Title: 'Traces in the Snow' - Conclusion
Author: Daenar
Disclaimer: See Part One
From part three:
"Harm," she spoke up, her voice uneven, "Do you ask because of Liliana or because of me? Of... you and me?" she forced herself to add.
'Oh, please, Hammer, don't screw it up this time,' Harm implored himself. He looked down to where his thumb was still caressing the back of Mac's hand. "I..."
He didn't get to answer. Down at the village someone obviously tested the firecrackers he had bought for New Year. A series of clearly audible explosions could be heard, even up on the hill at the Rabbs' farm.
It was then that an earth-shattering scream came from inside the farmhouse, immediately followed by violent sobbing.
"Lily." They had said it together. In the fraction of a second they were on their feet and stormed inside, only to find their little girl curled up in a fetal position on the floor, crying her eyes out in the arms of an utterly helpless Grandma Sarah.
Conclusion:
"Lily, baby, what is it?" Mac threw her jacket on the couch and dropped to her knees at Grandma Sarah's side, taking the shaking girl from her and cradling her soothingly. Liliana's face was ashen, and as she looked up, Mac could see that the haunted look in her eyes had tripled in intensity. In a low voice she repeated a few Indonesian words over and over again, sobbing. Harm and Grandma Sarah sat down on the couch, granting Mac and 'her' girl as much privacy as they could without leaving them alone.
"Baby, I don't understand your language," Mac softly tried to reach the girl's mind with her words. But Liliana only cried on, her bottomless fear and grief tearing at Mac's heart. She silently looked up at Harm who had paled a little himself. Nevertheless, he tried to pass some strength on to her by blowing her a gentle kiss and smiling encouragement. Mac felt her courage rise ever so slightly and cast him back a teary but thankful smile of her own.
Several minutes later, Liliana's sobs had quieted down. Never ceasing to caress her, Mac tried again. "Lily, it's me, Mac. Talk to me. Please." Her voice took up a new tone, very warm and comforting. Harm subconsciously grabbed his grandmother's hand, receiving a knowing smile that wasn't entirely steady as well.
"Mac..." Lily sobbed as she recognized her surroundings, tightly holding on to her friend.
Trying to steady her voice, Mac took the plunge. "The fireworks reminded you of something, didn't they? Was there an explosion, back in Indonesia?"
Fresh tears welled up in Liliana's eyes. She could only manage to nod but refrained from erupting into sobs again.
"Where was it, Lily?"
"Bali," the girl choked out, barely audible. Mac's head shot up and her eyes met Harm's as understanding dawned - the terrible terrorist attack in the tourist village of Kuta. At least 189 people had died on October 12th when Muslim extremists had placed a bomb in a downtown bar - and installed a second bomb, ready to explode immediately after, in the very direction where the survivors had been most likely to run. From what Mac remembered of the news coverage, it must have been hell on earth.
"Oh my God..." she only whispered, pulling the girl tight into her arms again. A few minutes later Mac forced herself to go on with the questioning. "But when we met you were living in the province of Aceh. That's in northern Sumatra. That's thousands of miles away from Bali. How did you get there?" she asked gently.
Sniffling and obviously trying to recover her composure, Liliana tried to sit up. Mac made her lean against her, wrapping her firmly in her arms. The girl cleared her throat. "When the consulate wasn't reopened," her voice was low but clear, "My mother decided that she had to get a new job. We have no family. And in Aceh it's getting dangerous. Muslims and Christians are fighting all the time. But they always need cooks where the tourists go. So we moved to Bali." A few sobs made her interrupt her narrative.
"So, did your mother find a job?" Mac softly urged Liliana to go on. The girl needed to keep talking, to let everything out.
"Yes, she was the cook in a downtown bar called Sari Club in Kuta."
Again, Harm, Mac and Grandma Sarah exchanged horrified looks, a dreadful image beginning to unfold in their minds.
"Was she..." Mac's voice faltered. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Was she at work when the explosion occurred?"
Liliana's mouth began to twitch violently. She tried to fight her tears but failed. Mac rocked her back and forth in her arms, granting her all the time she needed to cope with the horrifying memories. Against Mac's chest, Liliana nodded 'yes' to Mac's last question.
When the sobs had somewhat subsided, Mac simply asked: "What happened?"
"It was around eleven in the evening, I think." Liliana's voice was barely more than a whisper but she forced herself to speak. "We had a little room in a house on the other side of the street, a little away from the bar. I was sleeping. Then suddenly there was this explosion. It was so loud, you can't imagine! So incredibly loud!" She stopped and seemed to brace herself. "I woke up and went to the window. The Sari Club was in a ball of fire. There were stones and ashes everywhere. And people screaming. I wanted to see my mother. So I ran down on the street. I burned my foot when I stepped on a hot piece of metal. Then there was another explosion, right in front of me. I saw... people... like swallowed by the fire. And..." Again she couldn't suppress her sobs. "Bodies and... and... a single arm," she whispered, terrified. "Then... there was this... this... I don't know the word." She looked up at Mac. "Like when the air knocks you down."
"The shock wave?" Mac helped her.
"Yeah. I fell and got hit by stones that flew around. There was fire everywhere. I got up and looked for my mom. Everywhere. But she wasn't there. I asked everyone. But no one knew her. I went home to see if she was there. But she wasn't. So I went down again. There was this musician who normally works in the bar. He saw me and... told me that... my mother... had died. I didn't want to believe him. I went on looking and then... under a piece of wall... there... there was... I saw..." the rest of her speech was once again lost to helpless sobbing.
