An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage
The Most Wonderful Thing About College is When It's OverHooray for being back to my ongoing storyline! This little piece commemorates one of the best days of my life—the last day of my freshman year of college. It was fun as it was…but just imagine if it had actually happened the way I'm about to unfold…
The scene is a classroom at Douglass College on May 10, 2002! It's bigger than your average 'regular skool' classroom, and today every desk is occupied—for perhaps the first time all semester. For today is the culmination of all the learning that has gone on in this particular class. Today is the day of the final exam. Yay! Wait…right, yay! Sitting in one of the desks closest the blackboard, a certain ponytailed freshman is hunched over her blue answer booklet, scribbling away at one of the last problems of her last exam of the year. She, unlike many of her beleaguered classmates, is grinning maniacally as she works out the solutions to various Logic quandaries. That's because she is looking forward to what's gonna happen after she aces the exam…it's because today she's going to finally go home.
KidK (thinking): So…'if q then p'…and 'p'…whee! Logically valid! Now what's next…hmmm…good argument, Mister X, but unfortunately it's…(she smiles wickedly at her test paper)…fallacious! Think you can make me agree with you with your ad hoc reasoning? Well not today, brother! Doom doom dooooooom…the end!
KidK stands up triumphantly, tucking her test into her answer book and marching over to the professor's desk to turn it in. She is told to start the pile—she's the first one done—and then is invited by her very nice teacher-lady to have a nice summer. Logic-lady was awesome. After retrieving her backpack from under her desk, KidK silently leaves the classroom, shutting the door behind her and walking quietly down the hallway to the exit. Upon getting outside, she cannot contain herself any longer.
KidK (turning her face upward and smiling at the trees): Wooooooo! (luckily no one else is around—it's the middle of a period, see—because she continues to talk to herself) I did it, I did it, I did it—yeah! Lo hice—I did it! Why am I quoting 'Dora the Explora?' I don't know, but I did it! Oops, better call Mom and tell her to come get me now…how was she s'posed to know I'd finish a 3 hour exam in 45 minutes…? (she rummages around in her backpack for her phone and dials as she begins the walk to her dorm hall) Mommy mommy…hallo, Mom!
KidK's Mom: Hello? So how'd you do?
KidK: Ya'll should be able to tell that by the amount of time I took. It was so easy!
KidK's Mom: Well, hurry up and get here—I'm waiting for you.
KidK: You're what?! Why're you already here?
KidK's Mom: Somehow I knew you wouldn't be staying the full 3 hours.
KidK: Aw, that's cute. You have confidence in your daughter. Are we packing up today?
KidK's Mom: Everything but your computer. We need Dad to unhook it so we're coming back for that tomorrow. That's the biggest thing anyway—everything else should fit in the car.
KidK: Yep! I'm so happy! Did you bring Gir with you? Everybody else is at skool…
KidK's Mom (sounding a bit sneaky): Wait and see.
KidK (suspiciously): What're you hiding up there behind closed doors, John Boy? (note: A favorite 'Waltons' quote that basically means, 'What're you up to?)
KidK's Mom: You can't be that far away now…just wait!
KidK: I'm coming! Yay, surprise for me!
She hangs up the phone and tucks it back in her bag. It's hard for her not to start skipping. She gleefully waves bye-bye to the tree-lined walkways of Douglass as she walks, getting a few perplexed stares from a couple of students who happen to be passing. Finally, she turns the last corner and starts down the sidewalk by her building. She sees her Mom's car waiting in front, but there are big hedges on either side of the 'porch,' so it's impossible to see anyone standing under the dorm's overhang until it's—in this case—too late.
KidK (peering around the bushes): Heehee…Mom, where are you hi—O.O…………….
Red (pointing down the steps at her): Missy!
KidK (pointing back): Red!
Red and KidK (in perfect unison): I see you!
At that, Red—all disguise-ified, o'course—runs down the stairs and practically lifts KidK off her feet with his ecstatic hug. She squeezes him back happily, looking around him and up the stairs to see her other tall pal Purple standing on the porch with her Mom. Pur waves and gives her a smile, and Mom looks like she wants to murder Red for getting to her daughter before her.
KidK: What're you guys doing here?
Red (still holding her uncomfortably close): Gettin' hugs! ^.^
KidK's Mom: I recruited these two to help me help you move out today. Nobody else was around, so I thought to myself, 'Those Tallest guys are big, strapping lads—they can carry a lot!'
Purple: Don't know how she figured out how to call in the first place…but since she did we were happy to come.
Red: You know it! Mmmmmmm…hug!
KidK: I luv you, Red-sama! ^_^ But you've gotta let me go so's I can work the door-lock-thingy for us, okay?
Red (releasing KidK): Okie dokie…but more hugs later, 'kay?
KidK: 'Kay. (she goes up the stairs and swipes her key-card, unlocking the door. Then she holds it open for everybody.) Go 'head. Mom, go start getting signed in whilst I tell Red an' Pur what to say.
Red: We hafta say a secret code? Neat!
Purple (shaking his head): You're going to embarrass me no matter what, aren't you?
KidK: It's not really a secret code…c'mere. (she leads them over to the corner of the lobby and whispers) You've just gotta tell that girl over there behind the desk that you're minors. That way she won't ask you for ID you don't have.
Purple: 'Minors?' As in 'short?' (he shakes his head vehemently) No thanks.
KidK: No, not like 'short,' like 'not 18 yet.' It's an age thing, not a height thing. Those guard-girls are so dense they won't even question it.
Red: Heh…we're doin' espionage…
Purple: What's with all this security anyway? Just for a bunch of human girls?
KidK: It's mostly for the parents of those human girls.
Purple: Ohhhh…what?
KidK: Don't worry about it—just say what I told you to, okay? Come on, Mom's done.
She goes over to the security desk, followed by the Tallest, and gives the guard her name and room number, telling her to fill in not only the box her Mom just signed but also two more.
Guard-Girl Shivanni: For these two guys? (she starts writing in the necessary information, then looks up) I need to see a driver's license or some other ID.
Red: Nuh uh. Heheh…you don't, actually.
Guard-Girl Shivanni: o_ô Yeah I do. It's the law.
Red: Nope! That's cuz we're miners!
