Just A Messed Up V/B Story
By: Saiyan_Baby2002 aka The Lil Bitch Of Planet Vegeta
Hi everyone...okay, I'm going to make this short. This is not your basic V/B story like the one's that you may have read. Well, it might be...I don't know. Anywhoo, I did this story late at night while I was on a massive sugar high. Too much damn coffee. So just to let you know, all characters are out character. Bulma is herself, but can become a total B***CH, if you know what I mean. Vegeta will at times, go mental in the story. Goku is still stupid. ChiChi is a complete B***CH. Some Yamcha bashing I can't stand him some ChiChi bashing can't stand her either Some Bulma bashing...nothing harsh, just Vegeta doing his thing. And some Vegeta bashing I love him ppl! Don't get the wrong idea.
The following is a warning made by me...yeah that's right ya'll, me.
*This story has been given the rating R.
Due to the extreme cursing and mild violence, this story should only be read with an adult if under the age of 18. If you are below the age of 18, read at your own risk. Nobody wants any little kids repeating what they read. Parental Advisory is a must for all lil kids. I don't want to get any hate mail from mad mothers for posting this story. All characters may at times, lose it. Teletubbies will be set off at different locations throughout the story. They are put there for the sole purpose of driving characters batty, especially Vegeta. Do not attempt to approach. May be carrying deadly viruses. You have been warned. Read at your own caution and please...enjoy and Review.*
*Disclaimer: I do not own DB/Z/GT. If you want to give credit, give it all to Mr. Akira Toriyama. Without his awesome manga and crazy animation style, we would never had the chance to write about DBZ! Or do anything else about the show either. I love that guy. ^_^*
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Part 1: Bets Are Nothing But Trouble But They Sure Are Interesting
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Our story begins...on an early morning...
'WOMAN!!!'
Bulma opened her eyes and looked at the clock. 5:30 in the morning and the saiyan prince was already yelling. Covering her head with the blanket, she hoped he would leave her alone. But of course, that wasn't going to happen. Sighing to herself, Bulma sat up in bed. It was one thing to be woken up so early, but was it really that early? Not even the birds were up yet. Groaning, the blue haired woman got out of bed, threw on a robe and made her way downstairs. When she got to the kitchen, she noticed Vegeta sitting in his usual place, patiently waiting for his food. 'It's about time you know. If you took any longer, I'd starve to death.' Vegeta said as he turned to look at her. Bulma wasn't exactly a morning person and with someone like Vegeta always trying to pick fights, she didn't have reason to be. 'That's a shame.' she said coolly. 'What?' Vegeta asked. Bulma slightly smiled as she looked at Vegeta. Then she went over to the stove. 'It would be a shame if you died of starvation. Who would I pick on everyday?' she flashed him another smile, then went back to his breakfast. 'If I died, you would miss me and try to wish me back with those stupid dragon balls.' Vegeta stated matter-of-factly. 'Why would I go and waste a perfectly good wish like that when I can wish for something useful?' Bulma laughed. Even though it still was early, she wanted to have a little fun with Vegeta. 'And I'm not useful?' 'Vegeta, if you were useful, do you think *I* would be in here, cooking your food? You could easily do it yourself you know.' Bulma said as she set a large plate of everything in front of him. 'I am useful. And I can cook, I just choose not too.' Vegeta said before wolfing down his food. Bulma watched this and cringed a bit. 'Just like Goku. Just no so messy.' she thought to herself. 'Well if you can cook oh mighty prince, why don't you?' 'What are you saying?' 'I'm saying...why don't you cook me a meal once. I don't think it would kill you to do so.' 'Is that a challenge woman?' 'No, it's a bet. Winner gets to gloat over how useless the other is. Loser has to do chores for a month. Deal?' Bulma held out her hand to seal the bet. Vegeta looked at it and then back at Bulma. Then he slowly took her hand and shook it. 'There are some rules though.' he said after releasing her hand. 'Rules? What rules?' Bulma was about to pick up his plate when he said that. Looking over at him, she cocked her head to the side, waiting for him to finish. 'Rules are...no help from others. I know how you and Kararott's mate always talk about cooking. I know she always help you. So there will be no help. Understood?' Bulma sighed and nodded her head. 'There's go my chance of winning.' she thought.
****
The rest of that morning, Bulma did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Vegeta, after breakfast, had retreated to the gravity simulator to get in a full days training. A full day for Vegeta was made up of only three things. Train, eat and sleep. It was like that everyday. He would wake up at 5:30 am, he would take a shower and change out of his night clothes. after he was done, he would then go downstairs to the kitchen. Around 6:00 in the morning, he would eat breakfast. After that, train until lunchtime. Then after eating again, trained till dinnertime. It was the only time Bulma got to talk to him. After that, more training until bedtime. Sometimes he wouldn't come in for bed. Bulma had figured out his absence when she would go check on him. He would be asleep on the simulator floor, covered in sweat. She knew it was a waste to wake him, so she would leave him there. Of course, she would always have to listen to him complain about having a stiff neck and backache. But Bulma would always tell him the same thing.
'If your too lazy to use a bed, then you deserve a backache you idiot.' And of course, Vegeta would get mad at her and they would start arguing over beds and how they should be in the most useful places. Bulma would counter Vegeta's anger by shoving a finger into his face and angrily telling him that beds belonged in "bedrooms", not in gravity simulators. Vegeta would only huff and then angrily walk out of the house. Leaving Bulma to give herself a pat on the back for a argument won.
That was how it was. Bulma finished the kitchen and walked into the living room. She knew Vegeta wouldn't be back in for another six hours, until his stomach forced him to quit and to eat. Making herself comfortable on the couch, she settled in to watch Martha Stewart©. "Today on Martha Stewart©, we are going to be making marinated lobster surprise and stuffed crab delight." Bulma got out a pen and paper and began to write down the recipe as the old woman talked. "To began, we start off with one fresh lobster. Add this to your boiling pot of water. The water should be boiling at about 180 degrees, so if you have not yet done this, do so before adding the lobster." Bulma wrote as Martha explained the entire lobster and crab dinner. She wrote fast and vigorously, trying to keep up. After a while, she finally had the entire recipe written and looked at her notes. 'Vegeta is sure to get a surprise when he sees this.' she thought. Looking back at the television, she noticed that Martha Stewart© had gone off and a show call Surprise by Design© had come on. 'Well, I might as well redesign his room while I'm at it.' she said as she watched and took down more notes.
