The wind blows through my hair as I walk through the cool night air. I look behind me, worried that someone may discover my absence, yet not allowing my fear to show. I can't show fear. I can't show hate. I can't show love. And therefore no one can know, I think to myself as I continue on through the trees. No one can know… I stop at a clearing and gaze at the single figure standing by the water in the night, the pale moonlight reflecting in his silver hair. I hold back the smile that threatens to creep onto my face, and attempt to still my heart as it begins to race. No one can ever know… That I love him.
I stumble forward; crunching leaves below me and silently curse my clumsiness. Clumsiness that I never had until the day I met him. Curse this love, this love that makes me so weak.
His ears twitch and he spins around suddenly to face me, a flicker of a smile displayed on his features. And then it is gone. "What's the matter, Kikyou? You getting sloppy or something? You never had trouble sneaking up on me before."
All my energy, all my power, goes into remaining still, and emotionless. I can't answer. He can't know. Slowly, with a steady hand that longs to shake, I reach for my arrow.
He tenses and then clenches his fists, his normal, smug grin replaced by a serious scowl as I take aim. "So this is it then," he says. "You came here to finally finish me off, huh? Well fine then. Be quick about it. I'm not about to plea for my life to some worthless human."
My grip tightens on the string and the arrow. I have been holding it still and poised for a while now, and my arm is beginning to grow tired from the tension, though my aim does not waver. "Why do you follow me?" I called out, surprising myself by my voice. I had not intended to ask. It should have been finished by now.
He looks confused, and then angry. "Feh. What are you thinking of woman? What are you stupid? You possess the Shikon no Tama. Why else would I follow you but to wait for the perfect opportunity to steal it from you?"
"I… see…" He's nothing more than another youkai. Even if he is half human. His heart is not that of a human. His heart is not like mine. It was my love for him that caused me to believe he was different. That there was something else there. I close my eyes and release the arrow. It whirls through the air until it hits its mark with a dull thud. I slowly sink to my knees. It is finished, I think to myself. Yet I stay there, cold and still, afraid for the first time in my life to open my eyes.
The silence reverberates in the air, tainted only by the sound of my heartbeat that surprisingly still goes on. In all my years as a priestess, I have never once missed my target. But yet, suddenly I hear the sound of the grass partings as his feet slowly pad towards me. He stops directly in front of me and I look up into his golden eyes, eyes full of confusion and… love. "Ki-kyou… Why must you taunt me like this? Just kill me and get it over with."
"I… can't," I whisper, realizing it only for the first time. There is a cool breeze drying the wetness on my cheeks, and in puzzlement I reach up to brush away my tears. Until now, I had never once shed a tear. "I can't… But I have to," I say with growing determination, quickly lunging to my feet and drawing an arrow once more. "I am a priestess. I cannot have a weakness. You are my weakness Inuyasha. And therefore, I must kill you."
He merely stares back at me, a look of sadness in his eyes, and I realize that he is unwilling to fight me now. Even a moment ago, when I sat vulnerable, with my guard down, he did not attack. Even for the sake of his precious Shikon no Tama. "Then go ahead," he says in a whisper. "I know what it's like to have a weakness. My weakness is that I am half human. I've waited my whole life to be complete. To do away with that part of me. And yet here you stand. You possess the one thing that can make me a full youkai. But I can't take it from you, not because of what you are, a priestess of great power, but because of who you are… Kikyou… I could never hurt you."
My grip on the arrow begins to loosen and tears begin to fall from my eyes again. How can I be sure? How can I trust him? What if my heart betrays me? Even now, as everything I know as a priestess screams for me to kill him, my heart tells me to believe in love. I have never lost to anything. I have always been triumphant. Until now… Why must I loose to my heart, of all things? The arrow falls to the ground with an echoing thud, and I can only pray with all my soul that I am not making a mistake. That I will not be betrayed. Yet as he wipes the tears from my face with a gentleness I never thought he could possess, I find that I no longer care…
* * * *
I sit up in the dark, feeling the tears on my face. "Just like in the dream…" I sit in silence for a moment, my mind sliding over ever detail of the vision, knowing that before long, the memory will begin to fade as all dreams do. And mostly I'm glad that in time I will no longer remember. To a certain extent, all people have flashbacks from their past lives, yet it's rare for those moments to be remembered. Sometimes the person is just left with a lingering sense of dejah-vu. Yet ever since the day when Kikyou was resurrected, and for a brief moment my soul went into her body, I've had dreams from my life as the priestess Kikyou ever night. Dreams that are so vivid, that I often have trouble figuring out which ones are based on memories from my own life and which ones were from Kikyou's life. Sometimes when I wake up I can't even remember who I really am. But those moments pass, and then I remember who I am. Kagome… Always Kagome. And sometimes that disappoints me, because after all, Kikyou is the one that Inuyasha loves.
As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I slowly became aware of two golden eyes, glowing in the night as they watch me in curiosity. "You should go back to sleep," he says quietly when he notices I've seen him watching me.
"Inuyasha, you were awake?"
"Y-Yeah…" he replied awkwardly.
I wonder if he's haunted by the same dreams as me. No… I don't even know if my dreams are real. I don't know if they ever really happened or if they were merely fantasies my imagination concocted. I sigh and the tears continue to trail down my cheeks. Why must I have to relive the regrets of the girl that is my rival?
"Kagome? You're crying…"
"It's nothing," I sniffle, rubbing the tears away with my sleeve. "Just a dream…" Silence hangs in the air for a brief moment, suppressing everything. "Did Kikyou ever cry?" I ask, not really wanting to know the answer but unable to deny my curiosity.
He stiffens for a moment at the mention of her name, but then resumes his normal demeanor. "Feh. What crazy things are you thinking now? Kikyou was a great priestess. She couldn't show emotion, dummy."
"Oh. Sorry, Inuyasha. My mistake." I sigh and lie down rolling onto my side so that my back faces him.
"Once," he says in a low voice after a brief pause. I turn back to face him once more as he looks out the window with a far away gaze. "Just once I saw her cry," he said in a sad voice. I nod slowly to myself. He was thinking of that night as well. In his dreams and in mine the memories replay. We are linked more closely than anyone knows. More than anyone can ever know. He can never know…