Chapter 18
When we got back to Jeff's the place was in darkness & I was relieved. "Would it be ok if I took a shower before I went to bed? I'm kinda dirty!" Jeff smiled, "Yeah go for it! You want me to fix you a drink...coffee or something?" "Yeah thanks! I won't be long!" I got into the shower & it felt great! I still had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I just couldn't shake, but as the hot water washed the grass from my hair it seemed to be washing my troubles away with it! What I concentrated on was what had just happened between me & Jeff. I smiled as I recalled every detail of how we'd made love......maybe it was going to be ok? Maybe Jeff was mine again? It sure as hell felt like it when we were rolling around on the grass earlier!! If only we could stay like this then things would surely work out, nothing would come between us! As the soap suds slid off my arm in the water I noticed the bruise & my heart sank! I remembered the look on his face when he'd grabbed me & the tone of his voice, so harsh & hateful. I touched the bruise & winced from the pain. What the hell had come over him for those few seconds out there in the dark? I tried to push it aside & concentrate on getting washed, but the image of his face came back to me over & over again. It had felt as though he had wanted to hurt me, like he felt I deserved to be hurt for keeping his son from him! I caught hold of my thoughts & told myself not to be so damn dramatic! This was Jeff I was thinking about here! The nice guy I'd grown up with & known for most of my life! I shook my head & told myself to get a grip! I got dried, tied up my hair & put on my pj's, they were short sleeved so I slipped a cardigan over the top to hide the bruise before I went downstairs! When I got to the kitchen Jeff was sitting at the table so I sat down opposite him. "Better?" "Mmmm...much better thanks!" I smiled. Jeff let out a laugh & I gave him a puzzled look. "What's up?!" "Oh it's nothin'......just a stupid thought that popped into my head! Forget about it!" "No come on, tell me!" He looked down at his cup. "Well I couldn't help thinking....maybe it was me you were trying to wash away up there!" "Oh Jeff....don't be crazy! I was covered in grass & dirt & I think I had a field up my ass for God's sake!!" We both laughed & then he looked up at me, his eyes deep & beautiful. "I can't help feeling a little insecure y'know? You'll have to bare with me, it'll pass!" He reached accross the table & squeezed my hand. "I'm not going to run away again Jeff, wherever I go, wherever I end up I promise you'll always know where I am ok?" He smiled, "Yeah I know! Ignore me!" "You gonna tell me what's up with you & Matt?" "Nothin's up!" "Come on man......I know when there's tension between you two! I can see it when you're both in the same room!!" "It's just a brotherly dissaggreement! He's just being an asshole!" I smiled remembering that had been exactly what Matt had said about him! "Well if you're not gonna tell me then I guess I'll go to bed!" I stood up & took my cup to the sink. "Want some company!?" Jeff grinned. "I don't think that's such a good idea do you?!" "Why not?" He stood up & came over, putting his hands around me. "Sounds like a great idea to me!" "I don't think your Dad would be very happy!" "Oh Dad's ok! He'll understand!" he kissed me, his hands rubbing my shoulders as he pushed my cardigan down over my arms & it fell to the floor. His hand cupped my breast, gently squeezing it & I gasped! Why could I never say 'no' & mean it?!! At that moment I wanted him in my bed more than anything! We parted & he took my hand, turning to lead me upstairs. Suddenly he stopped & looked back at my arm. "What's that?" he said, pointing to the bruise. "Oh.....I er...it's......" "Is that what I did?" he looked so ashamed, so hurt & my heart melted for him. "It's ok! It's nothing really!" He let go of my hand & rubbed his face. "Jesus I did that?!" He lifted my arm to get a closer look at the deep purple bruise that was rapidly looking worse than it felt! "Jeff......." I touched his face & he looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears, "It's nothing! Forget it! It was just an accident ok?" "I'm so, so sorry!" He whispered, "I don't know what came over me! I didn't mean it!" He tried to say something else but I just planted a kiss on his mouth to stop him going any further. We couldn't wait until we got to the bedroom & we ended up having sex right there, standing up against the kitchen counter!! Eventually we both crawled upstairs & into the bed in the spare room Gilbert had made up for me. I had my pj's on & Jeff had gotten changed into a vest top & shorts, it wasn't sexual, it was just nice! I lay in his arms & we talked for a little while about nothing in particular & the last time I looked at he clock before I fell asleep it was 2:10am. Next thing I knew I was being shaken awake. "Mummy!" Michael whined. I looked at the clock again & it was 4:30am. "What's the matter honey?" I said sitting up & rubbing his arm. "I had bad dreams!" "Oh come here sweetheart!" I hugged him, "You wanna sleep with me tonight?!" He nodded, rubbing his eyes, "Come on then." He crawled over me & it was then I remembered Jeff was in the bed with me! I held my breath waiting for him to say realise & start asking questions! He didn't say anything! He just crawled inbetween us like it was an every day normal thing! Jeff stirred as Michael snuggled down under the covers & opened his eyes. "Bad dreams!" I whispered & I could see the big smile on Jeff's face as the three of us curled up together & went to sleep!