****
Inside the gravity simulator, a very agitated prince was dodging ki blasts as they sailed pass him. Vegeta dodged left and right, but his mind was not focus. What did he get himself into? To actually stoop so low as to cook dinner for that woman? When did he become so soft and take on bets that involved house chores? To say the least, he was angry at himself for excepting such a bet, and angry at the woman for thinking it. As he thought more about it, the more agitated he became until one of the ki blasts hit him in the back, knocking him to the floor. Gasping for breath, he looked up. 'Damn it.' he thought, 'I can't concentrate. That stupid woman and her damn bets. I'm betting right now she's in that house of hers laughing her ass off at me for accepting. Well, I'll show her. She won't be laughing for long when she loses miserably to my cooking skills.' Vegeta laughed out loud. Getting up, he decided it was time to call it quits for a while. He needed to do some heavy thinking and that meant, food. Usually, he knew that Bulma wouldn't be expecting him until around six or so, but tonight he needed some time to think. He needed to think of something to prepare for their bet. Walking into the house, he wasn't surprised to see Bulma asleep on the couch, with the television on. That was just like her, to fall asleep before anything interesting happened. But of course, what more did you expect from a earth woman? Vegeta casually strolled over to her sleeping form and looked down. Noticing the notepad, he picked it up and read the contents. 'Lobster, crab, red wine, black roses, red roses...' he read the writing and frowned. What was she planning? Then flipping a few pages he read the title of the new page. 'Ideas for Vegeta's new bedroom. Possibly blue everywhere, as that does seem to be his favorite color. Add more bathroom space. Larger bed with lots of blue...' Vegeta read and frowned. What was with her and blue? Yes, he had to admit. Blue was his favorite color, but wasn't she overdoing it a bit? Shaking his head in pity for Bulma, he stood over her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful, almost serene in a way. Too bad he had to wake her. Bending over so he was right above her ear, Vegeta smiled wickedly. He knew she was going to hate him for this, but he didn't care. Slowly, he brushed a stray strand of hair out her face. Then, he yelled as loud as he could, in her ear. 'WOMAN! WAKE UP!!!' Bulma jumped up from the couch with a look of complete shock on her face. Vegeta meanwhile, had started laughing his head off. It was funny to watch the blue haired woman looking around, confused. Dropping to the floor, he laughed until his side got sore and he needed to gasp for air. Bulma was furious. To put it kindly, if she were strong enough, she'd rip off his family jewels and ram them down his throat for such a dirty trick. That was how she would get back at him. But since she wasn't strong, and since Vegeta would probably kill her afterwards, she decided against it. Instead, Bulma picked up the phone a threw it at his head. It bounced off and landed right beside him. Vegeta looked at the phone and then back at Bulma. Seeing the anger in her eyes, and knowing she had thrown the phone at him made him laugh even more harder. He was laughing so hard he didn't notice Bulma walk up to him and kick him as hard as she could both in the shin and in the family jewels. Vegeta stopped laughing and looked up at Bulma. It hurt like hell, but he had to cover that last blow. Bulma stood over him and smiled. 'That's what you get for yelling in my ear you dick.' she said as she walked out of the room. Vegeta watched her exit, and with a low groan, closed his eyes. 'Owww...' he said before rolling to his side.
****
Bulma had retreated to the kitchen to start on her dinner. It would take at least a few hours and she wanted to get started right away. Opening the fridge, she looked through it. As she took out several things, she began to hum to herself. 'Great...no lobster.' she said to herself. Taking her head out of the fridge, she decided she needed to go buy one from the local market. Making sure everything else was set out, Bulma went to her notes to make sure nothing was amiss. 'Let's see...lobster, crab, wine, roses...I need to buy almost everything on the list. Curse saiyans and their overdeveloped eating habits. If I ever have food in this house, it will be a miracle. Not to self. Add large refrigerator in Vegeta's room. Make him buy his own damn food.' Bulma sighed and opened her notepad. Finding the list of items for Vegeta's new room, she jotted down her idea. Now it was time to go shopping. Walking back into the living room, Bulma was surprised to see that Vegeta hadn't moved from his position on the floor. Had she really hurt him that much? Carefully, she stepped up to him. 'Is he asleep?' she thought as she looked at him. Her question was answered as she felt her feet leaving the ground. Landing hard on her bottom, Bulma looked up and into the eyes of Vegeta. His mood had changed. Instead of laughing, he looked at her evilly and smirked. Then, punched her. Not hard mind you, but hard enough to get her howling in pain. And where did he punch her? Only in the most sensitive spot for a woman...right in her breast. Bulma screamed in pain as Vegeta punched her twice, once each on both breasts. 'You son of a bitch!' she yelled loudly.
A/N: If you girls out there have ever been punched in that area, then you'll know how painful it is. I have...and believe me, it isn't funny.
Vegeta laughed as she tried to punch him back. He watched as her small hand formed a fist and send it straight toward his face, making contact with his nose. Before it did though, Vegeta grabbed her fist in midair and held it there. 'Vegeta you ass! Let go of my hand before I rip your hair out!' Bulma said angrily. Reaching up she grabbed some of his hair and pulled. Vegeta countered and grabbed her own hair. They each began to pull. Bulma screamed as Vegeta gritted his teeth. What a sight. Vegeta and Bulma sitting on the floor, pulling each others hair out. If anyone had been there, they would have died from laughing so hard. Finally Bulma screamed and let go of Vegeta's hair. She had had enough and now looked at him with pleading eyes. 'Please Vegeta...stop.' she said as tears formed in her eyes. 'Are you sorry for kicking me in the nuts?' the prince questioned without letting go of her hair. Bulma tried to nod, but it was difficult. Instead she just let out a painful cry and started to hit Vegeta. 'Yes! I'm Sorry! Please stop!!' she begged. Vegeta pulled Bulma closer to him and looked at her. Then with one more pull, let go of her hair. She did the same and both sat on the floor, staring at each other. 'You know you deserved it woman. Did you think you were going to get off so easily after that little stunt you did?' Vegeta said. Bulma rubbed her sore head and stuck her tongue out at Vegeta. 'You deserved what I gave you, you pig. If you hadn't yell in my ear, none of this would have happened!' Bulma said as she started to stand up. Vegeta looked up at her before standing himself. 'It could've gone worse woman. I could have just left you there, not caring if you woke up or not. I thought I was doing you a favor.' 'By what? Yelling in my ear? Sorry Vegeta, I don't need any favors from you. By the way, if you're hungry...tough. I'm not fixing a damn thing for you. If you want food so badly, go catch a fish!' Bulma stormed out of the house, leaving Vegeta standing in the living room. After a few minutes, he ran outside to catch Bulma, only to notice she was already gone. 'Damn her. When she gets back, I'm going to make her pay.' he thought to himself.
****
The trip to the local market was a fast one. Bulma swerved her car into one of the open lots and jumped out. 'First, the lobster.' she thought as she took out her notepad. Walking into a shop that read "Fresh Fish: We Catch Em', You Buy Em'" she looked around. Everywhere, fish hung in the store. Bulma held her nose and walked over to the large counter where a young boy was gutting and filleting a large mackerel. 'May I help you miss?' the boy said without taking his eyes off the dead fish. Bulma nodded and took her fingers from her nose. 'I'd like your biggest lobster. And at least twenty crabs, please.' she said before holding her nose again. Looking up, the boy smiled and nodded his head in return. 'The lobsters are over there miss. Pick one that you want and let me know. And you said twenty crabs, am I right?' 'Yes...' Bulma did as the boy told her and went over to the large tank in the corner of the store. Different size lobsters stared out at her through the glass. Looking at each one, she noticed a huge one in the back. 'I found one I like.' she said. The boy walked over to Bulma and looked at the lobster she pointed at. 'Are you sure lady? That lobster costs around two hundred Zeni. Are you sure you're going to have enough to purchase it and along with some crabs which are twenty Zeni each?' he asked. Bulma nodded and smiled. 'I'm sure. Besides, I can pay. And for being such a good help, I'll even give you a tip.' Bulma reached into her purse and handed the boy her credit card. Looking at it, he noticed the name on it. 'Miss Briefs! Oh man...I didn't know it was you. I am so sorry for questioning you like that. Here, let me get you all set up.' Bulma watched as the boy retrieved her lobster and crabs. After paying, she gave him a large wad of cash from her pocket. To the boys surprise, he counted it. 'Miss Briefs...there's five hundred Zeni here...' Bulma smiled and began walking out of the store. Before going through the doors, she looked back. 'It's your tip. Thank you for the help.'
