It was no longer a normal day at Hogwats School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The birds had stopped singing, the sun was hiding and the former snogfest within the school had stopped abruptly, angering many students. Why, I hear you say. Because…

…SIRIUS BLACK HAD WON A GAME OF CHESS!!!! AGAINST JAMES POTTER, REIGNING KING OF CHESS, QUIDDITCH, AND MANY OTHER THINGS! And yes, I would continue shouting, but that made my throat sore… so now back to regular dialogue. So sorry.

"Hell yeah!" Sirius screeched, running around the Gryffindor Common Room like an extremely psychotic bat out of hell. "I am now the God of Chess, Ladies… And That's Pretty Much All I Can Think Of Right Now!"

Remus, Lily, and Peter all sat on the couch, flabbergasted expressions on their faces. James was on the floor bedside the coffee table; head slumped on the black and white chessboard. He appeared to be crying. Loudly. Remus turned to look at Lily, who was quickly turning a nasty red color. Her normally emerald green eyes were rapidly turning a ugly dark green. That color clashes horribly with her hair, Remus thought. "My Galleons." She muttered despondently.

Before Remus could react (Peter appeared to have fainted in shock, while James was still crying like a little girl with a skinned knee- Snape, anyone?) Lily had jumped up from the couch. Pulling her wand out of her jeans front pocket, she shrieked, "Sirius Black, you will pay!"

Sirius, hearing Lily scream, turned around… and promptly tripped over a book entitled, "When Books Go Bad: How To Protect Yourself From Evil, Fall-Inducing Tomes Such As This One". Oh, the irony of it all.

"I knew books were evil." He muttered, rubbing his forehead for the second time in two hours. That was when he noticed two scuffed sneakers covered by jeans plastered with patches proclaiming things such as 'peace, love, and the House Cup!' and 'Slytherins may be dirty, Ravenclaws may be cute, but Gryffindors are dirty, cute… and talented to boot'. Following the jeans up, he focused on a bright green top connected to a neck, which was connected to the very, very angry looking face of Lily Evans.

"AAAAHHHHH!!!" Sirius yelled, no longer happy about his first-ever chess win. "Mommy, save me." he moaned, scrambling backwards like some weird crab-thing until he hit a stone wall.

Strangely enough, no one in the entire castle seemed to hear the impromptu screamfest that was currently taking place in the Gryffindor Common Room. It was almost as if some evil genius had placed a Silencing Charm on the entire room.

Mwahahahaha! Lily Evans, you are one evil genius for placing a Silencing Charm on the entire room. Lily smirked at Sirius, who seeing this, proceeded to frantically scratch at the wall behind himself, like a neurotic rabbit trying to dig a safe little haven. Unfortunately Sirius Black was not a rabbit, and the stone wall wasn't dirt. Unfortunately Sirius could not escape the Fury-Which–Can-Not-Be-Named. Ah hell, it was Lily. Unfortunately for Sirius Lily proceeded to throw multiple curses at him. Unfortunately for Sirius, these curses caused his hair to turn green, his skin orange, and his robes to become a beautiful red-and-white stripe. All in all he looked like an oompa-loompa shoved into a candy cane. Scary. Nearly as scary as Snape in a pink tutu.

Looking down at himself he screamed loudly. So loudly, dogs throughout the UK howled in agony as the high pitched shriek hit their ears. This cry left the remaining Marauders' ears ringing, but it also succeeded in arousing James and Peter from their near comatose states. "On the count of three we look," James whispered to Remus and Peter. "One, two, three!" Discreetly raising their heads over the red couch, James, Remus, and Peter stared at the scene in front of them.

And then began to laugh their asses off.

***

Two hours, thirty-seven minutes, and forty-six seconds later they were still going strong and showed no signs of stopping. Considering the fact that breathing is hard to do while laughing, this was quite an impressive feat.

"Gu-uys," Sirius whined, "look at me! I- I – "Look like a giant freak?" Lily commented

Sirius lowered his face onto his knees and mumbled a very quiet "Yes."

"What'd ya say Paddie? I couldn't really hear." James cried from behind the couch.

"I look like a bloody, sodding, giant freak!"

At this Lily smirked once more. She appeared to be very adept at this particular facial expression. In fact, she was so good she could have given the future Draco Malfoy lessons in 'How to Smirk so Well it Scares the Pants of People'.

"Guess you'll just have to look like 'a giant sodding freak' for a week, then." At that she cheerfully pecked James on the check, waved to the other Marauders, and flounced off to her dorm for a long and restful nap. Cursing your boyfriend's best friend into oblivion is quite exhausting, after all.

Sirius watched as Lily slammed door to he dorm and then wailed ( exactly the way the main character of a made-for-tv movie does at the really dramatic scene), "NNNOOOOOO!! Damn you, Lily Evans, damn you!!!"

A.N. And the insanity continues… Review, peoples, or I shall seek a very angry Lily Evans on you. Mahahahaha!

Adios.