Nov 2002
Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.
Part 11
*Wrong Again.*
Padmé pulled the shawl from her shoulders as she stepped into her bedroom and leaned against the door. Today was her last day representing Naboo. Due to certain medical conditions, Dormé would now be attending the Senate meetings and speaking on her behalf. Medical reasons, right. Her hand crept low on her body to the gentle, barely perceptible swell of her stomach under a carefully arranged dress. Twins. The word echoed in her mind and she bowed her head. She was carrying Anakin's children and he didn't even know. Tears blurred her vision for a half a second and she quickly blinked them back. Anakin, her sweet Ani, was going to be a father without his knowledge.
She began to undress carefully, without Dormé's help, first removing the form-fitting top to get to the laces, which held up the high-waist of her skirt. She tried not to think, but the strain of the last three months was too much.
Anakin had effectively disappeared. She'd heard nothing from him since the night when he'd promised to come back to her. She'd half expected him to show up a week later proclaiming his reasons so he could scoop her up in his strong arms. She wanted that, had dreamed and hoped for it, but it wasn't to pass. A week had turned into two, and then three, without word of him. Slowly, in the second month when the reality was beginning to set in, she started hearing strange and disturbing rumors. Rumors about her husband having left the Jedi, killing Jedi or hunting them down. She couldn't believe them and passed them off as simply rumors with no substance. She knew her husband and Anakin was not a murderer. If he'd killed, or been forced to kill, there was a good reason behind it.
She fought off the thought. She was now six months pregnant with his children and their father was a good man. True, he was sometimes misguided and impulsive, but it was that fire which attracted her so. Anakin was passion. Her passion. And it had been sadly lacking for a long time. She felt old. Older than anyone twenty-eight years of age should feel. She gently caressed the more pronounced swell of her stomach as she slipped into her nightdress. Her children. She smiled softly, just thinking about the two tiny lives growing inside her. She'd wanted children, always dreamed of having them, but the necessity of keeping their marriage a secret had made children impossible. They'd always been extra careful when making love, so that she didn't conceive. A part of her had always wanted to throw caution to the wind and they'd done that the last time. Creating two new lives in the process.
Would Anakin be happy if he knew about them? He'd never said much about the prospect of having children. She'd cornered him on it about two years into their marriage and he'd said his mother had always seemed happy to have him. Yet, she could detect a distinct note of fear as he thought about it. He'd wanted children, he'd said as much, but he was terrified of failing them. He'd lost so much in his young life that Padmé could understand his reluctance. Even with their medical genius, there was still a chance of losing both baby and mother during childbirth. She'd seen the fear of losing her in his eyes and it had humbled her. It always did.
She gently ran her hand over her stomach again as she settled on the bed, her other hand massaging the small of her back. Pretending she wasn't carrying the extra weight of the children was difficult. It drained her more than normal and she had to pretend otherwise. She lay back, pulling the covers to her chest as she pulled Anakin's pillow from the other side of the bed. She hugged it, inhaling the scent as she pictured his face. Not as she'd last seen it, but the first time he'd touched her as her husband. He'd been shy and wide-eyed with wonder. She closed her eyes, squeezing the memory away. She'd start to cry again if she started to think about all of the good times.
Where are you now, Anakin? She wondered silently, feeling one of the twins kick. Are you happy without me wherever that may be? Happy without being able to fall asleep in my arms, or speak to me of your problems? Are you safe? she inhaled, smelling his scent as she hugged the pillow tighter. Do you miss me the way I miss you? Tears pricked the back of her eyelids as she stopped that line of thinking. Of course he missed her. If she started doubting that, she'd start doubting him, and Anakin would never do the kinds of things people were saying. Not without good reason.
She rolled over, determined to get some sleep, but her mind was racing. Images of his face haunted her dreams, did she really want to sleep? She nodded, though there was no one to see her. Oh yes. She really wanted to dream. She wanted to dream of a happy time when Anakin still held her close to him at night. Of a time when they were together, just the two of them against the galaxy. Of the first time he'd spoken to her and revealed his heart. The image of his tormented face came back to her and she smoothed the lines in her mind, slowly soothing his soul in the process as he was enfolded against her breast. She wanted him still. As a companion and a lover, yet she had heard nothing for 3 months. Nothing after a fight that had been petty and pointless. He'd walked away because she'd told him too and she was still kicking herself for it. One of the twins kicked again and she rolled onto her back, gently rubbing her hands over her swollen abdomen.
If he never came back, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to forgive herself. Her children deserved their father and she'd driven him away by her selfish demands. Tears leaked from behind her eyelids. She wanted him back and he wasn't coming back. Their last conversation had made it plain that whatever was wrong, wasn't something he could deal with in a short period of time. By the time he was able to tell her, it might already be too late. Inside, she was dying and she was terrified that, when he finally returned to her, there'd be nothing left. If he returned to her. She turned her face away from the window and choked back her tears. They solved nothing. She had to believe Anakin would return, yet she knew, deep in her heart, that he never would.
