I made a promise when I wrote Shooting Stars to get this chapter out a week
ago..and I would have, but unfortunately my Grandfather just died. There
is really not much to say, so I will go on with the story and once again I
am verrrry sorry.
By the way...I am in desperate need for a beta reader as I stated in my profile, so if there is anyone who is interested please please please e- mail me.
I would like to say thank you to Kyra, Elle-FaTe2x1, and The Lone Writer thank you all for your complements.
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Duo fidgeted slightly at the silence of the car, though he carefully kept his eyes on the rode and not on Heero. The Japanese boy had just been released from the hospital, so now he sat quietly in the passenger's seat of his car. For Duo it was so very painful to see his lover like this, in so much pain, and it had been made worse when Heero had made it quite clear that he did not want to be touched. He had flinched from everything, and his eyes had taken on a deadly sharpness, almost nervously looking at everything, but somehow and nothing at the same time. "Are you hungry?" Duo offered quietly, wincing when Heero just looked at him, before finally, a small eternity later, shaking his head no. Once again silence sounded loudly through the car, and unable to take it any longer Duo turned the radio on.
Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
The radio soothed Duo's nerves and he began to think back to what the doctor had said about Heero. He had said that Heero would be very skittish for a while, and that it would take a lot of careful love to make Heero more comfortable. He had also said that he should not be surprised if he refused any kind of sexual touch for a very long time. None of that had come as a surprise, but still, it hurt to see his love flinch at the slightest touch.
and wished for things that I don't need
(All I wanted)
And what I chased won't set me free
(All I wanted)
And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees
He wished with all of his heart that he could make things better for his lover, that he could take that sad look from his pretty blue eyes....and that he could make him smile as he had before. He wanted Heero to be as carefree as he had started to become, but if he had to go through all of this pain, he would be the one that would help him through it. With a sigh, he closed his eyes as a stop light turned red, then opened them again, so he would not miss the light and just resigned himself to just listen to the rest of the song and not think of his distraught lover.
Oh, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?
And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And now my head's been filled with doubt
it's hard to lead the life you choose
(All I wanted)
You know your love's run out on you
(All I wanted)
And you can't see when all your dreams aren't coming true
Oh, yeah
It's easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?
And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I'm not sure where I belong
And no where's home and I'm all wrong
And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me
Mmm, yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy
As the song came to an end he looked at Heero, and asked him if there was anything that he needed, but once again his offer was rejected. At that moment they pulled up to Duo's apartment and Duo had to stand there and watch as Heero struggled from the van. When they got inside, they just stood there, though the braided boy looked up as a strangled whimper escaped from his companion's lips.
"Why don't we go to sleep now, it has been a long day." Duo suggested. This time the Japanese boy nodded, before looking back to Duo.
"May I sleep alone," he whispered, "I will sleep on the couch if you want."
"No way, absolutely not, you will have the bed. I have been sleeping in chairs for the last five days, and I think it would be too hard to sleep in a bed now." Duo joked, though the light never reached his eyes. His lover managed a half-choked laugh, but it lasted only a moment. Then with a quiet good night, he slipped into the bedroom and closed the door.
An hour later Duo sat on the couch, a book clutched in his hand, though it had remained on the same page since he had opened it nearly an hour ago. Thoughts raced through his mind, flashing like a cruel imitation of a movie, and finally his mind was made. He quietly padded to the door to the room he had shared with Heero for the last several weeks and cracked it open. Heero lay there, a pale sliver of moonlight slicing through the window and falling to wreath his angel in a soft glow. His lover was entwined in the dark black sheets, one pale arm tucked to his chest, and his hair falling around his eyes.
"How can someone who has experience so much pain be so lovely?" he wondered aloud, a tear sliding down his cheek. He just stood there for several hours, his unbound hair shifting from the soft breeze from the open window. He just watched him like a new parent might watch a child sleep, just to see if they were breathing, and to be amazed that something so beautiful was theirs to love. Finally he turned around and lay down on the couch, his eyes fluttering closed, and within a few moments, he was asleep. Duo woke up to the feel of warm rays of sunshine streaming over his face....but there was something else as well, the sound of crying. Without a thought he ran to his room and opened the door quietly. Heero was sitting on his bed with his knees tucked to his chest, and he was crying.
