We ( THE MIGHTY AND GREAT SPORK LADIES) own nothing. NOTHING!!!! ahhhhh
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Sam and Frodo followed Gollum down the cliffs. Frodo had been keeping himself in check, because after hearing Gollum rambling, he realized how stupid he must really sound. He was slightly worried that the peculiar smell coming from Gollum might also be a side effect of the Spork. Sam had quickly comforted Frodo, assuring him that it wasn't. Gollum just stunk.
"I am the terror that quacks in the night... I am Darkwing Duck!" Gollum exclaimed as he jumped off the very last cliff, onto the flat ground. Sam and Frodo followed. It was time to start eating. Sam handed Frodo a piece of lembas. He looked suspiciously at it.
"No sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!" Frodo warned Sam as he took the lembas. Sam feared he was going to have a nervous breakdown. They got back up and began following Gollum into the dead marshes. Creepy dead people looked up at them from their watery graves. Sam looked down into the dead face of a man in the marsh.
"I wonder how he died, " He pondered out loud. Gollum turned to him.
"Shot himself? In the back of the head? Wrapped himself in plastic and he locked himself in the trunk of his car?" Gollum answered.
Sam looked at him in confusion, bewilderment and slight fear.
"He'd been depressed," Gollum explained before turning back around.
As morning crept closer, Gollum would go no farther. Sam and Frodo tried to coax him into going just a little more, but Gollum wouldn't.
"Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass!" He hissed at them. Frodo and Sam slowly backed away. They decided to eat a little more before going to sleep.
"NO PICKLES! OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES!" Frodo yelled as he inspected his piece of lembas. Sam made a mental note to stay away from Frodo next time they ate.
After a short while, the hobbits began to get sleepy. Leaving Gollum at watch, they both drifted off to sleep. Frodo, in his Spork-induced insanity, began to dream.
He walked into a clearing where all of the Fellowship sat together once again. He looked around and saw all of his friends, alive and accounted for. Something at the back of his mind told him to stay back, that something was not right about all of this, but his happiness to see his friends overrode the cautious part of his brain.
He ran closer to his friends, but stopped dead when he realized what was wrong. Everyone was holding something in their hands, a familiar object -- a spork. And they all seemed to be lost in their thoughts, and insanity. Frodo reached for where he had kept The One Spork hidden, but it was no longer there.
The hobbit ran to a log where Gandalf, the wisest of the group, was sitting. "Gandalf," he asked, his voice free for once from spork-inspired ramblings. "What's happening?" Suddenly, Frodo realized that the wizard no longer looked as he remembered him. Instead, he was wearing white. A white diaper to be exact. Gandalf stood up and started dancing, singing "ooga chacka ooga ooga ooga chacka" at the top of his lungs. Frodo stumbled back, tripping over firewood as he did.
Boromir stepped forward, picking Frodo up. The hobbit flinched, remember his last encounter with the Man of Gondor, but all fears of that moment were replaced with new ones as Boromir started shaking him, screaming, 'He's not pinin'! He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Berefit of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch, he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! He's fuckin' snuffed it!.... THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
Frodo broke free from Boromir's grip, landing forcefully on the ground with a bump. He was overjoyed to see Aragorn striding towards the insane man, thinking that the ranger was going to put a stop to the insanity, but instead Aragorn merely stood there and regally shouted, "Stop, in the name of all which does not suck!"
From the ground, Frodo frantically looked around at the rest of the Fellowship. Gimli was sitting with his back to a tree, rocking back and forth, mumbling, "I'm a pretty lady. I'm a pretty, pretty lady." Merry and Pippin were standing slightly off to the side. Apparently, one of them had lost his spork, so they were fighting over another. However, instead of a usual, "It's mine! No, it's mine!" battle between them, Frodo clearly heard the weirdest fight he had ever witnessed.
"Rabbit season!" Merry cried, pulling the spork towards himself.
"Duck season!" Pippin replied, holding onto the utensil and tugging back.
"Rabbit season!"
"Duck season!"
"Rabbit season!"
"Rabbit season!" Pippin changed up on Merry, who didn't notice.
"Duck season!! FIRE!" Merry screamed, but his "success" was cut short by Pippin's fist in his face. Pippin grabbed the spork as Merry fell to the ground, and ran off.
Legolas and Sam were on the other side of the clearing and seemed to be the only two still slightly sane. Frodo got off the ground and ran over to them, desperate for some sort of normalcy at that moment. However, as he got closer, he heard their conversation.
"Do we have any grease?" Legolas asked Sam.
Sam looked in his pack. "Yes, yes we do."
"Then, GREASE me up, woman!" Frodo watched in horror as Legolas tore his shirt open and ran off, screaming about saving the wee turtles. Sam just shook his head.
Sam! The only one that seemed to be dealing with this with some sanity still in tact. Frodo hurried to his life-long friend. "Sam! They've all gone insane! How did they all get a spork? Where's the One Spork!?"
Sam looked confused for a brief moment, as if pondering the questions. Then, in a high pitched voice, he answered, "I.... don't.... know!!" He then jumped up, beat himself upside the head a couple times and started running around.
Frodo screamed. What was happening!? He tried to run away, but his foot got caught in a tree root and he tripped. As his head collided with the ground, Frodo suddenly woke up in the real world. He bolted upright, breathing hard. He looked around, gathered his surroundings, and remarked, "Aw crap."
