We own nothing. If you don't believe us by now, well then, there's something wrong there.
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The fellowship made their way to the gate of Moria. Gandalf stood trying to figure out the password, while Frodo inspected the door.
"It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big." Frodo said casually.
Boromir picked up a stone and threw it at Frodo. It bounced off his head and into the lake.
"Do not disturb the lake!" Aragorn said. "Nice shot though." Then, he went to go release Bill the pony (what? you didn't notice they had a pony?). Sam said his fond farewell to the horse as it trotted off, unaware of the danger that it was escaping.
Frodo watched, and quietly observed, "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have made it through that year in college."
Sam stood there confused. "What!?"
"I'll repeat that, because it bears repeating. If it weren't for my horse, as in giddey-up yippie, I wouldn't have made it through college at a degree certifying institute. Now, do NOT think about that for more than three minutes, or blood will shoot out of your nose."
Everyone paused, utterly stupified by the randomness coming out of Frodo's mouth, when all of a sudden Gimli's hand shot up to cover his nose. "Can we hurry it up here?" he questioned anxiously.
Finally, Gandalf figured out the password, and the doors parted to let them inside. As they started to enter Moria, the Watcher of the lake slithered out of the water and grabbed Frodo by the ankle.
"I love Jacques Cousteau!" Frodo shrieked, but then corrected himself. "Help!! Someone help me!!" The Fellowship stood there, wondering if they really needed to help him. Sam gave in and ran over, striking the slimey arm with his small sword and causing the Watcher to drop the hobbit. Frodo and Sam quickly ran into the mines, as the arms slammed the door closed.
"No!" Legolas's fair face twisted in despair. "We are stuck in here with Frodo!" He fell to his knees, and put his face in his hands.
"Come. We must make haste. Kick the dead bodies of dwarves aside, and keep going." Gandalf pushed them forward.
They trudged on for hours, without a moment's peace from Frodo. "Soon you will be like Cheese Boy: melty, melty, melty!" echoed off the walls for some time before silence was able to regain the halls of Moria. They came to pause where three doors stood, and Gandalf did not know which one to go though. They decided to rest so that Gandalf could think.
Frodo was walking around quietly (for once) when he saw quite a disturbing, and life scaring sight. He saw a slimly creature climing the walls, and ducking into a dark corner.
"Holy bill of rights, Batman!" Frodo cried and ran over to Gandalf. "Something is following us." he whispered to the old wizard.
Gandalf, pleased that Frodo made a sane remark, answered, " Yes. It's Gollum. He wants his spork back, but pay no attention to him just yet, Frodo."
Frodo frowned. "I wish Bilbo had killed him."
"Don't be so judgemental. I have a feeling Gollum has yet a part to play." Gandalf replied.
"I remember the way now!" Gandalf anounced before Frodo could say anymore. The relieved fellowship followed Gandalf into one of the doors, which led into another room. In the middle of the room, there lay a tomb.
"Balin! He is dead!" Gimli cried, running to the tomb sorrowfully. Gandalf grabbed a book away from a dead Dwarf and began reading it.
Frodo walked over to Gimli and placed his hand on his shoulder.
"I love... cake." He said sympathetically. Gimli stared at him in confusion for a moment, but noted by the tone, that it was supposed to be a sympathic gesture, so he nodded in thanks.
"It seems they were attacked by orcs. They were trapped, and could not get out." Gandalf was saying as he read the Dwarvish runes in the book. Unbeknownest to wise wizard, Pippin was poking one of the dead dwarves sitting on a well. With one last poke, the body of the dwarf fell into the well, making a very loud noise in the process. Everyone turned and stared as Pippin tried to look innocent. But they all stayed quiet, listening for any danger that the noise might have awakened.
It was Frodo who broke the silence. "Gravity is a harsh mistress!" He exclaimed.
"Pippin, you fool of a Took! Frodo, shut up." Gandalf spouted agrily. Suddenly drumbeats could be heard through out the room. Everyone tensed, braving themselves for the battle to come.
"I'm betting that I'm just abnormal enough to survive." Frodo said as he pulled out Sting.
Boromir ran to the door, intend on sealing the tomb so that their enemies would have a terrible time trying to get to them, but as he shoved the heavy barrier into place, he was shocked with two surprises.... namely arrows which nearly pierced his head. Aragorn helped, and together, they got the door closed and barred.