Guard-Girl Shivanni (recognition dawning): Oh, okay then that's—
Red: Yep! We're always diggin' stuff outta the ground! That's us—miners!
KidK: O.O
Purple (smacking his forehead): Oy…
Guard-Girl Shivanni (looking up from her writing): What?
Red (leaning toward the girl conspiratorially): Hey, if ya want, we can get ya a great deal on some Prevalian crystals—any color ya like.
Purple (shoving Red away): Don't listen to stupid Red, miss. He's…um…very stupid. We're minors in the 'not 18' sense, obviously. Not in the digging sense…(he narrows his eyes at the girl)…and certainly not in the short sense.
Guard-Girl Shivanni: ………..oh! Okay! ^_^ Good joke, boy! Heehee! Minor miners…mind if I tell 20 of my girlfriends that one?
KidK (hurriedly): No, they don't. Here, lemme sign that. (she turns the paper around and signs it three times for her three guests) Thanks. Now, everyone, let's go demolish my room!
Red (thrusting a fist at the ceiling): Wooooooooo!
KidK's Mom (stalking off toward the stairwell): Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all…
Mere moments later, after climbing the three flights of stairs, traversing a hallway with several unnecessarily heavy doors, and scrambling to locate KidK's key, the four unpackers stand in KidK's tiny, stuffy little dorm room. Now it's time to get to work. Though you'd never know that to listen to Red.
Red (throwing himself on KidK's bed): Hey, sweet setup ya got here, Missy.
KidK: o.ô You kidding?
Red: I wouldn't mind crashing here…(he winks at KidK) Hey, maybe sometime I will.
KidK: Not in this room, bucko. (she busies herself jamming the remainder of her skool books into her backpack) Get off the bed so Mom can strip it.
Purple: Ha! Shot down like a Turanist fighter ship!
Red (sounding quite hurt): You don't want me to visit you, Missy?
KidK (now working on unpacking her desk into a duffel bag): Didn't—ugh—say that…man, that's heavier than it looks…it's just that…I'm not gonna have this same room next year.
Red (jumping off the bed and striking a triumphant pose): I knew it! In your face, Purry-boy!
Purple: Just shut up. Mrs. KidK's Mom, what should I be doing?
KidK's Mom: Well, now that Laser Brain's gotten his rear off the bed, I'm gonna take the sheets off it. Get Missy to get you a couple trash bags outta her dresser and open 'em for me so I can put the bed stuff in 'em.
Purple: 'Kay. (he picks his way across the cluttered floor) KidK, can I have some—what did I just step on? (he picks up his foot and regards the bottom of his loafer critically) It's pink, whatever it is…was…
KidK: Diane's left her stuff all over the floor…you probably crushed a lipstick or something. Don't worry about it—it's her fault for being such a slob.
KidK's Mom: I'm just glad that girl isn't here to get in our way while we do this…Purple? Those bags?
Purple: Oh yeah! KidK, I need trash bags.
KidK (pawing through drawers): Here ya go. Open me some too—for my clothes.
Red: What can I do? I wanna help!
KidK (handing Red a bag): Go to my closet—it's the left side of it—and just put any clothes still hanging in there into this.
Red (taking the bag and saluting): You can count on me!
KidK: o_ô……………..
KidK's Mom: Hey, Missy, if you want to put on some of your music you can.
KidK: You want to listen to my anime playlist?
KidK's Mom: Well, not that.
Purple: You've got a whole playlist of Japanese stuff? Like from 'Sailor Moon' an' 'Tenchi?'
KidK: Yup! ^_^ Wanna hear?
Purple: Mmmhmm…
KidK: You just love everything Japanese, huh? Okay…Phyllis, time to do your thang! (she reaches up from her place on the floor to click a few things on her computer screen and a happy tune starts) Even you know this one, Mom—'Otome no Policy.'
KidK's Mom: This isn't too bad, I guess. We're gonna roll up your posters and wall stuff an' put 'em in the under-the-bed boxes for storage.
KidK: Sounds space-effective to me…need help pulling the bed away from the wall?
KidK's Mom: That's what Purple's here for. (to Pur) You pull one end and I'll get the other.
Purple (humming along with the song): Doo doo doo doo doo doooooo…catchy!
Red: You've got a lotta pants in here, Missy…and a trenchcoat just like mine! More proof that it's meant to be—we have the same taste in clothes!
KidK (glancing over at Red's 'rap' getup): Um…
Red: I'm done! No more stuff in yer closet!
KidK: Good job. Now put your tallness to use and get my Pratchett pictures off the wall above the windows, please.
Red: 'M comin'.
To get to where KidK wants him to be, Red has to either step on all of Diane's considerable mess, or politely ask Pur and Mom to press closer to the wall so he can get by. He chooses the third way.
KidK (warningly): Red, do not walk across the—
Red (stepping up on the bed): It's okay, my shoes aren't dirty.
KidK: It's not that, it's that you might—O.O Red!
An interesting 30 seconds later…
KidK's Mom (slamming the door in Red's face): And don't even think about coming back in here until I tell you!
Red (pounding on the door and yelling): Aw, come on, Mrs. Missy's Mom! Lemme in! I didn't mean to fall on you! (more quietly) My leg's fine, by the way…not broken or anything…just thought I'd tell you so you wouldn't worry…(he turns around and leans against the wall by the door poutily) Hfff…what'm I s'posed to do out here? (he grumbles to himself for a few more minutes, then becomes quite curious when a couple of girls push open the door at the end of the hall and start walking down the corridor giggling) Hmmm…people!
Dorm Girl Valeria: So I told him that—(she pauses, then whispers to her friend) Ooo, look! A guy! *giggle*
Dorm Girl Irene: Hey, yeah! I wonder whose boyfriend he is…let's talk to him! (she walks right up to Red) Hi!
Red (beaming brightly): Yo! What's goin' down?
Valeria: *giggle* Nothiiiiiing…I'm Valeria!
Irene: And I'm Irene. We live here, ya know. (note: completely made up)
Red: Really? That's cool.
Valeria: So…how come you're here?
Red: I'm helpin' Missy pack up her room. (he turns to glare at the closed door of KidK's room) S'posed to be, anyway. Nasty mother-human…
Irene: 'Missy?' Hmmmm…you mean that creepy girl Melissa?