When we got back to Jeff's the place was in darkness & I was relieved. "Would it be ok if I took a shower before I went to bed? I'm kinda dirty!" Jeff smiled, "Yeah go for it! You want me to fix you a drink...coffee or something?" "Yeah thanks! I won't be long!" I got into the shower & it felt great! I still had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I just couldn't shake, but as the hot water washed the grass from my hair it seemed to be washing my troubles away with it! What I concentrated on was what had just happened between me & Jeff. I smiled as I recalled every detail of how we'd made love......maybe it was going to be ok? Maybe Jeff was mine again? It sure as hell felt like it when we were rolling around on the grass earlier!! If only we could stay like this then things would surely work out, nothing would come between us! As the soap suds slid off my arm in the water I noticed the bruise & my heart sank! I remembered the look on his face when he'd grabbed me & the tone of his voice, so harsh & hateful. I touched the bruise & winced from the pain. What the hell had come over him for those few seconds out there in the dark? I tried to push it aside & concentrate on getting washed, but the image of his face came back to me over & over again. It had felt as though he had wanted to hurt me, like he felt I deserved to be hurt for keeping his son from him! I caught hold of my thoughts & told myself not to be so damn dramatic! This was Jeff I was thinking about here! The nice guy I'd grown up with & known for most of my life! I shook my head & told myself to get a grip! I got dried, tied up my hair & put on my pj's, they were short sleeved so I slipped a cardigan over the top to hide the bruise before I went downstairs! When I got to the kitchen Jeff was sitting at the table so I sat down opposite him. "Better?" "Mmmm...much better thanks!" I smiled. Jeff let out a laugh & I gave him a puzzled look. "What's up?!" "Oh it's nothin'......just a stupid thought that popped into my head! Forget about it!" "No come on, tell me!" He looked down at his cup. "Well I couldn't help thinking....maybe it was me you were trying to wash away up there!" "Oh Jeff....don't be crazy! I was covered in grass & dirt & I think I had a field up my ass for God's sake!!" We both laughed & then he looked up at me, his eyes deep & beautiful. "I can't help feeling a little insecure y'know? You'll have to bare with me, it'll pass!" He reached accross the table & squeezed my hand. "I'm not going to run away again Jeff, wherever I go, wherever I end up I promise you'll always know where I am ok?" He smiled, "Yeah I know! Ignore me!" "You gonna tell me what's up with you & Matt?" "Nothin's up!" "Come on man......I know when there's tension between you two! I can see it when you're both in the same room!!" "It's just a brotherly dissaggreement! He's just being an asshole!" I smiled remembering that had been exactly what Matt had said about him! "Well if you're not gonna tell me then I guess I'll go to bed!" I stood up & took my cup to the sink. "Want some company!?" Jeff grinned. "I don't think that's such a good idea do you?!" "Why not?" He stood up & came over, putting his hands around me. "Sounds like a great idea to me!" "I don't think your Dad would be very happy!" "Oh Dad's ok! He'll understand!" he kissed me, his hands rubbing my shoulders as he pushed my cardigan down over my arms & it fell to the floor. His hand cupped my breast, gently squeezing it & I gasped! Why could I never say 'no' & mean it?!! At that moment I wanted him in my bed more than anything! We parted & he took my hand, turning to lead me upstairs. Suddenly he stopped & looked back at my arm. "What's that?" he said, pointing to the bruise. "Oh.....I er...it's......" "Is that what I did?" he looked so ashamed, so hurt & my heart melted for him. "It's ok! It's nothing really!" He let go of my hand & rubbed his face. "Jesus I did that?!" He lifted my arm to get a closer look at the deep purple bruise that was rapidly looking worse than it felt! "Jeff......." I touched his face & he looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears, "It's nothing! Forget it! It was just an accident ok?" "I'm so, so sorry!" He whispered, "I don't know what came over me! I didn't mean it!" He tried to say something else but I just planted a kiss on his mouth to stop him going any further. We couldn't wait until we got to the bedroom & we ended up having sex right there, standing up against the kitchen counter!! Eventually we both crawled upstairs & into the bed in the spare room Gilbert had made up for me. I had my pj's on & Jeff had gotten changed into a vest top & shorts, it wasn't sexual, it was just nice! I lay in his arms & we talked for a little while about nothing in particular & the last time I looked at he clock before I fell asleep it was 2:10am. Next thing I knew I was being shaken awake. "Mummy!" Michael whined. I looked at the clock again & it was 4:30am. "What's the matter honey?" I said sitting up & rubbing his arm. "I had bad dreams!" "Oh come here sweetheart!" I hugged him, "You wanna sleep with me tonight?!" He nodded, rubbing his eyes, "Come on then." He crawled over me & it was then I remembered Jeff was in the bed with me! I held my breath waiting for him to say realise & start asking questions! He didn't say anything! He just crawled inbetween us like it was an every day normal thing! Jeff stirred as Michael snuggled down under the covers & opened his eyes. "Bad dreams!" I whispered & I could see the big smile on Jeff's face as the three of us curled up together & went to sleep!