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Chapter 5: As You Sort Of Like It
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Two days after Draco kissed her, Ginny was no closer to figuring out why than she had when it happened.
Ezra was trying to work out a rather complicated binding spell she refused to explain the intricacies of and she and Ginny were sitting out by the lake. Their location only made Ginny dwell all the more on her encounter with Draco, and it caused a whole school of butterflies to let loose inside her belly.
"You look like shit," Ezra mentioned.
"Rather feel like it," Ginny admitted. "I just wish this whole bloody term was over with; I can't wait to spend a nice summer at home."
"Not me," Ezra argued. "I hope this year lasts forever. I even sort of like this place; it's a hell of a lot more tolerable than Durmstrang."
"Aren't you even a little excited to be done with school?" Ginny wondered. "You'll be a fully certified legal witch, capable of doing anything you want."
"You've got the first part right, but I wouldn't count on the second," Ezra said gloomily. "I told you, my life as we know it is essentially over the moment I graduate."
"Yes, but you still haven't told me why," Ginny reminded her pointedly.
Ezra heaved a sigh. "You don't want to hear it, girly, believe me. It would absolutely shatter the way you look at the world."
"It can't be all that bad," Ginny insisted.
"What is it about the words 'fate worse than death' that you're failing to grasp?" Ezra wondered as if talking to herself.
"Well I'm never going to grasp it if you don't tell me exactly what's wrong, am I?" Ginny said. In truth, she was hoping to make Ezra feel better about whatever certain doom awaited her; barring that, Ginny was sort of hoping someone else's awful life would make her feel a little bit better about her own. This prompted a speck of guilt in Ginny's mind, but not enough to actually drown out the elation at having someone else's problem to concentrate on, which in itself ignited a new wave of guilt.
Deciding to focus on her newly developed guilt complex later, Ginny propped her chin up in her hands and gave Ezra her full attention.
"Fine," Ezra sighed. "Haven't you wondered why I've been going through all the men at Hogwarts like they're going out of style?"
Ginny was positive the first response that came to mind ("I just thought you were a slut") would not be at all appreciated, and instead gave Ezra a prodding look.
"I'm betrothed," Ezra sighed at last. "To a perfectly horrible little troll I've known since I was a baby. He used to steal my food!" she cried. "Our families have known each other for generations and they've been waiting ages for a boy and a girl to be born at the right time so our families can join."
"That . . . that's positively antiquated!" Ginny declared. "Your parents can't just give you away to someone! You've got to have a choice in the matter."
"I have a choice," Ezra snorted. "I can marry The Goblin, or I can spend the rest of my life running from my father's wrath. Not to mention his father's wrath. Though his father's always been a lot more understanding than mine. If his father were my father, he'd probably just lock me away in a tower for the rest of my life. I don't even want to think about what my father would do if I tried to back out."
Having no idea how to respond, Ginny found herself asking, "He's not really a Goblin, is he?"
Ezra laughed, a full-throated sound that Ginny hadn't heard from her friend all day. "No," she snickered, "he's not actually a Goblin. Though I might be more excited by one than I am by him."
"How does this whole thing even work?" Ginny asked after a moment of silence. "I mean, one birthday, did your parents say 'Surprise, you're engaged!' and leave it at that?"
"We've both known since we were very young that we had no choice in whom we were going to marry," Ezra said. "Before we even knew what it really meant to be married to someone, we knew that's how we'd end up. I must say, I've been sort of hoping he'd croak before the big day came, but no luck. If all goes as planned, we get married the day after I graduate."
"The day after," Ginny gasped.
"My mother's been planning the wedding for years," Ezra noted wryly. "So has his. They have tea and eat cakes and force us to sit there and give opinions on an event we both wish would never take place during summer holidays. The whole thing has made us rather bitter toward one another, as if it's each of our faults for being born. I call him the Troll and he calls me the Banshee and we're going to make the loveliest couple, bitter and bickering into old age, don't you think? Our children will hate us."
"That's sad," Ginny said, at a loss for what else to say.
"Yes," Ezra agreed with a resigned tone, "it is." Then, she lifted her head up high and pasted a neutral expression on her face. "But there's no way out, so I might as well make the best of a bad situation."
"Are you sure you couldn't talk to your dad?" Ezra gave her a look, then mimicked her throat being cut. "Right, right -- your mum, then?"
"You're so lucky," Ezra commented sadly. "You could talk to your family and say you wanted to make your own choices and they'd probably support you, or at the very least, let you live. Mine would destroy me. So while I might consider myself in love with Seamus Finnigan--"
"In love with Seamus?" Ginny squealed. "I thought you were just using him, like the rest!"
"--it's just not going to happen," Ezra continued in a gentle, but firm voice. "And all the wishing in the world won't change it."
Ezra gave Ginny another sad smile that reflected more pain than bitterness behind her eyes, then gathered up her books and left Ginny by the lake.
To say that the conversation left her a bit shaken was an understatement. Poor Ezra. She could almost imagine Ezra and the 'Troll' she was supposed to marry. Her mind conjured up a great hulking beast like Viktor Krum (who'd always resembled a troll, as far as Ginny was concerned), attending Durmstrang along with Ezra, all buddy-buddy with that creep Karkaroff because everyone knew it was the school to go to for future Dark Wizards. He probably played Quidditch and sacrificed young virgins and had a single long eyebrow. Poor Ezra, Ginny winced again.
Ginny was also left in the position of adding a few things to her list of mental priorities. As they stood now, they were:
1) Do whatever it takes to become a member of the Order, thus allowing:
a) family to afford food;
b) Fred and George to stay out of jail; barring that, bail money;
c) connections to facilitate fabulous career in journalism;
d) never being forced to wear article of clothing another member of family has already worn;
2) Resist wholly inappropriate attraction to Draco Malfoy at all costs, unless such resistance should conflict with goal 1;
3) Don't let grades drop;
4) Never work for Ministry of Magic, as seems shady and stupid for both hiring Percy, and sacking Dad.
After the conversation Ginny just had with Ezra, she was willing to add the following two items:
5) Thank Mum and Dad for never taking the overprotective kick so far as to marry only daughter off;
6) Check to make sure am not betrothed and am in fact free to make my own decisions.
That line of thought naturally brought her back to Draco and she frowned. Free once she'd fulfilled this contract with Satan. Through her own greed, she'd tied herself to Draco Malfoy. Yes, it was only for a month, but it was too uncomfortably close to what Ezra was going through. They were both stuck with someone they didn't like, forced into close proximity to avoid an unpleasant fate. (Granted, Ezra's fate -- death -- was much worse than Ginny's -- not being allowed into the Order -- but Ginny still felt they both had an awful time of it.)
The biggest difference, Ginny realized, was where each of them came from -- Ezra's family wasn't just taking her choice away; they had, in fact, masterminded the entire arrangement from the onset. Ginny's family, on the other hand, were they to somehow gain knowledge of the pact she'd struck with Draco (which they never would), would do everything in their power to stop her from humiliating herself. Then, of course, her father would march over to Lucius Malfoy straightaway and get himself killed trying to defend his daughter's honor.
Instead of concentrating on how much this would hurt her family, Ginny focused on how wonderful it would be when she could help out financially. It was worth a month with Draco Malfoy, no matter how awful he was.
Even if she was starting to think that maybe he wasn't that awful after all.
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