Again Mac pulled her close, feeling her own tears threaten to fall. She looked up to Harm, desperately biting her lip and fighting to be strong for the girl. Then she buried her face in Liliana's soft hair.
Harm didn't know how to react. His first notion would have been to take both 'his' girls in his arms but he felt he wasn't entitled to yet. So he just sat by, grieving for his friends and longing to do something.
"Go to her, Harm," Grandma Sarah whispered, "She needs you."
"I'd feel like an intruder," he replied just as low, his voice letting his pain show.
"To you she's already all the family you could ever wish for. Isn't that so?" she softly asked.
"Yeah," he admitted.
"Then go to her."
Giving his grandmother's hand a thankful squeeze, Harm stood and walked over to Mac and Liliana, quietly knelt down behind them and wrapped his arms around them, holding them tight. Immediately he felt Mac relax against his chest, suppressing a sob.
Then Liliana stirred. Releasing her somewhat from her tight embrace, Mac looked at the girl, silently begging her to go on with her narrative. Liliana glanced first at her, then at Harm, for a moment then squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled deeply. "I was like... in a daze. I went up home and cried all day. Then I slept. Very long. When I woke up it was night. I knew that I had to do something. My mother... couldn't look after me anymore, and I thought I had no one else. But then I thought of you, and I knew I had to go to you." She paused but Harm and Mac didn't ask her to go on. They sensed that the valve had been opened now, and she would spill everything that was on her mind.
"I took all the money I found and got on a bus to Gilimanuk. That's in the west of Bali. I often watched the big ships that go everywhere in the world. Some of them go to America and every time I saw them I thought of you, Mac."
Touched, Mac gently caressed the girl's cheek, eliciting the faintest of all smiles. Harm just stayed put, held on to his... family?. and tried to be as unobtrusive as possible.
"I knew they departed from Surabaya, that's in the east of Java. My... mother had told me once I asked her about it. So from Gilimanuk I took a boat to Banyuwangi, that's the town on the other side of the Bali Strait, on the island of Java. Then I took another bus to Surabaya. But then I had no money left for the ship. So I found out which one would go to America and, during the night, I snuck on board and hid in the cargo bay. That's how I came here." The girl involuntarily shivered, seemingly at the memories of her eight weeks journey.
Mac and Harm exchanged a look of surprise and admiration for the courage Liliana had once again proven to possess.
"You are the right person to bear that medal, Lily," Harm softly spoke up for the first time, smiling at the girl in Mac's arms.
Liliana looked at him with sad eyes. "My mommy is so far away and she will be buried there, on the other side of the world. I left her behind."
That one hit too close home. Harm suddenly felt his own tears rise fast. He still forced himself to answer. "My daddy is buried on the other side of the world, too," he whispered. "In Russia. I was there and I had to leave him behind. It's not our fault, Lily."
Instead of an answer, Liliana just stretched out her hand and carefully wiped away a tear that had escaped Harm's eye in spite of his efforts to suppress them. He smiled, again feeling incredibly shy. "Thank you," he only managed to whisper.
Grandma Sarah decided it was time to step in once again. Walking over to her children, she gently suggested: "Lily, don't you think you might want to go to bed now? Tomorrow we'll all go to church and pray for those of our family that aren't with us but watch us from above."
Liliana only nodded and allowed Harm to carry her upstairs to his old room where she slept. He himself used his grandfather's bed in the bedroom downstairs, leaving the guestroom for Mac.
Ten minutes later, Liliana had washed and donned her pajamas. Having bid goodnight to Gram, she motioned for Mac and Harm to sit at her bedside. "Can I make a Christmas wish?" she asked shyly.
"Of course," Mac answered with a smile.
"I want to stay with you." Liliana looked at them with big pleading eyes. "Both of you," she added quickly, to make sure they would understand.
Harm and Mac exchanged a somewhat uneasy smile. Harm took Liliana's little hand between his own. "It's not that easy, Lily," he carefully began.
"You don't want me?" Her eyes went huge with new fear. Harm could have slapped himself. 'Your communication skills again, Hammer,' he scolded himself.
Mac immediately embraced the girl. "Of course we want you, don't we, Harm?"
"We do, word of honor," Harm echoed.
Liliana's brow furrowed. "But you said..."
"... that it's not that easy, and that's true," Mac gently cut her off. "First we need to be sure that you have no living relatives in Indonesia."
The girl's face lit up. "I don't," she said eagerly. "My mother was an... an orphan. You can ask at St. Anne's Orphanage in Jakarta. That's where she grew up. She often told me about it."
The adults shared a quick hopeful smile. It was a start. Sobering, Mac went on. "Then we have to get the permission from the United States that you can stay here. And then they have to allow us to raise you. There are many others, you know, families, that take children and have far better chances than we do."
"But you are lawyers! You can convince them!"
Suppressing a chuckle, Harm brushed a strand of hair from Liliana's cheek. "We'll try with all our might. That's all we can promise you. Is that okay with you?"
She smiled at him. "Wonderful." A moment later she sobered. "Why did all this happen?"
"There's no way for us to know that, Lily," Harm answered, sighing. "There's a plan that's so much bigger than everything else on earth. We couldn't possibly comprehend. The most important thing is that you don't lose your faith."
