Chapter 15
The day Jeff was due back Michael speant most of his time either on the porch or looking out of the window, waiting for his hero, Jeff Hardy to come home! I felt like I was losing my own son & it was the worst feeling I'd ever had! My emotions were upside down & inside out! I was pleased Michael loved Jeff & vice versa, but I was torn between feeling happy for them & feeling sorry for myself! I'd always had total control over Michael's life since he was born, he was my foundation, my life & I would die for him, as would any mother for her own children. But now he had another parent, my equal partner in all decisions made about his upbringing, about his life & somehow I was going to have to get used to it. Deep down I knew that was one of the main reasons I wanted so desperatly to go back to Australia, at least then I would gain back some control over my son's life & everyday decisions! Yes it was selfish & heartless & once again I was being the bitch but I couldnt help it! I was so scared that I could not compete with Jeff Hardy the wrestler that I wasn't thinking about Jeff Hardy the human being! At around 3pm Michael came bursting into the room shreiking with excitement! "Mummy! Mummy! Jeff's here!!" he yelled as he frantically jumped up & down! "OK! OK! WOAH there little guy!! Calm down!" He grabbed my hand & dragged me to the back door, still jumping as we went outside! Jeff got out of his car & Michael flew towards him full speed, almost knocking hm onto his ass in the yard! "HEY!" he laughed, "I guess someone is pleased to see me huh!?" "ME! ME!" Michael shouted as Jeff hugged him. He looked over Michael's shoulder & smiled at me. God he was gorgeous!! I snapped myself back into focus & smiled back, mouthing "coffee?" & he nodded so I went inside & left them in the yard. They came in about 5 minutes later & thankfully Michael seemed to have calmed down! Jeff had bought him a Rock shirt & shades so Kellie took him upstairs to try them on. "So, did you win then?!" I asked, handing him his coffee & sitting down. "Nope!" He grinned, "But it's all part of a master plan!" "Oh right!" I smiled, "Where's Matt & Amy?" "Well they've gone to dump their bags then go & see how the builders are getting on! 2 days can make a big difference when the contractors are in!" "Yeah I bet!" We sat in silence for a while & I was starting to feel awkward, but Michael saved the day! "Look at me! I'm The Rock!!" he shouted as he bounded into the kitchen! I had to admit he did look cute, it brought a smile to my lips....until he ran straight past me & around the table to Jeff! "Hey look at the mini Rocky here!" Jeff said lifting Mike up onto his knee. I bit on my lip but forced a smile when they looked over at me. "You look quite the little pebble!!" Jeff laughed & ruffled his hair. "Wait 'til I show these to Jake!" Michael beamed! "He's gonna love them!" "Who's Jake buddy?" "He's my best friend in the whoooole world!" Michael smiled & Jeff looked away, saddened. "Mummy can I call Jake & tell him what Jeff got me?" "Oh...maybe another day sweetheart, not today ok?" Michael, somewhat downhearted nodded his head. "Come in here & show old Gramps this new shrt!" Dad called from the living room, so Mike jumped down off Jeff's knee & ran in to show him. "So, he's pretty close to this Jake then huh?" I was surprised at the question! "Well as close as four year old boys get I guess! He has a lot of friends! Why do you ask?!" Jeff sighed, "Nuthin' really..it's just....well he must miss his friends y'know? I feel a little...oh I dunno?!" "Selfish?" I blurted out! Jeff looked up at me, "Well yeah actually, if it's selfish to want to keep your son close to home then I guess I am!" He snapped. "I'm sorry Jeff! I didn't mean it like that!" "Yeah you did!" He shook his head, "Look Gemma I'm still getting used to all of this y'know? It's all still kinda crazy...& the thought of you two going away agin...well it makes me feel...scared!" I stood up & took the cups to the sink thinking how I just could not handle another discussion like this one, not right now! He followed behind me. "Look I don't wanna lay the guilt trip on you here..." "Oh really?" I turned to face him. "Yes really!" his face softened, "I....I missed you! I don't want you to go away again!" He put his head down. "Y'know Jeff it seems like you're real good at telling me what you don't want these days! What I'd like to know is what exactly DO you want!?" He took a step towards me & looked directly into my eyes. "What if I want you?" "Oh please!!" I said turning away. "What's so wrong with that?" "I don't know Jeff it's just wrong that's