Nov 2002
Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.
Part 3
*I knew this time I had finally found Someone to build my life around.*
She'd watched him with her family and knew he fit in. Watching him now, showing off with the shuura fruit despite knowing his master wouldn't approve, she wondered if she'd ever find someone who could make her laugh like he did. Anakin cut the fruit and gently lifted it into the air, telekinetically picking it up from the plate and floating it across the table to her.
Her heart skipped a beat at his boyish smile and she plucked the fruit from the air, taking a bite. She wanted more time with him, more moments of fun and laughter, moments where she could be carefree. It was an unlikely event, one she couldn't see happening too often, yet she longed for them more because of it. She returned his smile, laughing softly as she understood the underlying reason for his theatrics. She was flattered and a little shy knowing he was simply showing off for her. He had been since they'd shared their kiss on the terrace, and she wasn't afraid to admit that it pleased her to have him doing so. True, his stunts could be worrisome, like the one with the shaak that afternoon. He'd never know exactly how terrified she'd been when she'd seen him lying so still in the grass.
Even now, hours later, the thought of his still body was enough to make her shiver. She didn't want to think of him dying. Anakin Skywalker was too much of a free spirit to be caged or caught. He deserved to be running wild and free. Which made him all that much more of an enigma. As a Jedi he needed to be in control of himself and yet he was frequently pushing the boundaries of it. Padmé admitted to herself, privately, that she could easily fall for the impetuous young man. If she hadn't already. Her heart skipped a beat as she accepted his hand up from the table, feeling a thrill run through her body as she touched his skin. Would it always be so?
She pushed away the thought, enjoying his company as he led her towards the living room. The hearth was dark and the atmosphere was light as they sat.
"Did you enjoy yourself today?" Anakin asked easily, not seeming to be able to meet her gaze.
Padmé nodded, ignoring the sudden tension in his shoulders. "I did, thank you. For a Jedi protector you certainly seem dead set on making sure I enjoy myself."
He smiled shyly. "What can I say, I like to make you happy."
She smiled, tilting her head at him and watching the way the shadows of the setting sun played across his features. He was very handsome, her Anakin. Wait a second, her Anakin? Where had that come from? She watched as he suddenly got to his feet and went to the hearth, beginning to lay the pieces for a fire.
Padmé took the opportunity to study him without too much fear of discovery. He was crouched at the fireplace, seemingly absorbed in his own thoughts and she looked her fill. He'd filled out well. A tall, lanky young man with the smile of the boy she remembered so well. She tried to bring his picture to her mind and found instead the image of the man before her. His quirky smile, quick laugh and devastatingly handsome face. She even loved the way his padawan braid hung over his shoulder. She couldn't deny the thrill that ran through her system at every look; every touch. She frowned. She was a Senator, he was studying to become a Jedi, could they really have a future together if they wanted? Could they make it work if that's what they wanted? She took a deep breath. Anakin would fit so well into her life if she let him, if she was willing to make the sacrifices.
He sat next to her again, the fire blazing in the hearth. She could feel the heat on her shoulders and reached up to remove the wrap. The black fabric was placed on a nearby table as she sat half turned towards him. Their knees were almost touching and she suddenly felt choked, almost as if something huge was going to happen.
The sun dipped beyond the edge of the mountains and she didn't notice, the darkness of the room broken only by the flickering flames of the fire. She felt the apprehension radiating from Anakin and wondered if he'd try to kiss her again. She hoped he would, and yet, at the same time, that he wouldn't. She couldn't allow her emotions to spin out of control and be heedless of the circumstances. When he began to speak, his words caught her attention right away, his eyes locking with hers. She felt her mouth go dry as she listened and watched him bare his heart to her.
"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you," his gaze was intense, open. Padmé could see what he was saying and knew that it was the truth. "And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you, I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do, I will do anything that you ask."