Back out on the street, Bulma looked around for the other items on her list. 1 dozen red roses, 1dozen black roses, two bottles of red wine, some candles, and a few other items. 'That should be it.' she said to herself as she walked back to her car. After depositing everything in the back seat, she opened her notepad once again. 'Let's see...lobster, crabs, roses...Looks like I have everything. Wait, I'm missing the fridge for Vegeta's room. Oh screw him. He can buy his own damn refrigerator. Or least work for it.' That said, she put the notepad in her purse and started to get in her car. That's when she heard it. 'Yamcha...I thought we were going back to your place.' 'We are baby. I just have to get a few personal items, if you know what mean.' Bulma stopped and turned around. 'I thought he was out of town?' she thought. Her questions were answered as she saw her boyfriend Yamcha kissing a blonde girl, before disappearing into a local shop. 'That son of a bitch!' she said angrily. Walking up to the blonde, Bulma smiled. 'Hello, what's your name?' she asked. The blonde girl frowned and turned her head in the direction of the store. 'My name is Amelia. And you are?' she answered in a snooty way. 'That's really non-of your concern. That guy...who was he?' 'Oh, that's my boyfriend Yamcha. He's been dating this one chick name Bulma and cheating on her with me. He told me that he couldn't get it on with her cause she was an icebox. So instead, he does it with me cause he said I'm easy.' the girl said. Looking at Bulma, she cracked her bubble gum loudly and stared. 'Is that so?' Bulma frowned at the girl and looked over at the shop. Yamcha was coming out. He didn't notice Bulma right away as he was holding up a box of condoms. 'Look baby...One size fits...shit...' Yamcha stopped in mid sentence as he noticed who stood beside the blonde. 'Hey hun...what are you doing here?' he asked nervously. Bulma narrowed her eyes and looked at him with hatred. 'I was doing some shopping. I can already guess why you're here. By the way sweetie, I think you got the wrong kind. Here, let me help you out.' Bulma walked into the shop and purchased some condoms and pills for Yamcha. Throwing them at him, the cheating warrior read the label. "You Wish!! Brand name Condoms: For the tiny dick" and "Keep It Up: When it just doesn't want to work". Yamcha read the two items and frowned. 'Bulma hun...what's these?' he asked. 'Yamcha, don't play stupid. You know damn well what they are.' Bulma said with her hands on her hips. Turning to girl, she added. 'If it stays up for more than ten seconds...that'll be a shock. Have fun and by the way...you can keep him.' That said, Bulma left Yamcha and Amelia alone in the street.
****
Back home, Vegeta had already began preparing his meal. He couldn't wait for Bulma to eat his cooking and smiled approvingly to himself. 'Soon...' he thought, 'She's going to regret ever making that bet.' Pulling off the "Kiss The Cook" apron, Vegeta went into the living room to watch television. Turning on the set, he was surprised to see a show called Teletubbies© on. Watching it for a moment, Vegeta looked on as four very ugly, fat alien type creatures appeared on the screen, dancing and running around like mad men. One was yellow. One was red. One was green. And one was purple with a purse. 'What the fuck!' Vegeta asked himself as he watched the purple one, named Tinky Winky, take out a pink umbrella from its purse. The yellow one, named LaLa, ran around and started singing out "Lalalalala". To say the least, it really upset Vegeta and he quickly flipped the channel. But to his horror...more Teletubbies©. Every channel he flipped through had at least one show about the horrifying creatures on it. Flipping the channels some more, Vegeta started to get scared. From seeing four ugly stuffed alien things, lots of fake grass and trees, bunnies and ducklings, and a big baby faced sun, Vegeta was freaking out. It was as if Teletubbies© were everywhere. Putting his knees up to his chin, Vegeta started to rock back and forth. 'LaLa...LaLa...LaLa...' he kept repeating over and over.
*A/N: Keep in mind that a few hours had gone by and the Teletubbies© show had mesmerized Vegeta into watching it. I always knew that show was evil...*
Bulma pulled to a stop outside Capsule Corp. with a long screech of her tires. How dare Yamcha! Cheating was low, but to stoop so low as to cheat on her with a frickin' blond? Bulma angrily slammed her car door and stomped into the house. 'I hate him!' she yelled while going into the kitchen. To her surprise, the kitchen was a mess. 'Vegeta! Where the fuck are you?!' Running back into the living room, Bulma looked around for her houseguest. She found him hiding in the closet, in one hand a large spatula. In the other hand, a large wooden spoon. 'Ahh! Shut the door!' Vegeta yelled while trying to get into the closet some more. Bulma stared. What in the world was wrong with him? 'Vegeta...' she began. 'Close the door! They're going to get me!' Vegeta yelled. Bulma looked at him and cocked her head to the side. 'Who?' she asked. 'The Teletubbies...they're here now. Looking for me...they want to make me their Teletubbie Buddy. Make them go away pretty lady. I don't want my brains eaten. Make them leave me alone...you have pretty hair. I don't want a pink umbrella! Tinky Winky wants me to play doctor with him!' Vegeta ranted while rocking back and forth. Bulma stared at him wide eyed and shook her head sadly. 'I always knew you were insane Vegeta. But seriously, this doesn't even deserve to be in the same catagory as "Lunatic". Have a nice night.' with that, Bulma shut the closet door, leaving Vegeta to rant on about Teletubbies.
****
Several days had passed and both Bulma and Vegeta were at Goku's house for their big cooking bet. After Bulma explained the bet and what was going on, Goku had readily agreed to do the taste testing, since it involved food. 'No surprise there.' Bulma thought. 'When it comes to food, he's willing to do anything.' The bet went both ways. Goku, who really enjoyed food, casted his vote for both meals. Making Bulma and Vegeta groan bitterly. 'Well, I guess we both have chores to do.' Bulma said as she sat down. 'You do...I don't. I don't stoop that low.' Vegeta laughed as he walked away. 'Why you...' 'Hey Bulma...look at what I made.' Bulma looked down and saw Gohan standing beside her with a book. 'What did you make Gohan?' 'This...' Bulma took the book and looked at it. Inside was a picture of Vegeta, going nuts. Underneath him was the word "Lunatic". "Lunatic" Pictured above...' reading it, Bulma started to laugh. 'Do you like it?' Gohan asked. Bulma wiped some tears from her eyes and nodded. 'I love it. Got anything else that describes our dear old princy?' she asked. Gohan grinned and motioned for her to follow him into the house. To her delight and surprise, Gohan took out his moms pink umbrella and pranced around the house with it. Then he dropped to his knees and started rocking back and forth, mumbling 'No make them go away.' Bulma started laughing, hard. It was so funny watching Gohan act like Vegeta. Both laughed until ChiChi popped her head in to see what was going on. 'Gohan! How many times do I have to tell you? Go to your room and start with your studies.' the woman said while tapping her foot. 'Yes mother...' Gohan slowly walked upstairs, hanging his head sadly. 'I never get to have any fun.' was the last thing heard as he disappeared around a corner. 'Damn ChiChi. You didn't have to be that harsh. He was just having fun.' Bulma said as she turned to face the other woman. 'Do not tell me how to raise my son Bulma! I will make him do whatever I want cause I know it's for the best. When you have children, you can treat them as you wish.' 'I just said you shouldn't be so harsh on him. And anyways, if I ever do have children, I'll be damned if I ever let you see them you shrew! ChiChi, do us all a favor and take some fucking' prozac you bitch!' 'Why you ungrateful tramp! How dare you come into my house and call me such vulgar names?! I want you out! Right Now!' ChiChi yelled. 'Sounds like something is going on in there.' Goku said as he looked at Vegeta. 'Sounds like a catfight. Let's go watch Kakarott.'
