Nameks and ask them to wish me back! It will be so good to see all of you again!'
'NO! You can't! I mean... not this weekend! Videl is coming over with---'
'Videl? That sounds like a girl name! Gohan have you got a girlfriend?'
'NO! It's not LIKE that!'
'Really, getting engaged and not telling me. Kids, they always---'
'We're not even going out!'
'When's the wedding gonna be?'
'Are you even listening to me?'
'Well, gotta go! King Kai complaining about being an interstellar phone again! See you on monday!'
'Wait, you can't---!'
But he was gone. Monday... the first day of 'activity week'. Gohan sighed as he entered home through his window. He would go to bed now, so he would not have to face his mother at dinner. He quickly undressed and lay underneath the blankets naked. Somehow, his Saiyan genes were more accustomed to being naked. He had heard Vegeta talk about the lack of modesty in Saiyan culture, and when you were not fighting, you were wearing little, preferably nothing at all. Being naked made him more relaxed and tended to expand his mental capabilities and control. He would need all of it to get through the upcoming week.
Gohan replaced counting sheep that night with trying to come up with as many ways to kill oneself as possible.
*******************
End. This is more of a 'plotbuilding' episode. It is also an illustration of three original characters, as you can see the triplets that Gohan sired. Their pun should be blatantly obvious. Put their names in the correct order, you get: mefi stofa resu. Destroy the semi-japanisation and you get Mephistopheles, a name for the devil, contiung on the puns of Videl and Pan. I decided to drop Mehi and Sutoha (the truly japanised names) because they missed an edge.
I might decide to write a 'Goten and Trunks go to Hita's manliness camp' up as a 100-review interlude special. Depends on my mood. You'll see yourself. I would also like to start a Ranma fic soon. Will update on this.
Anyway, on to the true author's notes:
[1] The past scene featured many biblical references. I haven't actually managed to read the Bible, I fell asleep every time trying to (I may be a blasphemer, but it's the truth). Therefor, I would like some comments on these passages, if at all necessary.
[2] Another reference to the 'one year earlier' AU. I'm such a genius ;-).
[3] This is actually quite natural, so I am told. I did this with a neighbor girl and boy. I do not remember, but recently my mother dug up the pictures to prove it... scary. Such things are no indication of gay behaviour, because you are nothing sexually in that age category.
[4] Cock in this meaning is more like... err... rooster, that's it, male chicken. I used it without thinkingtwice but it may put up some odd looks. Not necessary, the new meaning, the male sexual organ, has nothing to do with this passage. I would have liked to use the dutch word 'kemphanen', but could not find a suitable translation so I went with this.
Nothing really happens in this chapter. Things won't start happening until the next, and there isn't much humour in it either because I simply don't have the time. I felt bad for leaving you for weeks with nothing, so I quickly typed something up and voila.
By the way, I need something like a beta-reader because I am too lazy to do it myself. If you feel up to it, mail me!
Thanks to all the people reviewing TEST, I will take it down after having put up AN's. Will do some time tomorrow, then take it down a few days after that.
Reviewers' answers will follow in the next chapter
I do not own DBZ.
********************** Chapter 6:Blast from the future
***
In a vaulted place, hidden deep inside the crust of a dark planet where the light of day would appear only when the filthy sulphuric atmosphere would let it through, before it would be killed by the dark soil stained stinking geisers and hideously shaped dark black rocks, an environment murderous to everything that vaguely resembled life, there was hidden a cave which was blacker than the surface, and in that cave the only life that seemed to be was the fluorescent black throbbing presence of an evil aura which would drive any man into an insane despair. In that cave were devices for mutilation and torture, creatures more abominable than the demons on a medieval painting, souls more tortured than Sisyphos in the Tartarus, all thrived, was one long hallway which led to a single screen which seemed to give off a sickly green-white light making the environment look not brighter but darker. A red carpet, red like the blood of innocent maidens slain by the very evil that inhabitted this darkest of lairs, on it strode a haughty man, a grim look in his young eyes, his fair face twisted in fear and revulsion. But the man smiled an evil smile, and his eyes told what his face did not, this environment was his home, and he loved the tortured and loathed his place, for he had no part in the torture, though indeed he would have loved to. His rank probably made him his boss' plaything, explaining the boundariless fear in his face, for he was now approaching the screen, which still seemed to emanate evil, doubtlessly to report some heinous matters to his superior. Indeed, he put a small blackened disk into a gaping hole beneath the screem and examined the man trapped behind the screen.
