(Author's Note: I'm not quite sure how this will match the first chapter… but since it connects to the ideas in part one.. I'm going to include this as part 2 and not a stand alone.(also I'm using ~ ~ to indicate thought..) August 25, 2001.
Connection 2
By Yashira
I stare at him, my eyes wide and luminous, my breath hanging hard in my throat as his warm lips press firmly against mine. ~Inuyasha…~
~Where I go he follows? Can that be true… is it true what he…~ I shake my head and stare at him nearly ashamed at how cold my eyes have turned. "No, I don't believe you… you promised to protect her… to BE with her always... and I .. I will not be second to her... I WILL NOT... I DON'T DERSERVE THAT!!!" God I'm screaming now! My voice echoing through the night as if it were a fire siren. I'm yelling at someone I wanted to spend my life with, someone I wanted to…to have… love me back….
How do I get into situations like this? I love so much, I fall so hard and I'm thrown over like yesterday's garbage. It is a horrible feeling to have someone you love, someone you wanted to give your whole heart to, turn you aside for a copy; a mere facsimile of what is truly waiting for them. I take a deep breath and try to steady my nerves as I realize for the first time, that I've seen it wrong. I'm not the copy, Kikyo is. This demon born out of ash and revenge, just a shade of the real Kikyo, is the copy. But, but... He is still drawn to her; drawn to what she represents. It is to that which I can not compete with.
And it is frustrating... so damn bloody frustrating! I want to open his eyes, I want to make him see what she is really like, but he refuses to see it. He seems to takes the huge blinders he already wears and glues them tighter to his eyes. He knows as well as I, how wrong it is to follow her. He knows who he should be with. He knows who really loves him and who is just using him, and yet… he goes to her. He goes to the one who wants him dead.
I catch his voice out of the corner of my ears and look up to see him staring at me.
"Damn it woman, aren't you even listening to me? Don't you ever listen to me?" He stares at me with gold tinted eyes studded in anger, "I came here after you… came here following you! And I kissed you!"
I take a breath and turn away from him, my face sullen, my eyes downcast. I refuse to answer him.
"Oi, Kagome...." his voice has calmed a bit and he lifts a hand to reach and touch my shoulder. I jerk away as if he has sunk his claws into me and the hurt look in his face is almost enough for me to tell him I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Almost enough….
No.. I can't.. I can't God forgive me, but I CAN'T!!! I can not be second to her.. I will not be second.. ~Because I'm always second choice.. I'm always second because they always think I'll be there for them, but that doesn't make it right. It never makes it right to put people on shelves as if they have no other purpose, but to serve your whims~
He stares at me, his white hair flowing in the night breeze as his words go deceptively soft, "So that's how it is…"
"It's how you wanted it.." I retorted coldly, "You pushed me away.. you cast me off.. YOU HURT ME!!!" No, god please don't let me cry, I can't, I won't.. no no.. stop it!!! Tears blur my eyes, falling like rivulets over my red cheeks. "I can't deal with this.. I don't want to deal with this…"
Broken connection… it HURTS!! I feel like my chest is swollen and on fire. I feel nauseated and sick to my stomach. Is this what heartbreak is? Is this horrible feeling that's keeping me from eating and sleeping the result of having him break my heart?"
"Kagome.. please.. don't go.." his words are broken and full of emotion as he just stares at me. "Don't go away.."
"I have to…" I sit back on the well and throw my legs over it, "I can not stand seeing her use you.. I can not stand… you going to her.. I can't stand throwing my life away for someone who doesn't even value that I do it!" ~I can't stand being ignored.. I can't stand having my love thrown in my face.. I can't stand loosing what I am… what I was... to be with you when you want her instead-
I slid forward and let myself fall into the well to where my world waits... to where my family and friends, if god is willing, will let me take back. Leaving this behind, leaving this connection broken, I slid-
His arms caught me sharply, dragging me back, pulling me roughly to where he was. "Kagome… are you trying to make me choose... choose between you and Kikyo?"
"Inuyasha.. let me-"
I'm spun around in his arms, spun so fast and hard, that I'm on my back on the ground in mere seconds. His body rests over mine to keep me from moving. "I said I wouldn't let you go… I'm not going to give you up.. damn it.. I'll never give you up."
I stare up into his fiery eyes and cry out, "YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH! YOU CAN'T."
He stares down at me, his hair sliding forward to hide his eyes, "Kagome.." his voice his cracking and he sounds as if he's about to wept. "Why are you doing this to me?"
"Why am I .. doing this?" I just gawk at him. "WHY? As if I STARTED this?" I choke back a sob and turn my face away. The way he's pinned me down, I can't really move much else. "Why do you hate me so much to blame me on this.. I only wanted you to love me.." ~Me.. only me..~
He swings his eyes up and there are genuine tears running down his cheeks. "I have a duty to her.. she's not who I love.. it is duty.. I have to…" He ducks down and kisses me, "Kagome, I don't hate you… Kagome.."
"Inuyasha…"