It was a coolish dayish day in Rivendell. The kind of dayish day that makes you
sing "Day-O!" It was also snowing. This is because I want snow and I don't feel like
waiting until we get Caradhras. So it was cool, dayish, and snowing. But it was also
uneventful. Unless you count that time Figwit got his tongue stuck on a frozen pole.
Other than that, nothing was going on.
Elrond, bored out of his skull, paced around... somewhere. Inside. The shipment
of tiaras (Elrond- CIRCLETS!) he had ordered on Elfbay had not yet arrived. He was
getting tired of waiting.
"I grow tired of waiting for the circlets," he said, verifying my point. What point?
Nevermind. There was a knock of the door. What door? Elrond opened the door, and
standing before him was a female elf, dwarf, and hobbit. The dwarf spoke first, in a
surprisingly sweet voice.
"Where's that hunka-hunka burning elf love?" she said, letting herself in.
"Heeeere, Leggy-kun!" She began looking for him. Under the lampshade, in the
mousehole, behind the painting...
"Who the hell are you?" Elrond asked. "And who the hell is Leggy-kun?" The
hobbit stepped inside.
"I'm Cari. The elf next to me is Ana. The dwarf is Rita. And Leggy-kun is
Legolas Greenleaf. Who the hell are YOU?" she sneered.
"My name is Lord Elrond," he told them. "Come inside, out of the cold."
"You knew who he was!" Ana whispered loudly to Cari as they walked inside.
"I know I knew. I just felt like saying that."
"Have you been smoking pipeweed?"
Just then, a random elf walked in randomly. He took one look at the three girls,
screamed, and ran off. Odd. To Elrond, the girls seemed harmless. He called for another
random elf.
"You called?" the random elf asked.
"Yes, I called," Elrond answered.
"That's good, because coming when you didn't call would be bad."
"And I did call, so all is well."
"It was me you called, wasn't it?"
"Actually, I was calling for any elf."
"GET ON WITH IT!" Cari screamed at the two elves. Elrond cleared his throat
and turned to the random elf.
"Can you tell me why a different random elf ran from the room when he saw
these three young ladies?" he gestured to Ana, Cari, and Rita. (No, he gestured Larry,
Moe, and Curly. Not that there's much difference.)
"Sir, these maidens are Mary-Sues. Ish. They each seem to possess some sort of
Mary-Sue like quality." answered the random elf. The screen suddenly blurred as Elrond
had a flashback.
*****
Legolas Greenleaf runs in on Elrond, his face covered in lip marks. Legolas', not
Elrond's.
"YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE ME FROM THE MARY-SUES!" Legolas shouts in
terror. Just then a bunch of sirens come in and drag Legolas away.
*****
"Oh yeah. Mary-Sues." Elrond mused. The random elf put on a one of those
graduation caps and got out a pointer. He pointed it at Rita.
"Exhibit A, in personality, is clearly the most Mary-Sue like of the three. This
can easily be proven by the fact that she insists on calling Legolas pet names. Note also
sugar sweet voice and glaringly obvious lack of brain cells. However, she is a dwarf,
which is odd."
Rita had left the room, and she could be heard calling for "Lego-chan" in the next
room.
"Exhibit B," the random elf continued, pointing at Ana, "Is the most Mary-Sue
like in looks. Heck, just the fact that she's an elf is enough. But she doesn't seem to
likes elves, judging by that look she's giving us. Definitely odd."
Ana did indeed give Elrond and the random elf dirty looks.
'Exhibit C" he pointed the pointer at Cari, "Is the least Mary-Sue like of all of
them. She is a person of intelligence, she isn't an elf, and she is very bitter."
Cari rolled her eyes.
"Thank you. You may go now," Elrond sent the random elf away.
"So, where're Frodo and Legolas and the others?" Cari asked.
"They aren't here," Elrond told her.
"They didn't leave already, did they?" Rita came back, wailing. Cari rolled her
eyes again. Ana did as well, to a lesser extent. ...Okaaaay.
Elrond was faced with a dilemma. Should he tell them they had already left, and
be rid of the girls (hopefully for good)? Or, should he tell them they hadn't gotten to
Rivendell yet, so that they would wait for Legolas, and Elrond would have his revenge
for that time Legolas spray painted "Elrond loves Isildur" on the side of the Last Homely
House? Or, should he do what he always does in Mary-Sues and just say "Yes"?
He opted for the third one.
"Yes," he said, running away. Someone else could deal with those three.
