A/N: This takes place between She Ain't Heavy and LATR
A/N#2: Did you ever wonder why Alec rather suddenly threw himself wholeheartedly into the transgenic protection game? I did. This is the result.
Boundaries-Infie
I stand on top of the Space Needle, alone, too close to the edge. I waited til Max left so I could stand here, absorb some isolation, make some peace. The wind whips my face, making it feel raw, matching my emotions, even as I try and bury them again. I keep hoping that the pain will lessen; that the sounds of Joshua's grief will stop ringing in my ears. But I know they won't. I know that some part of me will hear them forever, just as I still hear the same animal noises as they were ripped from my chest when I cried by Rachel's bedside. Every time I sit still, there they are.
Some things never leave you. Never.
It's decision time. I've been walking the edge too long here, and I'm getting sucked in. I have to make the choice. Stay, or go.
It's not about being a freak, for me. Oh, Max has the whole 'I just wanna be normal, blah blah' bullshit going on, but not me. I like being who I am. I like this body, this face, these brains, and all the things they do for me. I just don't want to die for it. Is that so wrong?
I think of Annie, her fingertips dancing so gracefully over my face, and how much love was in hers when she touched me. Sure, it was for Joshua, but it'd been a long time since anyone laid hands on me with anything other than anger or lust, or both. Not since Rachel.
Another innocent sacrificed on the altar of expedience, someone else's agenda.
I don't want to be someone else's agenda.
I've been to Terminal City. I know what they're trying to do. And I've seen White's plan. I'm a tactician, a solo specialist, an assassin. I know what strategic death can do to destabilize a situation. And I know that against White, for pure, sneaky, underhanded cunning, the transgenics are outclassed. The ones that are out there alone even moreso. But that doesn't mean they have to be my problem. Leave the playing knight to Max and her Ninja. Broken Alec and his 12 speed just aren't up to the task.
If I stay here, I'll be sucked in.
Fuck.
I leave the Needle, hit my apartment, pack a bag. I pat my friend and stalwart companion the television on my way out the door. I head for Terminal City. Time to go... elsewhere.
When I reach the gate, there's a guard who greets me by name, with a smile. Joshua comes to the hole in the fence and grins at me happily. "Alec!" he exclaims. "You're here!"
I look at him, searching, and slowly his smile fades. I can see the pain swimming just under the surface. Joshua, caught in the middle of a fight he is unequipped for. Courage, strength, resilience; no problem. Tactics? Cunning? None. Another body waiting to happen. Another death waiting to help pave the road to White's victory.
I don't want Joshua to be sacrificed, either. Not when he'd be taking my place. Him or any of the others. Friends. I look at him as he stretches a hand out to me, compassion and confusion in his face.
Family.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, feeling myself fill with a dangerous resolve. No more sacrifices. No more altars. Not if I can help it. My shoulders sag, ever so slightly as I release the breath. I know defeat when I feel it, and this is something altogether different. It feels more like... hope.
"No," I say slowly, and step across the boundary of Terminal City to take Joshua's hand. "Now I'm here."
{END}