"They have a cave troll," Boromir announced to the group.
"Jumping jehosafat!" Frodo cried, and for some reason, the rest of the group couldn't help but agree. Finally, they were prepped for battle. Legolas and Aragorn had their bows strung, Gimli had his ax ready for chopping heads, and Boromir, Gandalf and the hobbits all had swords ready. Frodo even shut up just in time for the first SLAM against the door.
The assault on the door was intense, and as the Fellowship watched, chunks of the barrier were ripped away. Before long, the Orcs had torn away a gap large enough for the archers to get arrows through, which Aragorn and Legolas took full advantage of. Devilish shrieks cried out as the Orcs fell, but more just took their place. Finally, the force of evil completely broke down the door.
The Fellowship was outnumbered, but that did not frighten them away from the fight. Frodo was the leader in the defence.
"Ayayayayayayayaya!" he screamed in a slightly feminine sounding warrior cry, and rushed to the front, swinging Sting like mad. The others didn't waste a moment and followed his lead.
The Orcs were falling to their weapons, slaughtered by the fighting Fellowship, but suddenly the tables turned, and the cave troll came bursting into the room. The action stopped for a millisecond as the fighters observed their new opponent, but then all hell broke loose.
The troll immediately started thrashing around, smashing at the good and bad guys alike. Legolas tried to take a shot at it, but its tough hide prevented the arrows from doing much damage. That didn't mean that the troll ignored the attack though. At the first sign of irritation, he went after the elf, trying to squish him like a bug.
But its attention was drawn away by the hobbits. Going after Frodo expecially, the troll scrambled to grab their legs. Finally, it caught ahold of Frodo, who was kicking like crazy to get free. Just as it looked like he was sure to be killed, the hobbit's rambling stopped the troll in its tracks.
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them."
The troll stopped, actually thinking about what the speck hanging upside down in his hand just said, and it provided Legolas with the perfect opportunity to line up a shot to the ugly thing's soft spot under its chin. The troll was dead before it even realized that it had been tricked, finalizing the kill count. But as it fell, Frodo fell with him, landing on the long lance what was sticking up from the ground. He fell, impaled, face-down on the ground.
"Woo-hoo! He shut up!" Legolas cheered, but was shut down by a glare from Aragorn, who rushed over to the hobbit's fallen form. Turning Frodo over, he was surprised to find that he was still alive, if only a little shaken.
"It's my shiny thing," he said, as if it explained everything. Just then, Aragorn saw a hint of shimmer from under Frodo's shirt, and watched as the halfling displayed the mithril under his top. Gandalf, who had first been upset with the fact that Frodo was still alive to ramble, quickly realized that if Frodo had died, someone else would have to take the Spork, and then they'd be in for it all over again. So, despite himself, he smiled.
Then, the tired warriors all heard the rumbling of other Orcs coming after them, and they were SO not in the mood to fight anymore.
"Leg it!" Frodo screamed, and they all didn't need brains to understand him completely.
They quickly ran from the room into a hall to get out. Gandalf stopped suddenly and listened to the Orcs screaming.
"They are saying 'fire'," He informed the rest of the fellowship.
"It's starting to smell a little like danger in here, or heavily-fried food." Frodo commented.
"It's a Balrog!" Legolas cried, as he hit Frodo over the head, and they started to run.
They reached the bridge, on which they all crossed except for Gandalf. He stood on the bridge, waiting as the Balrog strolled up.
"Fire bad, tree pretty," Frodo said as he looked back to watch the conflict between Gandalf and his fiery foe.
"You SHALL NOT PASS!" The wizard yelled and wacked the bridge with his staff. The Balrog stared at him for a moment and began to step on the bridge. The bridge broke and the Balrog fell, but not without taking one last swing at Gandalf with his fire whip. The whip coiled around his ankle and he fell, holding on for dear life to the edge. He gave one last look at the horror stricken faces of the fellowship.
"Fly you fools!" He cried, and fell into the Darkness.
"OH MY GOD! THEY'VE KILLED KENNY!! YOU BASTARDS!!" Frodo screamed.
Aragorn grabbed the babbling hobbit by his hair as they took off running out of Moria.