Both men walked up to the house. Inside, Bulma and ChiChi threw stuff at each other while calling off names. 'Dirty Whore!' 'Loud mouth wench!' 'Blue Haired Bitch!' 'Shrew!' 'Fuck you! 'Fuck yourself bitch. I don't do dirty sluts!' 'Why you damn ho!' 'Takes one to know one!' Vegeta watched with interest as Goku covered his mouth. More insults flew back and forth as each one tried to out do the other. 'Damn it ChiChi! What the fuck does Goku see in you? You're such a bitch!' 'More than what you'll ever know you whore! At least I got a man. Your man is off busy fuckin' anything that walks. I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't already boned a few men!' 'Fuck Yamcha! I don't give a rats ass about that dick head!' 'I wasn't talking about Yamcha you twit! I was talking about Vegeta!' Vegeta, who had been laughing, suddenly stopped when he heard his name. 'Vegeta? Now why in the world would he want to fuck a bunch of dirty old men when he can have me?' 'Cause I think he would get a better blowjob and a good fuck from them, than from you!' Goku looked at his wife with wide eyes. Then he looked at Bulma. Next, he looked over at Vegeta. The saiyan prince's mouth was open as his brain tried to process what was going on. 'Hey Vegeta...are you okay?' Goku asked. Vegeta only nodded and walked over to a tree. Then slowly, he began to bang his head on the trunk. Goku scratched his head and grinned. 'I guess not.' he laughed.
****
A few hours had passed and neither Bulma or ChiChi talked to one another. Goku rambled on about how he could become a super saiyan until Vegeta threw a ki blast, missing his head just by inches, but giving him a close shave. 'That hair style suits you Kakarott. To bad saiyan hair doesn't grow back.' Vegeta laughed at the small section of scalp on the taller saiyans head. 'Darn you Vegeta. That wasn't fair.' Goku pouted. 'Take it like a man. We all go bald at some point in our lives.' Vegeta laughed. Bulma turned and faced him and smiled widely. 'Yeah, some before others, your highness. I got one word for you Vegeta, Rogain. You should try it sometime' she giggled. Vegeta frowned and turned away so he wouldn't look at Bulma. 'Just for the record Woman, I'm not balding. I have a perfectly full head of hair. It's just the way it grows. I can't stop the way my hair grows, just like Kakarott can't stop being an idiot.' he said. 'Prove it then. I want to see some bangs.' Bulma pulled out a brush and mirror from her purse and handed them to Vegeta. Taking them, the prince did as he was told. 'You know Vegeta, you look really cute with bangs. They kinda frame your face in a stylish sort of way. But if you want the real truth, you look dead sexy with your old style. Kinda of makes me wanna do you right here on the ground. What do you say stud? You, me, the ants...all right here. ChiChi and Goku can join in too. We can have a massive orgy.' Bulma smiled as she ran a finger over Vegeta's chest, making him shift slightly. Goku and ChiChi exchanged glances and looked back at Bulma who now had worked off Vegeta shirt. 'Bulma...ummm...you're not really going to do...umm...right here...are you?' Goku asked. 'She had better not the damn bitch! What if Gohan walks out? Or worse, what if he hears it? Oh god! My son still has virgin ears! I don't want him growing up warped.' ChiChi ranted. Bulma laughed and turned to face ChiChi, while one hand undid the buttons of Vegeta pants. 'Don't worry ChiChi. Gohan already knows everything there is to know about sex.' she giggled. 'What the!? Why you dirty little nasty slut! How dare you do that to my son! I'll kill you you fuckin' bitch!' ChiChi screamed as she went toward Bulma. 'Whoa, calm down there Xena. I didn't do anything. If you want the real culprit...look at your husband. He's the one who takes him over to Master Roshi's island. You can guess what kind of stuff they watch over there. And just to let ya know doll, it's not Barney and Friends©.' Bulma said as she turned back around to face Vegeta. ChiChi was furious. Grabbing Goku's ear, she dragged him toward the house, while he pleaded and begged for mercy. 'Now, where were we?' Bulma gigged as she undid the last button. Pulling off Vegeta's pants, Bulma smiled. 'Black boxers with red hearts. Very cute Vegeta. Those defiantly scream out "Look at me, I'm evil!".' she laughed. Vegeta sat on the ground, watching her. For some reason, he found it hard to move. As Bulma laughed, she stood up. 'Now my prince. It's your turn to watch me.' she said before putting on a strip show. Afterwards, they got down to business.
*A/N: I really suck at lemons, so you ppl are going to have to use your imaginations on this.*
****
Many hours and twenty orgasms later.
*A/N: Yeah, they screw like rabbits. Both are running with Duracel batteries. They just keep going, and going, and going... Do you have the Bunny Inside?*
Bulma lay in the crook of Vegeta's arm, looking up at the sky. It had gone dark just a hour ago and now the moon was beginning to rise. Sighing, she nestled herself deeper into his arms and closed her eyes. 'Tell me something woman.' Vegeta began. 'What?' Bulma answered but never moved. Vegeta searched his mind for the right words. 'Why? I mean...why me? I thought you and Lambchop had something going on. I never expected you to do any of this...at least not with me.' Vegeta said, trying not to come off sounding like a complete moron. Bulma lifted her head and smiled at him. 'I did it cause I wanted too. I did it cause I thought you might like having the attention. It's not everyday someone finds that special someone in their life. I thought I loved Yamcha, but he cheated on me one to many times. Finally, I saw him with a bimbo and decided to forget him. He did it because he thought I was an icebox. I did it because I wanted to share my first time with someone I truly cared about. I wanted it to be special, in both my mind and the others mind.' Bulma talked. Looking up she laughed. Turning around so she was face to face with Vegeta, she bent in and kissed him. 'Besides, I've been a virgin for almost 30 years. I think it was about time I let myself have some fun. I ain't getting any younger, and you Vegeta...were the perfect guy to fulfill my needs.' 'Is that all I am to you? Just a plaything?' Vegeta smirked. 'Bulma laughed as she pushed Vegeta down so he was under her. 'Of course...what else would I use you for?' she said. Vegeta rolled over taking her with him. Looking at her, the saiyan laughed. 'Not if I dominate first woman.'
A/N: Yeah, they do it again. Bunch of horn dogs.
End of Chapter 1
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*All right, I know what everyone is thinking. Bulma is a slut in this story. Just want to point out that she is not. She wanted to do Vegeta from the beginning, she just had to work up to it.
Please read and review. Flames are welcome, but please, no hate mail from angry mothers. I don't want to explain anything to the cops.