"Oh, angel, what is wrong," he questioned, though he carefully avoided touching the other.
"Duo, it hurts so much. I want to be like other people, I want to live my life without fear, but it is so hard...and it hurts so much. I can feel his hands all over me, I can feel him inside of me and I can not get him to go away. Will you make him go away Duo?" Duo sighed at these words, and it took all of his will not to cry as well.
"Yes Heero, I can make him go away, but you have to let me. You have to trust me and you have to give it time. I can not erase what happened, and if I could have prevented this or taken the pain into myself I would do it in an instant, because I love you so very much. You just have to give it time, and learn to trust again." Duo took a deep breath after all of this was said, then looked to Heero for his response. It was quiet, however, that resounded through the room, but finally the Japanese boy spoke up,
"I trust you Duo, and I love you very much," and with that said, Heero threw his arms around Duo's neck and just sobbed for what seemed hours.
---ONE YEAR LATER-
Duo withheld a smile as he saw Heero attempt to assemble a shelf he had bought for all of his books. He was trying to hold the shelf in place with one hand, hold the nail in place with the same hand, and hammer it in with the other hand. All in all the scene before him was quiet amusing. His Japanese lover was still oblivious to his presence so he took a moment to think about all of the things that had happened in the past year. After Heero had broken down that first time in the bedroom, he had once again gone back to flinching at even the slightest touch, and still he slept alone. He also rarely spoke, and when he did it was very little, or a noncommittal Hn, and that was what made Duo the craziest, he hated the silence, and the tense feeling that never left their small apartment. Duo took a job that Quatre had offered him as his father's secretary, and he worked as much as he was able while still attending school, but ultimately he dropped out to work full time. With the money that he made, which was actually quite considerable, he bought a new apartment right next to the park, with a beautiful view of the lake. After they got moved in, the tense feeling slowly evanesced, and Heero began to become less jumpy and tolerate more physical touch. Then one day he had run into his father at the grocery store, and had come home in tears....and that had been the first night that they had slept together since the incident, and they slept together every night thereafter. When summer reached them, the went out to the park almost everyday that the whether permitted, and when it rained or they just felt like it, they would sit inside and play a game or watch a movie....or even just lay in bed and talk about everything. Then one day, Heero had looked at him with shining eyes and asked him to make love to him, and they did. It had been a wonderful experience, neither one of them looking for sexual pleasure, and that had broken the last layer of ice. So now Duo stood there, chuckling at his love's failed attempt to assemble the shelf, so with a smile he stepped forward and held the shelf. Heero looked up at him, and smiled then tilted his head up and placed a chaste kiss to Duo's cherry lips. Suddenly he winced in pain and doubled over.
"What is wrong baby?" Duo questioned, worry shining in his eyes
"Nothing," he was quick to reply
"I don't believe you, you have been having these attacks for the last several weeks, I am taking you to the hospital."
"Duo, you really don't have to, please, I am fine."
"I am taking you just to be sure, and that is that," and with that said, the braided boy scooped Heero into his arms and carried him to the car.
"Duo, please, I am really alright," but duo gave no response.
When they reached the doctors office, they quickly made an appointment, before sitting in the waiting room, all the while the Japanese boy fidgeted terribly. When the doctor finally called him back, he went in alone and talked to the doctor for a very long time, before they finally called Duo back as well.
"Mr. Maxwell," the doctor acknowledged. The braided boy nodded, and looked over at Heero concernedly, but he refused to meet his companion's eyes, his chocolate bangs falling into his face. "Mr. Maxwell, I am sorry that you did not find out sooner, but Mr. Yuy has....AIDS.
**************************************************************** well what do you all think...I actually wrote a long chapter! Well please review review review, with any thoughts you might have. Also, please excuse any ignorance I might have of AIDS. In addition, I would like to give credit to the song I used earlier to the Goo Goo Dolls.