She stared at him shocked, speechless as his words cut through her. Was her presence in his life really that influential? She knew it was true; she could see it on his tortured face. She studied his features, unable to help feeling the same as what he was describing. The closer she got to him, the more terrified she became. The more terrified of losing him, of not being able to see him; of not loving him. She was opening up to her, begging her with his eyes to tell him he wasn't mistaken. She looked away, the jumble of emotions running through her system a private battle. She, too, was haunted by their kiss. It should never have happened, but it had, and she wanted little more then it to happen again.
But where would it lead? They couldn't have a future together, no matter how well they could build one, due to their stations. Where would a future with them lead? Where could it lead?
He met her gaze again, and she could see the struggle in his face. "If you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me." His words were a plea, though they were spoken more as a demand. He'd just offered her his heart and she couldn't speak.
She shook her head slightly, "I can'... we can't. It's... just not possible." She forced herself to say the words, knowing in her heart that they were true. She could build her life around Anakin, and it would never work because of their sect separation.
"Anything is possible, Padmé, listen to me."
"No, you listen." She pushed herself off the couch, needing to get away from him suddenly. She couldn't think clearly, think about what was best for them, not what they wanted, with him sitting so close. "We live in a real world, come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi, I'm... I'm a senator." She fought against her heart, knowing in her mind that this was for the better. She had to make him see that a future between them was something that was impossible, no matter how much they wanted it. "If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go." She paused, unable to tell him, even in the midst of being sensible, that she didn't care for him. "Regardless of the way we feel about each other."
"Then you do feel something!"
She almost winced at his hopeful statement. She couldn't encourage him, no matter how much she wanted to. "I will not let you give up your future for me."
"You are asking me to be rational, that is something I know cannot do." She stared at him, unable to believe that this strong young man in front of her was the same loveable boy she'd first met on Tatooine. When had he become so forceful, so demanding of what he wanted? "Believe me, I just that wish I could just, wish away my feelings. But I can't."
She met his gaze, fighting against the responding feelings rising in her throat. She wanted to tell him to never wish for something like that, to keep on feeling the way he did for her. She wanted this, wanted him, and she couldn't have him, regardless. She inhaled softly. "I will not give in to this."
She swore she saw his heart breaking as he turned to leave and she wanted to reach out, grab him and hold him until he understood she felt the same way. But she couldn't. She couldn't allow him to see the weakness he caused in her. She had to be strong, for both of them, if they wanted any chance at accomplishing their dreams. Jedi couldn't marry. Padmé knew this. As much as she wanted him, as much as he completed her, she wouldn't let him destroy the dream he'd been working for since their meeting ten years ago. She saw him pause in the doorway and almost screamed. Why couldn't he just let this go, didn't he feel what he was doing to her by forcing her to reject him?
"Well, you know, it wouldn't have to be that way."
She eyed him, wondering what he meant. Wouldn't have to be like what. No matter their relationship, nothing would work between them, surely he had to know that.
"We could keep it a secret."
She felt the surprise first, then the "We'd be living a lie. One we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. I couldn't do that. Could you Anakin, could you live like that?" She wanted to scream, but couldn't let herself. Why couldn't he just let this go? She wanted the same things he did, wanted to take a chance on their relationship but couldn't. Duty forbade it.
"No. You're right. It would destroy us."
She almost cried when he looked at her again, seeming to accept her word and reasoning. He was accepting her words, their rationality, and she wanted him to keep fighting against her. She wanted him to keep trying to change her mind, to resist her logic with passion. He slowly nodded before turning to leave. Padmé could see the dejection, the rejection and reluctant acceptance in his posture. She waited until she couldn't see or hear him anymore before turning back to the fire and closing her eyes. They stung with unshed tears. She bowed her head slightly, swallowing a couple of times before she regained control of her emotions. She couldn't allow herself to think with her heart. If she did, they'd both be torn asunder.
The last thought she had, which stayed with her as she turned to return to her room, was that she could easily build her life around his if it came down to it. Anakin and she were well matched; she was just terrified to take that leap.