His manes, flaming like hell's fire, raging like the torrent of the deluge, trembled in evil anticipation. His face contorted in an expression of pure malice, the thin stripe of his mouth revealing pure white fangs, a misleading trait as they had probably bitten through countless necks, being licked by a red tongue which seemed to radiate bloodlust, his black eyes sporting red pupils, widened in anticipation as they looked below, concentrating on something beneath him, his gaze more maniacal than Loki when he betrayed the Gods of Asgaard or Faustus when the demons finally claimed him. His broad shoulders topped two strong dark orange arms, rippling with muscles as they stretched and twisted, strained relaxed, like a hellish factory labouring to fill the world with blackness and evil of its own making. Those arms steered hands, hands most dexterous, hands most crafty, hands most evil; those arms steered hands as they crafted something, doubtlessly something deeper than the betrayal of Judas, more vindictive than God's punishment of Sodom and Gomorra, more disastrous than the plagues sent to the pharaohs of Egypt before the exodus of Moses.
He was painting his toenails. [1]
"Ah yes, Paya. It is so good to see you again. You do think this new shade of purple fits me... don't you?" The image of the lionesque man had spoken, the last part had been a dangerous growl. The man adressed as Paya had no intention of interpretting it the wrong way.
"Of course, lord Hita, but well nigh everything looks fair on your brilliant complexion." The man retorted, almost making it sound like a truth.
"You flatter, Paya, and I know you better than to think you come here just to boost my ego."
"Though that is indeed true, it does not do away the truth of me enjoying to come and see you, my lord Hita." The lie sounded a little less sincere this time, but the man behind the screen failed to notice.
"Ah yes, the data. You are doing well. I must say, invading the house of that boy was a stroke of genius."
"His name is Son Gohan sir, and we did not do that. All we did was change the name on the forms to make it look more interesting and move the day to the first of the week. We were not responsible for ensnaring the matriarch of that house. We doubt anyone could."
"You could not? This sounds like an interesting woman. Once we have an opening make sure to give her a ring. This evil empire is strained to its limits as it is. But who then were those who DID convince this woman?"
"They were her second son and his friend. They did it to...erm," Paya flipped through his files before he continued "'Prank' as they called it." The lionlike man behind the screen nodded.
"Most interesting kids, Paya. Make sure to subscribe them to my 'Hita manliness and general evilness camp'. They show much potential."
"Indeed sir, indeed. I do not know however whether they will survive, considering that the older brother which we are now targetting is still emotionally unstable. It is indeed good that we found him when we did, because I feel like his mentor, one 'Piccolo', would have beaten him to emotional stability within a year, making him a so called 'complete dork' [2]"
"Yes, it is very well indeed. Within the week, I will be freed by his energy. Then the universe shall tremble under my rule! I will destroy candy everywhere, so kids will hate me! I will burn all chocolate, so all women will hate me! And I will make all men wear pants! The world will feel my wrath!" The lionlike man than continued with a howling, maniacally evil cackle.
Paya tried to hide the sweatdrops forming on several parts of his body and retreated out of the room.
***
"Geez dad, if it's going to happen anyway, why bother?"
"You don't understand, son. This new anti-paradoxal time machine Bulma and I devised will not get you into an alternate timeline, like Trunks was, but will instead give you the possibility to change things in our own timeline."
"That's right Resu, that also means there can be no paradoxes, and if dad remembers us going there, we are going there no matter what you say."
"Pfeh. You can do whatever you want Stofa, I am not going just because 'it will happen anyway', I will not be forced into things I do not want. Besides, you and dad's nerdish technobabble is getting us nowhere."
"But Resu, brother dear, who is stronger than us all and can kick our butts if he wants to except when you are fighting your dear little sister, you said just yesterday it would be so cool to see dad your age, didn't you?" "That... that's not the point Mefi!"
