Chapter 6
It was the longest walk I'd made in my entire life. My feet felt like lead as I slowly trudged along the road to Jeff's place. Matt had stayed behind at Dad's with the rest of them & he assured me that Gilbert was at the hospital so Jeff would be alone. Matt was right, I had to see him, I'd just nevr expected to deal with it so soon, I wasn't prepared! My heart was ready to jump out of my mouth & I felt like I was going to spew but I knew I had to face things, it had been long enough! I climbed the steps to their back door & just stood there, I felt numb! Just a few days ago if someone had told me I'd be standing at the door of Jeff's house I'd have told them they were crazy! But here I was! I lifted my hand to knock on the door but I couldn't - it just stayed there in mid-air, refusing to do what my brain was telling it! I lowered it again & sighed, looking up at the sky praying for the strength to get this over with! I must have stood there, rooted to the spot for at least ten minutes, but it felt more like an hour! Eventually I closed my eyes, took a deep breath & knocked on the door. Slowly it opened & I was face to face with the father of my child, the love of my life! Jeff's eyes widened when he saw me & we just stood there & stared at each other. He had a towel around his neck & he absentmindedly wiped the sweat from his face, not taking his eyes off me. I gulped & tried to speak, but nothing would come out. He was just like I remembered him, if not even more beautiful than the night I'd walked out of my life. His eyes were still deep & entrancing, his face perfect in every way. He took my breath away. Suddenly I remembered what Adam had said & now I realised what he'd meant. This was how love was meant to be, not some gradual, familiar thing, but a cold hard smack in the face!! We looked at each other for sometime before I finally managed to force out a word. "Hi!" "Gemma.....er......hey....wow! I....er.....oh sorry come in please!" he stepped aside, allowing me to walk into the kitchen, then closed the door & followed me inside. My heart was pounding so hard I had this crazy notion that he could actually hear it! "I......I......" I swallowed, trying to get a grip, "I saw Matt. He......er....he said you would be home...I thought..........well actually I didn't think at all, because if I'd stopped to think about it I wouldn't be here right now I'd have bottled it!" I was babbling but I couldn't seem to stop! "So, here I am....so.....how's it goin'?" Jeff smiled, "It's...erm......ok....yeah!" "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, I should go..." I went for the door but he grabbed my arm. I closed my eyes at the feel of his touch on me again after so long! "Don't go please!" I turned to face him. "I'm.....I'm......sorry Jeff!" I looked up at the celing, "I know none of this is going to make any sense but....I just needed to say I'm sorry...I never meant to hurt anyone.....I just freaked..........I dunno.." He nodded slowly & released his grip on my arm. How I wished he would just grab me & kiss me like he did the night before I left, but I knew he wasn't stupid! This was one bridge I couldn't build back up in a day, it was going to take time. "Why....er.....why don't we sit down?" he gestured to a chair & I slowly sat down, he sat down opposite me. "Where do I start?" "You tell me Gemma," he said softly, "You tell me?" "I can't." He nodded. "Well it's been a while huh?" I lowered my head, this wasn't how I'd imagined it to be, but then, what did I expect? An 'open arms', 'all-is-forgiven' welcome after all these years without even a phonecall?! "Talk to me Gemma!" I sighed. "Look I was right....this wasn't such a good idea...." I stood up & headed for the door & Jeff stood up too. "I'm sorry Jeff!" I opened the door & stepped out into the sunshine. "Don't walk out on me again Gemma!" Jeff shouted. I ran down the steps & he ran after me. "GEMMA! I won't let you go this time!" he caught up to me & turned me to face him. I stared at him through my tears & he tried to pull me towards him. I wanted to be in his arms more than anything in the world, but I knew it wasn't right! I sank to my knees in the dirt, slipping out of his grip & putting my head in my hands. He knelt down opposite me & tried to hold me again but I pulled back. "Don't do this Jeff!" I sobbed. "Why?!" "Because you don't know! You don't know what I've done!" "I don't care what you've done Gemma, l love you! I've missed you so much, you can't even imagine....." "Please Jeff!! Just......just don't.....not yet!" His hands slipped to his side & we both just sat there in the yard while I sobbed & tried to find the words to tell him what I needed to say. "I'm gonna go home..." "NO Gemma! Not yet...." "Listen to me Jeff please!" I took hold of his hands, " I need you to come to Dad's place.....give me about 15 minutes then follow me! I swear to you I will be there....I promise!" He nodded, "Ok, I'll erm....get changed & follow you there!" "Thankyou!" We stood up & I turned to leave but he stopped me. "Let me hold you Gemma!" I looked into his eyes & it was all I wanted, all I longed for but I couldn't let it happen, not before he knew about Michael.
