Nov 2002
Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.
Part 6
*Wrong Again.*
Padmé hummed softly to herself as she set about covering the security cameras in her bedroom, as was her custom. The ones that focused on the window and bed. It was getting dark and Anakin would be here soon. The thought of her handsome husband, now a Jedi Knight for two years, made her shiver deliciously. It was their fourth wedding anniversary tonight, four years since they'd pledged themselves to each other. Four years of hiding, sneaking around behind the backs of the Jedi Council and the public. Four years of excitement, of nearly being caught, and finding excuses to be together. She doubted anyone suspected, but they could never be too careful. If their relationship came to the public's attention, even to simply the Jedi Council's attention, Anakin would be expelled. She couldn't let that happen.
She quickly changed into her nightdress in the blacked out areas of her bedroom. Security cameras were a necessary evil for someone in her position as an influential Senator, and she'd come to detest them. They were everywhere, making it a challenge to find time alone, away from prying eyes with her husband. In the last three years, after lots of near misses in their first year, they'd finally developed a pattern. At first, covering her security cameras had disturbed her security force, but now it was simply routine. Padmé had done so ever since the night four years ago when Anakin had been on the other end of the lenses. Now, with him on the same end as she, she didn't want to be discovered.
There was a gentle tap on her window as the lock was undone with the Force. Padmé double checked her appearance and quickly covered the last of the cams. Her room would be a black out for several hours. Long enough for her and Anakin to have some private time that was woefully lacking. Slowly, the glass shifted, being pulled outwards, and two very familiar hands, one covered in a black glove, grabbed the interior ledge as Anakin pulled himself inside.
Padmé went to him immediately, launching herself into his arms as he straightened. He caught her, enfolding her in his arms as his mouth came down to cover hers. Desire slammed into her, as it always did at his touch. She wanted him. As much now as she had at their wedding four years ago. Her hands slid into his hair, holding him close as she arched into his touch. It was always like this. He'd returned from a mission to the outer rim just that evening and they hadn't seen one another in two months. She gasped as his hands slid across her body, expertly sliding the straps from her shoulders, his mouth leaving hers to place heated, passionate kisses on her skin. Without words, he told her how he'd missed her.
"Anakin!" she gasped his name, silently begging him to hurry. It had been so long, too long, since she'd seen him last. Sensations swam though her system and mind, colors exploding as he complied.
A few hours later, she lay sated in his arms, feeling the gentle brush of his fingers across her bare back. "What are you thinking about?" she asked softly, tilting her head up from its position on his chest to look at him.
His features were shadowed, the lights passing by the window making his eyes difficult to read. "I'm getting tired of this, Padmé."
Her head came up sharply and she looked down at him, her brows drawn together in concern. "Of what? Hiding our marriage?"
He nodded. Padmé felt her heart squeeze painfully. The talk she'd most dreaded had finally come to pass. Why couldn't he have waited until tomorrow, before he had to leave? She swallowed hard. "I am too," she admitted, "but if the council found out, you'd be expelled. You've achieved your dream to be a Jedi Knight, how can-"
"I don't care."
She blinked, shock registering on her face as he cut her off. He rolled away from her, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at the window. She reached out a hand, wanting to touch him, to make sure he knew what he was saying, but it fell to the sheets as he tugged his trousers on and began to pace. "The Jedi can't give me what I want, Padmé, not anymore. I used to think I wanted to be a part of something that was unique, but the Jedi are set in their ways; they're going nowhere. They won't let me achieve the kind of dreams I have. They can't give me the power I want."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing and an echo of the conversation she'd had with him after the death of his mother ran through her mind. She was suddenly terrified for him and for herself. "Anakin?"
He turned to face her, his blue eyes shining with determination and something else. Something that scared her. His posture was almost threatening as he stepped towards her. "The Republic doesn't work, the last four years of this war should have proven that. The Chancellor has told me that many of the senators want you dead; I could lose you to another assassin at any moment. I couldn't live without you Padmé, please, stop lobbying for peace before it gets you killed!"
"You want me to give up fighting against something I think is wrong?" she asked him, shocked. How could he ask that of her? How could he ask that of her? Ask that she simply drop from sight when she was the most outspoken against the current war. People wanted peace, couldn't he see that? "I can't do that, Anakin." Her words were soft as she wrapped the blanket around herself and stepped from the bed. She looked at him, holding the knot of fabric between her breasts as she fought to keep her focus. "Would you?" she asked him pointedly. "Would you be able to give up everything you've worked for in four years simply because it could mean your death?"
