Chapter 21
I don't know how long I was out there & at the time I didn't really care! Jeff was confusing me to the point where I actually thought I was going crazy! One minute we were fine & happy & the next we were fighting, it was tearing me apart & I didn't know how much more of it I could take. My thoughts were interrupted by raised voices comming from inside the house. I couldn't hear what was being said but I could tell it was Matt & Jeff, with Matt doing most of the shouting! I stood up & went to the window where I could see Matt & Jeff face to face, Matt's arms flying around as he overly-expressed what he was feeling for Jeff at that moment!! As I stood there watching I realised this was all down to me! Those two had been so close & now I was somehow driving a wedge between them that I didn't understand, it wasn't right! If I'd just stayed away none of this would be happeneing! Why was it everytime I was in Cameron I left a trail of devastation on the road behind me? I'd pretty much made up my mind there & then that I wasn't staying, me & Cameron were a bad combination, a jinx...I had to get out of there! I started to hear the odd words that Matt was saying as his voice grew louder! ".....New York...." mumble mumble..".....using her.." more mumbles & Jeff telling him to fuck off! ".........Get you're stupid fucked up head straightened out before you do anything else!!" Matt had prodded Jeff's shoulder with every word of that last sentance & I quickly turned away, putting my back on the wall & closing my eyes! I was convinced that at any second I was going to hear them fighting, physically kicking the crap out of each other! After a few minutes it remained silent so I urged myself to peer in the window again. Jeff was sitting at the table, staring into space, his fingers drumming on his leg & his face expressionless. I decided to go inside & tell him I was outa there!! I took a deep breath & stepped into the kitchen. He glanced up but didn't say anything, he just turned his face away from me. "Jeff.." I said quietly, but he still didn't turn around, ".....I'm going home...next week..I....." He sprang up from his chair, stopping me from finishing my sentance. "No Gemma! You can't! I'm sorry for shouting at you! I didn't mean it!" "It's not just the shouting Jeff...we need some space & I just can't stand to be in Cameron any more! Michael needs his friends, he needs stability in his life...it...." "I can give him that! Stay here & I can give you both that!" He took hold of my shoulders & I winced, not from the pain, although it was still there, but because he'd scared me. My whole body had tensed up & he realised. "What?" he looked at me curiously & I just shook my head. "Nothing." "You thought..." he sighed, "..Jesus...I'm not going to hurt you Gemma!" "I......I know I just...I..." I swallowed hard trying to think of a lie to tell him! When he'd grabbed me there, for a moment I thought he was going to hurt me again. It was only a fraction of a second, but it was enough. "Come here!" he pulled me close, my head was on his chest & his arms were around me. "I love you! I wouldn't hurt you!" "I know!" I whispered as the tears came again. "We're gonna be ok Gemma! You don't need to go home...I'm gonna look after you & Mike! I love you so much!" A tear slipped down his cheek & he looked into my eyes, "I'm sorry! Don't go Gemma! It'll kill me if you leave again!" I looked at his face, his deep hazel eyes, his chiselled jaw line, the lips I'd always dreamed of kissing. He was sincere & I knew he wouldn't hurt me, that he wanted to look after us. I loved him with all my heart & soul, he was the guy I'd dreamed about as a little girl, the prince on the white horse that every girl longs to have. I smiled at him through my tears. "What?" he whispered. "Nothin'. Just picturing you on a white horse!" I smiled & kissed his lips. He wiped his face & then wiped mine. "And I'm picturing you in a white dress!" I gasped & we both just looked at each other for a few seconds, I was stunned! "No Jeff!" "But I haven't even asked you yet!" "Then don't ask me please!" "Wh y not?" "Because..." "Why?" He said passionately kissing me until I was breathless. "B........because.." I Whispered, ".....I won't be able to say no!!" We kissed again. "Then say yes!" he said, rubbing his hands up & down my back. "Don't ask me Jeff! Please! Not now...it's too soon!" I pleaded with him. He put his head down. "But..." "NO! Please! I've done some stupid fucked up things in my life Jeff, if I was to marry you I don't want it to be just another one to add to the list....do you understand what I'm saying?!" He nodded his head. "So, I'll save it for later then huh?" "Yeah, later!" I hugged him & heaved a sigh of relief! I knew in my heart if he'd asked me I'd have said yes, it's all I've ever wanted, but it would have just topped the list of stupid fucked up things I'd done in my life!! It was the only sensible thing I'd done as far as Jeff was concerned, & the first time I'd managed to win him over once he had his mind set on something! He dragged me upstairs & we got into the shower together. As I looked at him, carressed his perfect body under the hot water I remember thinking 'SENSIBLE SUCKS.......BIG TIME!!' ******* Later as I lay in his arms in his bed I plucked up the courage to ask him about the fight I'd overheard between him & Matt earlier. "Why were you & Matt fighting?" "Huh? Fighting? When?" "In the kitchen earlier when I was outside, I could hear you." "What did you hear?" "Nothin' just raised voices!" He went quiet so I pushed it further, "So what was it all about?" "Oh nothin really, just work...stuff....y'know?" "Oh." "It was nothin' for you to worry about believe me!" "But I do worry Jeff! I hate to see you guys fighting!" "It's ok I'll sort it out with him tomorrow I promise!" "Don't fight with him anymore Jeff please! I'm sure whatever it is you two can work it out without it comming to fighting!" "Yeah I know! I'll sort it out!" The subject was dropped but I couldn't help feeling uneasy about it & that somehow I was to blame for the tension between them. Matt had always been over-protective of me but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was he was trying to protect me from!!
