Nov 2002
Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.
Part4
*Be a lover and a friend.*
Padmé stepped from the Lars homestead and into the stark landscape of sand as she looked around. She found Anakin standing several yards from the main entrance. She walked towards him, seeing the pain in his features, the determined set of his jaw. He couldn't be talked out of this course of action. Did she really want to try? She searched his features as she neared, feeling the concern for him overcoming her good sense. She stopped a foot or so from him, looking up into his eyes and feeling the anguish radiating off him in waves. Anguish mixed with purpose. He wasn't going to fail.
She felt tears gather in her eyes as he began to speak. "You're going to have to stay here. These are good people Padmé, you'll be safe."
He was leaving her. Leaving her to find his mother and follow a trail that was over a month old. He was taking on a momentous task that he couldn't say no to, regardless of the odds. She twisted her fingers together anxiously. She'd worry while he was gone. "Anakin." She choked, stretching out her arms to him. She needed this. Needed contact to let herself know he was safe.
Anakin enfolded her in a hug and Padmé buried her face in the curve of his neck. She didn't want to lose him, not now. Not when she was just beginning to realize exactly how much he truly meant to her. While he was in her arms he was alright, the world couldn't touch him, but once he left she could lose him forever. She squeezed her eyes shut, tightly holding him to her before she felt his grip begin to lessen. She drew away reluctantly, tears shimmering in her eyes. Their gazes locked and for a half second, their faces inches apart, she wanted to lean in and kiss him. For luck, for fortune. In case he never came back. She bit her lip instead, pulling away. He wouldn't thank her for it. Anakin was determined to go on his quest.
He stepped back and her hands fell from him reluctantly, her heart pounding painfully. She had to control herself, yet she couldn't. Not with the myriad of feelings swirling through her.
"I won't be long."
It's been too long already. She found herself thinking as he walked away, his cloak billowing out behind him. She watched, her heart in her throat as he straddled the speeder bike and sped away. Padmé stared after him, his small form disappearing into the Tatooine desert like a speck in space. She turned, gazing at the sunset, her hands folded in front of her. Silently she asked the powers he wielded to grant him a swift and safe return. Anakin Skywalker had always been her friend, but now she found she needed him for something more. If he never came back, she was certain her heart would break.
It would be the next afternoon before she saw him again. Anakin had brought home the body of his mother. He entered the hut without saying a word, and Padmé felt her heart go out to him as she read the conflicting emotions on his face. Sorrow, anger, determination, defeat and satisfaction. There were more, but she couldn't identify them. Her heart went out to him as he carried the body of his mother into the homestead. She and the Lars's slowly followed, Padmé going directly to the kitchen.
When she found him again, it was in the garage. Anakin was fiddling with one of the broken machinery pieces, his attention seemingly too focused. She held the tray up, "I brought you something." He didn't even look at her, and she couldn't blame him. Anakin had suffered a momentous loss; one that she wished she could soften somehow. "Are you hungry?" she kept her voice quiet, subdued like her feelings. She'd meet Shmi, remembered her as a loving woman, and admired her for her courage. Anakin wasn't the only one who was feeling her loss, yet she couldn't indulge in her own grief. Anakin needed a friend right now and, as he'd been there for her, she would now be here for him.
"The shifter broke. Life seems so much simpler when your fixing things."
She placed the try on a piece of machinery, needing to do something with her hands before she looked back to him.
"I'm good at fixing things. Always was. But I couldn't."
Her heart was open, bleeding with his as he spoke, feeling the pain and anguish in his words.
"Why'd she have to die? Why couldn't I save? I know I could have."
"Sometimes there are things no one can fix." She stepped further into the room, wanting to go to him, to wrap him in her arms and tell him everything would be alright. She wanted to be the shoulder he cried on while he fought to get past his pain. "You're not all powerful Ani."
"Well I should be. Someday I will be. I will be the most powerful Jedi ever. I promise you. I will even learn to stop people from dying."
She looked at him shocked. He hadn't meant that, had he? "Anakin."
"It's all Obi-Wan's fault, he's jealous. He's holding me back!" Anakin threw the wrench he'd been holding, sending it clattering into the shadows of the garage.
