Chapter 12

2002

Buffy slammed the lid down on the toilet and flushed. She wiped her mouth with a towel and leaned her forehead against the edge of the bathroom sink. She brought one hand up to her head. She was still nauseous, and slightly dizzy. A knock at the door brought her back to reality a bit.

"Buffy?" Dawn's voice came through the door muffled, "You OK?"

"Yeah..." Buffy hauled herself off the floor, "I've just...got the flu or somethin'."

"Do you need something?"

"No, thanks, Dawnie. You have school in like ten minutes. Don't worry about me." She opened the door, "See? I'm just fine."

Dawn studied her sister's face, "You look ill."

"I am." the Slayer groaned, moving past her sister and going to her bedroom. Dawn followed.

"I could take off from school and take care of you!"

"Nice try. Have a nice day. Willow will make sure I'm OK after her class."

Dawn sighed and left, leaving Buffy to bury her face in her pillow. Buffy took a deep breath, trying to let the woozy-ness pass. Willow peeked in the doorway, "How're you doin'?"

"Dawn told you?"

"Yup. I'm supposed to take care of you."

"I just told her that to get her to stop worrying." Buffy said, sitting up in bed, "Willow, something's...way wrong."

Willow's brow furrowed and she sat next to Buffy on the bed, "What is it?"

"I skipped my period, and now I'm all sick in the mornings," the Slayer said slowly, "But...I haven't--"

"Maybe it's just a hormone thing or something." Willow offered.

"Yeah, but I have this feeling something Hellmouthy is going on."

"Buffy, if you haven't...you know...with anyone, it's really not possible. Right?"

"Well, that's not entirely true."

"Um, did I miss something in sex Ed? Because--"

"Not that part. I've been...with someone. But he's...sterile, I guess you could say."

"Sterile? Wait, why didn't you tell me--" Willow broke off, her eyes growing wide, "Sterile. Sex with, a sterile--And you didn't tell me. Angel's back?!"

"No!" Buffy exclaimed, "Emphatic, NO! Curse? Soul? Losing of the soul? No!"

"Then who--" The red-head's eyes widened once again, "Spike. Ohmygoddess, you're having sex with Spike?"

Buffy's eyes welled with tears and she looked down, "Yeah."

"Oh, Buffy...Don't cry..." Willow put a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder, "It's OK. Spike's...not all that bad."

"I just...I don't know what to do anymore, Will. He loves me. But I don't know..."

"You don't know if you love him back."

"Yeah. And it hurts. I thought, at first, that somehow, I came back wrong. Because he could hurt me without the chip acting up. And I blamed my...relationship with him on that. But Tarah said I wasn't wrong."

"Tarah?" The hurt was evident in Willow's eyes and immediately Buffy felt sorry for not telling Willow sooner.


"Willow, I only went to Tarah because I didn't want to you mixed up in magic of any kind--"

"It's OK." Willow said, "I understand that. But why didn't you tell me about Spike?"

"I don't know. I was afraid you guys would reject me?"

"Reject you? Over Spike? Why?"

"He's evil. He doesn't have a soul. Just the chip." Buffy looked down at her hands, "I guess I also liked keeping it secret. It felt dangerous. It felt good."

Willow took one of Buffy's hands in hers, "It's OK, Buffy. I'm not all that surprised, really. You guys are almost right for each other."

"You think?"

"Yep. I think."

Buffy smiled a little through her tears, "But what about this...thing?"

"Maybe we should, you know, get one of those test thingies. Just to be absolutely positively sure."

Buffy smiled and hugged Willow tightly, "Thanks, Willow. So much."

2003

Buffy came out of the bedroom carrying Cassandra and two bags. She found Spike in the living room, fiddling with the green box. She watched him for a moment, worrying for him and being slightly angry with him for pushing her away.

"Spike, we're packed." She said, coming the rest of the way into the living room.

He set the box aside and jumped up to help her with the bags, "I'm sorry." He blurted, setting the bags aside. "I don't want you to leave, but I want you two to be safe. Just in case."

"What about you?"

"Don't worry about it." He said softly, kissing her gently on the lips, "If it wasn't safe, I'd go with you."

"Can't you at least tell me what's going on?"

"No, luv. I'm sorry."

Buffy sighed and would have protested had she not seen the certainty in his eyes. There had been times like this before, where she knew she just had to trust him, and vise versa. She hated it, but it was something she had to get over, because Spike got downright stubborn sometimes.

"I love you." She whispered, leaning up to kiss him again. He kissed her back, stroking her hair gently.

"Love you, too." He said when they broke apart. He kissed Cassandra's forehead, "I love you, little one. Be good."

Buffy kissed his cheek before grabbing the bags and heading out the door to the car.