"Okay, thank you!" Ana piped up. "Hey, wait a minute-"
But Elrond was long gone.
sing "Day-O!" It was also snowing. This is because I want snow and I don't feel like
waiting until we get Caradhras. So it was cool, dayish, and snowing. But it was also
uneventful. Unless you count that time Figwit got his tongue stuck on a frozen pole.
Other than that, nothing was going on.
Elrond, bored out of his skull, paced around... somewhere. Inside. The shipment
of tiaras (Elrond- CIRCLETS!) he had ordered on Elfbay had not yet arrived. He was
getting tired of waiting.
"I grow tired of waiting for the circlets," he said, verifying my point. What point?
Nevermind. There was a knock of the door. What door? Elrond opened the door, and
standing before him was a female elf, dwarf, and hobbit. The dwarf spoke first, in a
surprisingly sweet voice.
"Where's that hunka-hunka burning elf love?" she said, letting herself in.
"Heeeere, Leggy-kun!" She began looking for him. Under the lampshade, in the
mousehole, behind the painting...
"Who the hell are you?" Elrond asked. "And who the hell is Leggy-kun?" The
hobbit stepped inside.
"I'm Cari. The elf next to me is Ana. The dwarf is Rita. And Leggy-kun is
Legolas Greenleaf. Who the hell are YOU?" she sneered.
"My name is Lord Elrond," he told them. "Come inside, out of the cold."
"You knew who he was!" Ana whispered loudly to Cari as they walked inside.
"I know I knew. I just felt like saying that."
"Have you been smoking pipeweed?"
Just then, a random elf walked in randomly. He took one look at the three girls,
screamed, and ran off. Odd. To Elrond, the girls seemed harmless. He called for another
random elf.
"You called?" the random elf asked.
"Yes, I called," Elrond answered.
"That's good, because coming when you didn't call would be bad."
"And I did call, so all is well."
"It was me you called, wasn't it?"
"Actually, I was calling for any elf."
"GET ON WITH IT!" Cari screamed at the two elves. Elrond cleared his throat
and turned to the random elf.
"Can you tell me why a different random elf ran from the room when he saw
these three young ladies?" he gestured to Ana, Cari, and Rita. (No, he gestured Larry,
Moe, and Curly. Not that there's much difference.)
"Sir, these maidens are Mary-Sues. Ish. They each seem to possess some sort of
Mary-Sue like quality." answered the random elf. The screen suddenly blurred as Elrond
had a flashback.
*****
Legolas Greenleaf runs in on Elrond, his face covered in lip marks. Legolas', not
Elrond's.
"YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE ME FROM THE MARY-SUES!" Legolas shouts in
terror. Just then a bunch of sirens come in and drag Legolas away.
*****
"Oh yeah. Mary-Sues." Elrond mused. The random elf put on a one of those
graduation caps and got out a pointer. He pointed it at Rita.
"Exhibit A, in personality, is clearly the most Mary-Sue like of the three. This
can easily be proven by the fact that she insists on calling Legolas pet names. Note also
sugar sweet voice and glaringly obvious lack of brain cells. However, she is a dwarf,
which is odd."
Rita had left the room, and she could be heard calling for "Lego-chan" in the next
room.
"Exhibit B," the random elf continued, pointing at Ana, "Is the most Mary-Sue
like in looks. Heck, just the fact that she's an elf is enough. But she doesn't seem to
likes elves, judging by that look she's giving us. Definitely odd."
Ana did indeed give Elrond and the random elf dirty looks.
'Exhibit C" he pointed the pointer at Cari, "Is the least Mary-Sue like of all of
them. She is a person of intelligence, she isn't an elf, and she is very bitter."
Cari rolled her eyes.
"Thank you. You may go now," Elrond sent the random elf away.
"So, where're Frodo and Legolas and the others?" Cari asked.
"They aren't here," Elrond told her.
"They didn't leave already, did they?" Rita came back, wailing. Cari rolled her
eyes again. Ana did as well, to a lesser extent. ...Okaaaay.
Elrond was faced with a dilemma. Should he tell them they had already left, and
be rid of the girls (hopefully for good)? Or, should he tell them they hadn't gotten to
Rivendell yet, so that they would wait for Legolas, and Elrond would have his revenge
for that time Legolas spray painted "Elrond loves Isildur" on the side of the Last Homely
House? Or, should he do what he always does in Mary-Sues and just say "Yes"?
He opted for the third one.
"Yes," he said, running away. Someone else could deal with those three.
"Okay, thank you!" Ana piped up. "Hey, wait a minute-"
But Elrond was long gone.