By the way...I am in desperate need for a beta reader as I stated in my profile, so if there is anyone who is interested please please please e- mail me.
I would like to say thank you to Kyra, Elle-FaTe2x1, and The Lone Writer thank you all for your complements.
**********************************************************
Duo fidgeted slightly at the silence of the car, though he carefully kept his eyes on the rode and not on Heero. The Japanese boy had just been released from the hospital, so now he sat quietly in the passenger's seat of his car. For Duo it was so very painful to see his lover like this, in so much pain, and it had been made worse when Heero had made it quite clear that he did not want to be touched. He had flinched from everything, and his eyes had taken on a deadly sharpness, almost nervously looking at everything, but somehow and nothing at the same time. "Are you hungry?" Duo offered quietly, wincing when Heero just looked at him, before finally, a small eternity later, shaking his head no. Once again silence sounded loudly through the car, and unable to take it any longer Duo turned the radio on.
Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
The radio soothed Duo's nerves and he began to think back to what the doctor had said about Heero. He had said that Heero would be very skittish for a while, and that it would take a lot of careful love to make Heero more comfortable. He had also said that he should not be surprised if he refused any kind of sexual touch for a very long time. None of that had come as a surprise, but still, it hurt to see his love flinch at the slightest touch.
and wished for things that I don't need
(All I wanted)
And what I chased won't set me free
(All I wanted)
And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees
He wished with all of his heart that he could make things better for his lover, that he could take that sad look from his pretty blue eyes....and that he could make him smile as he had before. He wanted Heero to be as carefree as he had started to become, but if he had to go through all of this pain, he would be the one that would help him through it. With a sigh, he closed his eyes as a stop light turned red, then opened them again, so he would not miss the light and just resigned himself to just listen to the rest of the song and not think of his distraught lover.
Oh, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?
And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And now my head's been filled with doubt
it's hard to lead the life you choose
(All I wanted)
You know your love's run out on you
(All I wanted)
And you can't see when all your dreams aren't coming true
Oh, yeah
It's easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?
And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I'm not sure where I belong
And no where's home and I'm all wrong
And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me
Mmm, yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy
As the song came to an end he looked at Heero, and asked him if there was anything that he needed, but once again his offer was rejected. At that moment they pulled up to Duo's apartment and Duo had to stand there and watch as Heero struggled from the van. When they got inside, they just stood there, though the braided boy looked up as a strangled whimper escaped from his companion's lips.
"Why don't we go to sleep now, it has been a long day." Duo suggested. This time the Japanese boy nodded, before looking back to Duo.
"May I sleep alone," he whispered, "I will sleep on the couch if you want."
"No way, absolutely not, you will have the bed. I have been sleeping in chairs for the last five days, and I think it would be too hard to sleep in a bed now." Duo joked, though the light never reached his eyes. His lover managed a half-choked laugh, but it lasted only a moment. Then with a quiet good night, he slipped into the bedroom and closed the door.
An hour later Duo sat on the couch, a book clutched in his hand, though it had remained on the same page since he had opened it nearly an hour ago. Thoughts raced through his mind, flashing like a cruel imitation of a movie, and finally his mind was made. He quietly padded to the door to the room he had shared with Heero for the last several weeks and cracked it open. Heero lay there, a pale sliver of moonlight slicing through the window and falling to wreath his angel in a soft glow. His lover was entwined in the dark black sheets, one pale arm tucked to his chest, and his hair falling around his eyes.
"How can someone who has experience so much pain be so lovely?" he wondered aloud, a tear sliding down his cheek. He just stood there for several hours, his unbound hair shifting from the soft breeze from the open window. He just watched him like a new parent might watch a child sleep, just to see if they were breathing, and to be amazed that something so beautiful was theirs to love. Finally he turned around and lay down on the couch, his eyes fluttering closed, and within a few moments, he was asleep. Duo woke up to the feel of warm rays of sunshine streaming over his face....but there was something else as well, the sound of crying. Without a thought he ran to his room and opened the door quietly. Heero was sitting on his bed with his knees tucked to his chest, and he was crying.