Stay tuned for chapter 2 and more Teletubby madness. Poor Vegeta, I am so torturing him.*
*Special Notes: Just a Request...*
*For all those lemon fans out there. I truly suck at writing Lemons. Even Citrus is a pain for me. So I have an idea. If anyone wants too, they can write their own lemony goodness for the last part and email it to me at saiyan_baby2002@yahoo.com. I will give you all the credit. And even add your name(s) in the author section of the story. And if I get more than one entry, I'll write some more parts in the story using your lemons and give everyone else credit too. Sound good? I hope to see some entries. So please, do it for me and all those other V/B freaks out there. What are you waiting for...let's see some mushy romance. Or even some freakiness. Either way, let's see some good old fashion lovin'.*
By: Saiyan_Baby2002 aka The Lil Bitch Of Planet Vegeta
Hi everyone...okay, I'm going to make this short. This is not your basic V/B story like the one's that you may have read. Well, it might be...I don't know. Anywhoo, I did this story late at night while I was on a massive sugar high. Too much damn coffee. So just to let you know, all characters are out character. Bulma is herself, but can become a total B***CH, if you know what I mean. Vegeta will at times, go mental in the story. Goku is still stupid. ChiChi is a complete B***CH. Some Yamcha bashing I can't stand him some ChiChi bashing can't stand her either Some Bulma bashing...nothing harsh, just Vegeta doing his thing. And some Vegeta bashing I love him ppl! Don't get the wrong idea.
The following is a warning made by me...yeah that's right ya'll, me.
*This story has been given the rating R.
Due to the extreme cursing and mild violence, this story should only be read with an adult if under the age of 18. If you are below the age of 18, read at your own risk. Nobody wants any little kids repeating what they read. Parental Advisory is a must for all lil kids. I don't want to get any hate mail from mad mothers for posting this story. All characters may at times, lose it. Teletubbies will be set off at different locations throughout the story. They are put there for the sole purpose of driving characters batty, especially Vegeta. Do not attempt to approach. May be carrying deadly viruses. You have been warned. Read at your own caution and please...enjoy and Review.*
*Disclaimer: I do not own DB/Z/GT. If you want to give credit, give it all to Mr. Akira Toriyama. Without his awesome manga and crazy animation style, we would never had the chance to write about DBZ! Or do anything else about the show either. I love that guy. ^_^*
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Part 1: Bets Are Nothing But Trouble But They Sure Are Interesting
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Our story begins...on an early morning...
'WOMAN!!!'
Bulma opened her eyes and looked at the clock. 5:30 in the morning and the saiyan prince was already yelling. Covering her head with the blanket, she hoped he would leave her alone. But of course, that wasn't going to happen. Sighing to herself, Bulma sat up in bed. It was one thing to be woken up so early, but was it really that early? Not even the birds were up yet. Groaning, the blue haired woman got out of bed, threw on a robe and made her way downstairs. When she got to the kitchen, she noticed Vegeta sitting in his usual place, patiently waiting for his food. 'It's about time you know. If you took any longer, I'd starve to death.' Vegeta said as he turned to look at her. Bulma wasn't exactly a morning person and with someone like Vegeta always trying to pick fights, she didn't have reason to be. 'That's a shame.' she said coolly. 'What?' Vegeta asked. Bulma slightly smiled as she looked at Vegeta. Then she went over to the stove. 'It would be a shame if you died of starvation. Who would I pick on everyday?' she flashed him another smile, then went back to his breakfast. 'If I died, you would miss me and try to wish me back with those stupid dragon balls.' Vegeta stated matter-of-factly. 'Why would I go and waste a perfectly good wish like that when I can wish for something useful?' Bulma laughed. Even though it still was early, she wanted to have a little fun with Vegeta. 'And I'm not useful?' 'Vegeta, if you were useful, do you think *I* would be in here, cooking your food? You could easily do it yourself you know.' Bulma said as she set a large plate of everything in front of him. 'I am useful. And I can cook, I just choose not too.' Vegeta said before wolfing down his food. Bulma watched this and cringed a bit. 'Just like Goku. Just no so messy.' she thought to herself. 'Well if you can cook oh mighty prince, why don't you?' 'What are you saying?' 'I'm saying...why don't you cook me a meal once. I don't think it would kill you to do so.' 'Is that a challenge woman?' 'No, it's a bet. Winner gets to gloat over how useless the other is. Loser has to do chores for a month. Deal?' Bulma held out her hand to seal the bet. Vegeta looked at it and then back at Bulma. Then he slowly took her hand and shook it. 'There are some rules though.' he said after releasing her hand. 'Rules? What rules?' Bulma was about to pick up his plate when he said that. Looking over at him, she cocked her head to the side, waiting for him to finish. 'Rules are...no help from others. I know how you and Kararott's mate always talk about cooking. I know she always help you. So there will be no help. Understood?' Bulma sighed and nodded her head. 'There's go my chance of winning.' she thought.
****
The rest of that morning, Bulma did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Vegeta, after breakfast, had retreated to the gravity simulator to get in a full days training. A full day for Vegeta was made up of only three things. Train, eat and sleep. It was like that everyday. He would wake up at 5:30 am, he would take a shower and change out of his night clothes. after he was done, he would then go downstairs to the kitchen. Around 6:00 in the morning, he would eat breakfast. After that, train until lunchtime. Then after eating again, trained till dinnertime. It was the only time Bulma got to talk to him. After that, more training until bedtime. Sometimes he wouldn't come in for bed. Bulma had figured out his absence when she would go check on him. He would be asleep on the simulator floor, covered in sweat. She knew it was a waste to wake him, so she would leave him there. Of course, she would always have to listen to him complain about having a stiff neck and backache. But Bulma would always tell him the same thing.
'If your too lazy to use a bed, then you deserve a backache you idiot.' And of course, Vegeta would get mad at her and they would start arguing over beds and how they should be in the most useful places. Bulma would counter Vegeta's anger by shoving a finger into his face and angrily telling him that beds belonged in "bedrooms", not in gravity simulators. Vegeta would only huff and then angrily walk out of the house. Leaving Bulma to give herself a pat on the back for a argument won.
That was how it was. Bulma finished the kitchen and walked into the living room. She knew Vegeta wouldn't be back in for another six hours, until his stomach forced him to quit and to eat. Making herself comfortable on the couch, she settled in to watch Martha Stewart©. "Today on Martha Stewart©, we are going to be making marinated lobster surprise and stuffed crab delight." Bulma got out a pen and paper and began to write down the recipe as the old woman talked. "To began, we start off with one fresh lobster. Add this to your boiling pot of water. The water should be boiling at about 180 degrees, so if you have not yet done this, do so before adding the lobster." Bulma wrote as Martha explained the entire lobster and crab dinner. She wrote fast and vigorously, trying to keep up. After a while, she finally had the entire recipe written and looked at her notes. 'Vegeta is sure to get a surprise when he sees this.' she thought. Looking back at the television, she noticed that Martha Stewart© had gone off and a show call Surprise by Design© had come on. 'Well, I might as well redesign his room while I'm at it.' she said as she watched and took down more notes.