"Then why did I feel so alone? Why has everyone left me?" Liliana asked, traces of through-gone desperation resurfacing.
"You were never alone, Lily," Mac spoke up, using that new warm voice that sent a shiver down Harm's spine. He looked at her and saw the sparkling in her beautiful dark eyes. 'God, don't let me screw it up this time,' he pleaded once again, unable to tear his eyes away from her.
"We're here now and knowing I existed made you go on," Mac explained. "And you have to know that, no matter what happened, God was always by your side. Listen," she intently looked at the girl, "I know a little story that my uncle once told me when I was feeling lost and let down by all the world. I'll tell it to you, if you like."
"Please, do," Liliana pleaded.
"Okay. Once upon a time, there was a man who knew that he had arrived at the end of the road that was his life. He stopped and turned around to look at what lay behind him. He saw that there were his footprints in the sand that covered his way. And there was another pair of footprints right beside his own that he knew were God's. But then he noticed that, at certain points of his life, there were only one person's tracks to be seen. So he turned and asked: 'Lord, if you are my protector and savior, why did you leave me alone at times when my life was particularly difficult?' But God answered: 'I didn't leave you. Those were the times that I carried you.'"
A far-away smile graced Liliana's face. "Wonderful..." she whispered.
"Keep that story in mind, Lily," Mac gently advised her, "It will help you through the rough times you'll have to face in your life. It helped me to face my demons."
"Then it will help me, too," she decided. "Good night, Mac."
"Good night, my little one." Mac bent down and softly kissed her on her forehead.
"Good night, Harm."
"Good night, Lily." Smiling, he blew her a kiss as they stood to leave the room.
Silently, Harm and Mac descended the stairs and sat down on the couch, finding a note from Grandma Sarah that she'd already gone to bed. Slowly the silence became intimidating. Clearing his throat self-consciously, Harm finally spoke up. "Mac?"
"Humm?"
"You know, regarding the INS, I think Lily's case has good chances. She suffered horrible things back home and saw her mother die. She seems to have no other relatives. Where she used to live before she might be persecuted for being a Christian. If anyone finds out that she saved all your lives when the US consulate in Aceh was under attack, she's sure to have new enemies trying to get to her. And she's a hero by American standards. It would surprise me very much if they sent her back to Indonesia."
Mac smiled thoughtfully. "Yeah... summing up all those facts, I think her chances of being admitted to the U.S. are fairly high."
"Do you remember that case I had to investigate about two years back, when the crew of the Stanley Dace picked up the Cuban refugee girl, Reynalda Mantilla?"
Mac nodded.
"I got to know someone from INS back then, Janet Vitagliano, who's been very fair and helpful to the case. I think she liked me." He grinned.
Mac only raised her eyebrows at him, smiling.
"Anyway, when Reynalda's case was being argued, I went to Florida to testify and before and after my testimony, Mrs. Vitagliano and I exchanged quite a few emails. I still have her phone number. I'm sure she'll be glad to help."
"Thanks, Harm," Mac replied quietly. "What would I do if it weren't for you?"
He smiled and averted his eyes, feeling himself blush a little. "Anytime, Sarah," he said softly.
Again the silence became palpable. Eventually Harm looked up and found Mac watching him. Trying to steady his breathing, he locked his gaze with hers. "You didn't answer my question, Mac."
Her voice was slightly hoarse when she answered. "You didn't answer mine."
"I asked first."
"But I can't answer first." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand her fear.
He felt less frightened than he had on the porch. After all, he had already confessed his feelings for Mac to his grandmother. The initial hurdle was taken. Harm even managed a slight smile when he answered. "I asked because of 'us'. I want to see your children - our children - grow up, Sarah. I want to be around. And I need you in my life." He held his breath. Now it was her turn.
The most beautiful smile he had ever seen lit up her face. She looked down for a moment, fighting her happy confusion, but then met his glance again, beaming radiantly from within. She reached up and tenderly caressed his temple with her fingertips. Her voice was very low when she spoke. "Then, instead of answering your question, let me ask you another one: Harmon Rabb, would you do me and Liliana the immense honor of being a permanent part of our little family-to-be?" Her voice shook almost imperceptibly.
Harm's smile widened to a full-blown one. But this wasn't his usual flyboy- grin. It was an outward reflection of what was going on inside his heart and mind. "Yeah, I would. Gladly," he added in a whisper, not trusting his voice. He caught her hand and softly placed a kiss on her palm, too moved to say anything else.
"Merry Christmas, Harm," she whispered.
"Merry Christmas, Sarah."
They sat in silence for a few endless minutes, trying to comprehend the enormity of their decision. Eventually Mac got up. "I think I'd better go to bed," she said, smiling.
"Me, too." He placed a hand at the small of her back and accompanied her to the stairs.
Mac stood on the first step and found herself at eyelevel with Harm. "What about work?" she asked anxiously, needing to know that it wouldn't be a threat to their happiness. Or she wouldn't be able to sleep.
Smiling, he smoothed her hair. "I suggest we talk to Chegwidden first thing when we get back. You know he'll find the best possible solution for us. And I'm willing to take anything he comes up with."
"So am I," she breathed, relieved beyond belief.
Slowly, simultaneously, they closed the distance and shared a passionate kiss, a warm, tender one this time, full of promises. When they parted for air, Harm again rested his forehead against hers, trying to steady himself.