She tried to sort through the nuances in his speech; something was wrong. Horribly wrong, and it went much deeper than just losing his mother. Whatever it was, she could tell it was tearing him apart inside. She had to know, had to get him to tell her. "What's wrong Ani?"
She saw him hesitate, almost as if he wasn't sure if he should tell her. His words were quiet when he began to speak again, almost like he couldn't believe them himself. "I... I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead. Every single one of them. And not just the men. But the women and the children too."
He'd done what he said, she could see it in his eyes and it shocked her completely. Anakin, her sweet Anakin, had slaughtered a village of Tusken Raiders because they'd taken his mother from him. She wanted to recoil, to hide from his words, but couldn't. She'd asked, and she'd received her answers. She couldn't look away from his eyes as he spoke, seeing the raw suffering that was eating at his heart. Anakin knew what he'd done and it was killing him.
"They're like animals and I slaughtered them like animals. I hate them!" He almost yelled the words at her, as if daring her to judge him, to find him wanting. He seemed to deflate then, slowly lowering himself to the floor, unable to look at her.
Padmé looked down at him, fighting with herself. He deserved to be comforted, needed it. What he'd done appalled her, terrified her a little, but he was still human. He'd just lost his mother. No matter what else she felt because of his actions, he was still Anakin. She knelt next to him, waiting until he looked at her as she spoke her words softly. "To be angry is to be human."
He shook his head, tears shining in his eyes. "I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this."
Padmé watched as he seemed to collapse, sobs suddenly wracking his body as the tears slid down his cheeks. She pulled him into her arms, gently cradling him and let him cry. The torment she'd seen on his face when he'd last spoke eating away at her heart. Never had she felt more for a person than she did at that moment. She couldn't tell him, maybe she could never tell him as he cried on her shoulder, but she would show him. Holding him close, she allowed her touch to speak for her. She loved him, even then, especially then, and only hoped her presence could help lessen the pain of his actions. As a lover, or a friend, she accepted him. Flaws and all, without them, he wouldn't be her Anakin.
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.
Part4
*Be a lover and a friend.*
Padmé stepped from the Lars homestead and into the stark landscape of sand as she looked around. She found Anakin standing several yards from the main entrance. She walked towards him, seeing the pain in his features, the determined set of his jaw. He couldn't be talked out of this course of action. Did she really want to try? She searched his features as she neared, feeling the concern for him overcoming her good sense. She stopped a foot or so from him, looking up into his eyes and feeling the anguish radiating off him in waves. Anguish mixed with purpose. He wasn't going to fail.
She felt tears gather in her eyes as he began to speak. "You're going to have to stay here. These are good people Padmé, you'll be safe."
He was leaving her. Leaving her to find his mother and follow a trail that was over a month old. He was taking on a momentous task that he couldn't say no to, regardless of the odds. She twisted her fingers together anxiously. She'd worry while he was gone. "Anakin." She choked, stretching out her arms to him. She needed this. Needed contact to let herself know he was safe.
Anakin enfolded her in a hug and Padmé buried her face in the curve of his neck. She didn't want to lose him, not now. Not when she was just beginning to realize exactly how much he truly meant to her. While he was in her arms he was alright, the world couldn't touch him, but once he left she could lose him forever. She squeezed her eyes shut, tightly holding him to her before she felt his grip begin to lessen. She drew away reluctantly, tears shimmering in her eyes. Their gazes locked and for a half second, their faces inches apart, she wanted to lean in and kiss him. For luck, for fortune. In case he never came back. She bit her lip instead, pulling away. He wouldn't thank her for it. Anakin was determined to go on his quest.
He stepped back and her hands fell from him reluctantly, her heart pounding painfully. She had to control herself, yet she couldn't. Not with the myriad of feelings swirling through her.
"I won't be long."
It's been too long already. She found herself thinking as he walked away, his cloak billowing out behind him. She watched, her heart in her throat as he straddled the speeder bike and sped away. Padmé stared after him, his small form disappearing into the Tatooine desert like a speck in space. She turned, gazing at the sunset, her hands folded in front of her. Silently she asked the powers he wielded to grant him a swift and safe return. Anakin Skywalker had always been her friend, but now she found she needed him for something more. If he never came back, she was certain her heart would break.