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.
Part 3
*I knew this time I had finally found Someone to build my life around.*
She'd watched him with her family and knew he fit in. Watching him now, showing off with the shuura fruit despite knowing his master wouldn't approve, she wondered if she'd ever find someone who could make her laugh like he did. Anakin cut the fruit and gently lifted it into the air, telekinetically picking it up from the plate and floating it across the table to her.
Her heart skipped a beat at his boyish smile and she plucked the fruit from the air, taking a bite. She wanted more time with him, more moments of fun and laughter, moments where she could be carefree. It was an unlikely event, one she couldn't see happening too often, yet she longed for them more because of it. She returned his smile, laughing softly as she understood the underlying reason for his theatrics. She was flattered and a little shy knowing he was simply showing off for her. He had been since they'd shared their kiss on the terrace, and she wasn't afraid to admit that it pleased her to have him doing so. True, his stunts could be worrisome, like the one with the shaak that afternoon. He'd never know exactly how terrified she'd been when she'd seen him lying so still in the grass.
Even now, hours later, the thought of his still body was enough to make her shiver. She didn't want to think of him dying. Anakin Skywalker was too much of a free spirit to be caged or caught. He deserved to be running wild and free. Which made him all that much more of an enigma. As a Jedi he needed to be in control of himself and yet he was frequently pushing the boundaries of it. Padmé admitted to herself, privately, that she could easily fall for the impetuous young man. If she hadn't already. Her heart skipped a beat as she accepted his hand up from the table, feeling a thrill run through her body as she touched his skin. Would it always be so?
She pushed away the thought, enjoying his company as he led her towards the living room. The hearth was dark and the atmosphere was light as they sat.
"Did you enjoy yourself today?" Anakin asked easily, not seeming to be able to meet her gaze.
Padmé nodded, ignoring the sudden tension in his shoulders. "I did, thank you. For a Jedi protector you certainly seem dead set on making sure I enjoy myself."
He smiled shyly. "What can I say, I like to make you happy."
She smiled, tilting her head at him and watching the way the shadows of the setting sun played across his features. He was very handsome, her Anakin. Wait a second, her Anakin? Where had that come from? She watched as he suddenly got to his feet and went to the hearth, beginning to lay the pieces for a fire.
Padmé took the opportunity to study him without too much fear of discovery. He was crouched at the fireplace, seemingly absorbed in his own thoughts and she looked her fill. He'd filled out well. A tall, lanky young man with the smile of the boy she remembered so well. She tried to bring his picture to her mind and found instead the image of the man before her. His quirky smile, quick laugh and devastatingly handsome face. She even loved the way his padawan braid hung over his shoulder. She couldn't deny the thrill that ran through her system at every look; every touch. She frowned. She was a Senator, he was studying to become a Jedi, could they really have a future together if they wanted? Could they make it work if that's what they wanted? She took a deep breath. Anakin would fit so well into her life if she let him, if she was willing to make the sacrifices.
He sat next to her again, the fire blazing in the hearth. She could feel the heat on her shoulders and reached up to remove the wrap. The black fabric was placed on a nearby table as she sat half turned towards him. Their knees were almost touching and she suddenly felt choked, almost as if something huge was going to happen.
The sun dipped beyond the edge of the mountains and she didn't notice, the darkness of the room broken only by the flickering flames of the fire. She felt the apprehension radiating from Anakin and wondered if he'd try to kiss her again. She hoped he would, and yet, at the same time, that he wouldn't. She couldn't allow her emotions to spin out of control and be heedless of the circumstances. When he began to speak, his words caught her attention right away, his eyes locking with hers. She felt her mouth go dry as she listened and watched him bare his heart to her.
"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you," his gaze was intense, open. Padmé could see what he was saying and knew that it was the truth. "And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you, I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do, I will do anything that you ask."