Valeria: She's creepy. I don't know how Diane could stand to live with her for a year. She doesn't ever party at all!
Red: She doesn't? Missy loves to party with me when she's home…I wonder what's wrong with this place that she wouldn't want to…
Valeria (dismissively): Who cares? We don't wanna party with her anyway. (edging closer to Red and grinning) You, on the other hand…
Red (staring at the girl): You know something? You smell funny.
Valeria: Huh?
Red: Like…something died in your mouth. Sorry, but you do. Maybe that's why Missy doesn't wanna party with you.
Irene: Valley, didn't you quit smoking? You told me you did!
Valeria: Well, you didn't expect me to go cold turkey, did you?
Irene: You lied to me! You're not my best friend anymore! (she storms away with typical angry teen girl drama)
Valeria (whirling on Red viciously): You had no business telling her that!
Red: ….what? I didn't tell—
Valeria: Next time, try keeping a secret when you're told to! (she chases after Irene) Wait, Reen! I'm sorry!
Red: O.o…(calling after her) Okay, bye! Good luck having that hole in your middle fixed! Huh…good thing Missy's not insane like all the other humans I talk to…they always get screamy for no reason!
Meanwhile, inside the dorm room…
KidK (happily singing): Have a paati niiiiiight! Hold me, baby, ukiuki lady! Sutoresu wa tamenaide! Wow, Pur, you're really helpful! Hee…I'd have to stand on a chair to reach that stuff.
Purple: Well, they don't call me the Almighty Tallest for nothing. These pictures just go in here?
KidK's Mom: Yeah, they should fit. So let's see…you emptied the drawers…Red did the closet…we've got the bed stuff…and the desk stuff…and the shelf stuff…I think that's it!
KidK: Great! Now all I've gotta do is turn Phyllis off…
Purple: Aw, man! Just as the song was getting good…
KidK: Yeah…touch me, baby, jibuun wa holiday—sutesharu na toki no! Too bad…see you tomorrow, ol' buddy. (she shuts down the computer and flicks off the moniter) Now…let's start lugging this junk downstairs! (she throws her heavy backpack over her shoulder and then starts to pick up various trash bags full of clothes)
KidK's Mom (warningly): Don't you load yourself down…remember that there's four of us.
KidK: Oh, right. Well, you've gotta go get the car.
KidK's Mom: Oh, I forgot! (she falls silent, a look of vague foreboding crossing her face) I certainly hope Gir hasn't destroyed anything in there…
Purple: Don't worry—probably not anything important.
KidK: You left Gir in the car?! Alone?!
KidK's Mom: Well, I thought he'd just get into trouble up here…hmph, little did I know Red'd be little better…and I couldn't leave him home cuz last time I did that I lost a whole bottle of my best perfume.
KidK: I just hope we still have a car to take this home in.
KidK's Mom: Don't say that—you'll jinx us. Now…(she throws open the door) Red!
Red (quite startled): Don't hit me again! …..hey, don't do that! Whaddaya want?
KidK's Mom: I want you to do what I brought you here to do and grab some stuff to carry downstairs. I'm going for the car. (she exits)
Red: Oh. Cool! (he slides past Mom into the room and starts picking things up) Hey, Missy, didja know that a lotta the girls you live with are really crazy?
KidK: Why?
Red: They kept coming up to me and asking me stuff about if I was (air quotes) 'seeing anyone.' Got no idea what that means, but I didn't wanna look stupid—
Purple: Ha! (he starts down the hallway with an armful of bags, laughing sarcastically)
Red (glaring after Pur): So I said no and then they were extra friendly.
KidK: O.O…………….let me guess. You are now in possession of some numbers on pieces of paper.
Red (holding out a fistful of paper scraps): Yeah! How'd you know?
KidK: Just a lucky guess. Um…you'd better give those to me for proper disposal.
Red: But why'd those girls give me them in the first place? And how come they got so mad when I said they should wear bigger clothes so their skin wouldn't fall out of their shirts?
KidK (trying hard not to giggle): No reason really. Only lots of girls don't like it when even really cool guys like you try to give them fashion advice. (thinking) Go Red-sama! In your cluelessness you rock!
Red: Ohhhh…they don't appreciate my extreme funkiness. I get it.
KidK: Er…right. So don't even give it another thought. Come on downstairs. Ugh…this is gonna take a couple trips, isn't it?
About ten minutes later, all of KidK's belongings have been carried down the long flights of stairs to the lobby, and Mom pulls up with the car…and Gir.
Gir (leaping out the passenger window): Missyyyyyyyyyyyy!
KidK: Giiiiiiiiiiir! (he jumps into her arms) It's so good to see yoooou!
Gir: It's movin' day, so everybody dance! (he gets off KidK and starts doing the Twist on the steps)
Red: Dance? Don't mind if I do! (he dances too)
Purple: ¬_O Must you?
KidK's Mom: Time to load up! Let's put the big flat boxes in first…
Gir: Boxes? I wanna play! (he runs through the now propped-open door of the building and lifts an under-the-bed box that weighs more than he does) Who wants to catch it?!
KidK's Mom: See, now, this was why I didn't let him come in before…Gir, don't throw that.
Gir: Awwwww…
KidK: But you can carry it over to the car and put it nicely in the trunk to be really helpful, Gir! If you do a good job I'll give you a big hug.
Gir: Yay!
Red: Heyyyyy…do I get a hug if I do a good job too?
KidK (nodding seriously): Yes. Everybody who helps gets a hug.
Red (shoving Pur unnecessarily): Outta my way! Big strong rap masta comin' through! (he locates the heaviest-looking box and stoops to pick it up, all the while plotting under his breath) This'll impress her…
Purple (crossing both pairs of fingers): Oh please let him break his back, please let him break his back…
KidK (coming over to pick up the last box): You sure you've got that, Red-sama?
Red: Er…yeah…no…problem…(he staggers toward the car)
KidK (shrugging): Okay…(she hefts her own box with ease and carries it away) Pur, you can start bringing over some bags if you want!
Purple: 'Kay.
Red (heaving his box into the car): There! (he turns around, grinning proudly) Didja see that?