****
Inside the gravity simulator, a very agitated prince was dodging ki blasts as they sailed pass him. Vegeta dodged left and right, but his mind was not focus. What did he get himself into? To actually stoop so low as to cook dinner for that woman? When did he become so soft and take on bets that involved house chores? To say the least, he was angry at himself for excepting such a bet, and angry at the woman for thinking it. As he thought more about it, the more agitated he became until one of the ki blasts hit him in the back, knocking him to the floor. Gasping for breath, he looked up. 'Damn it.' he thought, 'I can't concentrate. That stupid woman and her damn bets. I'm betting right now she's in that house of hers laughing her ass off at me for accepting. Well, I'll show her. She won't be laughing for long when she loses miserably to my cooking skills.' Vegeta laughed out loud. Getting up, he decided it was time to call it quits for a while. He needed to do some heavy thinking and that meant, food. Usually, he knew that Bulma wouldn't be expecting him until around six or so, but tonight he needed some time to think. He needed to think of something to prepare for their bet. Walking into the house, he wasn't surprised to see Bulma asleep on the couch, with the television on. That was just like her, to fall asleep before anything interesting happened. But of course, what more did you expect from a earth woman? Vegeta casually strolled over to her sleeping form and looked down. Noticing the notepad, he picked it up and read the contents. 'Lobster, crab, red wine, black roses, red roses...' he read the writing and frowned. What was she planning? Then flipping a few pages he read the title of the new page. 'Ideas for Vegeta's new bedroom. Possibly blue everywhere, as that does seem to be his favorite color. Add more bathroom space. Larger bed with lots of blue...' Vegeta read and frowned. What was with her and blue? Yes, he had to admit. Blue was his favorite color, but wasn't she overdoing it a bit? Shaking his head in pity for Bulma, he stood over her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful, almost serene in a way. Too bad he had to wake her. Bending over so he was right above her ear, Vegeta smiled wickedly. He knew she was going to hate him for this, but he didn't care. Slowly, he brushed a stray strand of hair out her face. Then, he yelled as loud as he could, in her ear. 'WOMAN! WAKE UP!!!' Bulma jumped up from the couch with a look of complete shock on her face. Vegeta meanwhile, had started laughing his head off. It was funny to watch the blue haired woman looking around, confused. Dropping to the floor, he laughed until his side got sore and he needed to gasp for air. Bulma was furious. To put it kindly, if she were strong enough, she'd rip off his family jewels and ram them down his throat for such a dirty trick. That was how she would get back at him. But since she wasn't strong, and since Vegeta would probably kill her afterwards, she decided against it. Instead, Bulma picked up the phone a threw it at his head. It bounced off and landed right beside him. Vegeta looked at the phone and then back at Bulma. Seeing the anger in her eyes, and knowing she had thrown the phone at him made him laugh even more harder. He was laughing so hard he didn't notice Bulma walk up to him and kick him as hard as she could both in the shin and in the family jewels. Vegeta stopped laughing and looked up at Bulma. It hurt like hell, but he had to cover that last blow. Bulma stood over him and smiled. 'That's what you get for yelling in my ear you dick.' she said as she walked out of the room. Vegeta watched her exit, and with a low groan, closed his eyes. 'Owww...' he said before rolling to his side.
****
Bulma had retreated to the kitchen to start on her dinner. It would take at least a few hours and she wanted to get started right away. Opening the fridge, she looked through it. As she took out several things, she began to hum to herself. 'Great...no lobster.' she said to herself. Taking her head out of the fridge, she decided she needed to go buy one from the local market. Making sure everything else was set out, Bulma went to her notes to make sure nothing was amiss. 'Let's see...lobster, crab, wine, roses...I need to buy almost everything on the list. Curse saiyans and their overdeveloped eating habits. If I ever have food in this house, it will be a miracle. Not to self. Add large refrigerator in Vegeta's room. Make him buy his own damn food.' Bulma sighed and opened her notepad. Finding the list of items for Vegeta's new room, she jotted down her idea. Now it was time to go shopping. Walking back into the living room, Bulma was surprised to see that Vegeta hadn't moved from his position on the floor. Had she really hurt him that much? Carefully, she stepped up to him. 'Is he asleep?' she thought as she looked at him. Her question was answered as she felt her feet leaving the ground. Landing hard on her bottom, Bulma looked up and into the eyes of Vegeta. His mood had changed. Instead of laughing, he looked at her evilly and smirked. Then, punched her. Not hard mind you, but hard enough to get her howling in pain. And where did he punch her? Only in the most sensitive spot for a woman...right in her breast. Bulma screamed in pain as Vegeta punched her twice, once each on both breasts. 'You son of a bitch!' she yelled loudly.
A/N: If you girls out there have ever been punched in that area, then you'll know how painful it is. I have...and believe me, it isn't funny.
Vegeta laughed as she tried to punch him back. He watched as her small hand formed a fist and send it straight toward his face, making contact with his nose. Before it did though, Vegeta grabbed her fist in midair and held it there. 'Vegeta you ass! Let go of my hand before I rip your hair out!' Bulma said angrily. Reaching up she grabbed some of his hair and pulled. Vegeta countered and grabbed her own hair. They each began to pull. Bulma screamed as Vegeta gritted his teeth. What a sight. Vegeta and Bulma sitting on the floor, pulling each others hair out. If anyone had been there, they would have died from laughing so hard. Finally Bulma screamed and let go of Vegeta's hair. She had had enough and now looked at him with pleading eyes. 'Please Vegeta...stop.' she said as tears formed in her eyes. 'Are you sorry for kicking me in the nuts?' the prince questioned without letting go of her hair. Bulma tried to nod, but it was difficult. Instead she just let out a painful cry and started to hit Vegeta. 'Yes! I'm Sorry! Please stop!!' she begged. Vegeta pulled Bulma closer to him and looked at her. Then with one more pull, let go of her hair. She did the same and both sat on the floor, staring at each other. 'You know you deserved it woman. Did you think you were going to get off so easily after that little stunt you did?' Vegeta said. Bulma rubbed her sore head and stuck her tongue out at Vegeta. 'You deserved what I gave you, you pig. If you hadn't yell in my ear, none of this would have happened!' Bulma said as she started to stand up. Vegeta looked up at her before standing himself. 'It could've gone worse woman. I could have just left you there, not caring if you woke up or not. I thought I was doing you a favor.' 'By what? Yelling in my ear? Sorry Vegeta, I don't need any favors from you. By the way, if you're hungry...tough. I'm not fixing a damn thing for you. If you want food so badly, go catch a fish!' Bulma stormed out of the house, leaving Vegeta standing in the living room. After a few minutes, he ran outside to catch Bulma, only to notice she was already gone. 'Damn her. When she gets back, I'm going to make her pay.' he thought to himself.
****
The trip to the local market was a fast one. Bulma swerved her car into one of the open lots and jumped out. 'First, the lobster.' she thought as she took out her notepad. Walking into a shop that read "Fresh Fish: We Catch Em', You Buy Em'" she looked around. Everywhere, fish hung in the store. Bulma held her nose and walked over to the large counter where a young boy was gutting and filleting a large mackerel. 'May I help you miss?' the boy said without taking his eyes off the dead fish. Bulma nodded and took her fingers from her nose. 'I'd like your biggest lobster. And at least twenty crabs, please.' she said before holding her nose again. Looking up, the boy smiled and nodded his head in return. 'The lobsters are over there miss. Pick one that you want and let me know. And you said twenty crabs, am I right?' 'Yes...' Bulma did as the boy told her and went over to the large tank in the corner of the store. Different size lobsters stared out at her through the glass. Looking at each one, she noticed a huge one in the back. 'I found one I like.' she said. The boy walked over to Bulma and looked at the lobster she pointed at. 'Are you sure lady? That lobster costs around two hundred Zeni. Are you sure you're going to have enough to purchase it and along with some crabs which are twenty Zeni each?' he asked. Bulma nodded and smiled. 'I'm sure. Besides, I can pay. And for being such a good help, I'll even give you a tip.' Bulma reached into her purse and handed the boy her credit card. Looking at it, he noticed the name on it. 'Miss Briefs! Oh man...I didn't know it was you. I am so sorry for questioning you like that. Here, let me get you all set up.' Bulma watched as the boy retrieved her lobster and crabs. After paying, she gave him a large wad of cash from her pocket. To the boys surprise, he counted it. 'Miss Briefs...there's five hundred Zeni here...' Bulma smiled and began walking out of the store. Before going through the doors, she looked back. 'It's your tip. Thank you for the help.'
