Disclaimer: Yo dawgs! Nothin' be mine but playa Remus. Word.

Narrator: For the second day in a row Very Strange And Amazing Things were taking place at Hoggy-warts. Oh yes, friends, it was monumental. Never before had this happened. Never ever, ever… ever. In a thousand years or more nothing of this sort had happened. As I said before, it was amazing. Amazallent amazing.

Random voices: Get on with the story or we shall make you chop down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring!

Erm, okay. So. On with the story… Classes were canceled! Everybody was happy. Really happy. Pot-bunny happy. So hap-

Voices: HERRING!!!

Fine! I'll tell the bloody story!

***

Throughout Hogwarts students were huddled in groups, discussing the day's events. Actually they were just laughing happily, but 'discussing the day's events' sounds better. In the Gryffie common room the four Marauders were discussing ways of revenge.

"Prongs, you're girlfriend is a bit scary. Brilliant, but a bit scary." Sirius said matter-of-factly. He knew this only too well, as he was currently dressed as an oompa-loompa. "I will never again anger her. However, much as this topic interests me, we need to discuss… revenge!"

"On the Slytherins, of course," Remus said, "I mean, we're good but not good enough to prank the whole school, sad as that fact is. Therefore we go for The Enemy. Did you see the way Nancy was laughing at us?! It was horrible." Here he shivered, as if reliving the morning's events all over again.

James, Sirius, and Peter nodded as a group. Of insane idiots. (Forget I said that. I'm just kidding. The Marauders would never act idiotic! …I love sarcasm.)

At that moment a large fireball came hurtling through the room's entrance and threw itself at James. James, predictably, screamed. He wasted his energy pointlessly, since the fireball was only his girlfriend.

Then again, now that I consider Lily's track record, he did have a reason to be afraid.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT NANCY SAID TO ME?! HE TRIED TO TELL ME HE TRUNED PADFOOT INTO OOMPA-LOOMPA! THEN WHEN I SAID I DID IT HE SAID I COULDN'T 'CAUSE I'M NOT SMART ENOUGH! THAT STUPID, MORONIC, GREASY, SLIMY, FOUL, UGLY…"

Three hours later Lily was still screaming about Snapey-poo. By now her rant had degenerated into an unabashed bitchfest about him. In fact, she hadn't uttered a single un-bleepable word in the past two hours and fifty-seven minutes.

James was quite impressed- even he couldn't cuss that well. Sailors couldn't cuss that well. Turning to his friends he asked, "Anyone for a game of Exploding Snape? This is gonna last awhile." His friends stared at him as if they were deaf. Which they were.

Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans work very well as earplugs, y'know.

James hit himself on the head. Stupid, really. Now he had to go through school with a big, awful lightning shaped scar on his forehead. (Harry…Potter…) "OW!"

Sirius, Remus, and Peter snickered. Grabbing their injured friend they dragged him to their dorm and threw him onto the floor, where he bounced onto a furry pink zebra-skin rug. Removing his earplugs, Sirius said, "Don't bleed on the rug, Jamsie. It's my favorite."

With that he grabbed a pack of cards that had been transfigured into Snape's face and settled onto the rug next to his friends. Remus and Peter removed their earplugs and pulled a large gold trunk out from underneath James' bed.

"Okay. First one to explode Snape ten times gets the jackpot."

***

"Yes! Tenth time! Yo, pay up, my homies!" Remus shrieked. His friends stared at him in growing terror. Apparently everyone's favorite wolfie had been reading 'How To Talk Like A Gangsta-Playa Even Though You're A British Werewolf Teen From The Seventies!' Whew. Big title.

"Yo! Playa, you best be giving me my Gs!" James and Sirius nodded mutely and pushed the gold trunk containing their bets to their friend. Quickly they shrank back from their friend and huddled near Sirius' bed, too scared to talk.

"Whassup, dawgs? Ya'll my bitches." Sirius and James whimpered. Apparently Peter was in the Common Room, braving Lily's anger rather than face 'Playa' Remus.

Smart rat. Good Wormtail.

Poor Paddie and Prongs.

From his spot on the floor, Sirius whispered, "Remus has gone loony. James, the Apocalypse has come! Beware the pale horse…"

Narrator: And here the story ends, folks. Tune in to tomorrow's episode to see Lily exact her revenge on Nancy, Remus talk like a playa some more, and the other Marauders dress in drag!

Random Voices: Damn! The herring thing woulda been cool! And we still don't have a shrubbery… NEE!!

A.N. Venefica is crazy. She says that nothing in this makes sense and she is sorry. This may not be good but she had writer's block. Mwar. The random voices belong to the guys of 'Monty Python's Flying Circus'. She also wants everyone to review, please. She will now stop talking like a house elf.

Adios!