Title: Ticking
Author: Cassandra Mulder
Feedback: Is greatly appreciated. cassandra_mulder@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Mostly season two, up to and including "Passage".
Written: December 2, 2002
Classification: Vaughn Angst; S/V
Disclaimer: I only wish it belonged to me. It all *really* belongs to J.J. Abrams, Bad
Robot Productions, and ABC. I'm only invading Vaughn's mind for a little bit, I promise
to leave his preciousness as I found him. ;)
Summary: Vaughn thinks of the time he has with Sydney, and the time that's always
running out.
Distribution: Cover Me; Allies Fanfic Archive; anyone else, please ask.
A/N: Vaughn and Sydney inspire me like crazy. So here's another angst piece, hope you enjoy.
**************************************************************************
"My father gave me this watch. It's broken now. When he gave it to me, he said you could set your heart by it. It stopped October 1st, the day we met." - Vaughn, Alias - "Passage"
**************************************************************************
Way to go, Mike, I think to myself as both of our pagers go off at once.
Great, just great. I'm fairly certain I have no idea where I was going with this watch
thing anyway.
Syd just looks at me. I don't know what she's thinking, but I thought it was... significant.
Why would my dad's watch, the one he said you could set your heart to, stop when I met Sydney? When my heart stopped.
We just look at each other and head off to meet Kendall. This sounds so incredibly
selfish, but I liked it better when I was the only one from the CIA Sydney ever had
contact with. Our meetings have become less private and more infrequent.
I try to listen to Kendall as he explains the problem with the codes, and am barely able
to gather enough of my thoughts to respond. I'm trying to focus, but that gets harder
every day, every mission, every time I send Sydney off to somewhere she might never
come back from.
I can't think of that though. Not while there are so many things I haven't told her. Like
why I need to explain myself to her. How I've barely seen Alice since recovering from the virus. Why I don't sleep, I *can't* sleep, when she's on an op. I've lost track of how much sleep I've lost in the last fourteen months.
And here I am again, sending her off to risk her life, while I stay here and do nothing,
unable to sleep till I know she's safe.
I just can't get the words out to tell her any of these things. I know I'm not supposed
to have any of these feelings for her in the first place, it's against protocol.
Well, screw protocol. I didn't trade my humanity for my job. There may be some people
that can do that, but I'm not one of them.
I'll botch as many attempts at telling her as I need to to get it right. I know she doubts certain things right now, and that's mostly my fault. Alice should never have come up,
should never have been an issue, because I never should've gotten back together with
her. She's a good person, and I care about her, but I don't love her.
Not like I love Sydney.
I've never loved anyone like I love Sydney Bristow. That scares me, and because I love
her like that, losing her scares me more than anything.
Here time is ticking away, not on my father's watch, but most certainly on someone
else's. The CIA's, SD-6's, Sloane's... No one knows when those will stop and my time
will be up for good.
There's no way to know, so I must take my chances where I have them. Till Sydney can see what she means to me, till there are no more interruptions and limitations, till there's a time for us.
FIN
Author: Cassandra Mulder
Feedback: Is greatly appreciated. cassandra_mulder@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Mostly season two, up to and including "Passage".
Written: December 2, 2002
Classification: Vaughn Angst; S/V
Disclaimer: I only wish it belonged to me. It all *really* belongs to J.J. Abrams, Bad
Robot Productions, and ABC. I'm only invading Vaughn's mind for a little bit, I promise
to leave his preciousness as I found him. ;)
Summary: Vaughn thinks of the time he has with Sydney, and the time that's always
running out.
Distribution: Cover Me; Allies Fanfic Archive; anyone else, please ask.
A/N: Vaughn and Sydney inspire me like crazy. So here's another angst piece, hope you enjoy.
**************************************************************************
"My father gave me this watch. It's broken now. When he gave it to me, he said you could set your heart by it. It stopped October 1st, the day we met." - Vaughn, Alias - "Passage"
**************************************************************************
Way to go, Mike, I think to myself as both of our pagers go off at once.
Great, just great. I'm fairly certain I have no idea where I was going with this watch
thing anyway.
Syd just looks at me. I don't know what she's thinking, but I thought it was... significant.
Why would my dad's watch, the one he said you could set your heart to, stop when I met Sydney? When my heart stopped.
We just look at each other and head off to meet Kendall. This sounds so incredibly
selfish, but I liked it better when I was the only one from the CIA Sydney ever had
contact with. Our meetings have become less private and more infrequent.
I try to listen to Kendall as he explains the problem with the codes, and am barely able
to gather enough of my thoughts to respond. I'm trying to focus, but that gets harder
every day, every mission, every time I send Sydney off to somewhere she might never
come back from.
I can't think of that though. Not while there are so many things I haven't told her. Like
why I need to explain myself to her. How I've barely seen Alice since recovering from the virus. Why I don't sleep, I *can't* sleep, when she's on an op. I've lost track of how much sleep I've lost in the last fourteen months.
And here I am again, sending her off to risk her life, while I stay here and do nothing,
unable to sleep till I know she's safe.
I just can't get the words out to tell her any of these things. I know I'm not supposed
to have any of these feelings for her in the first place, it's against protocol.
Well, screw protocol. I didn't trade my humanity for my job. There may be some people
that can do that, but I'm not one of them.
I'll botch as many attempts at telling her as I need to to get it right. I know she doubts certain things right now, and that's mostly my fault. Alice should never have come up,
should never have been an issue, because I never should've gotten back together with
her. She's a good person, and I care about her, but I don't love her.
Not like I love Sydney.
I've never loved anyone like I love Sydney Bristow. That scares me, and because I love
her like that, losing her scares me more than anything.
Here time is ticking away, not on my father's watch, but most certainly on someone
else's. The CIA's, SD-6's, Sloane's... No one knows when those will stop and my time
will be up for good.
There's no way to know, so I must take my chances where I have them. Till Sydney can see what she means to me, till there are no more interruptions and limitations, till there's a time for us.
FIN