She stared at him shocked, speechless as his words cut through her. Was her presence in his life really that influential? She knew it was true; she could see it on his tortured face. She studied his features, unable to help feeling the same as what he was describing. The closer she got to him, the more terrified she became. The more terrified of losing him, of not being able to see him; of not loving him. She was opening up to her, begging her with his eyes to tell him he wasn't mistaken. She looked away, the jumble of emotions running through her system a private battle. She, too, was haunted by their kiss. It should never have happened, but it had, and she wanted little more then it to happen again.
But where would it lead? They couldn't have a future together, no matter how well they could build one, due to their stations. Where would a future with them lead? Where could it lead?
He met her gaze again, and she could see the struggle in his face. "If you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me." His words were a plea, though they were spoken more as a demand. He'd just offered her his heart and she couldn't speak.
She shook her head slightly, "I can'... we can't. It's... just not possible." She forced herself to say the words, knowing in her heart that they were true. She could build her life around Anakin, and it would never work because of their sect separation.
"Anything is possible, Padmé, listen to me."
"No, you listen." She pushed herself off the couch, needing to get away from him suddenly. She couldn't think clearly, think about what was best for them, not what they wanted, with him sitting so close. "We live in a real world, come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi, I'm... I'm a senator." She fought against her heart, knowing in her mind that this was for the better. She had to make him see that a future between them was something that was impossible, no matter how much they wanted it. "If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go." She paused, unable to tell him, even in the midst of being sensible, that she didn't care for him. "Regardless of the way we feel about each other."
"Then you do feel something!"
She almost winced at his hopeful statement. She couldn't encourage him, no matter how much she wanted to. "I will not let you give up your future for me."
"You are asking me to be rational, that is something I know cannot do." She stared at him, unable to believe that this strong young man in front of her was the same loveable boy she'd first met on Tatooine. When had he become so forceful, so demanding of what he wanted? "Believe me, I just that wish I could just, wish away my feelings. But I can't."
She met his gaze, fighting against the responding feelings rising in her throat. She wanted to tell him to never wish for something like that, to keep on feeling the way he did for her. She wanted this, wanted him, and she couldn't have him, regardless. She inhaled softly. "I will not give in to this."
She swore she saw his heart breaking as he turned to leave and she wanted to reach out, grab him and hold him until he understood she felt the same way. But she couldn't. She couldn't allow him to see the weakness he caused in her. She had to be strong, for both of them, if they wanted any chance at accomplishing their dreams. Jedi couldn't marry. Padmé knew this. As much as she wanted him, as much as he completed her, she wouldn't let him destroy the dream he'd been working for since their meeting ten years ago. She saw him pause in the doorway and almost screamed. Why couldn't he just let this go, didn't he feel what he was doing to her by forcing her to reject him?
"Well, you know, it wouldn't have to be that way."
She eyed him, wondering what he meant. Wouldn't have to be like what. No matter their relationship, nothing would work between them, surely he had to know that.
"We could keep it a secret."
She felt the surprise first, then the "We'd be living a lie. One we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. I couldn't do that. Could you Anakin, could you live like that?" She wanted to scream, but couldn't let herself. Why couldn't he just let this go? She wanted the same things he did, wanted to take a chance on their relationship but couldn't. Duty forbade it.
"No. You're right. It would destroy us."
She almost cried when he looked at her again, seeming to accept her word and reasoning. He was accepting her words, their rationality, and she wanted him to keep fighting against her. She wanted him to keep trying to change her mind, to resist her logic with passion. He slowly nodded before turning to leave. Padmé could see the dejection, the rejection and reluctant acceptance in his posture. She waited until she couldn't see or hear him anymore before turning back to the fire and closing her eyes. They stung with unshed tears. She bowed her head slightly, swallowing a couple of times before she regained control of her emotions. She couldn't allow herself to think with her heart. If she did, they'd both be torn asunder.
The last thought she had, which stayed with her as she turned to return to her room, was that she could easily build her life around his if it came down to it. Anakin and she were well matched; she was just terrified to take that leap.