"I already have."
She froze. He didn't mean...? No, he couldn't mean that, not when they were still so connected. He couldn't be talking about their relationship. "What do you mean?"
He stepped to her, grasping her by the shoulders, his gaze as hard as ice. She shivered, but not from his touch. There was something in his eyes, something that frightened her as nothing ever had before. He simply looked at her for long moments and her heart skipped a beat. What did he see when he looked at her? What could he possibly see?
"It's time to choose, Padmé. Obi-Wan knows of our arrangement, he's threatened to expose me to the Council if something happens."
"I don't understand. Why would Obi-Wan want to hurt us?" Obi-Wan was one of their oldest friends; someone they trusted implicitly. Or so she had thought. "Anakin, what did you do?"
He spun away from her, "Why does it always have to be something I did?" he demanded, spinning back. His eyes flashed but she caught the fear, the anger, as easily as the self-recrimination.
She could read the anguish in his eyes, the pain he couldn't quite hide from her, and she knew she was right. Something was eating at him again, tearing him up and taking him away from her. That thought, the thought of losing him, made her heart freeze in fear. She couldn't. She loved him so completely, no matter what he did, that life without him was unimaginable. When they were apart, she felt like half a person. Together, she felt whole; completed. She fought to get the words past the lump in her throat. "What's wrong, Anakin?"
Why did he have to be so stubborn? She saw him swallow hard, could almost see the mental battle he was waging to decide if he should tell her. She opened a hand to him, silently beseeching him to tell her, to trust her as he always had. His shoulders straightened but he didn't reach out to take her hand as he had so many times in the past. She shook her head in silent denial, mutely begging him to prove her wrong. Don't do this, she thought silently, wishing he could read her thoughts when she couldn't find the courage to voice them. Don't shut me out. Please, love, don't destroy all we've been working for. Don't give up on us!
Anakin was silent as he met her gaze, and she saw the shield slowly fall over the turbulent emotions in his eyes. Tears pooled in hers as she shook her head, "No... Anakin, please, tell me." She begged softly, reaching out for him again.
"I can't."
She barely caught the words, but they cut through her heart like a knife. He couldn't trust her. He wouldn't. After all they'd been through, after all they'd shared, he was pulling away now? She blinked back her tears, dropping her hand to her breast and clutching the sheet tightly. The swiftness of her pain wasn't surprising; it was the anger at feeling so helpless. The anger that he couldn't trust her as he once had. "Why?" The question was soft, but a note of pure steel rang through it, demanding an answer.
He stepped into the shadows by the window, scooping his tunic from the floor and slowly shrugging into it. She didn't move as she watched him, waiting for an answer. His body language spoke of his defensive mood, the fact that she was somehow threatening to him. Her throat closed, cutting off anything else she might have said. She couldn't bear the thought of being a burden to him, and that was the impression he was giving.
"Your position is dangerous, Padmé." He met her gaze again. His face, normally so expressive, registered no emotion. Her heart ached. "I can't tell you because you might bring it to the attention of your movement. In fact, I know you would. I don't wish to cause you pain."
"You already are." She managed to get out, her words cracking. A single tear slipped down her cheek as she watched him collect his boots. He was going to leave. She could see it in his posture. She held her hand out to him one last time, in desperation. She mutely pleaded with him to prove her wrong, and he came to her this time, his hand gently sliding into hers.
"No matter our differences, Padmé," he told her softly, searching her gaze, "no matter what happens now or in the future, know that I love you. I'll see you when I get back from my next mission."
She sobbed once, softly, as his lips gently brushed hers and then he was gone. Padmé slowly sank to the ground, the sheet pooling around her as she bowed her head. Anakin was changing. Changing so much she was beginning to wonder where the passionate young man she'd married had ended up. She curled forward, soft sobs of pain and sorrow shaking her body. The signs had been there for months; his frequent missions, the change in his opinion of her political position and the chaffing against the Jedi Order's rules. For the first time in four years, Padmé Skywalker was beginning to wonder if perhaps she'd been wrong and Anakin had been right. Were they too different to last in a secret marriage? Would it truly destroy them? Tears blurred her vision as she looked up to the window where her husband had disappeared. She was starting to think he'd been right. And it was killing her. Curling up on the ground, she pulled the sheets around her and softly cried herself to sleep.