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Sam and Frodo followed Gollum down the cliffs. Frodo had been keeping himself in check, because after hearing Gollum rambling, he realized how stupid he must really sound. He was slightly worried that the peculiar smell coming from Gollum might also be a side effect of the Spork. Sam had quickly comforted Frodo, assuring him that it wasn't. Gollum just stunk.
"I am the terror that quacks in the night... I am Darkwing Duck!" Gollum exclaimed as he jumped off the very last cliff, onto the flat ground. Sam and Frodo followed. It was time to start eating. Sam handed Frodo a piece of lembas. He looked suspiciously at it.
"No sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!" Frodo warned Sam as he took the lembas. Sam feared he was going to have a nervous breakdown. They got back up and began following Gollum into the dead marshes. Creepy dead people looked up at them from their watery graves. Sam looked down into the dead face of a man in the marsh.
"I wonder how he died, " He pondered out loud. Gollum turned to him.
"Shot himself? In the back of the head? Wrapped himself in plastic and he locked himself in the trunk of his car?" Gollum answered.
Sam looked at him in confusion, bewilderment and slight fear.
"He'd been depressed," Gollum explained before turning back around.
As morning crept closer, Gollum would go no farther. Sam and Frodo tried to coax him into going just a little more, but Gollum wouldn't.
"Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass!" He hissed at them. Frodo and Sam slowly backed away. They decided to eat a little more before going to sleep.
"NO PICKLES! OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES!" Frodo yelled as he inspected his piece of lembas. Sam made a mental note to stay away from Frodo next time they ate.
After a short while, the hobbits began to get sleepy. Leaving Gollum at watch, they both drifted off to sleep. Frodo, in his Spork-induced insanity, began to dream.
He walked into a clearing where all of the Fellowship sat together once again. He looked around and saw all of his friends, alive and accounted for. Something at the back of his mind told him to stay back, that something was not right about all of this, but his happiness to see his friends overrode the cautious part of his brain.
He ran closer to his friends, but stopped dead when he realized what was wrong. Everyone was holding something in their hands, a familiar object -- a spork. And they all seemed to be lost in their thoughts, and insanity. Frodo reached for where he had kept The One Spork hidden, but it was no longer there.
The hobbit ran to a log where Gandalf, the wisest of the group, was sitting. "Gandalf," he asked, his voice free for once from spork-inspired ramblings. "What's happening?" Suddenly, Frodo realized that the wizard no longer looked as he remembered him. Instead, he was wearing white. A white diaper to be exact. Gandalf stood up and started dancing, singing "ooga chacka ooga ooga ooga chacka" at the top of his lungs. Frodo stumbled back, tripping over firewood as he did.
Boromir stepped forward, picking Frodo up. The hobbit flinched, remember his last encounter with the Man of Gondor, but all fears of that moment were replaced with new ones as Boromir started shaking him, screaming, 'He's not pinin'! He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Berefit of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch, he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! He's fuckin' snuffed it!.... THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
Frodo broke free from Boromir's grip, landing forcefully on the ground with a bump. He was overjoyed to see Aragorn striding towards the insane man, thinking that the ranger was going to put a stop to the insanity, but instead Aragorn merely stood there and regally shouted, "Stop, in the name of all which does not suck!"
From the ground, Frodo frantically looked around at the rest of the Fellowship. Gimli was sitting with his back to a tree, rocking back and forth, mumbling, "I'm a pretty lady. I'm a pretty, pretty lady." Merry and Pippin were standing slightly off to the side. Apparently, one of them had lost his spork, so they were fighting over another. However, instead of a usual, "It's mine! No, it's mine!" battle between them, Frodo clearly heard the weirdest fight he had ever witnessed.
"Rabbit season!" Merry cried, pulling the spork towards himself.
"Duck season!" Pippin replied, holding onto the utensil and tugging back.
"Rabbit season!"
"Duck season!"
"Rabbit season!"
"Rabbit season!" Pippin changed up on Merry, who didn't notice.
"Duck season!! FIRE!" Merry screamed, but his "success" was cut short by Pippin's fist in his face. Pippin grabbed the spork as Merry fell to the ground, and ran off.
Legolas and Sam were on the other side of the clearing and seemed to be the only two still slightly sane. Frodo got off the ground and ran over to them, desperate for some sort of normalcy at that moment. However, as he got closer, he heard their conversation.
"Do we have any grease?" Legolas asked Sam.
Sam looked in his pack. "Yes, yes we do."
"Then, GREASE me up, woman!" Frodo watched in horror as Legolas tore his shirt open and ran off, screaming about saving the wee turtles. Sam just shook his head.
Sam! The only one that seemed to be dealing with this with some sanity still in tact. Frodo hurried to his life-long friend. "Sam! They've all gone insane! How did they all get a spork? Where's the One Spork!?"
Sam looked confused for a brief moment, as if pondering the questions. Then, in a high pitched voice, he answered, "I.... don't.... know!!" He then jumped up, beat himself upside the head a couple times and started running around.
Frodo screamed. What was happening!? He tried to run away, but his foot got caught in a tree root and he tripped. As his head collided with the ground, Frodo suddenly woke up in the real world. He bolted upright, breathing hard. He looked around, gathered his surroundings, and remarked, "Aw crap."