"Oh, angel, what is wrong," he questioned, though he carefully avoided touching the other.
"Duo, it hurts so much. I want to be like other people, I want to live my life without fear, but it is so hard...and it hurts so much. I can feel his hands all over me, I can feel him inside of me and I can not get him to go away. Will you make him go away Duo?" Duo sighed at these words, and it took all of his will not to cry as well.
"Yes Heero, I can make him go away, but you have to let me. You have to trust me and you have to give it time. I can not erase what happened, and if I could have prevented this or taken the pain into myself I would do it in an instant, because I love you so very much. You just have to give it time, and learn to trust again." Duo took a deep breath after all of this was said, then looked to Heero for his response. It was quiet, however, that resounded through the room, but finally the Japanese boy spoke up,
"I trust you Duo, and I love you very much," and with that said, Heero threw his arms around Duo's neck and just sobbed for what seemed hours.
---ONE YEAR LATER-
Duo withheld a smile as he saw Heero attempt to assemble a shelf he had bought for all of his books. He was trying to hold the shelf in place with one hand, hold the nail in place with the same hand, and hammer it in with the other hand. All in all the scene before him was quiet amusing. His Japanese lover was still oblivious to his presence so he took a moment to think about all of the things that had happened in the past year. After Heero had broken down that first time in the bedroom, he had once again gone back to flinching at even the slightest touch, and still he slept alone. He also rarely spoke, and when he did it was very little, or a noncommittal Hn, and that was what made Duo the craziest, he hated the silence, and the tense feeling that never left their small apartment. Duo took a job that Quatre had offered him as his father's secretary, and he worked as much as he was able while still attending school, but ultimately he dropped out to work full time. With the money that he made, which was actually quite considerable, he bought a new apartment right next to the park, with a beautiful view of the lake. After they got moved in, the tense feeling slowly evanesced, and Heero began to become less jumpy and tolerate more physical touch. Then one day he had run into his father at the grocery store, and had come home in tears....and that had been the first night that they had slept together since the incident, and they slept together every night thereafter. When summer reached them, the went out to the park almost everyday that the whether permitted, and when it rained or they just felt like it, they would sit inside and play a game or watch a movie....or even just lay in bed and talk about everything. Then one day, Heero had looked at him with shining eyes and asked him to make love to him, and they did. It had been a wonderful experience, neither one of them looking for sexual pleasure, and that had broken the last layer of ice. So now Duo stood there, chuckling at his love's failed attempt to assemble the shelf, so with a smile he stepped forward and held the shelf. Heero looked up at him, and smiled then tilted his head up and placed a chaste kiss to Duo's cherry lips. Suddenly he winced in pain and doubled over.
"What is wrong baby?" Duo questioned, worry shining in his eyes
"Nothing," he was quick to reply
"I don't believe you, you have been having these attacks for the last several weeks, I am taking you to the hospital."
"Duo, you really don't have to, please, I am fine."
"I am taking you just to be sure, and that is that," and with that said, the braided boy scooped Heero into his arms and carried him to the car.
"Duo, please, I am really alright," but duo gave no response.
When they reached the doctors office, they quickly made an appointment, before sitting in the waiting room, all the while the Japanese boy fidgeted terribly. When the doctor finally called him back, he went in alone and talked to the doctor for a very long time, before they finally called Duo back as well.
"Mr. Maxwell," the doctor acknowledged. The braided boy nodded, and looked over at Heero concernedly, but he refused to meet his companion's eyes, his chocolate bangs falling into his face. "Mr. Maxwell, I am sorry that you did not find out sooner, but Mr. Yuy has....AIDS.
**************************************************************** well what do you all think...I actually wrote a long chapter! Well please review review review, with any thoughts you might have. Also, please excuse any ignorance I might have of AIDS. In addition, I would like to give credit to the song I used earlier to the Goo Goo Dolls.