Back out on the street, Bulma looked around for the other items on her list. 1 dozen red roses, 1dozen black roses, two bottles of red wine, some candles, and a few other items. 'That should be it.' she said to herself as she walked back to her car. After depositing everything in the back seat, she opened her notepad once again. 'Let's see...lobster, crabs, roses...Looks like I have everything. Wait, I'm missing the fridge for Vegeta's room. Oh screw him. He can buy his own damn refrigerator. Or least work for it.' That said, she put the notepad in her purse and started to get in her car. That's when she heard it. 'Yamcha...I thought we were going back to your place.' 'We are baby. I just have to get a few personal items, if you know what mean.' Bulma stopped and turned around. 'I thought he was out of town?' she thought. Her questions were answered as she saw her boyfriend Yamcha kissing a blonde girl, before disappearing into a local shop. 'That son of a bitch!' she said angrily. Walking up to the blonde, Bulma smiled. 'Hello, what's your name?' she asked. The blonde girl frowned and turned her head in the direction of the store. 'My name is Amelia. And you are?' she answered in a snooty way. 'That's really non-of your concern. That guy...who was he?' 'Oh, that's my boyfriend Yamcha. He's been dating this one chick name Bulma and cheating on her with me. He told me that he couldn't get it on with her cause she was an icebox. So instead, he does it with me cause he said I'm easy.' the girl said. Looking at Bulma, she cracked her bubble gum loudly and stared. 'Is that so?' Bulma frowned at the girl and looked over at the shop. Yamcha was coming out. He didn't notice Bulma right away as he was holding up a box of condoms. 'Look baby...One size fits...shit...' Yamcha stopped in mid sentence as he noticed who stood beside the blonde. 'Hey hun...what are you doing here?' he asked nervously. Bulma narrowed her eyes and looked at him with hatred. 'I was doing some shopping. I can already guess why you're here. By the way sweetie, I think you got the wrong kind. Here, let me help you out.' Bulma walked into the shop and purchased some condoms and pills for Yamcha. Throwing them at him, the cheating warrior read the label. "You Wish!! Brand name Condoms: For the tiny dick" and "Keep It Up: When it just doesn't want to work". Yamcha read the two items and frowned. 'Bulma hun...what's these?' he asked. 'Yamcha, don't play stupid. You know damn well what they are.' Bulma said with her hands on her hips. Turning to girl, she added. 'If it stays up for more than ten seconds...that'll be a shock. Have fun and by the way...you can keep him.' That said, Bulma left Yamcha and Amelia alone in the street.
****
Back home, Vegeta had already began preparing his meal. He couldn't wait for Bulma to eat his cooking and smiled approvingly to himself. 'Soon...' he thought, 'She's going to regret ever making that bet.' Pulling off the "Kiss The Cook" apron, Vegeta went into the living room to watch television. Turning on the set, he was surprised to see a show called Teletubbies© on. Watching it for a moment, Vegeta looked on as four very ugly, fat alien type creatures appeared on the screen, dancing and running around like mad men. One was yellow. One was red. One was green. And one was purple with a purse. 'What the fuck!' Vegeta asked himself as he watched the purple one, named Tinky Winky, take out a pink umbrella from its purse. The yellow one, named LaLa, ran around and started singing out "Lalalalala". To say the least, it really upset Vegeta and he quickly flipped the channel. But to his horror...more Teletubbies©. Every channel he flipped through had at least one show about the horrifying creatures on it. Flipping the channels some more, Vegeta started to get scared. From seeing four ugly stuffed alien things, lots of fake grass and trees, bunnies and ducklings, and a big baby faced sun, Vegeta was freaking out. It was as if Teletubbies© were everywhere. Putting his knees up to his chin, Vegeta started to rock back and forth. 'LaLa...LaLa...LaLa...' he kept repeating over and over.
*A/N: Keep in mind that a few hours had gone by and the Teletubbies© show had mesmerized Vegeta into watching it. I always knew that show was evil...*
Bulma pulled to a stop outside Capsule Corp. with a long screech of her tires. How dare Yamcha! Cheating was low, but to stoop so low as to cheat on her with a frickin' blond? Bulma angrily slammed her car door and stomped into the house. 'I hate him!' she yelled while going into the kitchen. To her surprise, the kitchen was a mess. 'Vegeta! Where the fuck are you?!' Running back into the living room, Bulma looked around for her houseguest. She found him hiding in the closet, in one hand a large spatula. In the other hand, a large wooden spoon. 'Ahh! Shut the door!' Vegeta yelled while trying to get into the closet some more. Bulma stared. What in the world was wrong with him? 'Vegeta...' she began. 'Close the door! They're going to get me!' Vegeta yelled. Bulma looked at him and cocked her head to the side. 'Who?' she asked. 'The Teletubbies...they're here now. Looking for me...they want to make me their Teletubbie Buddy. Make them go away pretty lady. I don't want my brains eaten. Make them leave me alone...you have pretty hair. I don't want a pink umbrella! Tinky Winky wants me to play doctor with him!' Vegeta ranted while rocking back and forth. Bulma stared at him wide eyed and shook her head sadly. 'I always knew you were insane Vegeta. But seriously, this doesn't even deserve to be in the same catagory as "Lunatic". Have a nice night.' with that, Bulma shut the closet door, leaving Vegeta to rant on about Teletubbies.
****
Several days had passed and both Bulma and Vegeta were at Goku's house for their big cooking bet. After Bulma explained the bet and what was going on, Goku had readily agreed to do the taste testing, since it involved food. 'No surprise there.' Bulma thought. 'When it comes to food, he's willing to do anything.' The bet went both ways. Goku, who really enjoyed food, casted his vote for both meals. Making Bulma and Vegeta groan bitterly. 'Well, I guess we both have chores to do.' Bulma said as she sat down. 'You do...I don't. I don't stoop that low.' Vegeta laughed as he walked away. 'Why you...' 'Hey Bulma...look at what I made.' Bulma looked down and saw Gohan standing beside her with a book. 'What did you make Gohan?' 'This...' Bulma took the book and looked at it. Inside was a picture of Vegeta, going nuts. Underneath him was the word "Lunatic". "Lunatic" Pictured above...' reading it, Bulma started to laugh. 'Do you like it?' Gohan asked. Bulma wiped some tears from her eyes and nodded. 'I love it. Got anything else that describes our dear old princy?' she asked. Gohan grinned and motioned for her to follow him into the house. To her delight and surprise, Gohan took out his moms pink umbrella and pranced around the house with it. Then he dropped to his knees and started rocking back and forth, mumbling 'No make them go away.' Bulma started laughing, hard. It was so funny watching Gohan act like Vegeta. Both laughed until ChiChi popped her head in to see what was going on. 'Gohan! How many times do I have to tell you? Go to your room and start with your studies.' the woman said while tapping her foot. 'Yes mother...' Gohan slowly walked upstairs, hanging his head sadly. 'I never get to have any fun.' was the last thing heard as he disappeared around a corner. 'Damn ChiChi. You didn't have to be that harsh. He was just having fun.' Bulma said as she turned to face the other woman. 'Do not tell me how to raise my son Bulma! I will make him do whatever I want cause I know it's for the best. When you have children, you can treat them as you wish.' 'I just said you shouldn't be so harsh on him. And anyways, if I ever do have children, I'll be damned if I ever let you see them you shrew! ChiChi, do us all a favor and take some fucking' prozac you bitch!' 'Why you ungrateful tramp! How dare you come into my house and call me such vulgar names?! I want you out! Right Now!' ChiChi yelled. 'Sounds like something is going on in there.' Goku said as he looked at Vegeta. 'Sounds like a catfight. Let's go watch Kakarott.'
