DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
*****************One Big Happy Weasley Family
*****************
Somewhere on the Hogwarts' grounds, there lived a Whomping Willow that was there long before Ron, Harry and Hermione were born. And on its branches was a certain red-headed seventh-year boy who was happily climbing until he reached a certain part of the tree. He sat in his usual place, while the twigs beside him stroked his cheek. Suddenly, one of the twigs ripped off Ron's shirt, and he became off-balanced...
And landed with a thud on the floor of his attic bedroom.
He rubbed his head... oops, not that one... which had bumped against the bedside table, thinking ruefully about how he had to wake up just when the good part was coming along.
A soft whimpering cry reached his ears as he sat up and noticed that his younger sister was crying at the foot of his bed. She reminded him of a certain ghost in the girls' bathroom... but now was not the time to think of one of his former relationships.
"Ginny... what's the matter?" He sat back on the bed, scooted over and patted the space beside him awkwardly. Ginny sat down on his lap instead. He felt the breath rush out of his lungs...
Boy, she was certainly getting heavier by the day.
He suddenly remembered that he had to get back to his dream, since he was getting lonesome for Whompy during the Christmas break. On the other hand, Ginny's leg on him did sort of remind him of Whompy's branch... and her tears reminded him of Whompy's oh-so-sweet tree sap…
Fighting down the primal urges welling up within him, he repeated his question, taking the opportunity to run a hand down her willowy hair.
"It's Mummy!" Ginny sniffed as she felt Ron's arms go around her like tentacles. "She convinced Inky to run off with her after she promised not to cook fried calamari anymore!"
Ron nearly forgot his problem in shock. Nearly. But not quite.
He tried to form an intelligent response, a difficult task when his brain was lacking its usual blood supply.
"Ummm... calamari?" Ron tried not to think of those nights he spent so fondly by the lake... after all, he had Whompy now... and it seemed like his Mum had Inky.
Ginny only wailed louder. "How could he?" she shrieked. "How could she?"
Ron coughed. It was getting harder to concentrate on the situation at hand.
"I loved that tentacle, dammit!"
Ron patted her back awkwardly. "Erm, it'll be okay, Gin. There's plenty of other tentacles around."
Ginny whispered, "None like my Inky."
Inky. Ron really wished that the name didn't rhyme with kinky. Because those were the kind of games he played with the Lothario of the Lake.
Ron thought he was going to burst. First that dream of Whompy, then his thoughts of Inky, and Ginny squirming around in his lap wasn't helping matters.
He had to do something to stop this before things got really out of hand. "Er, we should probably let the others know, right? Fred and George?"
Ginny tried to form a reply. It was difficult as not only was she distraught over the loss of her beloved Inky, but also because Ron's lap was very uncomfortable. He wasn't soft and squishy like her Inky.
Unfortunately, even her stuttering was sexy to Ron. It was time to assert his Gryffindor bravery -
Which consisted of his leaping up and dumping her on the floor.
"Ron!" she cried, rubbing her backside.
Studiously looking away (and grabbing a blanket to hold in front of him), he took her hand and nearly dragged her out of the room to find the twins. He didn't notice her frustrated pout in his haste.
"Where's Dad anyway?" Ginny asked him suddenly.
Ron grimaced as he remembered Arthur's crazed look the night before. "He ran off with the Ford Anglia."
Ginny muttered about the amazing fact that the Weasley children had not been affected at birth from their parents' erm... occasional desires.
(Un)fortunately, she was about to be proven wrong.
Ron and Ginny burst into Fred and George's room as they always did, without a pause or a knock.
Fred and George took no notice and continued on with their activities.
The younger two froze in the doorway. What they saw had them speechless. They stared in awe as the twins performed the equivalent of a human pretzel. After the initial surprise, thoughts such as, "Which one's which?" and, "Damn, they're flexible," ran through their heads.
It could've been a few seconds, but it felt like a few minutes. Ron noticed quickly that his problem was resurfacing. Then, the Twin On Top looked up. "Looking for something?" he asked.
Bottom Twin paused in his activity and focused his attention on them as well. "Er, Ginny, um, Mum," Ron tried.
"She ran off with my Inky!" Ginny wailed again.
Ron nodded, even as he tried not to envision himself and Whompy in that kind of position.
The Twin On The Bottom snickered. "We know about them already. After all, we were the ones who played matchmaker."
Ginny's sniffles were now endearingly reminding Ron of his first love, Fang. Trying to rein in his passion, he asked, "Why did you go and do something like that?"
Top (who he was pretty sure was Fred) shrugged. "Mum let us test some WWW products in exchange."
Ginny's face was now as red as her hair. "How could you do such a thing to me?" Ron gazed at his younger sister and inwardly sighed. After all, everyone knows that such fiery anger really truly means love.
Bottom (most likely George) rolled his eyes. "Actually, it's because we both believe in true love, just like with Harry and Hermione. Besides, you're only sixteen, Gin! You've got plenty of time to find love."
As usual, Ron's thoughts soon took a slightly naughty turn. Perhaps Ginny's true love was with the boy she always considered her brother? As Ron gazed at Ginny, he realized for the first time what was right in front of him. She was perfect, with hair like Whompy's leaves, tears like Fang's drool, and arms as suffocating as Inky's tentacles. He wouldn't be surprised if her tongue felt as good in his mouth as those slugs.
To hide his true feelings, Ron tried to steer his sister into safer territory. "George is right, you know? Maybe you should try out other species. That's what I do," he said in what he hoped was a sexy voice. "Don't worry, we're here for you." A voice screamed in his head. Just don't go for trees. They're mine!
"Er, I'm Fred actually," Not!George corrected, "but I'm still right."
"You're always right," Real!George whispered, nuzzling his brother. Fred sighed, content in the arms of his other half.
By now, the blanket in front of him was doing nothing to conceal Ron's excitement. He and Ginny sighed, too.
The twins exchanged a look, and as one, they separated and turned towards their younger siblings. "Hop up."
"I think Ron's already up." Ginny reached down to remove the blanket, taking Ron in her hand.
Ron blushed, but stood his ground.
The twins stared at Ron as the blanket fell to the floor to reveal... his frilly cotton knickers.
George reached over to the nightstand and grabbed their wands. "Accio!" the two cried together, removing any need for Ron and Ginny to be shy about joining them on the bed.
"There now, come to bed." Fred patted the area beside him. "No need to be scared now. We're all one big happy family."
And even with Molly swimming with the Squid, Arthur flying with the Ford Anglia, Bill wrapping the sheets with a Mummy, Charlie riding with Norbert, and Percy getting locked into a cage with Errol, Ron had to agree with his very much beloved brother.
As he helped Gin onto the bed, he was also secretly proud of the fact that, even without his broken wand, he still managed to cause devastation everywhere he went.
~fin.~