KidK's Mom: Yes. You didn't need to drop it in so hard. Gonna break the car at that rate…
Red (thoroughly deflated): *sigh* Sorry, Mrs. Missy's Mom…(brightening up again) Hey, Missy! Do I get my hug now?
KidK (leaning over to place some bags in the trunk): Is everything in the car?
Red (looking over at the pile of stuff): No…
KidK: Then get to work! (she starts off to get more) Gotta work if ya wanna earn that hug! ^.~
Red: Yay!
Purple: You're pathetic, you know that? (to Mom) Where can I put these boxes of shoes?
KidK (returning with another armful): And the vacuum?
Gir (skipping up): An' da jellybeans?! (note: I had jellybeans in my dorm room, courtesy of my grandfather, who is very nice)
KidK's Mom: Now let's see…
In a little while, everything is successfully stuffed into the car. And there is much rejoicing. For about a minute. Then our friends are gonna realize they have another problem on their hands.
KidK: Okay, okay, you can get off my head now! ^.^ Gir, you nutty thing!
Gir (dropping to the pavement): Hug hug hug! Ah luvs you, Missy! We gonna have lotsa happy dancin', right?
KidK: Yep! Especially after tomorrow when Phyllis comes home an' we can listen to my playlists! Five hours of pure Japanese goodness!
Gir: Whee! (he starts singing) Tatoe futari hanarebanare ni naate mo, watashi wa sekai wo kaeru!
KidK's Mom: That's if we can find a place to hook that computer in. Don't get your hopes up.
KidK: ¬_¬………….(she is determined not to let anything bother her) Okay! Next hug! I got you, Pur, an' you, Gir, so that only leaves—
Red: My turn! Woohoo, go me! (he seizes KidK in a death grip)
KidK: O.o………um…Red?
Red: Yeah?
KidK: I'm s'posed…to hug you.
Red (releasing her): Oops! Sorry…got carried away…
KidK: S'okay. (she puts her arms around him for a much gentler, less rib-crushing embrace) You're a good helper, even if you're a little too enthusiastic sometimes. Matter of fact, that's why I like you. ^_^ (she steps back and smiles) Thanks a bunch, guys.
Purple: No problem. We were taking a break anyway. And it's not like we're gonna be gone long enough for anything bad to happen.
Flash to the Massive!
Vix: So anyway, doesn't this blue look so much better with all the red than that icky purple color?
Div: Maybe so, but…
Vix: But what?
Div: But Tallest Purple's not gonna like it.
Vix: But Red will. And then they'll be too busy fighting with each other to get mad at us, and in the meanwhile we can all enjoy a nicer color scheme. Man, sometimes I really amaze myself—brilliant strategist, skilled warrior, and incredible interior decorator. Yep! I'm pretty much a genius!
Div (shaking his head): How is it that we haven't been killed yet?
Vix (all serious): Because no one can stop…the mighty duo of Vix and Div! Heehee! (she slaps him on the back and runs off) Now let's go push random buttons on the bridge when Commander Vel's not looking!
Div: O.O………………what?!
Flash back to Earth!
Purple: Naaah…it's only a few hours. Not like they're gonna redesign the entire interior of the Massive, right?
Red (staring off into space): Wowwwww…hug…
Purple: *sigh*
Gir (jumping on Red): Yo, rap-man! We gonna go party down now?
Red: Right…party…(he snaps out of it) Oh, yeah! We're gonna party! Come on an' get in the car so we can blast some mad sounds, yo!
Purple: No way! I get shotgun this time!
KidK's Mom (sounding quite preoccupied): Uh ohhhh…
KidK: Uh oh? What uh oh?
KidK's Mom: Well…you're gonna laugh…but…when I was telling everybody where to put stuff in the car…we kinda started putting stuff in the back seat 'cause we ran out of room in the trunk…and I didn't realize at the time but now we filled up a whole seat so there's only room for three—four if Gir rides a lap.
KidK: …………huh?! Well, what're we supposed to do now? Everything won't fit any other way, so…I guess I could just let you guys go home, and I'll just hang out at the dining hall for a couple hours until you can come back for me, Mom…
At that moment, our five heroes and heroines are interrupted in their pondering of the issue at hand by a voice from several yards behind them.
Zim: No need to worry! The amazing Invader Zim is here to solve all your problems!
They turn, as one, to see Zim standing triumphantly in the center of the road—beside his parked Voot Cruiser. They are all pretty much speechless at the sight. As they continue to stare, Zim leans back nonchalantly against the spacecraft and smiles charmingly at KidK.
Zim: Need a lift?
KidK (she is very confuzzled ^.^): Zim? You brought…? Not at skool…? Here…Voot…(she pauses, and then her eyes light up as one simple fact blazes its way through her brain) Zimmy!
She runs forward a few steps, then gets down on her knees and spreads her arms out wide—a perfect invitation for a big, squishy cute moment. She fully expects this moment to happen, since that's the kind of thing I normally cause to happen in her universe. So she is quite surprised when Zim walks over to her and, ignoring her obvious hug intentions, simply stops.
Zim: Hello, KidK.
KidK (lowering her arms and sounding slightly disappointed): Hallo, Zim.
Zim: Congratulations on finishing your year of skool. Your performance is to be commended.
KidK: …………thank you?
Zim: You're welcome. (he moves to step past her to address her mother, but as he does so he leans sideways a bit to whisper in her ear) Later.
KidK: (realization dawns and she smiles and nods silently)
KidK's Mom (hands on hips): What are you doing out of skool, mister?
Purple (whispering to Red): Listen! She's gonna yell at 'im like he's her own offspring!
Red: *snicker* I love that mother-human—when it comes to Zim-humiliation, she's the best.
Zim: Well you see, the thing is, they discovered some kind of horrible filth growing in one of the science labs today. Several disgusting human children were apparently so stupid as to touch the stuff before reporting it to their teacher, and as a result there was much widespread panic and screaming—
KidK's Mom: Which provided the perfect cover for you to sneak out and go home. (she folds her arms) Honestly, Zim, people could get hurt by your little scams!
Zim (indignant): What makes you think I had anything to do with it? Is it so hard to believe that things just happened to turn out in such a way that I was able to come here in the middle of a skool day?