It would be the next afternoon before she saw him again. Anakin had brought home the body of his mother. He entered the hut without saying a word, and Padmé felt her heart go out to him as she read the conflicting emotions on his face. Sorrow, anger, determination, defeat and satisfaction. There were more, but she couldn't identify them. Her heart went out to him as he carried the body of his mother into the homestead. She and the Lars's slowly followed, Padmé going directly to the kitchen.
When she found him again, it was in the garage. Anakin was fiddling with one of the broken machinery pieces, his attention seemingly too focused. She held the tray up, "I brought you something." He didn't even look at her, and she couldn't blame him. Anakin had suffered a momentous loss; one that she wished she could soften somehow. "Are you hungry?" she kept her voice quiet, subdued like her feelings. She'd meet Shmi, remembered her as a loving woman, and admired her for her courage. Anakin wasn't the only one who was feeling her loss, yet she couldn't indulge in her own grief. Anakin needed a friend right now and, as he'd been there for her, she would now be here for him.
"The shifter broke. Life seems so much simpler when your fixing things."
She placed the try on a piece of machinery, needing to do something with her hands before she looked back to him.
"I'm good at fixing things. Always was. But I couldn't."
Her heart was open, bleeding with his as he spoke, feeling the pain and anguish in his words.
"Why'd she have to die? Why couldn't I save? I know I could have."
"Sometimes there are things no one can fix." She stepped further into the room, wanting to go to him, to wrap him in her arms and tell him everything would be alright. She wanted to be the shoulder he cried on while he fought to get past his pain. "You're not all powerful Ani."
"Well I should be. Someday I will be. I will be the most powerful Jedi ever. I promise you. I will even learn to stop people from dying."
She looked at him shocked. He hadn't meant that, had he? "Anakin."
"It's all Obi-Wan's fault, he's jealous. He's holding me back!" Anakin threw the wrench he'd been holding, sending it clattering into the shadows of the garage.
She tried to sort through the nuances in his speech; something was wrong. Horribly wrong, and it went much deeper than just losing his mother. Whatever it was, she could tell it was tearing him apart inside. She had to know, had to get him to tell her. "What's wrong Ani?"
She saw him hesitate, almost as if he wasn't sure if he should tell her. His words were quiet when he began to speak again, almost like he couldn't believe them himself. "I... I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead. Every single one of them. And not just the men. But the women and the children too."
He'd done what he said, she could see it in his eyes and it shocked her completely. Anakin, her sweet Anakin, had slaughtered a village of Tusken Raiders because they'd taken his mother from him. She wanted to recoil, to hide from his words, but couldn't. She'd asked, and she'd received her answers. She couldn't look away from his eyes as he spoke, seeing the raw suffering that was eating at his heart. Anakin knew what he'd done and it was killing him.
"They're like animals and I slaughtered them like animals. I hate them!" He almost yelled the words at her, as if daring her to judge him, to find him wanting. He seemed to deflate then, slowly lowering himself to the floor, unable to look at her.
Padmé looked down at him, fighting with herself. He deserved to be comforted, needed it. What he'd done appalled her, terrified her a little, but he was still human. He'd just lost his mother. No matter what else she felt because of his actions, he was still Anakin. She knelt next to him, waiting until he looked at her as she spoke her words softly. "To be angry is to be human."
He shook his head, tears shining in his eyes. "I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this."
Padmé watched as he seemed to collapse, sobs suddenly wracking his body as the tears slid down his cheeks. She pulled him into her arms, gently cradling him and let him cry. The torment she'd seen on his face when he'd last spoke eating away at her heart. Never had she felt more for a person than she did at that moment. She couldn't tell him, maybe she could never tell him as he cried on her shoulder, but she would show him. Holding him close, she allowed her touch to speak for her. She loved him, even then, especially then, and only hoped her presence could help lessen the pain of his actions. As a lover, or a friend, she accepted him. Flaws and all, without them, he wouldn't be her Anakin.