grown
part 4

It was something he had always hated. Sleeping, you know. Sleep was usually so unnecessary to his well designed Genome form, and he didn't like the way it separated his body and mind, leaving him with only a blank wall of darkness, with the occasional swirl of red or blue. Harder bursts of light and colour when he squeezed his eyes shut. Sleep was a waste of time, unless he was particularly exhausted.

But now, (like before) he couldn't wake up no matter how hard he tried, just couldn't open his eyes. It was the drugs; he could feel them coursing through his veins, keeping him in submission (no, not again) but it was only for a little while, not very long, (nevernevernever again, please) and, oh spirits, just let me-

"Wake up."

And just like that, he could open his eyes.

Years together let him read the worry on Mikoto's face, but she did not let it show in her words. "We are one hour away from Alexandria. You'll have to disguise yourself; no one knows that you are coming."

Curiously, her brusque attitude made him feel better. If no one knows you are weak, then you are strong. "Disguise? Put on a wig and some different clothes?" He let out a crack of rusty laughter.

She looked at him implacably. "While I have only seen you sit like a lump, there were extensive records of your capabilities back on Terra. I read some of them, and still retain the data. I know what you can do, brother."

He sighed, then sat up. Light spilled through the windows, and he could see the clouds rush by, and feel the slight vibration as the Invincible roamed the skies. She had carried him to the cockpit, and laid out a light sleeping pad for him. Typical.

"Very well," he sighed. He closed his eyes again, and found his inner controls; the powerful magics he used bleached his hair, and for convenience sake, he had switched off his pigment producers. Besides, the natural silvery colour his hair turned suited him. It made him unique, and told the world who he was. The most powerful sorcerer to ever live.

And the most arrogant, which was your downfall.

Pale blonde ran riot through his long feathery locks, the almost silvery platinum blonde spreading until it covered his normal blue tinted white. He let the colour spread through his long ignored tail as well, and felt his skin darken slightly. Upon opening his eyes, he obediently put on the hard suit Mikoto handed him, then looked at his reflection in the window.

A Genome looked back.

He winced, then carefully raised a hand to brush back his hair. Although it was- no had been masked by his hair, and the extravagant clothes he had once worn so carelessly, his face was actually very similar to the basic Genome's. He smiled bitterly. Garland hadn't been the most imaginative person. And now with the hair, and the clothes, he was...anonymous. A number.

He looked away. "Is everyone in Alexandria yet?" No need to say who, after all.

"Vivi left some days ago on the Hilda Garde. Regent Cid came by to pick him and the children up. I think you were sleeping when he left. Princess Eiko Carol is still in Alexandria - she has been there for some weeks now. The others should arrive in the evening, or perhaps even tomorrow."

"I see."

But he didn't see really. What was she doing? What did she want from him? Why was Mikoto trying to make him live again?

The Invincible circled around, a huge creation of silver spangled blue, melding into the sky. The wind of it's passage blew his hair into his eyes, his fine clothes into disarray. Despite the stinging dust that had discouraged all but the most persistent of courtiers, Zidane simply grinned. It had been a very long time since they had all been together. And now, the very first of the arrivals, his strange fey sister, whom he had somehow grown quite close to. Perhaps because she always seemed to understand everything, a silent witness of everyone's struggles. Yet, she never acted on her knowledge, never interfered.

Slowly, the soul-ship landed, touching down delicately on the recently built port in Alexandria Castle. Before long, the hatch had opened, and Mikoto's slim figure appeared, held rigidly upright. She walked directly out, looking neither left or right, but simply at him.

Zidane smiled widely, and held his arms wide. "The Prince Consort of Alexandria welcomes the delegate of Black Mage Village to Our City. It has been a long time since we saw you, Your Excellency."

"The delegate of Black Mage Village is grateful for Your Highness' warm greeting," Mikoto recited dryly. "Our journey has been most fatiguing, and we humbly ask Your Highness if we do away with these foolish formalities."