"Oh, then what is?"
A man with spiky hair standing in front of an odd contraption with a young girl with her long dark hair tied in a knot and wearing glasses, both wore a wight labcoat. The man had been identified as dad, and the girl as Sutoha. In front of them was a boy of the same age as the girl, with long dark spiky hair going to his waist, he had been adressed as Resu. A tail was wrapped around where his hair met his waist. His eyes were bored and confident, he seemed to radiate an attitude of 'if-you-want-me-to-move-make- me'. Next to him stood a girl, arms crossed, a snide and cynical smile on her face. Her hair was about the same as her father, only a little longer. Her big blue eyes, filled with a certain mirth after saying that last sentence, seemed to penetrate her brother's skull, who tried to back away from it. Her name would of course be Mefi, since it was the only one left vacant. Her brother tried to regain a confident smirk as he spoke, but failed miserably.
"Well, my point is, DEAR sister, I would rather spend a week with grandpa Satan than with a tomboy like YOU." The boy was obviously pleased at his retort, not thinking it was open for argument.
"Oh really? Well if I'm a tomboy, I'm still a woman. Yet I beat your ass every single day of the year. What would that make you?" Mefi had said this without humour. Resu tried desperately to find out how he was being insulted, but could not come to an answer.
"Huh?" he replied dumbly.
"What I'm saying is, dear brother, with your qualities you could easily outclass everyone in Baywatch, with your sexy long hair and all. You are helpless and dimwitted enough for the part."
"What do you mean?" Mefi rolled her eyes as Stofa tried to explain.
"What she means is that you fight like a woman." Mefi nodded at this and continued
"That, and the baywatch thing was more to insult your manliness. Obviously there isn't that much to be insulted." Resu was fuming at his sister.
"HEY!"
Mefi suppressed a giggle and put up her hand and 3 fingers "You wear spandex and leather tight enough to make any queer jealous." Mefi put one finger down as Resu protested
"HEY! You know those things are for training!"
"Sure they are. Whatever turns you on. Then there are those new shoes you wear in school, they are brighter red than I have ever seen." Another finger was put down, and the red on Resu's face deepened.
"THAT'S FASHION!"
"Crypto-fag. Then, last but not least, you can do nothing more than bitchslap me. And THAT is when you're having a good day." Mefi's hand was now a fist.
"THAT IS NOT...! Wait a minute, are you calling me gay?" Realisation had hit Resu. Mefi nodded.
"Not only that, I'm calling you a queen, a homo, a pansy, a queer, a fag, a..."
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK! You... you... LESBIAN!" Mefi rolled her eyes at her brother's homophobia and his lack of articulate capabilities.
"Oh, actions speak louder than words dear bro. What about that time I found you and Hikaru rolling over the floor expressing your perverse interests?"
"We were NOT expressing our perverse interests, we were wrestling!"
"Or that time I found you ki-frying someone's pants in the bathroom? You could hardly hold back your lust for him."
"Hey! I was trying to dry them, I slipped when you entered!"
"Well, what about that time you and our neigbour boy were caught 'experimenting'?"
There was a a short silence as Resu's angry red changed to an embarassed red.
"That was 10 years ago, I was just a kid!" Mefi just laughed.
"Showing your interests at such a young age, ne? [2]"
"THAT IS NOT TRUE! Besides, Hikari was there too!"
"Oh, so you could..." Mefi and Resu continued their petty squabbling, Resu bright red, Mefi smiling as she verbally pummelled her brother. The two others in the room just shook their head.
"Resu is so homophobic. Even when his sister Pan is a lesbian. And his intelligence... I am not that dumb, and neither is Videl as far as I know. Where did the genes go wrong?" the father began.
"You still have grandpa Satan in the family." At that the father laughed.
"A mix between Hercule and a Saiyan. Can you imagine Vegeta is actually proud of Resu?"
"Odd yes. But you know Vegeta is swift in accepting what vaguely resembles a saiyan. He did have Nappa in his company. As well as Raditz, and I am told Resu looks much like him, in every form." The two brethren were now rolling over the floor fighting. The father continued unfased.