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.
Part 11
*Wrong Again.*
Padmé pulled the shawl from her shoulders as she stepped into her bedroom and leaned against the door. Today was her last day representing Naboo. Due to certain medical conditions, Dormé would now be attending the Senate meetings and speaking on her behalf. Medical reasons, right. Her hand crept low on her body to the gentle, barely perceptible swell of her stomach under a carefully arranged dress. Twins. The word echoed in her mind and she bowed her head. She was carrying Anakin's children and he didn't even know. Tears blurred her vision for a half a second and she quickly blinked them back. Anakin, her sweet Ani, was going to be a father without his knowledge.
She began to undress carefully, without Dormé's help, first removing the form-fitting top to get to the laces, which held up the high-waist of her skirt. She tried not to think, but the strain of the last three months was too much.
Anakin had effectively disappeared. She'd heard nothing from him since the night when he'd promised to come back to her. She'd half expected him to show up a week later proclaiming his reasons so he could scoop her up in his strong arms. She wanted that, had dreamed and hoped for it, but it wasn't to pass. A week had turned into two, and then three, without word of him. Slowly, in the second month when the reality was beginning to set in, she started hearing strange and disturbing rumors. Rumors about her husband having left the Jedi, killing Jedi or hunting them down. She couldn't believe them and passed them off as simply rumors with no substance. She knew her husband and Anakin was not a murderer. If he'd killed, or been forced to kill, there was a good reason behind it.
She fought off the thought. She was now six months pregnant with his children and their father was a good man. True, he was sometimes misguided and impulsive, but it was that fire which attracted her so. Anakin was passion. Her passion. And it had been sadly lacking for a long time. She felt old. Older than anyone twenty-eight years of age should feel. She gently caressed the more pronounced swell of her stomach as she slipped into her nightdress. Her children. She smiled softly, just thinking about the two tiny lives growing inside her. She'd wanted children, always dreamed of having them, but the necessity of keeping their marriage a secret had made children impossible. They'd always been extra careful when making love, so that she didn't conceive. A part of her had always wanted to throw caution to the wind and they'd done that the last time. Creating two new lives in the process.
Would Anakin be happy if he knew about them? He'd never said much about the prospect of having children. She'd cornered him on it about two years into their marriage and he'd said his mother had always seemed happy to have him. Yet, she could detect a distinct note of fear as he thought about it. He'd wanted children, he'd said as much, but he was terrified of failing them. He'd lost so much in his young life that Padmé could understand his reluctance. Even with their medical genius, there was still a chance of losing both baby and mother during childbirth. She'd seen the fear of losing her in his eyes and it had humbled her. It always did.
She gently ran her hand over her stomach again as she settled on the bed, her other hand massaging the small of her back. Pretending she wasn't carrying the extra weight of the children was difficult. It drained her more than normal and she had to pretend otherwise. She lay back, pulling the covers to her chest as she pulled Anakin's pillow from the other side of the bed. She hugged it, inhaling the scent as she pictured his face. Not as she'd last seen it, but the first time he'd touched her as her husband. He'd been shy and wide-eyed with wonder. She closed her eyes, squeezing the memory away. She'd start to cry again if she started to think about all of the good times.
Where are you now, Anakin? She wondered silently, feeling one of the twins kick. Are you happy without me wherever that may be? Happy without being able to fall asleep in my arms, or speak to me of your problems? Are you safe? she inhaled, smelling his scent as she hugged the pillow tighter. Do you miss me the way I miss you? Tears pricked the back of her eyelids as she stopped that line of thinking. Of course he missed her. If she started doubting that, she'd start doubting him, and Anakin would never do the kinds of things people were saying. Not without good reason.
She rolled over, determined to get some sleep, but her mind was racing. Images of his face haunted her dreams, did she really want to sleep? She nodded, though there was no one to see her. Oh yes. She really wanted to dream. She wanted to dream of a happy time when Anakin still held her close to him at night. Of a time when they were together, just the two of them against the galaxy. Of the first time he'd spoken to her and revealed his heart. The image of his tormented face came back to her and she smoothed the lines in her mind, slowly soothing his soul in the process as he was enfolded against her breast. She wanted him still. As a companion and a lover, yet she had heard nothing for 3 months. Nothing after a fight that had been petty and pointless. He'd walked away because she'd told him too and she was still kicking herself for it. One of the twins kicked again and she rolled onto her back, gently rubbing her hands over her swollen abdomen.
If he never came back, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to forgive herself. Her children deserved their father and she'd driven him away by her selfish demands. Tears leaked from behind her eyelids. She wanted him back and he wasn't coming back. Their last conversation had made it plain that whatever was wrong, wasn't something he could deal with in a short period of time. By the time he was able to tell her, it might already be too late. Inside, she was dying and she was terrified that, when he finally returned to her, there'd be nothing left. If he returned to her. She turned her face away from the window and choked back her tears. They solved nothing. She had to believe Anakin would return, yet she knew, deep in her heart, that he never would.