**We (the Spork ladies) own nothing. If you doubt us, Akasha's sugar glider and Dark Ravenette's snakes are gonna come after you in your dreams. They can do that, you know**
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Years passed, and as the hobbit aged, the spork continued to began to take an effect his mind. Soon, it was time for his birthday, and those who cared about the old coot were beginning to be concerned for his mental health.
Frodo, his younger cousin,was expecially concerned. Day after day, the greeting of "Hiiiiiiiiiidey ho" was grating on the young halfling's nerves. He also noticed that Bilbo began to eat more intensely, and always with that spork that he had found on his journey. But Frodo was not one to complain to the man responsible for his inheritance, so he kept his trap shut. But when Gandalf, the wizard, arrived for the party, he too became suspicious of the old codger's behavior.
"Bilbo Baggins, what HAS gotten into you?" Galdalf asked his friend.
"What you talking about, Willis?" Bilbo shot back.
"Huh?"
"I mean, I'm fine, Gandalf. Just old, and wearing thin." The wizard took this explanation as truth, and prepared for the celebration, which was sure to be quite spectacular.
After the main courses had been served, many of the hobbits sat in awe as they watch Bilbo devour nearly everything edible in sight. His appetite was incredible, even for a hobbit. Finally, it got to the point where no one could watch him anymore, for fear of being outdone, and the geezer took this opportunity to escape and return to Bag End... where he found an expectant Gandalf waiting for him.
"You're leaving, I take it," he said to Bilbo, who merely nodded. "And you're leaving everything to Frodo?" Again, Bilbo just nodded. "Even the spork?"
The wizard did not receive a nod this time. Instead, he watched as Bilbo gazed down at the spork still in his hand. "Leave the spork, Bilbo!" Gandalf was demanding, and started doing his trademarked growing-really-dark-and-big thing.
"Cut--it--out!" Bilbo cried, moving his finger in the manner of scissors, but then the phase passed over him and he dropped the spork. Instantly, his eyes became clearer than they had since he found the Mighty Spork, and he decided that this moment was the time to leave.
After the door closed behind the travelling hobbit, Gandalf reached to pick up the spork, intent to just set it on the table for Frodo. But when his fingers came in contact with the smooth metal, he was suddenly hit with the desire to eat everything in house. He jumped back from the utensil, and immediately knew what he was up against. This was the One Spork, a tool of immense evil that corrupted its owner with the desire to eat and spout random phrases at random times. It was mumbled by some of the Spork-bearers that they were quoting TV shows, though no one in Middle Earth knew what those were. Gandalf was about to throw the spork into a chest, never to be found again, when suddenly Frodo came through the door, looking for Bilbo.
And Frodo saw the spork, the last belonging of his cousin, and he wanted it. Frodo held the Spork in his hand triumphantly and whispered.
"Spoon! I mean, Spork."
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Years passed, and as the hobbit aged, the spork continued to began to take an effect his mind. Soon, it was time for his birthday, and those who cared about the old coot were beginning to be concerned for his mental health.
Frodo, his younger cousin,was expecially concerned. Day after day, the greeting of "Hiiiiiiiiiidey ho" was grating on the young halfling's nerves. He also noticed that Bilbo began to eat more intensely, and always with that spork that he had found on his journey. But Frodo was not one to complain to the man responsible for his inheritance, so he kept his trap shut. But when Gandalf, the wizard, arrived for the party, he too became suspicious of the old codger's behavior.
"Bilbo Baggins, what HAS gotten into you?" Galdalf asked his friend.
"What you talking about, Willis?" Bilbo shot back.
"Huh?"
"I mean, I'm fine, Gandalf. Just old, and wearing thin." The wizard took this explanation as truth, and prepared for the celebration, which was sure to be quite spectacular.
After the main courses had been served, many of the hobbits sat in awe as they watch Bilbo devour nearly everything edible in sight. His appetite was incredible, even for a hobbit. Finally, it got to the point where no one could watch him anymore, for fear of being outdone, and the geezer took this opportunity to escape and return to Bag End... where he found an expectant Gandalf waiting for him.
"You're leaving, I take it," he said to Bilbo, who merely nodded. "And you're leaving everything to Frodo?" Again, Bilbo just nodded. "Even the spork?"
The wizard did not receive a nod this time. Instead, he watched as Bilbo gazed down at the spork still in his hand. "Leave the spork, Bilbo!" Gandalf was demanding, and started doing his trademarked growing-really-dark-and-big thing.
"Cut--it--out!" Bilbo cried, moving his finger in the manner of scissors, but then the phase passed over him and he dropped the spork. Instantly, his eyes became clearer than they had since he found the Mighty Spork, and he decided that this moment was the time to leave.
After the door closed behind the travelling hobbit, Gandalf reached to pick up the spork, intent to just set it on the table for Frodo. But when his fingers came in contact with the smooth metal, he was suddenly hit with the desire to eat everything in house. He jumped back from the utensil, and immediately knew what he was up against. This was the One Spork, a tool of immense evil that corrupted its owner with the desire to eat and spout random phrases at random times. It was mumbled by some of the Spork-bearers that they were quoting TV shows, though no one in Middle Earth knew what those were. Gandalf was about to throw the spork into a chest, never to be found again, when suddenly Frodo came through the door, looking for Bilbo.
And Frodo saw the spork, the last belonging of his cousin, and he wanted it. Frodo held the Spork in his hand triumphantly and whispered.
"Spoon! I mean, Spork."