Chapter 26
All the way to the restaurant in the arena we didn't speak. I was all churned up inside, not knowing what to say or what to expect from Adam! We got a coffee & sat down, the place was almost empty. "So, where have you been all this time?!" Adam asked. "Australia." He nodded & took a sip of his coffee. "What made you come back? Like why now?" "Dad was sick, heart attack." "Shit! I didn't know! Is he ok?" "Yeah yeah he's fine now, just needs to take it easy for a little while that's all." "Glad to hear it." I nervouosly fiddled with the chain around my neck & really wished I'd made an excuse not to go for coffee with him! "So, you're married now huh?" "Yeah.." he smiled, "Found someone that would have me!" "Adam I...." "It's ok, sorry! I didn't mean to sound so bitter!" "You have every right to be." "No I don't , not now anyway." He forced a smile. "Wanna talk about it or do we just forget it ever happened?" "Do you want me to explain...why I did what I did?" He nodded. "I thought I didn't but now that I have you here, face to face I think I'd like to know!" I took a deep breath, "OK!" I looked down at my coffee trying to figure out where to start! "Did......" He sighed, "Did you not love me Gemma...is that the reason.." "That wasn't it at all! Yes I loved you Adam, honestly....just not the same way you loved me! I thought I did......I wouldn't have let it go so far if I thought it wouldn't work out!" "And then there was Jeff right?!" He sat back in his chair & as I looked at him I truely couldn't believe I was there, having this conversation, face to face with Adam! I looked away. "It's ok...I had a feeling he was in love with you, even from day one! I just never realised you felt the same way about him!" "Neither did I until it was too late! I'm so sorry Adam!" "There it is!" He laughed sarcasticly. "What?" "I'm sorry...I'm sorry! You cut me in half Gemma! Do you realise what you did to me!?" I looked down again, not knowing what to say! "I don't mean to get angry with you! The one thing I promised myself when I knew you were comming back was that I wouldnt get angry....but I just can't help it!" "It's ok Adam! I shouldn't have come here...it was a mistake!" I stood up & walked away. "You owe me five minutes at least Gemma!" I froze. I didn't want to give him five minutes, didn't even want to be there five seconds more! It was crushing me looking him in the eye after so long avoiding even saying his name out loud! I saw in his face what I'd done to him & I didn't like what I saw, what I looked like. But he was right, I owed him so much more than five minutes, that was the very least I could do! Reluctantly I went back to him & sat down again. He looked up at me. "I had so much to say to you, but I can't remember any of it!" He let out a laugh. "I loved you so much Gem! One minute you were there, we were happy & getting married & the next thing you were just gone! There was nothing! No explination, no clue as to where you were, just nothing!" "I know, I freaked! I just didn't wanna see anyone Adam, not just you!" "But I didn't know what I'd done Gemma! All this time & I didn't know! It's been driving me crazy!!" "All I can do is say Im sorry...and I mean it with all my heart!" "The night you left....." "Oh don't go there Adam!" "I need to know!" "Why drag it all up?" "I need you to tell me the truth, please!" I sighed. "Did you?" "Yes, yes.........I slept with Jeff and yes it was the only time & yes it was then that I got pregnant!" I put my head down & he nodded. "Did Jeff know about Michael?" "No, he's only known for about 2 weeks. No one knew, not even dad!" Adam raised his eyebrows, "I mean no one knew he was Jeff's, only Michael, before he died." "It must have been hard, all this time on your own?" "I had Rhett & his family, I managed." "God Gemma!" He laughed, "You have no idea!! I wish he'd been mine! That's a fucked up thing to say but when I saw him........I just wish......" My eyes widened. "You'll have yours sometime Adam!" I reached over the table & grabbed hold of his hand & his eyes filled with tears. "God Adam...I am so so sorry!" I whispered. He put his hand on top of mine & a tear trickled down his cheek. I stood up & went around the table to him, knelt on the floor & put my arms around his waist as he sat in the chair. Reluctantly he gave into my hug & I felt his arms aroound my back & his body shake from his sobs. I'd cried so much over these last five years that no tears came for Adam that day. I felt so bad for him but I couldn't cry. Eventually we broke the hug & he wiped the tears from his face. "I guess we should get back downstairs huh?" "Yeah, Michael will be wondering where Ive got to!" "Thankyou!" "What did I do?" "You came back! It's kinda like closure in a way!" He smiled, "Like now I know....it's a bit of a relief!" I smiled, "So, you're gonna be ok?" "I am now! Well, once Ive had a shower anyway!" He laughed. "Come on then we'll go & find that kid of yours!" We made our way back downstairs & said our goodbyes. I found Michael asleep on Amy's knee in the dressing room. "Hey! Thanks so much for watching him for me!" "Not a problem! He's worn out bless him!" "Where's Matt & Jeff?" "Matt's in the shower but I don't know where Jeff is! The doc said his ribs are just bruised by the way!" "Shit! I forgot all about it!" I slapped a hand to my forehead. "Yeah where did you get to anyway?" "Oh erm...I just went for a coffee in the cafe upsatirs. Listen I think I'm gonna go look for Jeff, we should be gettin' Mike back to the hotel." "Call him first!" "Yeah good.....oh crap! I have his cell phone!" "You dork!" "Yeah yeah I know!! Look I won't be long ok? Is Mike ok with you for now?" "Not a problem!" Amy smiled. I kissed her cheek then went off to search the arena for Jeff.