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The fellowship made their way to the gate of Moria. Gandalf stood trying to figure out the password, while Frodo inspected the door.
"It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big." Frodo said casually.
Boromir picked up a stone and threw it at Frodo. It bounced off his head and into the lake.
"Do not disturb the lake!" Aragorn said. "Nice shot though." Then, he went to go release Bill the pony (what? you didn't notice they had a pony?). Sam said his fond farewell to the horse as it trotted off, unaware of the danger that it was escaping.
Frodo watched, and quietly observed, "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have made it through that year in college."
Sam stood there confused. "What!?"
"I'll repeat that, because it bears repeating. If it weren't for my horse, as in giddey-up yippie, I wouldn't have made it through college at a degree certifying institute. Now, do NOT think about that for more than three minutes, or blood will shoot out of your nose."
Everyone paused, utterly stupified by the randomness coming out of Frodo's mouth, when all of a sudden Gimli's hand shot up to cover his nose. "Can we hurry it up here?" he questioned anxiously.
Finally, Gandalf figured out the password, and the doors parted to let them inside. As they started to enter Moria, the Watcher of the lake slithered out of the water and grabbed Frodo by the ankle.
"I love Jacques Cousteau!" Frodo shrieked, but then corrected himself. "Help!! Someone help me!!" The Fellowship stood there, wondering if they really needed to help him. Sam gave in and ran over, striking the slimey arm with his small sword and causing the Watcher to drop the hobbit. Frodo and Sam quickly ran into the mines, as the arms slammed the door closed.
"No!" Legolas's fair face twisted in despair. "We are stuck in here with Frodo!" He fell to his knees, and put his face in his hands.
"Come. We must make haste. Kick the dead bodies of dwarves aside, and keep going." Gandalf pushed them forward.
They trudged on for hours, without a moment's peace from Frodo. "Soon you will be like Cheese Boy: melty, melty, melty!" echoed off the walls for some time before silence was able to regain the halls of Moria. They came to pause where three doors stood, and Gandalf did not know which one to go though. They decided to rest so that Gandalf could think.
Frodo was walking around quietly (for once) when he saw quite a disturbing, and life scaring sight. He saw a slimly creature climing the walls, and ducking into a dark corner.
"Holy bill of rights, Batman!" Frodo cried and ran over to Gandalf. "Something is following us." he whispered to the old wizard.
Gandalf, pleased that Frodo made a sane remark, answered, " Yes. It's Gollum. He wants his spork back, but pay no attention to him just yet, Frodo."
Frodo frowned. "I wish Bilbo had killed him."
"Don't be so judgemental. I have a feeling Gollum has yet a part to play." Gandalf replied.
"I remember the way now!" Gandalf anounced before Frodo could say anymore. The relieved fellowship followed Gandalf into one of the doors, which led into another room. In the middle of the room, there lay a tomb.
"Balin! He is dead!" Gimli cried, running to the tomb sorrowfully. Gandalf grabbed a book away from a dead Dwarf and began reading it.
Frodo walked over to Gimli and placed his hand on his shoulder.
"I love... cake." He said sympathetically. Gimli stared at him in confusion for a moment, but noted by the tone, that it was supposed to be a sympathic gesture, so he nodded in thanks.
"It seems they were attacked by orcs. They were trapped, and could not get out." Gandalf was saying as he read the Dwarvish runes in the book. Unbeknownest to wise wizard, Pippin was poking one of the dead dwarves sitting on a well. With one last poke, the body of the dwarf fell into the well, making a very loud noise in the process. Everyone turned and stared as Pippin tried to look innocent. But they all stayed quiet, listening for any danger that the noise might have awakened.
It was Frodo who broke the silence. "Gravity is a harsh mistress!" He exclaimed.
"Pippin, you fool of a Took! Frodo, shut up." Gandalf spouted agrily. Suddenly drumbeats could be heard through out the room. Everyone tensed, braving themselves for the battle to come.
"I'm betting that I'm just abnormal enough to survive." Frodo said as he pulled out Sting.
Boromir ran to the door, intend on sealing the tomb so that their enemies would have a terrible time trying to get to them, but as he shoved the heavy barrier into place, he was shocked with two surprises.... namely arrows which nearly pierced his head. Aragorn helped, and together, they got the door closed and barred.