"Do you want to come up?" Mac asked under her breath, feeling her stomach knot.
Harm met her glance, making Mac lose herself in his blue-green eyes that shone with emotion. "I'd love to," he whispered. "But..." he swallowed, briefly closing his eyes. "Sarah, this is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me in my whole life," he confessed, still whispering. "And I am scared like hell I could screw it up just because we're rushing things."
"Okay," she gently consented, kissing him once again. "So I have something to look forward to."
He chuckled slightly. "So do I." With his index finger he traced her lips, smiling. "Good night, Sarah. I love you."
Mac's breath caught in her throat. Pulling him into a tight hug, she buried her face in the curve of his neck. "I love you, too, Harm."
Sharing one last look of mutual feeling, they parted and went to sleep in the elated awareness that they had finally crossed the bridge and found each other.
Dec. 25th, 2002 1401 ZULU Rabb Farm Outside Beallsville, PA
After a long, happy night's rest, the foursome had gathered around the kitchen table for breakfast. There were no presents under the tree yet. They all felt they had more important things in mind right now and could still get into tradition later that day. Outside the sky was of a dizzying turquoise blue and the bright sun made the fresh snow sparkle that had fallen over night. Grandma Sarah had baked a Christmas cake and had cut thick slices for everyone. The perfume of fresh coffee filled the room. All were quietly enjoying the serene atmosphere.
When everyone was finished, Harm exchanged a smile with Mac and spoke up. "Uhm... Liliana, you remember that Christmas wish you made yesterday?"
The girl nodded, hope shining in her eyes.
"Well, Mac and I talked about it after you went to sleep. And we made a few decisions. First," he cleared his throat and cast his grandmother a meaningful glance, "Mac and I decided that life is even more beautiful if you share it with someone you love." He lovingly looked at Mac and took her hand. She smiled back in kind.
Grandma Sarah gasped. But then a smile spread over her face. "Harmon, I knew I could trust you to do the right thing. Now, that's great news! Sarah, welcome to our family then... or... am I running away with my conclusions here?"
Mac grinned embarrassedly. "Well, we weren't really explicit on the point yet, but, considering our plans, I think things are more or less settled." Hoping that Harm wouldn't notice, Mac admitted to herself that she'd sounded far more secure than she felt.
Feeling her hand tremble, he tightened his grip. "I may need a few days to adjust to the 180-degree-turn that my life just took," Harm admitted sheepishly. "But, generally speaking, your conclusions were right, Gram. Mac," he turned to her, "Welcome to our family."
"Does that mean you're together now?" Liliana exclaimed, excited.
"Yes, it does," Mac answered happily, still marveling at the thought.
"Wonderful! What made you talk?"
"You, Lily," Mac laughed. Then she earnestly looked at the girl. "Do you still want to live with Harm and me?"
Liliana nodded, holding her breath.
"Well, we promised we would try everything we could. We can't tell you anything else now, but I think we can safely say that the odds are pretty good that your wish will come true."
Liliana just looked from one to the other and back a few times, seemingly not daring to believe that her nightmare would have a happy ending after all. "Thank you," was all she whispered in awe.
"Okay," Grandma Sarah got up, hands at her hips, "Off with you to church now. I'll stay back and prepare the turkey."
"But Gram, we couldn't possibly..." Mac started to protest but was immediately cut off by the resolute woman.
"Nonsense. You need to start practicing being a family. So take the opportunity. I'll have a little talk with God by myself up here." Grandma Sarah grinned. "Besides, the fresh snow is way to deep for me to walk easily and no way are you going to miss the little hike on a day like this, just because of my legs."
"Better not upset the Commanding Grandmother, Mac," Harm admonished, laughing. "Once she's made up her mind, take it as if it were one of Chegwidden's orders."
"I see," Mac chuckled, buttoning up her jacket.
When they were ready to go, Grandma Sarah hugged each of them tightly. Embracing her grandson, she swallowed. "Your father would be proud of you," she whispered. Harm acknowledged with a tight squeeze he gave her. He'd rather not speak right now.
They had to walk downhill for more or less half an hour to reach Beallsville church. It was freezing cold and the air pricked where it came into contact with the skin. The scenery was breathtaking. After they had stepped out of the woods surrounding the Rabb farm, they could see the whole valley. Everything was deeply snowed in and the virgin snow sparkled in the bright sunlight.
All the time Harm held his arm firmly wrapped around Mac, reveling in the feeling of finally having her close to him. Liliana was quietly walking at their side, holding on to Mac's hand. The world lay in deep silence, the distant tolling of the church bells and the crunching of their steps in the snow being the only noises perceptible. None of them felt inclined to speak and disturb the perfect peace.
At one point, Liliana turned and looked back up to where they had come from. "Mac," she said softly, stopping.
"What?"
"Look. There are our footprints in the snow."
Mac and Harm turned and looked at three furrows that their steps had ploughed into the deep virgin snow, evenly accompanying one another, never wavering.
"Is this how it's going to be?" Liliana asked in almost a whisper.
Harm exchanged a loving glance with Mac and then smiled at the girl. "Yes, for all that we can possibly do about it. And if, one day, that shouldn't be enough, one of us will always be there to carry you."
With that, he swept the little girl up in his arms and made her sit on his shoulders. Then he extended a hand to Mac and they continued their walk, for the first time in their lives entirely at peace with the world that surrounded them.
