DAY NINE
Writing was becoming easier now. Hokuto supposed it was sheer force of will that made the words come out, but it was relaxing and kept her mind of... other things.
"I suppose I should talk to Seishirou-san," she said to Kakyou, over tea that night.
Kakyou gave her a worried look. "You should, but only if you're sure... I mean, he's already hurt you enough. I don't want you hurt again."
Hokuto glanced at him. "It's okay. I don't think he can hurt me any more than he already has." Of course, that was a lie. She could think of several things worse than death that Seishirou could do to her. But... she didn't think any of them were in character for this Seishirou.
"Just... be careful." He got up and moved to stand by the window, looking out at the city lights beneath and around them.
Hokuto shook her head and watched him silently for a few moments. He really was very pretty, she thought to herself. Almost as pretty as her brother. [1]
"I wonder what happened to him..." she mused, absently swirling the tealeaves in her cup. "The Kakyou from my world, that is. I died before I could help him."
Kakyou turned to look at her, with a serious expression. "If you were to die now, I think I'd want to die too."
Hokuto swallowed quickly. "Don't say that!"
He shrugged. "It's true, though. There's nothing else keeping me here."
She glared at him for a few moments, then relented. "I didn't tell him what I was going to do because I thought he'd try to talk me out of it."
"Well... I must admit it doesn't seem like the most intelligent thing you've ever done."
She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "But Subaru had to live! You don't understand, he's the important one. He was the one that needed to live. I'm just expendable."
Kakyou just looked at her. "You are not," he said, in a soft voice,"expendable. Don't you think we'd miss you? Your brother adores you. He wouldn't want you to die for him. I wouldn't be surprised if it ruined him for life, you dying for him like that."
Hokuto shook his head. "Subaru's stronger than that."
Kakyou didn't look like he believed her, but he stopped talking all the same.
"And the really stupid thing is that I encouraged them! I liked Seishirou-san, I really did! He was the best thing that ever happened to my brother! Well, until he did that." She glowered at and kicked an innocent sofa. "I hate him!"
"I hate him!" she repeated, kicking the sofa again. She wasn't even sure which Seishirou she was talking about now.
"Hokuto-chan..."
She deflated. "I'll talk to him tomorrow."
~ * ~
DAY TEN
Of course, she thought, it would have helped if she'd known where to find Seishirou. His mobile had been disconnected and his flat was deserted.
Well, that just left one place to look. She just hadn't wanted to go there ever again.
The sakura was, as usual, the only tree blooming in the park. Under different circumstances, she would have been tempted to just sit back and watch the petals fall. Now, however, she just wanted this over and done with.
"Seishirou-san?" she said, in a small voice. "I know you can hear me. Come here, please. I want... I want to talk to you."
For a while there was nothing but the sound of petals falling and a gentle breeze in the trees surrounding the area. Then she felt the wind pick suddenly, and the next thing she knew he was there, standing next to the tree. His tree.
"Yes, Hokuto-chan?" he said, coolly.
"I thought you deserved an explanation for the way I've been acting to you."
He regarded her evenly. "You are not Hokuto-chan. I don't see that it matters."
She glared at him. "I treated you dreadfully, and there is no excuse for that. None. I realise this now, because I am a decent person." She left the implication hanging in the air.
He let out a sigh, and indicated for her to come closer. "Very well."
"I... I don't know where to start," she said, flopping down in the petals.
He sat down next to her in a more dignified manner, and shrugged.
"Well, what would you like to know?" she persisted, frowning.
"Well, since we're being honest here... I understand that you were confused upon coming into this world, Hokuto-chan, but I don't understand why you kept me in the dark about what was going on. You didn't tell me anything, even when it was obvious something odd was going on with you, but you told your brother and even a complete stranger what had happened."
"I didn't tell you because... Well, I didn't trust you."
"But why, Hokuto-chan, why? I hadn't done anything that would cause you to lose faith in me."
Hokuto looked away, at the Sakura petals falling around the park. "No... you didn't."
He was silent, obviously waiting for her to continue.
"It's interesting, you know. In both worlds, Sumeragi Hokuto was killed by the Sakurazukamori."
Seishirou continued to look at her, but said nothing.