I don't know how long I was out there & at the time I didn't really care! Jeff was confusing me to the point where I actually thought I was going crazy! One minute we were fine & happy & the next we were fighting, it was tearing me apart & I didn't know how much more of it I could take. My thoughts were interrupted by raised voices comming from inside the house. I couldn't hear what was being said but I could tell it was Matt & Jeff, with Matt doing most of the shouting! I stood up & went to the window where I could see Matt & Jeff face to face, Matt's arms flying around as he overly-expressed what he was feeling for Jeff at that moment!! As I stood there watching I realised this was all down to me! Those two had been so close & now I was somehow driving a wedge between them that I didn't understand, it wasn't right! If I'd just stayed away none of this would be happeneing! Why was it everytime I was in Cameron I left a trail of devastation on the road behind me? I'd pretty much made up my mind there & then that I wasn't staying, me & Cameron were a bad combination, a jinx...I had to get out of there! I started to hear the odd words that Matt was saying as his voice grew louder! ".....New York...." mumble mumble..".....using her.." more mumbles & Jeff telling him to fuck off! ".........Get you're stupid fucked up head straightened out before you do anything else!!" Matt had prodded Jeff's shoulder with every word of that last sentance & I quickly turned away, putting my back on the wall & closing my eyes! I was convinced that at any second I was going to hear them fighting, physically kicking the crap out of each other! After a few minutes it remained silent so I urged myself to peer in the window again. Jeff was sitting at the table, staring into space, his fingers drumming on his leg & his face expressionless. I decided to go inside & tell him I was outa there!! I took a deep breath & stepped into the kitchen. He glanced up but didn't say anything, he just turned his face away from me. "Jeff.." I said quietly, but he still didn't turn around, ".....I'm going home...next week..I....." He sprang up from his chair, stopping me from finishing my sentance. "No Gemma! You can't! I'm sorry for shouting at you! I didn't mean it!" "It's not just the shouting Jeff...we need some space & I just can't stand to be in Cameron any more! Michael needs his friends, he needs stability in his life...it...." "I can give him that! Stay here & I can give you both that!" He took hold of my shoulders & I winced, not from the pain, although it was still there, but because he'd scared me. My whole body had tensed up & he realised. "What?" he looked at me curiously & I just shook my head. "Nothing." "You thought..." he sighed, "..Jesus...I'm not going to hurt you Gemma!" "I......I know I just...I..." I swallowed hard trying to think of a lie to tell him! When he'd grabbed me there, for a moment I thought he was going to hurt me again. It was only a fraction of a second, but it was enough. "Come here!" he pulled me close, my head was on his chest & his arms were around me. "I love you! I wouldn't hurt you!" "I know!" I whispered as the tears came again. "We're gonna be ok Gemma! You don't need to go home...I'm gonna look after you & Mike! I love you so much!" A tear slipped down his cheek & he looked into my eyes, "I'm sorry! Don't go Gemma! It'll kill me if you leave again!" I looked at his face, his deep hazel eyes, his chiselled jaw line, the lips I'd always dreamed of kissing. He was sincere & I knew he wouldn't hurt me, that he wanted to look after us. I loved him with all my heart & soul, he was the guy I'd dreamed about as a little girl, the prince on the white horse that every girl longs to have. I smiled at him through my tears. "What?" he whispered. "Nothin'. Just picturing you on a white horse!" I smiled & kissed his lips. He wiped his face & then wiped mine. "And I'm picturing you in a white dress!" I gasped & we both just looked at each other for a few seconds, I was stunned! "No Jeff!" "But I haven't even asked you yet!" "Then don't ask me please!" "Wh y not?" "Because..." "Why?" He said passionately kissing me until I was breathless. "B........because.." I Whispered, ".....I won't be able to say no!!" We kissed again. "Then say yes!" he said, rubbing his hands up & down my back. "Don't ask me Jeff! Please! Not now...it's too soon!" I pleaded with him. He put his head down. "But..." "NO! Please! I've done some stupid fucked up things in my life Jeff, if I was to marry you I don't want it to be just another one to add to the list....do you understand what I'm saying?!" He nodded his head. "So, I'll save it for later then huh?" "Yeah, later!" I hugged him & heaved a sigh of relief! I knew in my heart if he'd asked me I'd have said yes, it's all I've ever wanted, but it would have just topped the list of stupid fucked up things I'd done in my life!! It was the only sensible thing I'd done as far as Jeff was concerned, & the first time I'd managed to win him over once he had his mind set on something! He dragged me upstairs & we got into the shower together. As I looked at him, carressed his perfect body under the hot water I remember thinking 'SENSIBLE SUCKS.......BIG TIME!!' ******* Later as I lay in his arms in his bed I plucked up the courage to ask him about the fight I'd overheard between him & Matt earlier. "Why were you & Matt fighting?" "Huh? Fighting? When?" "In the kitchen earlier when I was outside, I could hear you." "What did you hear?" "Nothin' just raised voices!" He went quiet so I pushed it further, "So what was it all about?" "Oh nothin really, just work...stuff....y'know?" "Oh." "It was nothin' for you to worry about believe me!" "But I do worry Jeff! I hate to see you guys fighting!" "It's ok I'll sort it out with him tomorrow I promise!" "Don't fight with him anymore Jeff please! I'm sure whatever it is you two can work it out without it comming to fighting!" "Yeah I know! I'll sort it out!" The subject was dropped but I couldn't help feeling uneasy about it & that somehow I was to blame for the tension between them. Matt had always been over-protective of me but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was he was trying to protect me from!!