A/N: Second chapter…thanks for the reviews. Review more! ^^ I like reviews.
- Chapter 2 –
"Decisions"
"Tonight I'll dust myself off
Tonight I'll suck my gut in
I'll face the night and I'll pretend
I got something to believe in"
~ "Something To Believe In" – Bon Jovi
"Rent tod…have you been crying?"
She just glared viciously at the woman in front of her, her landlady. She really didn't deserve such a response but she definitely caught Sam at a bad time. She silently handed over the cash and unceremoniously slammed the door on her. She heard a grumble from behind the door and she just rolled her eyes.
"That wasn't nice." She heard someone comment idly. She turned to see he had returned, and he was leaning against the wall in a position that, if he were real, would be blocking her way. She moves to just go right through him, but he stood up and let her through nice and easily. She sat on her couch and he took the obligatory spot next to her, leaning forward a bit.
"I have no patience today." She muttered. "Thank god it's almost over. This day is one long day of hell."
"Everyday is hell to you." He reminded. She shot him a look.
"Thanks for reminding me." She huffed. "And this day especially. You're not helping me, by the way."
"Remember? I'm the one who states all the stuff you refuse to hear otherwise. You know, the stuff deep down? Like how you really want to watch RAW tonight. Did I mention that?"
"I do not!"
"Okay, obviously you do if I'm saying you do, so why be stubborn about it? Would it kill you to just see all your old friends? It's on TV, not meeting them really."
"Yes, it would. I wouldn't expect AN IMAGINARY FRIEND like yourself to understand." She spoke irritably.
"Now that's just cold. I definitely prefer being called hallucination, thanks." He smirked. "And of course I know what it's like. I AM an embodiment of your brain, aren't I? You're not starting to think I'm the real guy, are you?"
"'Course not. I'm just saying I don't want to watch."
"Why don't you watch for like five minutes? Would that hurt much?"
"…You're not going to lay off on this subject, are you?"
"Until it's over. Then on Thursday it will resume."
She glared toward him, then slowly, very slowly, she reached for the remote and clicked it on. "Fine. Just a couple minutes."
On the screen when she got to the channel stood Chris Jericho. She hardly recognized him.
~~
Chris was on top of the world when it came to his career. The champion now, he had basic control over the entire company. Vince gave him a hell of a lot of that power, too. He knew no one really liked him anymore. He cared, but he never showed it. He didn't feel the need to bother. Now, he didn't know the exact moment his mindset snapped from being mournful of losing two friends to a power-driven man. He knew he held a terrible guilt and being an ass and keeping people away seriously kept his weaknesses where they should be – inside. He didn't really mind – well, perhaps sometimes. He sort of missed being friends with everyone he was with.
But what could he do?
"You are in too fragile of a state to fight a title match." Vince confirmed, and he smiled. That kept him from losing his title accidentally because of the day.
Chris wasn't stupid. He remembered exactly what the day signified. Sam had left. Raven had died. He started blaming himself for leaving with Rob. If only he hadn't left, maybe it wouldn't have ended as it did…it was all 'what ifs', and it killed Chris. He distanced himself from anything that reminded him of Sam, thus the reason he didn't talk to Rob or Kurt. And then, not to look suspicious, he took to not talking to anyone. It was an easy way out, he knew, but he didn't want to deal with anything hard.
The Alliance had broken up a month and a half after Sam left. It wasn't surprising. Most of the wrestlers didn't appreciate their leader killing one of their own, even if he did do what he did. It was obviously no excuse for the behavior. After it was over, that's when Chris became a one man team and left everyone behind. He couldn't deal with anymore. He really just wanted it to be his past.
He didn't mean to fall into the hands of Vince McMahon. He was a pawn of the guy now, a very stupid pawn. He hadn't read the contract he signed. He was basically accountable if something went wrong with any plans he came up with. As long as he was needed and Vince didn't have any other big guys to turn too, he was stuck with this. People really hated him now, and with do cause. Vince had him acting like a complete asshole, ordering around people and making them do matches they definitely didn't want to do. And since he was the messenger and Vince wasn't, most of the hatred went right at Jericho.
"I don't know why you want this day off, Chris, but I don't expect it to happen again. I cannot afford you taking days off on a whim often."
Chris glared icily at Vince. He couldn't believe he didn't remember. "My best friend left a year ago…I'm SORRY I'm not in the mood to ruin any lives today."
Vince stared at him, wide-eyed, obviously shocked at the blatant sarcasm. He instantly knew who he spoke of, of course, and frowned considerably. "T-That was today?"
"Yes. And I'm just a tad bit upset right now. May I leave?" he asked, coldly. Vince just nodded yes in affirmation and Chris grabbed his belt and marched out of the office.