There were some among the 'welcoming party' that raised eyebrows and scandalized whispers at this blunt speaking, but Zidane just shook his head. With a small whoop, he drew off the thin gold coronet denoting his status, carelessly throwing it aside. The Rose of May, Lady Knight Beatrix, present to represent her Queen, shot him a wry look, then stooped to pick it up. He ignored her, then ran forward to embrace his sister. "It's been far too long, Miko," he said fondly. "What on earth have you been doing that's kept you so busy from making the 'fatiguing journey' from the village to here? And how is he?"

Mikoto returned his embrace rather stiffly. "Work," she said shortly. "And as for him, we will speak of that...in private." Her gaze indicated the swarm of courtiers unsubtly drawing closer.

Zidane's eyebrows shot up. "As you wish." He turned to face his courtiers. "My lords, ladies. Her Excellency has been tired from her journey. She will, of course, later be at your full disposal at the ball my lady Queen has arranged." Mikoto grimaced at his words. "But for now, I ask that you respect her wish for privacy."

Clear disappointment was on the faces of many, but they accepted his command, and swiftly dispersed.

It had been a lifetime since he had stridden these halls. Ah, it was all the same, the hideously ugly portrait of Brahne IV, smiling hugely down on her subjects. The swift moving servants, who still had time to laugh and joke between jobs. The smell of beeswax and lemon, from their tireless efforts at cleaning. The yell of the cook in the kitchens. All that time had passed...and yet, everything was the same.

Was even that place the same? The place where she had come to him, so many times? The place where time and time again he had toyed with her, then erased away her very memories? If he were to enter that room, would she follow?

Did he even want her to?

The world had not changed, yet he had. He was no longer the man he had once been. Was it for the better? Or was it for the worse?

No doubt, most would say, it was definitely for the better. But before, he had been...

Beautiful.

Powerful.

Strong.

And now, all he was...was...

Broken.

Yes, after everything he had endured, Garland had finally succeeded. He had broken Kuja's soul. But even then, the old man had died (at your hands) and Kuja was left to pick up whatever fragments life left him. What was the use? He had left no imprint on this world anywhere.

I could just disappear...and no one would know...no one would care..

There were tears in his eyes, he found. As self-pitying and pathetic he knew himself to be, he did not wipe them away, but let them scald a path down his cheeks. He closed his eyes, and tilted his face to the heavens, letting them fall. Nothing but the sound of his own breathing, the hot salty tears falling, hitting the dusty stone floors of this abandoned forgotten part of the palace, a sound almost as imperceptible...

As the faint melancholy strains of harp music. The sound of a voice rising and falling in deep sorrow.

A voice he knew.

That voice erased all time, and sense of being. The sorrow she sang called him, no matter his barely acknowledged guilt and shame, and in a dream...he was following his beloved's voice, through these well-remembered corridors he had once claimed as his own, to the girl he had claimed as his own.

But she wasn't his. She had never been. His canary had flown away, freed.

He hesitated. His fingers brushed the intricate carving his own fingers had once set, the intertwining dragons dulled. Yes, everything had changed.

Chords chimed, and stilled.

And yet, everything had not. It would be enough...even just to see her again. Even if she recoiled, even if she was disgusted...He just wanted to see her face again.

The door swung open with a gentle creak to herald the way.

The room was in shambles, a full section open to the elements. Yes...that must have happened when he Summoned the Invincible's full fury on the Castle. Inside, the fine tapestries, the delicate paintings, the rich furniture had all withered away. How fitting.

In contrast, she was...she was more beautiful then ever. Her head was bowed, long locks of rich brown hair tumbling over one bare shoulder, while her hands clutched her mute harp. The strings still quivered; their song had not yet been resolved. He could feel the tears rising to his eyes, a hand over his mouth to keep him from the laughter, and the tears that would surely spill out. She had not changed at all. She was...beautiful.

"Is there something wrong? I asked...to be left alone." Her voice was light, yet rich. A voice of filigreed silver, it's song enough to enchant the cruelest of sorcerers. He was drowning in his memories of her, yet somehow, it was enough simply to look at her, to hear her, to bathe in her presence.

"Do you truly enjoy tormenting people?"

"Of course I do. You most of all, sweet canary."