KidK's Mom: Yes. Given your past record, yes. But in this case I'm going to overlook your bad behavior.
Purple: O_o…….bad behavior! Wahahahaha! Didja hear that?!
Red: I did! I did! Hahahaaaaaa!
Zim (completely ignoring this and maintaining perfect composure): My Tallest. It's an honor to see you again, and so soon after your last illustrious visit. (if the Tallest weren't completely absorbed in their mirth, they might notice the note of bitterness in Zim's next statement) What do you have in your plans for this time? More dancing, eating, and reading of comic books, perhaps?
KidK's Mom (she is a good noticer): Oh no. None of that today. We're having company over to celebrate Missy's last day of skool—family company. (she catches Zim's look of horror at the prospect and allays his fears with a wink)
Zim: Ohhhhh…right! We are unfortunately going to be visited by some of KidK's hideous relatives, because humans feel the need to come and bother other humans when they finish skool. It might be a danger to your safety and therefore to the well-being of the Empire if you were to be seen by them.
KidK's Mom: That's right. Can't endanger the Empire, now can you?
Red and Purple: *blink blink*
KidK's Mom: Well! Looks like it's you and me in the Camry, boys!
Red: Aw! How come Missy can't come with us an' have Pur go with Zim?
Purple: Not a chance! Me ride in a Cruiser meant for Invaders? You go!
KidK: No, Mom's right. You guys go with her—you'd probably be uncomfortable in the Voot. I'm not sure if I'm gonna fit good, and you're a whole foot taller than me.
Zim: True, true.
KidK's Mom: Now get in the car.
Red (all pouty): Fine. Pfff…stupid Zim…I wanted to be all squished in the car with Missy…
Purple: That's because you're stupid.
KidK's Mom: Hey, now, that was uncalled for. No fighting! Just get in!
Gir (jumping up and down excitedly): I'm goin' with Master, right? Yeah? I'm goin'?
KidK: That is so cute. He luvs you soooo much, Zimmy.
Zim (rolling his eyes): I'm aware. So…shall we go?
KidK: Yay! I get to fly in da Voot! ^.^ See ya in an hour, ma!
KidK's Mom: You three be careful now…(she opens her car door) And you two be quiet now!
As KidK and Zim walk over to the Voot, they continue to hear muted shouts of 'he started it' and so on in the background. They ignore them, for they are about to have an adventure. The top hatch of the Voot opens, and Zim hops in to take his place in the pilot's seat. Gir leaps in after him, and proceeds to dance like a monkey in the space to the right of the single seat. KidK carefully climbs into the little ship and settles down behind and to the left of Zim, hugging her knees up under her chin.
Zim (turning to look at her): You can be a little more comfortable than that, you know.
KidK: You know, you're right. This thing is bigger inside than it looks. (she stretches out her legs a bit) Big enough for Gir to use it as a disco hall, anyway.
Gir: Whee! Git down! We gonna flyyyyy…so hiiiiiigh…in the skyyyyyyyy!
Zim: Hmmm…that's something else. I forgot your fear of heights, KidK.
KidK: Hey, no problem. I'm only afraid of park rides and planes operated by incompetent humans. But with the amazing Kami Zim at the helm, what can go wrong? ^_^
Zim: Nothing, of course. Yes, why should you be worried when your life is in the hands of such an incredible pilot as me? (note: Hee!) So, you're ready for the greatest ride of your existence?
KidK: Yep! Start 'er up!
Gir (plopping down cutely next to her): I love this ride…
KidK believes she is ready, especially since she's really high on happiness and isn't giving any thought whatsoever to what's about to happen, but nothing has prepared her for the ascent of the Voot Cruiser into the sky at high velocity. You see, Zim's rather high on happiness too. ^.^
Gir: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! Faster! Go higher, Master!
KidK: Whoa! This thing's got a real kick to it! (she pushes herself up on her knees and leans forward to see out the front of the Voot's dome) Hmmm…trees. Trees below me. O.o Uh oh.
Zim: I can go a bit lower, but not much—can't take the risk that excitable hyuuumans might see us.
KidK: No, no…just gotta get used to it…(she points) Look! You can practically see New York from this high! Neat! (she thinks a second) ………and, you know, lots of people must've seen the Voot when you parked it in plain view on my college campus. (she pokes him in the arm playfully) What were you thinking, Invader?
Zim: O.O………..you're right! Dozens…perhaps a hundred people may have seen my ship! Why didn't I think to use some kind of cloaking device? Now the mission is in jeopardy! (it's not a good idea to upset someone flying a Cruiser—it might lead to quite a bit of veering and shaking) Why didn't I think?!
Gir: That's cuz you wanted to surprise Missy! So she'd be happy an' smiley an' come ride with ya! Thaaaaaat's what ya said yeeeeesterdaaaaaay! Ooo, that was fun, Master, make it flip again!
KidK: O.o No! Hey, Zim, calm down—I'm sure nobody noticed and that anybody who did was just a stupid college student. Probably wasted enough to think that your ship was just one of many that visits her in her head for a cup of tea. And any sane person who might've seen would likely get the same response from adult authorities as Dib always does.
Zim: Pathetic Dib-monkey…he'll never defeat me! And nor will any unwashed college-monkeys!
KidK: Correct as usual, my kami! Now…do you think you could turn us right-side-up again? Trees I can deal with, but it's kinda uncomfortable for the sky to be under me.
Gir: I like it! Hello, Mister Happy Cloud!
Zim: Oh! How did that happen? (the ship is righted and continues on its journey)
KidK: Heeeeey…how come we didn't fall on the ceiling? We're not strapped in or anything…
Zim: u.u Superior Irken technology, as usual. We've got gravity controls to prevent injury.
KidK: Wow! You guys come up with everything, don't ya?
Zim: Well…actually…we got the idea from downed fighters from…some conquered planet that isn't important enough for me to remember the name of now. Butthatdoesn'tmakeusanylessofgeniuses!
KidK: Hee…mighty Irken Empire…saaaaaay, this thing goes really fast, huh?
Zim: Yes?
KidK: So…it takes nearly an hour for a car to get home…but it wouldn't take us that long, right?