THE END
From part three:
"Harm," she spoke up, her voice uneven, "Do you ask because of Liliana or because of me? Of... you and me?" she forced herself to add.
'Oh, please, Hammer, don't screw it up this time,' Harm implored himself. He looked down to where his thumb was still caressing the back of Mac's hand. "I..."
He didn't get to answer. Down at the village someone obviously tested the firecrackers he had bought for New Year. A series of clearly audible explosions could be heard, even up on the hill at the Rabbs' farm.
It was then that an earth-shattering scream came from inside the farmhouse, immediately followed by violent sobbing.
"Lily." They had said it together. In the fraction of a second they were on their feet and stormed inside, only to find their little girl curled up in a fetal position on the floor, crying her eyes out in the arms of an utterly helpless Grandma Sarah.
Conclusion:
"Lily, baby, what is it?" Mac threw her jacket on the couch and dropped to her knees at Grandma Sarah's side, taking the shaking girl from her and cradling her soothingly. Liliana's face was ashen, and as she looked up, Mac could see that the haunted look in her eyes had tripled in intensity. In a low voice she repeated a few Indonesian words over and over again, sobbing. Harm and Grandma Sarah sat down on the couch, granting Mac and 'her' girl as much privacy as they could without leaving them alone.
"Baby, I don't understand your language," Mac softly tried to reach the girl's mind with her words. But Liliana only cried on, her bottomless fear and grief tearing at Mac's heart. She silently looked up at Harm who had paled a little himself. Nevertheless, he tried to pass some strength on to her by blowing her a gentle kiss and smiling encouragement. Mac felt her courage rise ever so slightly and cast him back a teary but thankful smile of her own.
Several minutes later, Liliana's sobs had quieted down. Never ceasing to caress her, Mac tried again. "Lily, it's me, Mac. Talk to me. Please." Her voice took up a new tone, very warm and comforting. Harm subconsciously grabbed his grandmother's hand, receiving a knowing smile that wasn't entirely steady as well.
"Mac..." Lily sobbed as she recognized her surroundings, tightly holding on to her friend.
Trying to steady her voice, Mac took the plunge. "The fireworks reminded you of something, didn't they? Was there an explosion, back in Indonesia?"
Fresh tears welled up in Liliana's eyes. She could only manage to nod but refrained from erupting into sobs again.
"Where was it, Lily?"
"Bali," the girl choked out, barely audible. Mac's head shot up and her eyes met Harm's as understanding dawned - the terrible terrorist attack in the tourist village of Kuta. At least 189 people had died on October 12th when Muslim extremists had placed a bomb in a downtown bar - and installed a second bomb, ready to explode immediately after, in the very direction where the survivors had been most likely to run. From what Mac remembered of the news coverage, it must have been hell on earth.
"Oh my God..." she only whispered, pulling the girl tight into her arms again. A few minutes later Mac forced herself to go on with the questioning. "But when we met you were living in the province of Aceh. That's in northern Sumatra. That's thousands of miles away from Bali. How did you get there?" she asked gently.
Sniffling and obviously trying to recover her composure, Liliana tried to sit up. Mac made her lean against her, wrapping her firmly in her arms. The girl cleared her throat. "When the consulate wasn't reopened," her voice was low but clear, "My mother decided that she had to get a new job. We have no family. And in Aceh it's getting dangerous. Muslims and Christians are fighting all the time. But they always need cooks where the tourists go. So we moved to Bali." A few sobs made her interrupt her narrative.
"So, did your mother find a job?" Mac softly urged Liliana to go on. The girl needed to keep talking, to let everything out.
"Yes, she was the cook in a downtown bar called Sari Club in Kuta."
Again, Harm, Mac and Grandma Sarah exchanged horrified looks, a dreadful image beginning to unfold in their minds.
"Was she..." Mac's voice faltered. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Was she at work when the explosion occurred?"
Liliana's mouth began to twitch violently. She tried to fight her tears but failed. Mac rocked her back and forth in her arms, granting her all the time she needed to cope with the horrifying memories. Against Mac's chest, Liliana nodded 'yes' to Mac's last question.
When the sobs had somewhat subsided, Mac simply asked: "What happened?"
"It was around eleven in the evening, I think." Liliana's voice was barely more than a whisper but she forced herself to speak. "We had a little room in a house on the other side of the street, a little away from the bar. I was sleeping. Then suddenly there was this explosion. It was so loud, you can't imagine! So incredibly loud!" She stopped and seemed to brace herself. "I woke up and went to the window. The Sari Club was in a ball of fire. There were stones and ashes everywhere. And people screaming. I wanted to see my mother. So I ran down on the street. I burned my foot when I stepped on a hot piece of metal. Then there was another explosion, right in front of me. I saw... people... like swallowed by the fire. And..." Again she couldn't suppress her sobs. "Bodies and... and... a single arm," she whispered, terrified. "Then... there was this... this... I don't know the word." She looked up at Mac. "Like when the air knocks you down."
"The shock wave?" Mac helped her.
"Yeah. I fell and got hit by stones that flew around. There was fire everywhere. I got up and looked for my mom. Everywhere. But she wasn't there. I asked everyone. But no one knew her. I went home to see if she was there. But she wasn't. So I went down again. There was this musician who normally works in the bar. He saw me and... told me that... my mother... had died. I didn't want to believe him. I went on looking and then... under a piece of wall... there... there was... I saw..." the rest of her speech was once again lost to helpless sobbing.