all!" "I don't think so!" He put his arms around my waist from behind me & pulled my body close to his. My mind was racing & so was my heart! "Don't you miss this? Miss me?" "You know I do!" "So..." he kissed my neck, "...what's the problem?" he kissed me again & I felt like melting in his arms. "I'm scared Jeff!" I said almost whispering. He turned me round to face him. "Don't be scared...." he brushed some hair from my face, "....I love you Gemma!" I looked into his eyes & no matter how loudly the alarm bells rang in my head I let him kiss me, let his tongue carress mine, let my whole body fall into his arms. We stayed locked together for several minutes in our own little world until we were interrupted by Matt walking in! "Where's the little guy...oh hey!" I pulled away from Jeff, slightly embarrassed, "Oh erm...hi Matt...erm...want a coffee?" "No thanks! I just came to see Mike if he's around?" "He's in the living room with Dad!" "Great!" Matt said going to the living room door. I just caught the look he gave Jeff before he went in & it made my stomach flip! "Wow! What was that look all about?!" "Oh you know Matt! Probably got a bee in his bonnet about something!" Jeff said trying to sweep it under the carpet. "So...." I looked at him & he smiled. "Yeah....where were we?" he said & took a step towards me, grinning. "Jeff!" I laughed, "Be sensible here!!" I playfully pushed him away! "Why be sensible?" he said grabbing me & kissing my neck, "Sensible is no fun at all!!" "Jeff!" I giggled, "Jeff please! Michael could walk in any minute!!" "Oh Lord it would be such a tragedy for him to see his Daddy kissing his Mommy now wouldn't it?!" he smiled. "We have to talk about this! It can't just happen....JEFF! Listen to me!!" "Stay Gemma!" I stopped giggling. "Don't start that agai..." "NO I mean stay......tonight...stay with me!" I gulped & he pulled me close to him. "I....but...I...I.." "You don't have to if you don't want to....but I want you to Gemma..." he was whispering in my ear, "Please, stay with me!" We passionately kissed again & he pushed my back against the counter, pressing himself against me & I knew I couldn't refuse him! I was helpless, powerless & I kept telling myself brainless too! Something wasn't right & my mind was screaming at me not to do this but my body just wouldn't listen!!
The day Jeff was due back Michael speant most of his time either on the porch or looking out of the window, waiting for his hero, Jeff Hardy to come home! I felt like I was losing my own son & it was the worst feeling I'd ever had! My emotions were upside down & inside out! I was pleased Michael loved Jeff & vice versa, but I was torn between feeling happy for them & feeling sorry for myself! I'd always had total control over Michael's life since he was born, he was my foundation, my life & I would die for him, as would any mother for her own children. But now he had another parent, my equal partner in all decisions made about his upbringing, about his life & somehow I was going to have to get used to it. Deep down I knew that was one of the main reasons I wanted so desperatly to go back to Australia, at least then I would gain back some control over my son's life & everyday decisions! Yes it was selfish & heartless & once again I was being the bitch but I couldnt help it! I was so scared that I could not compete with Jeff Hardy the wrestler that I wasn't thinking about Jeff Hardy the human being! At around 3pm Michael came bursting into the room shreiking with excitement! "Mummy! Mummy! Jeff's here!!" he yelled as he frantically jumped up & down! "OK! OK! WOAH there little guy!! Calm down!" He grabbed my hand & dragged me to the back door, still jumping as we went outside! Jeff got out of his car & Michael flew towards him full speed, almost knocking hm onto his ass in the yard! "HEY!" he laughed, "I guess someone is pleased to see me huh!?" "ME! ME!" Michael shouted as Jeff hugged him. He looked over Michael's shoulder & smiled at me. God he was gorgeous!! I snapped myself back into focus & smiled back, mouthing "coffee?" & he nodded so I went inside & left them in the yard. They came in about 5 minutes later & thankfully Michael seemed to have calmed down! Jeff had bought him a Rock shirt & shades so Kellie took him upstairs to try them on. "So, did you win then?!" I asked, handing him his coffee & sitting down. "Nope!" He grinned, "But it's all part of a master plan!" "Oh right!" I smiled, "Where's Matt & Amy?" "Well they've gone to dump their bags then go & see how the builders are getting on! 2 days can make a big difference when the contractors are in!" "Yeah I bet!" We sat in