"True. Though I doubt they teased Raditz with being gay." Stofa nodded at her father's words.
"Yes, but I suppose that every person is different. Besides, Resu is the most powerful of us all. Vegeta says he is more powerful than even you, but that he squandrs it by doing other things than continuous training. The only reason he is more powerful than Vegeta is because he still fights Mefi daily. I wonder how long he will keep doing that before he totally slacks off." Stofa looked at her father, who was now smiling.
"If memory serves, not too long." Stofa seemed to ponder this.
"Your theory is really weird, dad. But if it helps getting you and mom together, I suppose no harm is done. I just hope your theories on non- alternate universe timetravel hold out." Stofa said.
Her father nodded, and suddenly burst out laughing.
"What is it dad?" he shook his head and raised his hand.
"I suddenly understood something. I want you to tell my teenage self, that the theories work, okay?"
"Erm... okay."
"Good, now let's break these two cocks [3] apart." Stofa's father moved away from the machine, and took a deep breath before going Super Saiyan. The two just kept wrestling. Their father sighed and turned to the level above. The ground below had started quaking. Still no response. His hair lengthened as he ascended another level, the earth quivering beneath the awesome power, concentrated in a frail mortal body. He screamed.
"THAT IS ENOUGH!"
The two kids just continued, not heeding their father. He sighed exasperatedly and powered down. There was just no rationalising with these two. Mefi might be intelligent, but the day she put that to a use different from fighting and snide comments had yet to come. Resu was dumber than the backend of a horse, so he would be forgiven. Their father moved to where they were fighting and hunched over them, his hands extended.
"Guess you will both have to go the hard way." With that, he hit a spot he had learned would not only put them to sleep, but give them a terrible headache in the morning. He hit Mefi a little harder, since she had promissed just a few days ago she would not act on her impulses anymore. She would recognise the punishment.
A woman with hair dyed blue walked in. A few wrinkles were hidden by make- up stylishly applied, and in her hand she held a small status chart.
"Ah, Gohan. Your kids are still as feisty as ever." The woman said as she entered.
"That's true Bulma. But now they can finally go. Stofa, will you carry your brother and sister into the machine please? You can set the coordinates too." Stofa did as she was told and closed the machines capsule like roof up. Bulma moved to a set of controls and pressed a few buttons.
"Alright Bulma, this is enough. Move to the safe area. We do not know what energy may materialise to keep physics regular." Gohan beckoned Bulma to go to a small room behind the greenish one they were in now. They both entered and looked through the window that seperated them from the machine.
******BRAINFOOD!!! READ ONLY IF YOU ARE IN FOR MENTAL EXERCISE!***** "I understand that much of your theory Gohan. But do you think this will actually work?" Gohan smiled. Bulma was finally getting to old to follow everything he did. It had irritated Gohan that the older woman always seemed to be the better genius. But now, he was finally catching up with her.
"If you say that Bulma, you understand nothing but the numbers on the paper. The theory says that if you timetravel without this device, you will create an alternate universe, no matter what you do.You can not however, change your own world with it. It would create a paradox. Universes with paradoxes are impossible and therefor do not exist. Now, as you know, the universe has a causal connection between everything, and therefor a set time will produce a set event. Therefor, a universe with a flawed system will NEVER exist. But this is not relevant with the old theory. All you did there was essentially create a new world, not so much travel through time. This machine actually travels through THIS time, not another one. That is also why everything they do in the past, has already happened to us, because they did not create a paradox, but indeed facilitated this world. They are even in the past a part of this timeline."
"But how is that possible? The timeline would have to be run through once at least for this to happen, isn't it? And that first time, they would not come, making this world a paradox and thus non-existent, yet we still exist."
"No, you are wrong. That 'first world' has never existed. They are as much part of the past as they are of the present. You see, time in my theory is not a straight line. It should be viewed upon like matter. It is everywhere, but our vision upon it relativates it and makes it bound to certain notions. The flow of time is nothing but a human concept. Time is, and nothing more."
"So if they do something wrong, we will cease to exist."
"No, we will never have existed, making it a paradox since we exist now, making it impossible. Besides, I remember their actions. And I remember the truth in my theory."
"How come?"