It was the longest walk I'd made in my entire life. My feet felt like lead as I slowly trudged along the road to Jeff's place. Matt had stayed behind at Dad's with the rest of them & he assured me that Gilbert was at the hospital so Jeff would be alone. Matt was right, I had to see him, I'd just nevr expected to deal with it so soon, I wasn't prepared! My heart was ready to jump out of my mouth & I felt like I was going to spew but I knew I had to face things, it had been long enough! I climbed the steps to their back door & just stood there, I felt numb! Just a few days ago if someone had told me I'd be standing at the door of Jeff's house I'd have told them they were crazy! But here I was! I lifted my hand to knock on the door but I couldn't - it just stayed there in mid-air, refusing to do what my brain was telling it! I lowered it again & sighed, looking up at the sky praying for the strength to get this over with! I must have stood there, rooted to the spot for at least ten minutes, but it felt more like an hour! Eventually I closed my eyes, took a deep breath & knocked on the door. Slowly it opened & I was face to face with the father of my child, the love of my life! Jeff's eyes widened when he saw me & we just stood there & stared at each other. He had a towel around his neck & he absentmindedly wiped the sweat from his face, not taking his eyes off me. I gulped & tried to speak, but nothing would come out. He was just like I remembered him, if not even more beautiful than the night I'd walked out of my life. His eyes were still deep & entrancing, his face perfect in every way. He took my breath away. Suddenly I remembered what Adam had said & now I realised what he'd meant. This was how love was meant to be, not some gradual, familiar thing, but a cold hard smack in the face!! We looked at each other for sometime before I finally managed to force out a word. "Hi!" "Gemma.....er......hey....wow! I....er.....oh sorry come in please!" he stepped aside, allowing me to walk into the kitchen, then closed the door & followed me inside. My heart was pounding so hard I had this crazy notion that he could actually hear it! "I......I......" I swallowed, trying to get a grip, "I saw Matt. He......er....he said you would be home...I thought..........well actually I didn't think at all, because if I'd stopped to think about it I wouldn't be here right now I'd have bottled it!" I was babbling but I couldn't seem to stop! "So, here I am....so.....how's it goin'?" Jeff smiled, "It's...erm......ok....yeah!" "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, I should go..." I went for the door but he grabbed my arm. I closed my eyes at the feel of his touch on me again after so long! "Don't go please!" I turned to face him. "I'm.....I'm......sorry Jeff!" I looked up at the celing, "I know none of this is going to make any sense but....I just needed to say I'm sorry...I never meant to hurt anyone.....I just freaked..........I dunno.." He nodded slowly & released his grip on my arm. How I wished he would just grab me & kiss me like he did the night before I left, but I knew he wasn't stupid! This was one bridge I couldn't build back up in a day, it was going to take time. "Why....er.....why don't we sit down?" he gestured to a chair & I slowly sat down, he sat down opposite me. "Where do I start?" "You tell me Gemma," he said softly, "You tell me?" "I can't." He nodded. "Well it's been a while huh?" I lowered my head, this wasn't how I'd imagined it to be, but then, what did I expect? An 'open arms', 'all-is-forgiven' welcome after all these years without even a phonecall?! "Talk to me Gemma!" I sighed. "Look I was right....this wasn't such a good idea...." I stood up & headed for the door & Jeff stood up too. "I'm sorry Jeff!" I opened the door & stepped out into the sunshine. "Don't walk out on me again Gemma!" Jeff shouted. I ran down the steps & he ran after me. "GEMMA! I won't let you go this time!" he caught up to me & turned me to face him. I stared at him through my tears & he tried to pull me towards him. I wanted to be in his arms more than anything in the world, but I knew it wasn't right! I sank to my knees in the dirt, slipping out of his grip & putting my head in my hands. He knelt down opposite me & tried to hold me again but I pulled back. "Don't do this Jeff!" I sobbed. "Why?!" "Because you don't know! You don't know what I've done!" "I don't care what you've done Gemma, l love you! I've missed you so much, you can't even imagine....." "Please Jeff!! Just......just don't.....not yet!" His hands slipped to his side & we both just sat there in the yard while I sobbed & tried to find the words to tell him what I needed to say. "I'm gonna go home..." "NO Gemma! Not yet...." "Listen to me Jeff please!" I took hold of his hands, " I need you to come to Dad's place.....give me about 15 minutes then follow me! I swear to you I will be there....I promise!" He nodded, "Ok, I'll erm....get changed & follow you there!" "Thankyou!" We stood up & I turned to leave but he stopped me. "Let me hold you Gemma!" I looked into his eyes & it was all I wanted, all I longed for but I couldn't let it happen, not before he knew about Michael.