He hadn't known there was a secret camera there the whole time.
~~
"Well, looks like SOMEONE remembers you."
Sam just stared at the TV, dumbfounded. Had she witnessed what she thought she witnessed? Chris was upset over her. She hadn't even thought of how everyone else was that day. And he missed her. God, she missed him. Feelings of regret for leaving instantly sprung up and she struggled to keep them in the back of her head. She definitely did not want to deal with stuff like that. However, they were too powerful to stop and she found her brain swimming of memories and thoughts of perhaps returning to claim her spot in the WWE – which apparently was the WWF's new name.
Her hallucination obviously knew this and gave a wide smile that looked very foreign on Raven's face. "I told you."
"Fuck off." She flipped the TV off and moved to her room, shutting the light off as she went. She would escape in her sleep from the thoughts. He couldn't get to her there. Lying in bed, she closed her eyes tightly and tried not to think about it. He kept hearing the upset, angry voice Jericho had. She already felt the feeling that perhaps she was just thinking of herself the entire year she was gone. She had gotten away for so long without it, and finally it was coming at her full throttle.
She fell asleep and woke up and the feeling didn't leave her.
All because of one simple interview she was starting to realize how selfish she had been. She wasn't the only one hurting because of everything that happened. She never even told them where she went. In their eyes, she could have been DEAD. So what was she going to do? That was the problem. She only had enough to probably get a plane ride and that about did it.
"What are you doing?"
Quietly she sighed. "…Seeing where they're going to be on Monday. I'll go and hopefully they'll want me back because I sure as hell won't have enough money to get back here."
"Good for you!"
She glared at him behind her. "I don't need your approval. I'm doing this because I want too. I'm going to kill myself if I bring them any more trouble, though."
"Literally or figuratively?"
"You're the repressed part of my brain, YOU figure it out."
"You're not some bad luck charm, you know. I mean, maybe you used to be when you didn't care about anyone, but you were never like that when you started learning how to be one with your human side." He frowned. "Raven didn't die because of you and you know it. You didn't send those guys after him. You didn't beat him to death. He knew the repercussions of dating you, and he loved you enough to die so you could have a normal life. And what do you do? Hole yourself up in a shitty apartment and become almost a hermit."
The words stung, especially because inside her she knew that this was, in fact, a theory hidden deep within her. She sighed. "…I'm going back, aren't I?"
"It's about time." Raven replied gruffly. "I've only been telling you since you first started talking to me that it was a stupid idea. But no, you wouldn't listen to me." He paused. "Eh, whatever. At least you're going. Where's the place going to be? Anywhere nice?"
"Ohio. Well, at least the tickets will be cheaper."
"Thinking positively…the first step to the road of recovery." He grinned.
"Another step…telling you to go away again so I can concentrate."
And he did. She was getting better at that. Pulling up a plane ticket site, she started looking for good deals on tickets.
All the while in her head, she was already doubting she could do it. See everyone after disappearing for a year? What if they hated her? She wouldn't blame them. She was wondering if the move she was making…was that selfish too? Was she being selfish for wanting to rid some guilt from her? Maybe it was better that they thought her dead. She was mixed up and she hated it. It was a whole year since she saw everyone. Talked to them. Everything had to have changed. She might not even recognize the people she once called her friends. Jericho looked dramatically different after all. What about her cousin?
What about Rob?
She stared at the button she had to press to end her transaction. To buy her ticket. To take a chance and hope everyone would forgive her. It was a scary prospect, not knowing if this was the right decision. Still, with one deep breath, she clicked it.
With that one click, she basically was rendered penniless. She just hoped it wasn't wasted. She moved to count up the money she had on her and found the case amounting to a measly 20 dollars. It would last her the week, but just barely. Not that she needed a lot of food. She shut down her old, ugly computer (she had found it at a garage sale for 15 dollars a month before) and walked to her window, glancing outside. She couldn't believe she was scared already. Everything was happening so fast that it almost seemed like she hadn't even wanted it to happen at all.
"What are you so scared of?"
She didn't look at him. She looked at her feet instead and sighed. "…Everything."
"You know they wouldn't throw you out. Not Angle." The figment of her imagination said lightly.
"…I wish I could find the part of my head that you're from so I could be so sure." She said unhappily, moving away from the window. She looked at him. "What happens if this craziness is permanent? I don't remember what it's like to be normal anymore."
"They'll help you. More then I could ever. After all, I'm just one of your many mental breakdown products."
"Then you'll be gone?" She seemed to sadden. "I'll never see you again?"
"You shouldn't see me in the first place. It's better that way. I'm not the real Raven, as much as you wish I were."
"…Can't you pretend, just for a while?"
She felt tears sliding down her face again and she cursed her weaknesses in her head, all of them.