"Let me tell you a story, Seishirou-san. Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl and they were twins. One day, the boy and the girl met a man. The man and the boy quickly showed some interest in each other, so the girl made it her own personal quest to get them together. She was marginally successful. When the man lost his eye protecting the boy, the boy was convinced he had to confess his feelings. But the man said to the boy that many years ago, when the boy was still a small child, they had made a bet. The bet was that the boy would not be able to make the man feel anything if the man were to stay with him for a year. He said to the boy that he felt nothing; that he had killed his own mother when he was barely a teenager. He broke the boy's arm to prove it.
"The boy was heartbroken. The girl was filled with guilt. She went to the man and told him he should take her instead of her brother. The man took her at her word. As she breathed her last, the girl cast a spell to prevent her brother ever suffering her fate." Hokuto looked up at Seishirou. "The man was the Sakurazukamori. The boy was the Sumeragi clan head. And his sister..."
"Was you, of course. I still don't quite understand you... me..." He trailed off.
She cocked her head, eyes bright like a sparrow's. "Do you understand, Seishirou-san? The one difference between this world and mine, the one that meant the future turned out so very differently, is simply this: In this world, your mother died when you were still very young. In mine, she died when you were fourteen. At your hands."
"I... I see," he said, quietly.
"It hurt when I died, Seishirou-san. It hurt a lot. I wasn't alive but I wasn't dead either and all I knew was constant pain - and hatred for the man that had done this for me. I hated you, Seishirou-san. Hated you more than I thought I was capable of." She shivered, once.
"But... I'm not him," he said, weakly.
"Do you understand?" she screamed. "You killed me. You shoved that lovely hand of yours right through my chest! And it hurt like crazy and it didn't STOP hurting because, damnit, yes the souls under the tree suffer! They suffer!"
He stared at her.
Hokuto took a deep breath to calm herself. "And how was I to know that you weren't the Sakurazukamori?" she demanded. "It wasn't until that Sunday night that I was convinced you really were just a normal human being, that the Sakurazukamori was some distant figure we had yet to meet. Then I was convinced I could trust you - that we could be friends.
"But then you took that all away."
Seishirou was silent for a moment. "I could never hurt you, Hokuto-chan."
Hokuto deflated. "And... I didn't tell you because I could see how you felt about.. Hokuto-chan, and I didn't want to have to tell you that you killed me," she continued, in a very small voice.
"But why were you so mad at me on Monday night?" he asked.
"Well... I knew if you killed that person, you would become the Sakurazukamori. I didn't want that to happen."
"But..."
"And then you said you only made friends with us because you wanted to find the Sakurazaukamori and that friends were a liability. He told my brother that people were objects to him, that whether he broke a thing or a person it affected him the same way - not at all. I felt betrayed."
He looked away. "Well, it's true in a way. That's how I was raised. I made friends with the Sumeragi twins because I thought they would know how to find the Sakurazukamori. As it turned out, they couldn't. But I stayed friends with them because I liked them."
She nodded, slowly.
"And I have to admit I was rather hurt at the way you'd been treating me. I was beginning to see why my mother had always insisted that emotions meant failure as the Sakurazukamori."
Hokuto frowned at him. "Let me warn you, Seishirou-san: if you ever hurt anything that I care about - and I mean anything, animate or inanimate - I will make it so you can never hurt anything ever again."
He glanced at her, startled. "All right."
"And... Just tell me one thing, Seishirou-san. Are you happy like this?"
He was silent for a moment. "As happy as I can be..."
"And... If, in a few years, you ever need someone to talk to... Just call me, okay? But... not right now. I don't think I could handle it. You hurt me a lot and it still hurts, you know that? I know it wasn't really you, not the 'real' you anyway, but it still hurt. And this... this hasn't helped."
He nodded.
"For what it's worth... I'm sorry, Seishirou-san."
He stood up, extending a hand to help her up. "Goodbye, Hokuto-chan." He drew her close and hugged her tightly.
She stiffened, for a few seconds terrified for her life.
He released her quickly. "I'm sorry."
He was gone before she knew it.
Footnote(s)
[1] Kakyou is way prettier than Subaru, but Hokuto would never admit that.