Again Mac pulled her close, feeling her own tears threaten to fall. She looked up to Harm, desperately biting her lip and fighting to be strong for the girl. Then she buried her face in Liliana's soft hair.
Harm didn't know how to react. His first notion would have been to take both 'his' girls in his arms but he felt he wasn't entitled to yet. So he just sat by, grieving for his friends and longing to do something.
"Go to her, Harm," Grandma Sarah whispered, "She needs you."
"I'd feel like an intruder," he replied just as low, his voice letting his pain show.
"To you she's already all the family you could ever wish for. Isn't that so?" she softly asked.
"Yeah," he admitted.
"Then go to her."
Giving his grandmother's hand a thankful squeeze, Harm stood and walked over to Mac and Liliana, quietly knelt down behind them and wrapped his arms around them, holding them tight. Immediately he felt Mac relax against his chest, suppressing a sob.
Then Liliana stirred. Releasing her somewhat from her tight embrace, Mac looked at the girl, silently begging her to go on with her narrative. Liliana glanced first at her, then at Harm, for a moment then squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled deeply. "I was like... in a daze. I went up home and cried all day. Then I slept. Very long. When I woke up it was night. I knew that I had to do something. My mother... couldn't look after me anymore, and I thought I had no one else. But then I thought of you, and I knew I had to go to you." She paused but Harm and Mac didn't ask her to go on. They sensed that the valve had been opened now, and she would spill everything that was on her mind.
"I took all the money I found and got on a bus to Gilimanuk. That's in the west of Bali. I often watched the big ships that go everywhere in the world. Some of them go to America and every time I saw them I thought of you, Mac."
Touched, Mac gently caressed the girl's cheek, eliciting the faintest of all smiles. Harm just stayed put, held on to his... family?. and tried to be as unobtrusive as possible.
"I knew they departed from Surabaya, that's in the east of Java. My... mother had told me once I asked her about it. So from Gilimanuk I took a boat to Banyuwangi, that's the town on the other side of the Bali Strait, on the island of Java. Then I took another bus to Surabaya. But then I had no money left for the ship. So I found out which one would go to America and, during the night, I snuck on board and hid in the cargo bay. That's how I came here." The girl involuntarily shivered, seemingly at the memories of her eight weeks journey.
Mac and Harm exchanged a look of surprise and admiration for the courage Liliana had once again proven to possess.
"You are the right person to bear that medal, Lily," Harm softly spoke up for the first time, smiling at the girl in Mac's arms.
Liliana looked at him with sad eyes. "My mommy is so far away and she will be buried there, on the other side of the world. I left her behind."
That one hit too close home. Harm suddenly felt his own tears rise fast. He still forced himself to answer. "My daddy is buried on the other side of the world, too," he whispered. "In Russia. I was there and I had to leave him behind. It's not our fault, Lily."
Instead of an answer, Liliana just stretched out her hand and carefully wiped away a tear that had escaped Harm's eye in spite of his efforts to suppress them. He smiled, again feeling incredibly shy. "Thank you," he only managed to whisper.
Grandma Sarah decided it was time to step in once again. Walking over to her children, she gently suggested: "Lily, don't you think you might want to go to bed now? Tomorrow we'll all go to church and pray for those of our family that aren't with us but watch us from above."
Liliana only nodded and allowed Harm to carry her upstairs to his old room where she slept. He himself used his grandfather's bed in the bedroom downstairs, leaving the guestroom for Mac.
Ten minutes later, Liliana had washed and donned her pajamas. Having bid goodnight to Gram, she motioned for Mac and Harm to sit at her bedside. "Can I make a Christmas wish?" she asked shyly.
"Of course," Mac answered with a smile.
"I want to stay with you." Liliana looked at them with big pleading eyes. "Both of you," she added quickly, to make sure they would understand.
Harm and Mac exchanged a somewhat uneasy smile. Harm took Liliana's little hand between his own. "It's not that easy, Lily," he carefully began.
"You don't want me?" Her eyes went huge with new fear. Harm could have slapped himself. 'Your communication skills again, Hammer,' he scolded himself.
Mac immediately embraced the girl. "Of course we want you, don't we, Harm?"
"We do, word of honor," Harm echoed.
Liliana's brow furrowed. "But you said..."
"... that it's not that easy, and that's true," Mac gently cut her off. "First we need to be sure that you have no living relatives in Indonesia."
The girl's face lit up. "I don't," she said eagerly. "My mother was an... an orphan. You can ask at St. Anne's Orphanage in Jakarta. That's where she grew up. She often told me about it."
The adults shared a quick hopeful smile. It was a start. Sobering, Mac went on. "Then we have to get the permission from the United States that you can stay here. And then they have to allow us to raise you. There are many others, you know, families, that take children and have far better chances than we do."
"But you are lawyers! You can convince them!"
Suppressing a chuckle, Harm brushed a strand of hair from Liliana's cheek. "We'll try with all our might. That's all we can promise you. Is that okay with you?"
She smiled at him. "Wonderful." A moment later she sobered. "Why did all this happen?"
"There's no way for us to know that, Lily," Harm answered, sighing. "There's a plan that's so much bigger than everything else on earth. We couldn't possibly comprehend. The most important thing is that you don't lose your faith."