"Is that so?"

"What do you mean, 'is that so'!? I said it is, have I not!?"

She had turned her face away, dark hair demurely veiling her face from his greedy eyes. "So you have."

"Why do you ask me these questions!?" he had demanded crossly.

Her eyes were endless pools of shadow as she replied. "Why haven't you killed me?"

The world stopped. He couldn't breathe. Why...was she...Why hadn't he....

Because....I.....I...

".....really do...love you..." His words were quieter then the sound of tears falling, yet somehow she still heard. In a rush, her head jerked up, dark hair billowing back to reveal her face, dark eyes widening their surprise, then narrowing, the thick lashes beating up and down rapidly...Her harp spilled from her lap, the last touch of her fingers bringing forth a discordant jangle of notes.

He had done it again! His very presence harmed her...diminished her!

"K-K..Kuja!?"

He did not stop for her exclamation, although the sound of his name uttered by that voice was sweet. -How does she recognize me, I do not look as I should!- Was his only coherent thought as he fled down the corridors.

"W...Wait! Please!"

He risked one glance back. She had gathered her long skirts up and was running after him? Why? He wasn't...he didn't deserve to be in her presence! He ran, the breathe gasping from his lungs, although surely he could go much faster then this...his was a genome's body, she should not be able to catch up to him...she was gaining!

He plunged down tower steps two at a time. He stumbled, behind him...

"Wait! Kuja..please!" She was still behind him! He rushed down again, when a frantic cry halted him in his tracks.

From above, she had been pursuing him...yet her long silken skirts, so like the ones he had imprisoned her in, had been her undoing. They had tangled, tripped, and now...

She was falling!

She would fall, the delicate bones left to shatter against hard unforgiving stone as she tumbled down again and again...Blood would mar that creamy skin, and she would be in pain...She would die.

Faster then thought, he had leaped to save her. His body intercepted hers a scarce second before they hit the ground; his breath was jerked from him, but he grimly held onto her, shielding her from harm as they tumbled down. Some sane part of him thought to protect her head with his hand, while the other remained firmly locked around her waist.

They were falling endlessly...yet it wasn't so bad, because she was safe, and he had been able to hold her for one last time.

And then the world stopped again, and they were lying entwined, battered, yet whole, together. He was only dimly aware of the sensation of cold stone underneath him, of his bruises and hurts. Because...she...his canary was...

"You're alive," she sobbed. Her fingers entwined into his hair, and she clung to him as if she would never let go. "I don't know and I don't care how, but you're alive. You're alive!"

Author's Note: *sobs* For months this chapter WOULD NOT WRITE, and just all of a sudden I could write today! *pummels writer's block* Well, the end is in sight, folks! The next chapter should be the last, or at least the second last! I thank you all for reviews. And no, I don't think I'll venture into Zidane x Kuja slash...It's just too scary! Well, Grown has returned to this AU series Garnet x Kuja roots, even though writing about Eiko was quite interesting. The series is, if you were wondering:

Mind Game
Desert Memories
Breathe
Grown

Mind Game started out as something I wrote just to see if writing a lemon (i.e a sex scene) was actually possible. You should never ask yourself questions like "Even I could write something better then this," because this is where it will take you. It was......very weird. *consults romance novels* If you've read them all, you'll note that my 'lemons' get steadily less lemonish - because it just weirded me out too much, call me immature. Nonetheless, the character interaction, as mature and vaguely AU as it was, wouldn't leave me alone, and I had to see where my soap opera tendencies would take me. Plus, I liked doing the descriptions (no NOT those ones, you HENTAIS ^_^), and I think FF9 is uniquely suited for fanfic authors to describe those really fantastical locations and the ornate clothing. Perhaps one day, if I find the time, I'll get to do a 'serious' work on ff9, one that isn't experimental. Well, thank you all for reading! The next chapter should be the last one, and will finish the series. BTW, Grown has been softened a lot for the NC-17 Ban - I modified a fair amount of scenes, and I find I actually prefer this version. However, the old one is still up on my website. (Forgotten my password AND user name....how talented...)