Writing was becoming easier now. Hokuto supposed it was sheer force of will that made the words come out, but it was relaxing and kept her mind of... other things.
"I suppose I should talk to Seishirou-san," she said to Kakyou, over tea that night.
Kakyou gave her a worried look. "You should, but only if you're sure... I mean, he's already hurt you enough. I don't want you hurt again."
Hokuto glanced at him. "It's okay. I don't think he can hurt me any more than he already has." Of course, that was a lie. She could think of several things worse than death that Seishirou could do to her. But... she didn't think any of them were in character for this Seishirou.
"Just... be careful." He got up and moved to stand by the window, looking out at the city lights beneath and around them.
Hokuto shook her head and watched him silently for a few moments. He really was very pretty, she thought to herself. Almost as pretty as her brother. [1]
"I wonder what happened to him..." she mused, absently swirling the tealeaves in her cup. "The Kakyou from my world, that is. I died before I could help him."
Kakyou turned to look at her, with a serious expression. "If you were to die now, I think I'd want to die too."
Hokuto swallowed quickly. "Don't say that!"
He shrugged. "It's true, though. There's nothing else keeping me here."
She glared at him for a few moments, then relented. "I didn't tell him what I was going to do because I thought he'd try to talk me out of it."
"Well... I must admit it doesn't seem like the most intelligent thing you've ever done."
She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "But Subaru had to live! You don't understand, he's the important one. He was the one that needed to live. I'm just expendable."
Kakyou just looked at her. "You are not," he said, in a soft voice,"expendable. Don't you think we'd miss you? Your brother adores you. He wouldn't want you to die for him. I wouldn't be surprised if it ruined him for life, you dying for him like that."
Hokuto shook his head. "Subaru's stronger than that."
Kakyou didn't look like he believed her, but he stopped talking all the same.
"And the really stupid thing is that I encouraged them! I liked Seishirou-san, I really did! He was the best thing that ever happened to my brother! Well, until he did that." She glowered at and kicked an innocent sofa. "I hate him!"
"I hate him!" she repeated, kicking the sofa again. She wasn't even sure which Seishirou she was talking about now.
"Hokuto-chan..."
She deflated. "I'll talk to him tomorrow."
DAY TEN
Of course, she thought, it would have helped if she'd known where to find Seishirou. His mobile had been disconnected and his flat was deserted.
Well, that just left one place to look. She just hadn't wanted to go there ever again.
The sakura was, as usual, the only tree blooming in the park. Under different circumstances, she would have been tempted to just sit back and watch the petals fall. Now, however, she just wanted this over and done with.
"Seishirou-san?" she said, in a small voice. "I know you can hear me. Come here, please. I want... I want to talk to you."
For a while there was nothing but the sound of petals falling and a gentle breeze in the trees surrounding the area. Then she felt the wind pick suddenly, and the next thing she knew he was there, standing next to the tree. His tree.
"Yes, Hokuto-chan?" he said, coolly.
"I thought you deserved an explanation for the way I've been acting to you."
He regarded her evenly. "You are not Hokuto-chan. I don't see that it matters."
She glared at him. "I treated you dreadfully, and there is no excuse for that. None. I realise this now, because I am a decent person." She left the implication hanging in the air.
He let out a sigh, and indicated for her to come closer. "Very well."
"I... I don't know where to start," she said, flopping down in the petals.
He sat down next to her in a more dignified manner, and shrugged.
"Well, what would you like to know?" she persisted, frowning.
"Well, since we're being honest here... I understand that you were confused upon coming into this world, Hokuto-chan, but I don't understand why you kept me in the dark about what was going on. You didn't tell me anything, even when it was obvious something odd was going on with you, but you told your brother and even a complete stranger what had happened."
"I didn't tell you because... Well, I didn't trust you."
"But why, Hokuto-chan, why? I hadn't done anything that would cause you to lose faith in me."
Hokuto looked away, at the Sakura petals falling around the park. "No... you didn't."
He was silent, obviously waiting for her to continue.
"It's interesting, you know. In both worlds, Sumeragi Hokuto was killed by the Sakurazukamori."
Seishirou continued to look at her, but said nothing.