Both men walked up to the house. Inside, Bulma and ChiChi threw stuff at each other while calling off names. 'Dirty Whore!' 'Loud mouth wench!' 'Blue Haired Bitch!' 'Shrew!' 'Fuck you! 'Fuck yourself bitch. I don't do dirty sluts!' 'Why you damn ho!' 'Takes one to know one!' Vegeta watched with interest as Goku covered his mouth. More insults flew back and forth as each one tried to out do the other. 'Damn it ChiChi! What the fuck does Goku see in you? You're such a bitch!' 'More than what you'll ever know you whore! At least I got a man. Your man is off busy fuckin' anything that walks. I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't already boned a few men!' 'Fuck Yamcha! I don't give a rats ass about that dick head!' 'I wasn't talking about Yamcha you twit! I was talking about Vegeta!' Vegeta, who had been laughing, suddenly stopped when he heard his name. 'Vegeta? Now why in the world would he want to fuck a bunch of dirty old men when he can have me?' 'Cause I think he would get a better blowjob and a good fuck from them, than from you!' Goku looked at his wife with wide eyes. Then he looked at Bulma. Next, he looked over at Vegeta. The saiyan prince's mouth was open as his brain tried to process what was going on. 'Hey Vegeta...are you okay?' Goku asked. Vegeta only nodded and walked over to a tree. Then slowly, he began to bang his head on the trunk. Goku scratched his head and grinned. 'I guess not.' he laughed.
****
A few hours had passed and neither Bulma or ChiChi talked to one another. Goku rambled on about how he could become a super saiyan until Vegeta threw a ki blast, missing his head just by inches, but giving him a close shave. 'That hair style suits you Kakarott. To bad saiyan hair doesn't grow back.' Vegeta laughed at the small section of scalp on the taller saiyans head. 'Darn you Vegeta. That wasn't fair.' Goku pouted. 'Take it like a man. We all go bald at some point in our lives.' Vegeta laughed. Bulma turned and faced him and smiled widely. 'Yeah, some before others, your highness. I got one word for you Vegeta, Rogain. You should try it sometime' she giggled. Vegeta frowned and turned away so he wouldn't look at Bulma. 'Just for the record Woman, I'm not balding. I have a perfectly full head of hair. It's just the way it grows. I can't stop the way my hair grows, just like Kakarott can't stop being an idiot.' he said. 'Prove it then. I want to see some bangs.' Bulma pulled out a brush and mirror from her purse and handed them to Vegeta. Taking them, the prince did as he was told. 'You know Vegeta, you look really cute with bangs. They kinda frame your face in a stylish sort of way. But if you want the real truth, you look dead sexy with your old style. Kinda of makes me wanna do you right here on the ground. What do you say stud? You, me, the ants...all right here. ChiChi and Goku can join in too. We can have a massive orgy.' Bulma smiled as she ran a finger over Vegeta's chest, making him shift slightly. Goku and ChiChi exchanged glances and looked back at Bulma who now had worked off Vegeta shirt. 'Bulma...ummm...you're not really going to do...umm...right here...are you?' Goku asked. 'She had better not the damn bitch! What if Gohan walks out? Or worse, what if he hears it? Oh god! My son still has virgin ears! I don't want him growing up warped.' ChiChi ranted. Bulma laughed and turned to face ChiChi, while one hand undid the buttons of Vegeta pants. 'Don't worry ChiChi. Gohan already knows everything there is to know about sex.' she giggled. 'What the!? Why you dirty little nasty slut! How dare you do that to my son! I'll kill you you fuckin' bitch!' ChiChi screamed as she went toward Bulma. 'Whoa, calm down there Xena. I didn't do anything. If you want the real culprit...look at your husband. He's the one who takes him over to Master Roshi's island. You can guess what kind of stuff they watch over there. And just to let ya know doll, it's not Barney and Friends©.' Bulma said as she turned back around to face Vegeta. ChiChi was furious. Grabbing Goku's ear, she dragged him toward the house, while he pleaded and begged for mercy. 'Now, where were we?' Bulma gigged as she undid the last button. Pulling off Vegeta's pants, Bulma smiled. 'Black boxers with red hearts. Very cute Vegeta. Those defiantly scream out "Look at me, I'm evil!".' she laughed. Vegeta sat on the ground, watching her. For some reason, he found it hard to move. As Bulma laughed, she stood up. 'Now my prince. It's your turn to watch me.' she said before putting on a strip show. Afterwards, they got down to business.
*A/N: I really suck at lemons, so you ppl are going to have to use your imaginations on this.*
****
Many hours and twenty orgasms later.
*A/N: Yeah, they screw like rabbits. Both are running with Duracel batteries. They just keep going, and going, and going... Do you have the Bunny Inside?*
Bulma lay in the crook of Vegeta's arm, looking up at the sky. It had gone dark just a hour ago and now the moon was beginning to rise. Sighing, she nestled herself deeper into his arms and closed her eyes. 'Tell me something woman.' Vegeta began. 'What?' Bulma answered but never moved. Vegeta searched his mind for the right words. 'Why? I mean...why me? I thought you and Lambchop had something going on. I never expected you to do any of this...at least not with me.' Vegeta said, trying not to come off sounding like a complete moron. Bulma lifted her head and smiled at him. 'I did it cause I wanted too. I did it cause I thought you might like having the attention. It's not everyday someone finds that special someone in their life. I thought I loved Yamcha, but he cheated on me one to many times. Finally, I saw him with a bimbo and decided to forget him. He did it because he thought I was an icebox. I did it because I wanted to share my first time with someone I truly cared about. I wanted it to be special, in both my mind and the others mind.' Bulma talked. Looking up she laughed. Turning around so she was face to face with Vegeta, she bent in and kissed him. 'Besides, I've been a virgin for almost 30 years. I think it was about time I let myself have some fun. I ain't getting any younger, and you Vegeta...were the perfect guy to fulfill my needs.' 'Is that all I am to you? Just a plaything?' Vegeta smirked. 'Bulma laughed as she pushed Vegeta down so he was under her. 'Of course...what else would I use you for?' she said. Vegeta rolled over taking her with him. Looking at her, the saiyan laughed. 'Not if I dominate first woman.'
A/N: Yeah, they do it again. Bunch of horn dogs.
End of Chapter 1
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*All right, I know what everyone is thinking. Bulma is a slut in this story. Just want to point out that she is not. She wanted to do Vegeta from the beginning, she just had to work up to it.
Please read and review. Flames are welcome, but please, no hate mail from angry mothers. I don't want to explain anything to the cops.
Stay tuned for chapter 2 and more Teletubby madness. Poor Vegeta, I am so torturing him.*
*Special Notes: Just a Request...*
*For all those lemon fans out there. I truly suck at writing Lemons. Even Citrus is a pain for me. So I have an idea. If anyone wants too, they can write their own lemony goodness for the last part and email it to me at saiyan_baby2002@yahoo.com. I will give you all the credit. And even add your name(s) in the author section of the story. And if I get more than one entry, I'll write some more parts in the story using your lemons and give everyone else credit too. Sound good? I hope to see some entries. So please, do it for me and all those other V/B freaks out there. What are you waiting for...let's see some mushy romance. Or even some freakiness. Either way, let's see some good old fashion lovin'.*