Zim (getting carried away): We could circle the planet in that time! Muhahahahahaaaaa!
KidK: Or we could just fly around aimlessly and enjoy the…away-ness…from everything for an hour.
Gir: Can we go to Mickey-D's?! I wanna Happy Meal! They gots pretty toys for me ta eat!
KidK: ………………………..
Zim: No, Gir, we can't land for food. The mother-human will have lunch for you when we get home. Now, where is it you'd like to—why are you looking at me like that?
KidK: …nothing……..I just think it's sweet when you call my house 'home.'
Zim: o.ô It is, isn't it? Here on Earth, anyhow.
KidK: Of course! But that doesn't make it any less nice for you to say so…
Zim (pensively): Perhaps someday you can come to Irk—and perhaps you might call it 'home.'
KidK: Maybe…you think the Tallest would mind you letting a human on your planet? (she grins) We're filthy, you know.
Gir: Goopy muck puddle dance! (my, that was random…)
Zim: I doubt it. If it was just un-filthy you, in any case. Not that I'd bring anyone else.
KidK: You know what?
Zim: What?
KidK: I love you. I really do.
Gir: I love Master! (he jumps on Zim's head) I doooooooooo!
Zim: Gir! I can't see—and that's bad! Get off my head!
Gir (wheedling): Can we listen to muuuuusiiiiiic?
Zim: Fine! Yes! Whatever you want! Just don't make me crash this thing…even though I never would because I'm such an amazing pilot!
Gir: Okie dokie! ^_^ (he hops off Zim's head and starts fiddling with some buttons on the console) I'm gonna find us somethin' good!
KidK: I didn't know this thing had a radio…
Zim: It's for picking up government and military transmissions. On most sane—though terribly inferior to Irk, of course—planets, those are the only kinds of radio communication. Unfortunately, your planet isn't sane.
Gir: Surfin' da airwaves for a funky beat…
Radio: That was Dexy's Midnight Runners with 'Come On Eileen'…we'll be right back with some 'Doctor Jones' for ya after these messages….Hey! Didja know that if you drive a Lexus everybody will like you more and hot chicks will want to date you?!
KidK: Did it just say 'Doctor Jones?' Gir, stop right there! We got Aqua comin'!
Gir: Yay! Leenie an' Reenie gonna sing for us! (Ahem. Lene Nystrom and Rene Dif)
KidK: 'Doctor Jones'…how wonderfully coincidental…
Gir: I like that word…co-incy-dentle.
Zim: You are going to tell me what you mean, aren't you?
KidK: It's just funny that that should be the first song we listen to together after my last day of skool…(she pauses for greater effect)…because it was the last song we sang together at my going-away party.
Zim: Hmmmmm…yes. I remember that. We never finished it, did we? We were making up new lyrics.
KidK: Yep! (she gets a sneaky look on her face) Hey…we can finish it now, if you like. With even more better-er new lyrics.
Gir: Yeah! Yeah! Sing it! I wanna hear your booty-ful voices!
KidK: Well, Zim? Want to?
Zim (shaking his head in wonder): You know, sometimes things just seem to fall into place almost too perfectly for you.
KidK: I know! ^_^ It's cuz sometimes the evil entity feels guilty. Or something. (note: KidK is semi-self-aware. Kinda like poor Kilgore Trout in Kurt Vonnegut's novels. Only younger. And not a man.)
Zim: This time I think I'm not gonna ask. Sounds like the radio is back, anyway.
KidK: Yay! Gonna sing wit' mah Zimmy!
Gir: Woo, yeah! You gonna whoop it up real good wit'chur bad selves in da Voot!
Zim: Gir! Quiet! KidK is going to sing. And I want to hear her.
Gir: Shhhhhhhhh! I'm list'nin'.
Radio: …win tickets to Ozfest! Just be the seventh person to call when you hear any Black Sabbath song and give us your address so we can send you the tickets and then sell your info to other people so they can send you worthless things later! You are real happy about this contest, eh? Of course you are! Now here's some music, which is stuff we put on in between commercials and promotional messages to fill up time! This is DJ Stuffington Fluffypants, and this is Aqua with 'Doctor Jones.'
The radio deejays in my area have really stupid names, so I am making fun of them. I can if I want to. Now, for the song. The soft, violin-ish opening begins, and KidK starts to sing the second new version of this same tune that I have written for her. She only thinks she's coming up with it herself. Ah, well, sometimes even the most evil of entities feels guilty, I suppose.
KidK: Those times, when nothing was fine—away at skool for the first time. Seemed so long, everything felt wrong—almost like I was doin' time!
Gir (breaking in): Doom doom-y doom-y doom-y, doom doom-y doom doom!
KidK: Cute! (she joins in) Doom doom-y doom-y doom-y doo-oom! Now that those days are gone, we're gonna have such fun. (she smiles mock-evilly at Zim) Better watch your back and keep on guard—I'm gonna have you on the run!
Gir: Take it, Master! Whoop whoop!
Zim: Now I'm no longer missing you!
KidK: I'm right here by your side!
Zim: Just think of all the things we'll do!
KidK: I'm back to stay!
Zim: We'll see each other every day!
KidK: Can't wait to be with you!
Zim: And now that you are here with me, I'll realize victory! Hahaha!
KidK: Yeah!
Gir: Master an' Missy rock!
KidK: Kami Zim, Zim—calling Kami Zim! Kami Zim, Kami Zim, I'm back now!
Zim: You're back now!
KidK: Kami Zim, Zim—calling Kami Zim! Kami Zim, Kami Zim, I'm home now!
Zim: You're home now!
Gir and KidK: Doom doom-y doom-y doom-y, doom doom-y doom doom! Doom doom-y doom-y doom-y doo-oom!
And so on. Meanwhile, as the Voot rockets across the sky doing chaotic flips and rolls in time to the beat (told ya Zimmy was high on happiness), in the Camry things are not so happy…
Purple: Why is it that every time it's my turn to control the radio there's nothing good on?
Red: We passed Eminem a little bit ago…mighta been PST—they're always good for some Slim Shady.
Purple: I know. That's why I said what I said—there's nothing good on.
KidK's Mom: We could put in one of my tapes.
