Dear Journal,
I just got back from soccer practice and I can't think straight at all. I'm trying to figure out what to do with Mimi. Lately, I've just felt kind of seperated from her. I know that we live a long way away, but after a while this whole relationship is starting to get on my last nerve.
It's just, me and Mimi have always been. . .well. . .Not really alike. I'm a guy who's totally into sports, and Mimi is a fasion obsessed freak. I can't believe I just wrote that. I don't really mean she's a freak. It's just sometimes I feel like she's not the brightest bulb on the planet.
Really, I used to like her a lot. Our relationship started out fine, but then she moved away but I didn't want to dump her so we've stayed together since then. But this long-distance thing is finally getting to me. At the start I thought we would go out for a very long time, and we have been together for a while, but things don't last so long.
And I'm starting to feel kind of sick around her. I'm getting tired of bragging about how much I love her, and at the start it seemed that way, but really - was I seriously in love with her in the first place?
I'm starting to feel sick. . .this is so corny.
But when I sent her that last e-mail, I didn't feel like my heart was getting that skitter-y like feeling. I mean, we used to hate each other. When we were only about 10 and 11 years old I despised her. But the next day, woosh, you end up going out with the girl you used to hate.
She used to annoy me so much. But now that feeling is coming back again. At the start I only went out with her because I thought she was hot, then I started to really like her once we got a little further into the relationship.
I feel kind of inhumane and sick right now. . .it's such a deep, disgusting secret that it makes me shutter when I write this here. Well, it doesn't disgust me completely, but if someone else found out about it (especially this certain person or my mom or dad) they would skin me alive.
Well. . .it's just, when I got home from soccer practice mom served dinner and then Hikari - yes, my sister - looked at me into my eyes and I felt something weird. . .No, not like down there or anything, I'm not that sick.
But I just noticed she had the prettiest eyes. They're kind of a pink/brown color, and they're light but it always looks like she's deep in thought.
I really do sound corny.
This feeling has happened to me before. But this time it was stronger then ever when I looked into her eyes and she smiled at me. It made me get this melting kind of feeling inside. How sick am I? Who would feel like that for their own sister?
It couldn't be that I have feelings for her. . .could it? If she ever found out about it she would slap me across the face. Hikari, I mean. Well, Mimi would probably do the same.
I just can't get myself to dump Mimi. Her heart would be broken. Now, it was different with Sora, my ex. She and I got together for a few months and I really did like her - don't get me wrong, but things didn't work out and we broke up. We would've gone out for a long time, but we decided that being friends was the best thing.
Sora isn't as hot as Mimi, but she's nice. Sora's actually really pretty. There's a difference - Mimi is the hot type, and Sora is pretty. But we're best friends now, and I would never like her again.
Why my own sister, though? Heck, why can't I just fall in love with someone like Miyako, even though she's the ugliest girl on the planet?
Did I just say I'm starting to love my sister?
~Taichi