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.
Part 6
*Wrong Again.*
Padmé hummed softly to herself as she set about covering the security cameras in her bedroom, as was her custom. The ones that focused on the window and bed. It was getting dark and Anakin would be here soon. The thought of her handsome husband, now a Jedi Knight for two years, made her shiver deliciously. It was their fourth wedding anniversary tonight, four years since they'd pledged themselves to each other. Four years of hiding, sneaking around behind the backs of the Jedi Council and the public. Four years of excitement, of nearly being caught, and finding excuses to be together. She doubted anyone suspected, but they could never be too careful. If their relationship came to the public's attention, even to simply the Jedi Council's attention, Anakin would be expelled. She couldn't let that happen.
She quickly changed into her nightdress in the blacked out areas of her bedroom. Security cameras were a necessary evil for someone in her position as an influential Senator, and she'd come to detest them. They were everywhere, making it a challenge to find time alone, away from prying eyes with her husband. In the last three years, after lots of near misses in their first year, they'd finally developed a pattern. At first, covering her security cameras had disturbed her security force, but now it was simply routine. Padmé had done so ever since the night four years ago when Anakin had been on the other end of the lenses. Now, with him on the same end as she, she didn't want to be discovered.
There was a gentle tap on her window as the lock was undone with the Force. Padmé double checked her appearance and quickly covered the last of the cams. Her room would be a black out for several hours. Long enough for her and Anakin to have some private time that was woefully lacking. Slowly, the glass shifted, being pulled outwards, and two very familiar hands, one covered in a black glove, grabbed the interior ledge as Anakin pulled himself inside.
Padmé went to him immediately, launching herself into his arms as he straightened. He caught her, enfolding her in his arms as his mouth came down to cover hers. Desire slammed into her, as it always did at his touch. She wanted him. As much now as she had at their wedding four years ago. Her hands slid into his hair, holding him close as she arched into his touch. It was always like this. He'd returned from a mission to the outer rim just that evening and they hadn't seen one another in two months. She gasped as his hands slid across her body, expertly sliding the straps from her shoulders, his mouth leaving hers to place heated, passionate kisses on her skin. Without words, he told her how he'd missed her.
"Anakin!" she gasped his name, silently begging him to hurry. It had been so long, too long, since she'd seen him last. Sensations swam though her system and mind, colors exploding as he complied.
A few hours later, she lay sated in his arms, feeling the gentle brush of his fingers across her bare back. "What are you thinking about?" she asked softly, tilting her head up from its position on his chest to look at him.
His features were shadowed, the lights passing by the window making his eyes difficult to read. "I'm getting tired of this, Padmé."
Her head came up sharply and she looked down at him, her brows drawn together in concern. "Of what? Hiding our marriage?"
He nodded. Padmé felt her heart squeeze painfully. The talk she'd most dreaded had finally come to pass. Why couldn't he have waited until tomorrow, before he had to leave? She swallowed hard. "I am too," she admitted, "but if the council found out, you'd be expelled. You've achieved your dream to be a Jedi Knight, how can-"
"I don't care."
She blinked, shock registering on her face as he cut her off. He rolled away from her, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at the window. She reached out a hand, wanting to touch him, to make sure he knew what he was saying, but it fell to the sheets as he tugged his trousers on and began to pace. "The Jedi can't give me what I want, Padmé, not anymore. I used to think I wanted to be a part of something that was unique, but the Jedi are set in their ways; they're going nowhere. They won't let me achieve the kind of dreams I have. They can't give me the power I want."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing and an echo of the conversation she'd had with him after the death of his mother ran through her mind. She was suddenly terrified for him and for herself. "Anakin?"
He turned to face her, his blue eyes shining with determination and something else. Something that scared her. His posture was almost threatening as he stepped towards her. "The Republic doesn't work, the last four years of this war should have proven that. The Chancellor has told me that many of the senators want you dead; I could lose you to another assassin at any moment. I couldn't live without you Padmé, please, stop lobbying for peace before it gets you killed!"
"You want me to give up fighting against something I think is wrong?" she asked him, shocked. How could he ask that of her? How could he ask that of her? Ask that she simply drop from sight when she was the most outspoken against the current war. People wanted peace, couldn't he see that? "I can't do that, Anakin." Her words were soft as she wrapped the blanket around herself and stepped from the bed. She looked at him, holding the knot of fabric between her breasts as she fought to keep her focus. "Would you?" she asked him pointedly. "Would you be able to give up everything you've worked for in four years simply because it could mean your death?"