"They have a cave troll," Boromir announced to the group.
"Jumping jehosafat!" Frodo cried, and for some reason, the rest of the group couldn't help but agree. Finally, they were prepped for battle. Legolas and Aragorn had their bows strung, Gimli had his ax ready for chopping heads, and Boromir, Gandalf and the hobbits all had swords ready. Frodo even shut up just in time for the first SLAM against the door.
The assault on the door was intense, and as the Fellowship watched, chunks of the barrier were ripped away. Before long, the Orcs had torn away a gap large enough for the archers to get arrows through, which Aragorn and Legolas took full advantage of. Devilish shrieks cried out as the Orcs fell, but more just took their place. Finally, the force of evil completely broke down the door.
The Fellowship was outnumbered, but that did not frighten them away from the fight. Frodo was the leader in the defence.
"Ayayayayayayayaya!" he screamed in a slightly feminine sounding warrior cry, and rushed to the front, swinging Sting like mad. The others didn't waste a moment and followed his lead.
The Orcs were falling to their weapons, slaughtered by the fighting Fellowship, but suddenly the tables turned, and the cave troll came bursting into the room. The action stopped for a millisecond as the fighters observed their new opponent, but then all hell broke loose.
The troll immediately started thrashing around, smashing at the good and bad guys alike. Legolas tried to take a shot at it, but its tough hide prevented the arrows from doing much damage. That didn't mean that the troll ignored the attack though. At the first sign of irritation, he went after the elf, trying to squish him like a bug.
But its attention was drawn away by the hobbits. Going after Frodo expecially, the troll scrambled to grab their legs. Finally, it caught ahold of Frodo, who was kicking like crazy to get free. Just as it looked like he was sure to be killed, the hobbit's rambling stopped the troll in its tracks.
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them."
The troll stopped, actually thinking about what the speck hanging upside down in his hand just said, and it provided Legolas with the perfect opportunity to line up a shot to the ugly thing's soft spot under its chin. The troll was dead before it even realized that it had been tricked, finalizing the kill count. But as it fell, Frodo fell with him, landing on the long lance what was sticking up from the ground. He fell, impaled, face-down on the ground.
"Woo-hoo! He shut up!" Legolas cheered, but was shut down by a glare from Aragorn, who rushed over to the hobbit's fallen form. Turning Frodo over, he was surprised to find that he was still alive, if only a little shaken.
"It's my shiny thing," he said, as if it explained everything. Just then, Aragorn saw a hint of shimmer from under Frodo's shirt, and watched as the halfling displayed the mithril under his top. Gandalf, who had first been upset with the fact that Frodo was still alive to ramble, quickly realized that if Frodo had died, someone else would have to take the Spork, and then they'd be in for it all over again. So, despite himself, he smiled.
Then, the tired warriors all heard the rumbling of other Orcs coming after them, and they were SO not in the mood to fight anymore.
"Leg it!" Frodo screamed, and they all didn't need brains to understand him completely.
They quickly ran from the room into a hall to get out. Gandalf stopped suddenly and listened to the Orcs screaming.
"They are saying 'fire'," He informed the rest of the fellowship.
"It's starting to smell a little like danger in here, or heavily-fried food." Frodo commented.
"It's a Balrog!" Legolas cried, as he hit Frodo over the head, and they started to run.
They reached the bridge, on which they all crossed except for Gandalf. He stood on the bridge, waiting as the Balrog strolled up.
"Fire bad, tree pretty," Frodo said as he looked back to watch the conflict between Gandalf and his fiery foe.
"You SHALL NOT PASS!" The wizard yelled and wacked the bridge with his staff. The Balrog stared at him for a moment and began to step on the bridge. The bridge broke and the Balrog fell, but not without taking one last swing at Gandalf with his fire whip. The whip coiled around his ankle and he fell, holding on for dear life to the edge. He gave one last look at the horror stricken faces of the fellowship.
"Fly you fools!" He cried, and fell into the Darkness.
"OH MY GOD! THEY'VE KILLED KENNY!! YOU BASTARDS!!" Frodo screamed.
Aragorn grabbed the babbling hobbit by his hair as they took off running out of Moria.