"Then why did I feel so alone? Why has everyone left me?" Liliana asked, traces of through-gone desperation resurfacing.
"You were never alone, Lily," Mac spoke up, using that new warm voice that sent a shiver down Harm's spine. He looked at her and saw the sparkling in her beautiful dark eyes. 'God, don't let me screw it up this time,' he pleaded once again, unable to tear his eyes away from her.
"We're here now and knowing I existed made you go on," Mac explained. "And you have to know that, no matter what happened, God was always by your side. Listen," she intently looked at the girl, "I know a little story that my uncle once told me when I was feeling lost and let down by all the world. I'll tell it to you, if you like."
"Please, do," Liliana pleaded.
"Okay. Once upon a time, there was a man who knew that he had arrived at the end of the road that was his life. He stopped and turned around to look at what lay behind him. He saw that there were his footprints in the sand that covered his way. And there was another pair of footprints right beside his own that he knew were God's. But then he noticed that, at certain points of his life, there were only one person's tracks to be seen. So he turned and asked: 'Lord, if you are my protector and savior, why did you leave me alone at times when my life was particularly difficult?' But God answered: 'I didn't leave you. Those were the times that I carried you.'"
A far-away smile graced Liliana's face. "Wonderful..." she whispered.
"Keep that story in mind, Lily," Mac gently advised her, "It will help you through the rough times you'll have to face in your life. It helped me to face my demons."
"Then it will help me, too," she decided. "Good night, Mac."
"Good night, my little one." Mac bent down and softly kissed her on her forehead.
"Good night, Harm."
"Good night, Lily." Smiling, he blew her a kiss as they stood to leave the room.
Silently, Harm and Mac descended the stairs and sat down on the couch, finding a note from Grandma Sarah that she'd already gone to bed. Slowly the silence became intimidating. Clearing his throat self-consciously, Harm finally spoke up. "Mac?"
"Humm?"
"You know, regarding the INS, I think Lily's case has good chances. She suffered horrible things back home and saw her mother die. She seems to have no other relatives. Where she used to live before she might be persecuted for being a Christian. If anyone finds out that she saved all your lives when the US consulate in Aceh was under attack, she's sure to have new enemies trying to get to her. And she's a hero by American standards. It would surprise me very much if they sent her back to Indonesia."
Mac smiled thoughtfully. "Yeah... summing up all those facts, I think her chances of being admitted to the U.S. are fairly high."
"Do you remember that case I had to investigate about two years back, when the crew of the Stanley Dace picked up the Cuban refugee girl, Reynalda Mantilla?"
Mac nodded.
"I got to know someone from INS back then, Janet Vitagliano, who's been very fair and helpful to the case. I think she liked me." He grinned.
Mac only raised her eyebrows at him, smiling.
"Anyway, when Reynalda's case was being argued, I went to Florida to testify and before and after my testimony, Mrs. Vitagliano and I exchanged quite a few emails. I still have her phone number. I'm sure she'll be glad to help."
"Thanks, Harm," Mac replied quietly. "What would I do if it weren't for you?"
He smiled and averted his eyes, feeling himself blush a little. "Anytime, Sarah," he said softly.
Again the silence became palpable. Eventually Harm looked up and found Mac watching him. Trying to steady his breathing, he locked his gaze with hers. "You didn't answer my question, Mac."
Her voice was slightly hoarse when she answered. "You didn't answer mine."
"I asked first."
"But I can't answer first." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand her fear.
He felt less frightened than he had on the porch. After all, he had already confessed his feelings for Mac to his grandmother. The initial hurdle was taken. Harm even managed a slight smile when he answered. "I asked because of 'us'. I want to see your children - our children - grow up, Sarah. I want to be around. And I need you in my life." He held his breath. Now it was her turn.
The most beautiful smile he had ever seen lit up her face. She looked down for a moment, fighting her happy confusion, but then met his glance again, beaming radiantly from within. She reached up and tenderly caressed his temple with her fingertips. Her voice was very low when she spoke. "Then, instead of answering your question, let me ask you another one: Harmon Rabb, would you do me and Liliana the immense honor of being a permanent part of our little family-to-be?" Her voice shook almost imperceptibly.
Harm's smile widened to a full-blown one. But this wasn't his usual flyboy- grin. It was an outward reflection of what was going on inside his heart and mind. "Yeah, I would. Gladly," he added in a whisper, not trusting his voice. He caught her hand and softly placed a kiss on her palm, too moved to say anything else.
"Merry Christmas, Harm," she whispered.
"Merry Christmas, Sarah."
They sat in silence for a few endless minutes, trying to comprehend the enormity of their decision. Eventually Mac got up. "I think I'd better go to bed," she said, smiling.
"Me, too." He placed a hand at the small of her back and accompanied her to the stairs.
Mac stood on the first step and found herself at eyelevel with Harm. "What about work?" she asked anxiously, needing to know that it wouldn't be a threat to their happiness. Or she wouldn't be able to sleep.
Smiling, he smoothed her hair. "I suggest we talk to Chegwidden first thing when we get back. You know he'll find the best possible solution for us. And I'm willing to take anything he comes up with."
"So am I," she breathed, relieved beyond belief.
Slowly, simultaneously, they closed the distance and shared a passionate kiss, a warm, tender one this time, full of promises. When they parted for air, Harm again rested his forehead against hers, trying to steady himself.
