Author's Note: In a review, 'Alias Fan' wrote; "In the end of the episode
nobody ended up dead." In case this was unclear to anyone in the beginning
I said this story was *AU* for the episode. AU means Alternate Universe,
or changing what was established in the episode. I took the story line and
ran with it. I realize that nobody died on the show, I am just exploring
what *could* have happened. I hope no one else was confused.
Chapter 3: Death's Release
Vaughn died this morning at 7:00 a.m.
I sat beside him right up until the end. Watched him slowly and painfully take his last breaths. Watched the doctors and nurses do everything they medically could without any hope it would work.
I swear he looked right at me before his final release. He turned towards me and I swear he looked right at me in his last moments.
I have never hated myself or my decisions more.
He was just so frail and discolored. In so much pain for so long. And it didn't even have to happen, I could have stopped it.
Why did I listen to the CIA? Why did I follow my conscious? Why didn't Sark follow me to ensure I would kill Sloane? There would have been nothing I could do to avert it.
I wouldn't feel so guilty. I wouldn't be alone again.
Vaughn would still be alive.
If I'd had more time, another week or so to think it over, I probably wouldn't have made this decision. Vaughn would be alive even if Sloane would be dead.
And I wouldn't be going crazy.
Because right now I am really think that I am. Tossing around the same information back and forth in my mind. Replaying the same situations in my head. Replaying painful moments and wondering how things could be different. My inability to focus or work at all.
The fact that I haven't been able to leave Vaughn's body since seven.
Today I have to go back to SD-6 and watch Sloane. I have to pay attention to a new assignment and then report it to my new handler.
It was hard enough when I thought he had drowned before. The effect of Vaughn's death the "second" time hasn't made it any easier. As a matter of fact, it just got harder. I would never have believed it before, but now I know it is true.
And now I carry around the guilt of his death. All because I had to take the high road, which turns out, not to be the higher road after all.
=(Amanda(=
Chapter 3: Death's Release
Vaughn died this morning at 7:00 a.m.
I sat beside him right up until the end. Watched him slowly and painfully take his last breaths. Watched the doctors and nurses do everything they medically could without any hope it would work.
I swear he looked right at me before his final release. He turned towards me and I swear he looked right at me in his last moments.
I have never hated myself or my decisions more.
He was just so frail and discolored. In so much pain for so long. And it didn't even have to happen, I could have stopped it.
Why did I listen to the CIA? Why did I follow my conscious? Why didn't Sark follow me to ensure I would kill Sloane? There would have been nothing I could do to avert it.
I wouldn't feel so guilty. I wouldn't be alone again.
Vaughn would still be alive.
If I'd had more time, another week or so to think it over, I probably wouldn't have made this decision. Vaughn would be alive even if Sloane would be dead.
And I wouldn't be going crazy.
Because right now I am really think that I am. Tossing around the same information back and forth in my mind. Replaying the same situations in my head. Replaying painful moments and wondering how things could be different. My inability to focus or work at all.
The fact that I haven't been able to leave Vaughn's body since seven.
Today I have to go back to SD-6 and watch Sloane. I have to pay attention to a new assignment and then report it to my new handler.
It was hard enough when I thought he had drowned before. The effect of Vaughn's death the "second" time hasn't made it any easier. As a matter of fact, it just got harder. I would never have believed it before, but now I know it is true.
And now I carry around the guilt of his death. All because I had to take the high road, which turns out, not to be the higher road after all.
=(Amanda(=