"Well, during the years, I have wondered and pondered over one thing Stofa told me just before she left. She said 'your theories are correct'. I had NO idea what she was talking about, until this afternoon, when a thought popped up in my head, asking her to tell me this. It all fell into place. My memories and what they are about to do ARE the same."
"Oh. Then why are there not more travellers? Surely they realise what they can do."
"And even more what they can not do. I don't remember seeing any timetraveller, meaning they are either not here, or that they don't show themselves well. Either way, it shows the future, or the past, will show great prudence with these theories. If they even come to understand them."
"What do you mean 'if they even come to understand them'? You have these theories now, don't you?"
"That is correct. I will destroy them the moment my kids get back, together with the time machine."
"And why would the future show prudence with these theories?"
"If they hadn't done so, we wouldn't have existed, would we?" ******END BRAINFOOD!!******
Bulma rubbed her temples. "Gohan, every time you try to explain me, you give me a headache. I wonder which was harder on Videl. You, or the triplet you just relieved her of."
Gohan just laughed.
"Yes, well it doesn't matter. Let's get these kids to the past, won't we?"
"Aye, captain Son."
***
"Why mom? Why did you agree to this?" Gohan whined, on his knees, his hands in a begging stance.
"Well, isn't it obvious? I thought it would be good to get to know your classmates, AND for them to get to know ME, the mother of such a wonderful boy. Doubtlessly, they will see your greatness." Chichi had gone starry- eyed, while Gohan was now hanging his head, muttering under his breath.
"When was the last time you had contact with earthlings mom?" Chichi immediately snapped her head to her son.
"WHAT was THAT?"
"Err... nothing, really!"
"Anyway, it was not me, it was Goten who gave me a handout he found." Gohan's left eye twitched as he stood up, trying to maintain a warm smile.
"Really, you don't say... so it was Goten. You don't, perchance, happen to know where Goten could be right now do you?" Chichi eyed her son suspiciously. Something was feeling off about him...
"What for?" Gohan's smile turned even more scarily fake as he bowed his head and twirled his feet on the floor, feigning innocence. In a sweet- sugarry voice he continued.
"Oh... nothing special. I just want to have a brotherly... chat with him." Chichi brightened at this and said
"Oh! That's quite alright! He is out, seeking salamanders and such. You'll find him in the usual spot!"
"Greeeeat!!! Thanks mom, you are the best!" With that, he was gone.
***
Gohan flew at amazing speed, pondering on what he would do to his brother. Just killing him would be too swift and painless. Torturing would be too cliché... oh what to do?
"Don't think about killing him just yet Gohan."
Gohan stopped in mid-air at hearing this voice.
"Piccolo! Don't try to stop me. Goten has just ruined my life!" Gohan virtually screamed. Piccolo just raised an eyebrow.
"I see I have not trained you enough yet. I thought you had this covered a year ago. You KNOW it is not important what other people think, as long as you have your own things to be proud of." Gohan's face softened and he lowered his head.
"Yeah, I know you're right Piccolo, it's just..." Piccolo squeased his shoulder reasuringly. Gohan would never forget his mentor's lessons.
'It's just... I couldn't simply... Everyone will...'
But whichever way he looked at it, Piccolo was right. Being tortured wasn't so bad when you were insensitive to the torture.
"Just see this as a different form of training, Gohan. A way to train your mind." Gohan looked up at Piccolo's serious face and found comfort in it. He sighed and spoke
"I will Piccolo. Thanks." Piccolo smiled back at him, something he did rarely, and only to him.
"Any time kid, now go" Gohan nodded and ignited his aura, but turned around and looked at Piccolo thoughtfully.
"Hey Piccolo, would you mind if I beat on Goten just a little?" Piccolo facefaulted.
"NO!" He screamed, regaining his composure afterwards. Gohan pouted.
"Oh come on, it's nothing Dende won't be able to heal! Just a few broken ribs! A few bruises!" Piccolo's left eye started violently twitching while his brow was becoming sweatier by the moment.
"Gohan... you know better than to---"
"Oh, come on. I really won't hurt him that bad. Can't I just singe him a little with a Masenko? Just break his toes? It really doesn't hurt that much!" Gohan's pout increased in cuteness, but failed to provide the necessary effect on the hardened veteran in Son-resisting Piccolo.