"Let me tell you a story, Seishirou-san. Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl and they were twins. One day, the boy and the girl met a man. The man and the boy quickly showed some interest in each other, so the girl made it her own personal quest to get them together. She was marginally successful. When the man lost his eye protecting the boy, the boy was convinced he had to confess his feelings. But the man said to the boy that many years ago, when the boy was still a small child, they had made a bet. The bet was that the boy would not be able to make the man feel anything if the man were to stay with him for a year. He said to the boy that he felt nothing; that he had killed his own mother when he was barely a teenager. He broke the boy's arm to prove it.
"The boy was heartbroken. The girl was filled with guilt. She went to the man and told him he should take her instead of her brother. The man took her at her word. As she breathed her last, the girl cast a spell to prevent her brother ever suffering her fate." Hokuto looked up at Seishirou. "The man was the Sakurazukamori. The boy was the Sumeragi clan head. And his sister..."
"Was you, of course. I still don't quite understand you... me..." He trailed off.
She cocked her head, eyes bright like a sparrow's. "Do you understand, Seishirou-san? The one difference between this world and mine, the one that meant the future turned out so very differently, is simply this: In this world, your mother died when you were still very young. In mine, she died when you were fourteen. At your hands."
"I... I see," he said, quietly.
"It hurt when I died, Seishirou-san. It hurt a lot. I wasn't alive but I wasn't dead either and all I knew was constant pain - and hatred for the man that had done this for me. I hated you, Seishirou-san. Hated you more than I thought I was capable of." She shivered, once.
"But... I'm not him," he said, weakly.
"Do you understand?" she screamed. "You killed me. You shoved that lovely hand of yours right through my chest! And it hurt like crazy and it didn't STOP hurting because, damnit, yes the souls under the tree suffer! They suffer!"
He stared at her.
Hokuto took a deep breath to calm herself. "And how was I to know that you weren't the Sakurazukamori?" she demanded. "It wasn't until that Sunday night that I was convinced you really were just a normal human being, that the Sakurazukamori was some distant figure we had yet to meet. Then I was convinced I could trust you - that we could be friends.
"But then you took that all away."
Seishirou was silent for a moment. "I could never hurt you, Hokuto-chan."
Hokuto deflated. "And... I didn't tell you because I could see how you felt about.. Hokuto-chan, and I didn't want to have to tell you that you killed me," she continued, in a very small voice.
"But why were you so mad at me on Monday night?" he asked.
"Well... I knew if you killed that person, you would become the Sakurazukamori. I didn't want that to happen."
"But..."
"And then you said you only made friends with us because you wanted to find the Sakurazaukamori and that friends were a liability. He told my brother that people were objects to him, that whether he broke a thing or a person it affected him the same way - not at all. I felt betrayed."
He looked away. "Well, it's true in a way. That's how I was raised. I made friends with the Sumeragi twins because I thought they would know how to find the Sakurazukamori. As it turned out, they couldn't. But I stayed friends with them because I liked them."
She nodded, slowly.
"And I have to admit I was rather hurt at the way you'd been treating me. I was beginning to see why my mother had always insisted that emotions meant failure as the Sakurazukamori."
Hokuto frowned at him. "Let me warn you, Seishirou-san: if you ever hurt anything that I care about - and I mean anything, animate or inanimate - I will make it so you can never hurt anything ever again."
He glanced at her, startled. "All right."
"And... Just tell me one thing, Seishirou-san. Are you happy like this?"
He was silent for a moment. "As happy as I can be..."
"And... If, in a few years, you ever need someone to talk to... Just call me, okay? But... not right now. I don't think I could handle it. You hurt me a lot and it still hurts, you know that? I know it wasn't really you, not the 'real' you anyway, but it still hurt. And this... this hasn't helped."
He nodded.
"For what it's worth... I'm sorry, Seishirou-san."
He stood up, extending a hand to help her up. "Goodbye, Hokuto-chan." He drew her close and hugged her tightly.
She stiffened, for a few seconds terrified for her life.
He released her quickly. "I'm sorry."
He was gone before she knew it.
Footnote(s)
[1] Kakyou is way prettier than Subaru, but Hokuto would never admit that.