Disclaimer: All still apply.

SACRIFICES

(PART EIGHT)

Steve couldn't sleep. What his father had told him played over and over in his head, denying him any peace. And if he were feeling so bad just thinking about it, then what must Jesse have been going through, trying to live that nightmare.

He managed to push himself into a sitting position, wincing as pain flared through his arm. He had been so concerned about Jesse, that he'd almost forgotten about his own multiple injuries.

The light in his room was dim and the corridors were in darkness. Steve pressed the button that lit up the face of his watch. It was almost two a.m. Regardless of the time, he swung his legs out of bed, then tentatively tried to stand up. Agony tore through his leg, forcing him to bite back a curse.

"Come on, Sloan," he muttered, through gritted teeth. "You've been hurt worse than this before."

His father's words floated back to him. Jesse's hurting a whole lot more, and they filled him with new determination. He limped slowly across the room, leaving heavily on the wall for support, and somehow made it to the door without passing out.

Looking out into the empty corridor, he could see Jesse's room, just a few yards away. The distance looked impossible. His leg was on fire and throbbed in time to the rapid beating of his heart, even when he didn't put any weight on it.

Just one step at a time, he told himself, easing himself through the door and making sure that the corridor really was deserted. He bit down hard on his lip, fighting against his pain.

Jesse needed him and, in spite of what his dad had said, he couldn't just lie there and do nothing. A look of grim determination on his face, Steve shuffled slowly forwards.

*****

"So what did Jesse say when you told him about the counselling?"

Mark and Amanda were back at the beach house. It was late, but neither of them felt much like sleeping. They sat on the big comfortable couch, drinking mugs of cocoa.

"He didn't." Amanda gazed into her cup, as she remembered Jesse's complete lack of reaction to anything she'd said after she'd returned to his room. "I think he only opened up to me the first time because he was so vulnerable. I really thought I could help him, Mark, but he's so..."

She trailed off, unhappily. If anything, Jesse was even worse following his stammered confession to her. He hadn't eaten anything and nobody could get any type of a response from him, about anything.

"I know," Mark sighed. "He's just withdrawn so far now, I don't know how anybody's going to be able to reach him."

"Who's doing the counselling?" Whoever it was, Amanda didn't envy their task.

"Martin Carmichael. He's trained in rape counselling. I know that Jesse wasn't actually, physically..." He couldn't complete the sentence, as the seemingly ever-present tears threatened to spill again. "God, Amanda. Why do such bad things happen to such good people?"

"Jesse will be fine," Amanda said, leaning forward to put a comforting arm around her old friend. "He's strong. He'll get through it eventually."

"Yes, I suppose he will. But at what cost? We're all so concerned about his mental state, that we're forgetting that he might never regain full use of his hand. And somebody's going to have to break that news to him sooner or later."

*****

It was torture. A few short yards down the corridor and Steve was almost ready to collapse. It was a miracle in itself that he was still standing when he made it to the door of Jesse's room, what felt like hours but in truth was only minutes, after starting his journey.

He eased the door open, concentrating only on being able to sit down and take the weight off his injured leg. Sweat stood out on his forehead and he couldn't prevent a grunt of pain as he limped, agonisingly slowly, towards the bed.

As he got closer, he could see that Jesse was sleeping. Still lying on his back, the only difference from when Steve had visited earlier in the day, was that now his eyes were closed.

Eventually, Steve reached the chair at the side of the bed and he sank into it with a sigh of blissful relief. Taking a few minutes to let the pain subside to a more tolerable level, he just sat and looked at his sleeping friend.

A sudden surge of grief flooded through him and he felt tears constrict his throat. It was just so unfair. He loved Jesse with all of his heart and would have done anything to take away his pain. But now that he was here, he was unsure of what he could do, without making things worse.

He watched Jesse's slow and even breathing, wondering if he had been given a sedative. It didn't matter, it had taken too much effort for him just to get there. He wasn't about to leave without at least trying.

It didn't seem a good idea to simply wake his friend, that would be too much of a shock for him, so Steve just cleared his throat and began talking softly, hoping that his friend would hear him, even if it was only at some deep, subconscious level.

"Jess, I don't want to make things worse for you. God help me, I would never do that, but I had to see you. Amanda told me what you said to her." He paused, seeking to keep a hold on his emotions. "I love you Jesse Travis. That's all that I can say and I swear, I am not ashamed of you."

Feeling braver, he reached out and covered Jesse's small hand with his own.