Red: Oooo, the one with Shaggy? (he breaks into spontaneous song) Girl, you're mah angel, you're mah daaaaaaarlin' an-gel! Closer than mah peeps you are to me-ee, bay-beh!
Purple: O.O No Shaggy, no Lou Bega, and no more 'Beautiful Stranger!'
Red: But I like those.
Purple: Exactly! (pleading with Mom) Don't you have anything else?
KidK's Mom: There's Carole King…I think…yeah, here it is.
Purple: I'm saved! Put it in, put it in!
KidK's Mom: o.ô Has someone been giving you coffee, Purple?
Purple: No, I just really really wanna not listen to rap.
KidK's Mom: Okay…(she pops the tape in and immediately starts singing along—she can't help herself any more than her daughter can) My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue.
Purple: An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view!
KidK's Mom: A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold.
Purple and Mom: A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold!
Red (grumbling to himself in the backseat): Well, time to tune this out…hmmm, what to think about…? Hope that pest Zim hasn't killed Missy…(he raises his voice) I'm dying back here! That stuff's so corny it's deadly!
Purple: Turn it up, Mrs. KidK's Mom!
KidK's Mom (doing so): Once within my tapestry…
Red: Aargh! Make it stop!
Today I pick on Red. It's only fair after all the stuff I've done to Pur. Heheh…now back to the singing in the Voot—already in progress.
Zim: 'Cause now that you are through with skool, the planet we will rule!
Gir: With pigs an' ev'rything!
KidK: Kami Zim, Zim—calling Kami Zim! Kami Zim, Kami Zim, I'm back now!
Zim: You're back now!
KidK: Kami Zim, Zim—calling Kami Zim! Kami Zim, Kami Zim, I'm home now!
Zim: You're home now!
Gir and KidK: Doom doom-y doom-y doom-y, doom doom-y doom doom! Doom doom-y doom-y doom-y doo-oom!
KidK: We just put 'doom' in everything, don't we Gir?
Gir: Doom doom-y doom-y doom-y…yeah!
KidK (resuming the song): We'll…be…ha…ppy. Oh…so…ha…ppy. You're…here…with…me. Right…here…with…me. Kami Zim, Zim…
Zim: You're back now!
KidK: Kami Zim, Zim…
Gir (screeching): Back in black, now!
KidK (trying to suppress giggling): Kami Zim, Zim…
Zim (looking resentfully at Gir, who smiles back obliviously): You're home now!
KidK: Kami Zim, Zim…
Gir and KidK (quite loudly and hyper-ly): We love you!
KidK: Ooooo, creeeepy…sharing brainwaves with Gir…
Zim: Well he is an advanced model.
Gir: Doom doom-y doom doom!
KidK: Yes…quite so…
Zim: And of course you both love me. Who wouldn't? u.u
KidK: All must praise Zim's amazingness in song! ^_^
Zim: Yes!
Gir: Doom doom-y doom-y doom-y…hit it Missy!
KidK: Will do! Hee…Kami Zim, Zim—calling Kami Zim! Kami Zim, Kami Zim, I'm back now!
Zim: You're back now!
KidK: Kami Zim, Zim—calling Kami Zim! (she reaches forward to rest her hand on Zim's) Kami Zim, my Zimmy, I'm with you.
Zim (turning to smile back at her): You're with me.
Gir: Yeeeeeeeeeeehee! That was soooooo goooooood! (he throws his arms around KidK's neck)
KidK (falling into the wall of the ship): Oof! Hee…I'm glad you're in soft-doggy-mode, Gir, or your joy would be painful…
Gir: I'm in diss-guys! Meow!
KidK: And an ingenious disguise it is indeed. Thanks for singin' with me, buddy.
Gir: Awwww…you an' Master did all th' good stuff!
KidK: But you came up with the 'doom' chorus to save my voice from the yodel-y thing.
Gir: Doom goes with everything! I made a whole song of it once, ya know.
KidK: A whole song, eh?
Gir: Yep! It was long an' good! Wanna hear it?
Zim: No, don't—
KidK: Sure! ^_^
Gir: Yay! (at the top of his lungs) I'm gonna sing the Doom Song now! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doooooom! Doom!
KidK: Aw, that's cute.
Zim: You won't say that after six months of this.
KidK: O.O S…six months? Uh oh…
Gir: Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom dooooooom! Doom doom dooooooooooooom!
About an hour after both vehicles started out from Douglass College, the tan Camry pulls into the garage and its passengers get out. One is very angry at the other two.
Red: What was that all about?! Why'd you keep playing that same song over an' over again?
KidK's Mom: I happen to like that song.
Purple (smugly): Revenge for the 'Space Jam' incident.
Red: I told you—the tape got stuck in the player! I couldn't get it out!
Purple: You didn't have to keep rewinding it.
Red: Oh. Really? It seemed like the only thing to do. (he remembers something, then gives Pur a death glare) And then you didn't even do anything when that insane guard-female attacked me in the hallway an' started jabbing my boombox with her shock staff and screaming.
Purple: Hee…'Die, noise monster! Pollute the air of my Tallest no longer!' That was funny.
Red: No it wasn't! She destroyed my player—and Missy's tape!
Purple (nodding enthusiastically): See what I mean? Funny! That girl's good for some things, even if she is annoying and criminally insane…but she better not have set anything on fire while we've been gone…this time.
Red (sarcastically): Aw, but it was so funny when she accidentally exploded your ugly sculpture-thingy…and even funnier when her partner-guy put the blaze out with your pillow.
KidK's Mom: You have people exploding your things up there?! You'd better hurry and get back there before something horrible happens! (she shoos them through the door to the den and toward the elevator) Go, go! Don't want your manga to get evaporated or something, Purple! And Red! You've left your chips unattended again! Remember last time?
Red: *gasp!* You're right! (he thinks a second) Heeeeey…are you tryin' to get rid of us, mother-human?
Purple: Hey, yeah! We came all the way here to help you, and now that we've done your bidding you want us gone? Pfff…and here I thought you were nice.
KidK's Mom: No, no, it's nothing like that. I really appreciate your hard work today—and you can definitely come over for a good meal any time as payment.
Purple: Then why're you so hot to have us out?