silence for a while & I was starting to feel awkward, but Michael saved the day! "Look at me! I'm The Rock!!" he shouted as he bounded into the kitchen! I had to admit he did look cute, it brought a smile to my lips....until he ran straight past me & around the table to Jeff! "Hey look at the mini Rocky here!" Jeff said lifting Mike up onto his knee. I bit on my lip but forced a smile when they looked over at me. "You look quite the little pebble!!" Jeff laughed & ruffled his hair. "Wait 'til I show these to Jake!" Michael beamed! "He's gonna love them!" "Who's Jake buddy?" "He's my best friend in the whoooole world!" Michael smiled & Jeff looked away, saddened. "Mummy can I call Jake & tell him what Jeff got me?" "Oh...maybe another day sweetheart, not today ok?" Michael, somewhat downhearted nodded his head. "Come in here & show old Gramps this new shrt!" Dad called from the living room, so Mike jumped down off Jeff's knee & ran in to show him. "So, he's pretty close to this Jake then huh?" I was surprised at the question! "Well as close as four year old boys get I guess! He has a lot of friends! Why do you ask?!" Jeff sighed, "Nuthin' really..it's just....well he must miss his friends y'know? I feel a little...oh I dunno?!" "Selfish?" I blurted out! Jeff looked up at me, "Well yeah actually, if it's selfish to want to keep your son close to home then I guess I am!" He snapped. "I'm sorry Jeff! I didn't mean it like that!" "Yeah you did!" He shook his head, "Look Gemma I'm still getting used to all of this y'know? It's all still kinda crazy...& the thought of you two going away agin...well it makes me feel...scared!" I stood up & took the cups to the sink thinking how I just could not handle another discussion like this one, not right now! He followed behind me. "Look I don't wanna lay the guilt trip on you here..." "Oh really?" I turned to face him. "Yes really!" his face softened, "I....I missed you! I don't want you to go away again!" He put his head down. "Y'know Jeff it seems like you're real good at telling me what you don't want these days! What I'd like to know is what exactly DO you want!?" He took a step towards me & looked directly into my eyes. "What if I want you?" "Oh please!!" I said turning away. "What's so wrong with that?" "I don't know Jeff it's just wrong that's all!" "I don't think so!" He put his arms around my waist from behind me & pulled my body close to his. My mind was racing & so was my heart! "Don't you miss this? Miss me?" "You know I do!" "So..." he kissed my neck, "...what's the problem?" he kissed me again & I felt like melting in his arms. "I'm scared Jeff!" I said almost whispering. He turned me round to face him. "Don't be scared...." he brushed some hair from my face, "....I love you Gemma!" I looked into his eyes & no matter how loudly the alarm bells rang in my head I let him kiss me, let his tongue carress mine, let my whole body fall into his arms. We stayed locked together for several minutes in our own little world until we were interrupted by Matt walking in! "Where's the little guy...oh hey!" I pulled away from Jeff, slightly embarrassed, "Oh erm...hi Matt...erm...want a coffee?" "No thanks! I just came to see Mike if he's around?" "He's in the living room with Dad!" "Great!" Matt said going to the living room door. I just caught the look he gave Jeff before he went in & it made my stomach flip! "Wow! What was that look all about?!" "Oh you know Matt! Probably got a bee in his bonnet about something!" Jeff said trying to sweep it under the carpet. "So...." I looked at him & he smiled. "Yeah....where were we?" he said & took a step towards me, grinning. "Jeff!" I laughed, "Be sensible here!!" I playfully pushed him away! "Why be sensible?" he said grabbing me & kissing my neck, "Sensible is no fun at all!!" "Jeff!" I giggled, "Jeff please! Michael could walk in any minute!!" "Oh Lord it would be such a tragedy for him to see his Daddy kissing his Mommy now wouldn't it?!" he smiled. "We have to talk about this! It can't just happen....JEFF! Listen to me!!" "Stay Gemma!" I stopped giggling. "Don't start that agai..." "NO I mean stay......tonight...stay with me!" I gulped & he pulled me close to him. "I....but...I...I.." "You don't have to if you don't want to....but I want you to Gemma..." he was whispering in my ear, "Please, stay with me!" We passionately kissed again & he pushed my back against the counter, pressing himself against me & I knew I couldn't refuse him! I was helpless, powerless & I kept telling myself brainless too! Something wasn't right & my mind was screaming at me not to do this but my body just wouldn't listen!!