"NO!"
"Really I won't do that---"
"NO!"
"Oh please Piccolo, I---"
"NO, NO, NO, NO and NOO!" Gohan dropped his pout and sighed.
"You're no fun Piccolo. Oh well, see ya!"
With that, Gohan flew off, leaving a mentally shaken Piccolo behind. He passed over several rivers before he heard something in the back of his head.
'Hey, Gohan?'
'Huh?'
'You didn't forget our yearly contact-evening, did you?'
Damn it! That was right, school was so hectic he had forgotten. How could he forget his dad would be contacting him?
'Erm... of course not! I was just a little fuzzy from ahh... sparring with Goten!'
It wasn't a complete lie...
'Goten? Who's Goten?'
SHIT! Gohan had promissed himself he would not tell his father, to make it easier for him to stay in other world.
'Umm... nothing really! Just some kid I know.'
'That can't be right... Chichi said that she would name our child Goten if we ever had another one... and it isn't a common name... do I have a kid Gohan?'
Gohan mentally sighed. Withholding information was one thing, lying was another. He would never lie to his father.
'Yes, he is your son. He was conceived just before the Cell Games.'
'REALLY? WOW! I have another son! This is SO cool! Really!..../eery silence/.... Hey, why didn't you tell me?'
'Well, I was afraid you would feel obligated to return from other world and- --'
'Of COURSE I will return now! I will get King Kai to contact the Nameks and ask them to wish me back! It will be so good to see all of you again!'
'NO! You can't! I mean... not this weekend! Videl is coming over with---'
'Videl? That sounds like a girl name! Gohan have you got a girlfriend?'
'NO! It's not LIKE that!'
'Really, getting engaged and not telling me. Kids, they always---'
'We're not even going out!'
'When's the wedding gonna be?'
'Are you even listening to me?'
'Well, gotta go! King Kai complaining about being an interstellar phone again! See you on monday!'
'Wait, you can't---!'
But he was gone. Monday... the first day of 'activity week'. Gohan sighed as he entered home through his window. He would go to bed now, so he would not have to face his mother at dinner. He quickly undressed and lay underneath the blankets naked. Somehow, his Saiyan genes were more accustomed to being naked. He had heard Vegeta talk about the lack of modesty in Saiyan culture, and when you were not fighting, you were wearing little, preferably nothing at all. Being naked made him more relaxed and tended to expand his mental capabilities and control. He would need all of it to get through the upcoming week.
Gohan replaced counting sheep that night with trying to come up with as many ways to kill oneself as possible.
*******************
End. This is more of a 'plotbuilding' episode. It is also an illustration of three original characters, as you can see the triplets that Gohan sired. Their pun should be blatantly obvious. Put their names in the correct order, you get: mefi stofa resu. Destroy the semi-japanisation and you get Mephistopheles, a name for the devil, contiung on the puns of Videl and Pan. I decided to drop Mehi and Sutoha (the truly japanised names) because they missed an edge.
I might decide to write a 'Goten and Trunks go to Hita's manliness camp' up as a 100-review interlude special. Depends on my mood. You'll see yourself. I would also like to start a Ranma fic soon. Will update on this.
Anyway, on to the true author's notes:
[1] The past scene featured many biblical references. I haven't actually managed to read the Bible, I fell asleep every time trying to (I may be a blasphemer, but it's the truth). Therefor, I would like some comments on these passages, if at all necessary.
[2] Another reference to the 'one year earlier' AU. I'm such a genius ;-).
[3] This is actually quite natural, so I am told. I did this with a neighbor girl and boy. I do not remember, but recently my mother dug up the pictures to prove it... scary. Such things are no indication of gay behaviour, because you are nothing sexually in that age category.
[4] Cock in this meaning is more like... err... rooster, that's it, male chicken. I used it without thinkingtwice but it may put up some odd looks. Not necessary, the new meaning, the male sexual organ, has nothing to do with this passage. I would have liked to use the dutch word 'kemphanen', but could not find a suitable translation so I went with this.