"I already have."
She froze. He didn't mean...? No, he couldn't mean that, not when they were still so connected. He couldn't be talking about their relationship. "What do you mean?"
He stepped to her, grasping her by the shoulders, his gaze as hard as ice. She shivered, but not from his touch. There was something in his eyes, something that frightened her as nothing ever had before. He simply looked at her for long moments and her heart skipped a beat. What did he see when he looked at her? What could he possibly see?
"It's time to choose, Padmé. Obi-Wan knows of our arrangement, he's threatened to expose me to the Council if something happens."
"I don't understand. Why would Obi-Wan want to hurt us?" Obi-Wan was one of their oldest friends; someone they trusted implicitly. Or so she had thought. "Anakin, what did you do?"
He spun away from her, "Why does it always have to be something I did?" he demanded, spinning back. His eyes flashed but she caught the fear, the anger, as easily as the self-recrimination.
She could read the anguish in his eyes, the pain he couldn't quite hide from her, and she knew she was right. Something was eating at him again, tearing him up and taking him away from her. That thought, the thought of losing him, made her heart freeze in fear. She couldn't. She loved him so completely, no matter what he did, that life without him was unimaginable. When they were apart, she felt like half a person. Together, she felt whole; completed. She fought to get the words past the lump in her throat. "What's wrong, Anakin?"
Why did he have to be so stubborn? She saw him swallow hard, could almost see the mental battle he was waging to decide if he should tell her. She opened a hand to him, silently beseeching him to tell her, to trust her as he always had. His shoulders straightened but he didn't reach out to take her hand as he had so many times in the past. She shook her head in silent denial, mutely begging him to prove her wrong. Don't do this, she thought silently, wishing he could read her thoughts when she couldn't find the courage to voice them. Don't shut me out. Please, love, don't destroy all we've been working for. Don't give up on us!
Anakin was silent as he met her gaze, and she saw the shield slowly fall over the turbulent emotions in his eyes. Tears pooled in hers as she shook her head, "No... Anakin, please, tell me." She begged softly, reaching out for him again.
"I can't."
She barely caught the words, but they cut through her heart like a knife. He couldn't trust her. He wouldn't. After all they'd been through, after all they'd shared, he was pulling away now? She blinked back her tears, dropping her hand to her breast and clutching the sheet tightly. The swiftness of her pain wasn't surprising; it was the anger at feeling so helpless. The anger that he couldn't trust her as he once had. "Why?" The question was soft, but a note of pure steel rang through it, demanding an answer.
He stepped into the shadows by the window, scooping his tunic from the floor and slowly shrugging into it. She didn't move as she watched him, waiting for an answer. His body language spoke of his defensive mood, the fact that she was somehow threatening to him. Her throat closed, cutting off anything else she might have said. She couldn't bear the thought of being a burden to him, and that was the impression he was giving.
"Your position is dangerous, Padmé." He met her gaze again. His face, normally so expressive, registered no emotion. Her heart ached. "I can't tell you because you might bring it to the attention of your movement. In fact, I know you would. I don't wish to cause you pain."
"You already are." She managed to get out, her words cracking. A single tear slipped down her cheek as she watched him collect his boots. He was going to leave. She could see it in his posture. She held her hand out to him one last time, in desperation. She mutely pleaded with him to prove her wrong, and he came to her this time, his hand gently sliding into hers.
"No matter our differences, Padmé," he told her softly, searching her gaze, "no matter what happens now or in the future, know that I love you. I'll see you when I get back from my next mission."
She sobbed once, softly, as his lips gently brushed hers and then he was gone. Padmé slowly sank to the ground, the sheet pooling around her as she bowed her head. Anakin was changing. Changing so much she was beginning to wonder where the passionate young man she'd married had ended up. She curled forward, soft sobs of pain and sorrow shaking her body. The signs had been there for months; his frequent missions, the change in his opinion of her political position and the chaffing against the Jedi Order's rules. For the first time in four years, Padmé Skywalker was beginning to wonder if perhaps she'd been wrong and Anakin had been right. Were they too different to last in a secret marriage? Would it truly destroy them? Tears blurred her vision as she looked up to the window where her husband had disappeared. She was starting to think he'd been right. And it was killing her. Curling up on the ground, she pulled the sheets around her and softly cried herself to sleep.