All the way to the restaurant in the arena we didn't speak. I was all churned up inside, not knowing what to say or what to expect from Adam! We got a coffee & sat down, the place was almost empty. "So, where have you been all this time?!" Adam asked. "Australia." He nodded & took a sip of his coffee. "What made you come back? Like why now?" "Dad was sick, heart attack." "Shit! I didn't know! Is he ok?" "Yeah yeah he's fine now, just needs to take it easy for a little while that's all." "Glad to hear it." I nervouosly fiddled with the chain around my neck & really wished I'd made an excuse not to go for coffee with him! "So, you're married now huh?" "Yeah.." he smiled, "Found someone that would have me!" "Adam I...." "It's ok, sorry! I didn't mean to sound so bitter!" "You have every right to be." "No I don't , not now anyway." He forced a smile. "Wanna talk about it or do we just forget it ever happened?" "Do you want me to explain...why I did what I did?" He nodded. "I thought I didn't but now that I have you here, face to face I think I'd like to know!" I took a deep breath, "OK!" I looked down at my coffee trying to figure out where to start! "Did......" He sighed, "Did you not love me Gemma...is that the reason.." "That wasn't it at all! Yes I loved you Adam, honestly....just not the same way you loved me! I thought I did......I wouldn't have let it go so far if I thought it wouldn't work out!" "And then there was Jeff right?!" He sat back in his chair & as I looked at him I truely couldn't believe I was there, having this conversation, face to face with Adam! I looked away. "It's ok...I had a feeling he was in love with you, even from day one! I just never realised you felt the same way about him!" "Neither did I until it was too late! I'm so sorry Adam!" "There it is!" He laughed sarcasticly. "What?" "I'm sorry...I'm sorry! You cut me in half Gemma! Do you realise what you did to me!?" I looked down again, not knowing what to say! "I don't mean to get angry with you! The one thing I promised myself when I knew you were comming back was that I wouldnt get angry....but I just can't help it!" "It's ok Adam! I shouldn't have come here...it was a mistake!" I stood up & walked away. "You owe me five minutes at least Gemma!" I froze. I didn't want to give him five minutes, didn't even want to be there five seconds more! It was crushing me looking him in the eye after so long avoiding even saying his name out loud! I saw in his face what I'd done to him & I didn't like what I saw, what I looked like. But he was right, I owed him so much more than five minutes, that was the very least I could do! Reluctantly I went back to him & sat down again. He looked up at me. "I had so much to say to you, but I can't remember any of it!" He let out a laugh. "I loved you so much Gem! One minute you were there, we were happy & getting married & the next thing you were just gone! There was nothing! No explination, no clue as to where you were, just nothing!" "I know, I freaked! I just didn't wanna see anyone Adam, not just you!" "But I didn't know what I'd done Gemma! All this time & I didn't know! It's been driving me crazy!!" "All I can do is say Im sorry...and I mean it with all my heart!" "The night you left....." "Oh don't go there Adam!" "I need to know!" "Why drag it all up?" "I need you to tell me the truth, please!" I sighed. "Did you?" "Yes, yes.........I slept with Jeff and yes it was the only time & yes it was then that I got pregnant!" I put my head down & he nodded. "Did Jeff know about Michael?" "No, he's only known for about 2 weeks. No one knew, not even dad!" Adam raised his eyebrows, "I mean no one knew he was Jeff's, only Michael, before he died." "It must have been hard, all this time on your own?" "I had Rhett & his family, I managed." "God Gemma!" He laughed, "You have no idea!! I wish he'd been mine! That's a fucked up thing to say but when I saw him........I just wish......" My eyes widened. "You'll have yours sometime Adam!" I reached over the table & grabbed hold of his hand & his eyes filled with tears. "God Adam...I am so so sorry!" I whispered. He put his hand on top of mine & a tear trickled down his cheek. I stood up & went around the table to him, knelt on the floor & put my arms around his waist as he sat in the chair. Reluctantly he gave into my hug & I felt his arms aroound my back & his body shake from his sobs. I'd cried so much over these last five years that no tears came for Adam that day. I felt so bad for him but I couldn't cry. Eventually we broke the hug & he wiped the tears from his face. "I guess we should get back downstairs huh?" "Yeah, Michael will be wondering where Ive got to!" "Thankyou!" "What did I do?" "You came back! It's kinda like closure in a way!" He smiled, "Like now I know....it's a bit of a relief!" I smiled, "So, you're gonna be ok?" "I am now! Well, once Ive had a shower anyway!" He laughed. "Come on then we'll go & find that kid of yours!" We made our way back downstairs & said our goodbyes. I found Michael asleep on Amy's knee in the dressing room. "Hey! Thanks so much for watching him for me!" "Not a problem! He's worn out bless him!" "Where's Matt & Jeff?" "Matt's in the shower but I don't know where Jeff is! The doc said his ribs are just bruised by the way!" "Shit! I forgot all about it!" I slapped a hand to my forehead. "Yeah where did you get to anyway?" "Oh erm...I just went for a coffee in the cafe upsatirs. Listen I think I'm gonna go look for Jeff, we should be gettin' Mike back to the hotel." "Call him first!" "Yeah good.....oh crap! I have his cell phone!" "You dork!" "Yeah yeah I know!! Look I won't be long ok? Is Mike ok with you for now?" "Not a problem!" Amy smiled. I kissed her cheek then went off to search the arena for Jeff.