"What you saw in my eyes, what you thought was shame, Jesse, I have to tell you, that was guilt. I did this to you, sweetheart and that's why I had such a hard time facing you."

Steve lowered his gaze to the floor, blinking back tears. This was harder than he'd ever imagined it could be.

"You see, I knew about Guy Patterson's release from prison, but I didn't see it as important. I didn't see him as a threat. God, if I could turn back the clock... If I had only..."

He trailed off, shaking his head, angry at himself for not being able to put into words what he felt so clearly in his heart.

"I..." Steve looked back up and stopped abruptly. Jesse's bright blue eyes were wide open and staring back at him.

*****

Say something! Anything! Steve commanded himself, but all of the words were suddenly stuck in his throat. Jesse's eyes were filled with tears and there was that same fear in them that had been so obvious that afternoon.

A part of Steve was expecting the young man to reject him again, to break down and push him away. He didn't think that he could handle that. So, he reacted in the only way that he knew how.

Ignoring the fresh lance of pain in his leg, he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Jesse's lips. Looking deeply into his eyes, he tried to convey just how much he loved him, because he still couldn't find the words. To his horror, two tears trickled down the young man's cheeks.

"Oh, Jess," he breathed. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you any more. Please don't send me away. Please."

Steve eased himself back into the chair, unable to hide a grimace of pain that the movement caused him.

"You're hurt," Jesse murmured, his voice barely a whisper.

Fear was replaced by concern in Jesse's eyes and Steve had to quash the sudden surge of hope that welled though him. This wasn't forgiveness. It was just Jesse being the compassionate doctor he was.

"I'm okay," he lied.

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing that won't fix."

As soon as he'd said those words, Steve realised that he'd made a mistake. He had only tried to stop his friend from being too worried about him. He never thought of the consequences of such a flippant statement, until Jesse's forlorn gaze dropped to his left hand.

"Oh God, Jess, I'm sorry." He ran his hands through his hair, furious with himself. "You know me, always opening my mouth and putting my foot straight in it. God, I can't believe I said that. Jesse, I... Dammit! I'm not doing a very good job here."

"It's okay." But Jesse's tone of voice belied that statement.

"No, it's not." Steve continued to berate himself. "I came here to convince you that I totally, utterly and deeply love you, but instead I end up saying the most stupid, insensitive..."

"Totally, utterly, deeply?"

Jesse's softly spoken words cut through Steve's tirade and he looked down at the smaller man. What he saw there, in his shining blue eyes, almost caused his heart to stop. Jesse still looked afraid, but there was something else in his pleading gaze, something that Steve had never even dared to think he'd see. There was hope.

"Completely, hopelessly, devotedly," he whispered in reply. "Just tell me what to do, Jesse. Tell me how I can prove it to you."

Fresh tears were running down the young doctor's face, but now the faintest smile also touched his lips.

"Just hold me," he pleaded, allowing his emotions to overcome him.

*****

Something had changed. As Mark and Amanda stepped out of the elevator the following morning, they could both sense it. On the floor where both Steve and Jesse's rooms were situated, the atmosphere was definitely different.

Nurses who had, over the past couple of days, only been able to offer him sympathetic glances now smiled openly. It had to have something to do with Steve or Jesse. Unconsciously, both Mark and Amanda quickened their pace.

Arriving at Steve's room, Mark's first reaction was one of fear. The bed was empty and there was no sign of his son. But that wasn't in keeping with the upbeat mood of the staff. He exchanged a puzzled glance with his colleague.

"Doctor Sloan, you really should see this."

A nurse was gesturing to them from down the hall. From, they both realised, outside Jesse's room. The nurse had returned her attention back to the window and was standing there looking in, with the strangest smile on her face.

The two doctors quickly joined her, following her gaze. Amanda gasped involuntarily, unable to believe what she was seeing. And Mark felt himself filling up again. Only this time, the tears were of happiness.

The hospital bed was narrow but, somehow, Steve and Jesse had both managed to get into it. They lay, entwined in each others arms, sleeping peacefully and with the most blissful smiles on their faces.

THE END.

Author's notes: Well, I hope that you all enjoyed 'Sacrifices' and, yes, I know that not all of the issues were resolved. But, I'm having so much fun with this pairing, I had to leave something open, just to give me an excuse to write the next part of this continuing saga. Thanks to everyone who reviewed this story. Your comments are always appreciated. Best wishes, Guardian.