"Do you want to come up?" Mac asked under her breath, feeling her stomach knot.
Harm met her glance, making Mac lose herself in his blue-green eyes that shone with emotion. "I'd love to," he whispered. "But..." he swallowed, briefly closing his eyes. "Sarah, this is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me in my whole life," he confessed, still whispering. "And I am scared like hell I could screw it up just because we're rushing things."
"Okay," she gently consented, kissing him once again. "So I have something to look forward to."
He chuckled slightly. "So do I." With his index finger he traced her lips, smiling. "Good night, Sarah. I love you."
Mac's breath caught in her throat. Pulling him into a tight hug, she buried her face in the curve of his neck. "I love you, too, Harm."
Sharing one last look of mutual feeling, they parted and went to sleep in the elated awareness that they had finally crossed the bridge and found each other.
Dec. 25th, 2002 1401 ZULU Rabb Farm Outside Beallsville, PA
After a long, happy night's rest, the foursome had gathered around the kitchen table for breakfast. There were no presents under the tree yet. They all felt they had more important things in mind right now and could still get into tradition later that day. Outside the sky was of a dizzying turquoise blue and the bright sun made the fresh snow sparkle that had fallen over night. Grandma Sarah had baked a Christmas cake and had cut thick slices for everyone. The perfume of fresh coffee filled the room. All were quietly enjoying the serene atmosphere.
When everyone was finished, Harm exchanged a smile with Mac and spoke up. "Uhm... Liliana, you remember that Christmas wish you made yesterday?"
The girl nodded, hope shining in her eyes.
"Well, Mac and I talked about it after you went to sleep. And we made a few decisions. First," he cleared his throat and cast his grandmother a meaningful glance, "Mac and I decided that life is even more beautiful if you share it with someone you love." He lovingly looked at Mac and took her hand. She smiled back in kind.
Grandma Sarah gasped. But then a smile spread over her face. "Harmon, I knew I could trust you to do the right thing. Now, that's great news! Sarah, welcome to our family then... or... am I running away with my conclusions here?"
Mac grinned embarrassedly. "Well, we weren't really explicit on the point yet, but, considering our plans, I think things are more or less settled." Hoping that Harm wouldn't notice, Mac admitted to herself that she'd sounded far more secure than she felt.
Feeling her hand tremble, he tightened his grip. "I may need a few days to adjust to the 180-degree-turn that my life just took," Harm admitted sheepishly. "But, generally speaking, your conclusions were right, Gram. Mac," he turned to her, "Welcome to our family."
"Does that mean you're together now?" Liliana exclaimed, excited.
"Yes, it does," Mac answered happily, still marveling at the thought.
"Wonderful! What made you talk?"
"You, Lily," Mac laughed. Then she earnestly looked at the girl. "Do you still want to live with Harm and me?"
Liliana nodded, holding her breath.
"Well, we promised we would try everything we could. We can't tell you anything else now, but I think we can safely say that the odds are pretty good that your wish will come true."
Liliana just looked from one to the other and back a few times, seemingly not daring to believe that her nightmare would have a happy ending after all. "Thank you," was all she whispered in awe.
"Okay," Grandma Sarah got up, hands at her hips, "Off with you to church now. I'll stay back and prepare the turkey."
"But Gram, we couldn't possibly..." Mac started to protest but was immediately cut off by the resolute woman.
"Nonsense. You need to start practicing being a family. So take the opportunity. I'll have a little talk with God by myself up here." Grandma Sarah grinned. "Besides, the fresh snow is way to deep for me to walk easily and no way are you going to miss the little hike on a day like this, just because of my legs."
"Better not upset the Commanding Grandmother, Mac," Harm admonished, laughing. "Once she's made up her mind, take it as if it were one of Chegwidden's orders."
"I see," Mac chuckled, buttoning up her jacket.
When they were ready to go, Grandma Sarah hugged each of them tightly. Embracing her grandson, she swallowed. "Your father would be proud of you," she whispered. Harm acknowledged with a tight squeeze he gave her. He'd rather not speak right now.
They had to walk downhill for more or less half an hour to reach Beallsville church. It was freezing cold and the air pricked where it came into contact with the skin. The scenery was breathtaking. After they had stepped out of the woods surrounding the Rabb farm, they could see the whole valley. Everything was deeply snowed in and the virgin snow sparkled in the bright sunlight.
All the time Harm held his arm firmly wrapped around Mac, reveling in the feeling of finally having her close to him. Liliana was quietly walking at their side, holding on to Mac's hand. The world lay in deep silence, the distant tolling of the church bells and the crunching of their steps in the snow being the only noises perceptible. None of them felt inclined to speak and disturb the perfect peace.
At one point, Liliana turned and looked back up to where they had come from. "Mac," she said softly, stopping.
"What?"
"Look. There are our footprints in the snow."
Mac and Harm turned and looked at three furrows that their steps had ploughed into the deep virgin snow, evenly accompanying one another, never wavering.
"Is this how it's going to be?" Liliana asked in almost a whisper.
Harm exchanged a loving glance with Mac and then smiled at the girl. "Yes, for all that we can possibly do about it. And if, one day, that shouldn't be enough, one of us will always be there to carry you."
With that, he swept the little girl up in his arms and made her sit on his shoulders. Then he extended a hand to Mac and they continued their walk, for the first time in their lives entirely at peace with the world that surrounded them.
THE END