KidK's Mom: Like I told you—we're having company. I have to start vacuuming soon.
Red: Oh, right. (he rolls his eyes) Musta forgot what with all the uproarious fun we had on the way home. I've at least gotta stay long enough to say bye to Missy. (he folds his arms and stares Mom down defiantly) You just try an' stop me.
KidK's Mom (matching his glare): You dare be rude to me?
Purple: Well, now you've done it, Laser Brain. Let's just go downstairs before you make things worse. We should go soon anyway. Gotta rest up—our Resortian vacation starts tomorrow.
KidK's Mom: Rulers of the Universe…I'm so sure…just be sure you're out of here before Mike comes home from skool. He always goes down to the lab to use Zim's internet connection, and he'll be glad to inform me if you're still there—and if you are there's gonna be trouble!
Red: Trouble? What're you waiting for, Pur?! Let's get outta here! She means business!
Purple is dragged by Red onto the elevator platform, and the two disappear downstairs, leaving KidK's Mom to shake her head and wonder in amazement at the gullibility of aliens from another planet. She's nice to try to keep the Tallest from messing with Zim like that…yep, I have a nice Mommy. A few minutes later, a tube in the ceiling of the lab opens and the Voot Cruiser lowers into place on its landing platform. The hatch opens, and two very disturbed people stagger out of it and practically fall off the raised dais.
KidK: The doomyness…the doomyness…
Zim: Where'sa hammer…? I wanna hit myself inna head withit…
Gir (poking his head out of the Voot): Hey, come back! We're only on the sixteenth verse! It gets really good soon! Doom doom doom-y dooom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom-y dooom!
KidK: Augh…this is…not good…(she starts to fall over)
Red (dashing over to catch her—aw! ^.^): Missy! Hey, what happened to you? (he glares at Zim) What'd you do?
Zim (still dazed): Me…do…(he snaps out of it) It wasn't me, I assure you, my Tallest. It was my Gir unit. It's malfunctioning…again.
Purple: Well, it's very advanced. It can do so many…amazing things—heh—that sometimes its circuits are bound to get overloaded. Heheh…
Red (almost too happy to be holding a fainted KidK): Missy…hmmm… Well, I guess I could give you mouth-to-mouth, if you insist…
KidK (eyes snapping open): O.O I'm fine! I'm fine! (she pulls away from Red, then turns to him and bows, Japanese-style, many times in rapid succession) Thank you, Red-sama.
Red: Okee dokee…if ya say so…what is that robot singing?
Gir: Doom-y doom dooooooom! Doom! Doom doom doom doom! It's da Doom Song, Masta Red! Wanna sing it with me?
Red: Well it seems easy enough to pick up, so—
Purple: No, he doesn't. (hissing at Red) You want the mother-human to flog us? She's short but she's scary.
Gir: Aw! Well, iz okee. I'll sing it with me! Dooooooom doom doom dooooooooooom! Doom doom-y doom-y doom-y…
KidK: Sorry you guys hafta leave so soon—I'll make sure Mom makes some really good food next time you're here.
Zim: Yes. We will of course be very happy to see you here again when you inevitably come back.
Purple (completely ignoring Zim): Yeah, she already promised us. Well, say hello to your family for us—or, wait, don't. You know what I mean.
KidK: I do, I think. Thanks for all your help, Pur. ^_^
Purple: No problem. At least…I don't think it was a problem. Won't know for sure 'til we get home.
Red (shoving Purple away and taking KidK by the hand): Next time I come we'll really rip it up, okay? You've got lotsa time now cuz skool's over, so we can dance the day and the night away!
KidK: Sounds good to me! ^.^
Red: Heheh…hug time! (he uses his grip on her hand to pull her toward him) You're a good person to squeeze, ya know that?
KidK: Urk…um…yeah…(she is miraculously released) Well, see ya guys!
Purple: Bye!
Red: Byebye, Missy!
They step up on the teleporter platform and within an instant are gone. I can only speculate as to poor Purry's reaction when he sees that all his purple carpet and sheets and suchlike are now bright blue. You know who I feel sorriest for? Div. Heheh…
KidK (turning to Zim expectantly): Now?
Zim: Not quite. (he turns a stern gaze on his singing SIR) Gir!
Gir: Doom doom doom-y doom-y doom doom doom-y doom-y…yeah, Master?
Zim: Obey me! Follow!
Gir (going red and saluting): Yes, my lord! (Zim starts walking over to the elevator and Gir follows—going blue again after only a few steps) Ooooo, a parade! (the 'Doom Song' becomes a marching-band beat) Doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom!
Zim (upon reaching the elevator): Now! Go upstairs and sit in the Mike-beast's room!
Gir: Ooooooooo, so I can sing him the song when he gets home?
Zim (sinister smile): Why, yes, Gir, that's exactly what you should do. Make sure you start from the beginning. Oh, and try to weld his door shut or something—can't have him leaving in the middle of your performance, can we? Now go do it! Your Master commands you!
Gir (saluting): Your orders will be carried out to the letter, sir!
He leaps into the elevator looking all serious-like, then immediately reverts to silly-mode and continues to sing his doom-ful little tune. Zim watches until the elevator disappears through the ceiling, then remains in place for several seconds to make sure it isn't coming back. He then turns back to KidK, who is still standing near the teleporter.
Zim: There. Now, one last thing. (he removes his wig and contact lenses and tosses them carelessly aside) Okay…(he pauses, drawing the moment out)…now.
KidK (grinning insanely): Zimmy! (she drops to her knees and flings her arms out wide)
Zim (running over): KidK! (he pretty much flings himself into her waiting hug, throwing his arms around her tightly and snuggling close) KidK…
KidK (resting her cheek on his head): I missed you muchly, Zimmy…I was here every weekend but still…
Zim: It wasn't the same…now it will be. Four complete months when you will be here with me every day. (if possible, he squeezes her harder)
KidK: *giggle* You act like I haven't hugged you once in the whole nine months of the skool year. Not that I'm complaining…
Zim: That was different. Now…(he smiles up at her)…now you're free.
KidK (touching her forehead to his and gazing into his eyes): Yes. No more outside obligations. I can finally do what I want. And I want to have fun with you.
Zim: Yes. (he leans back into the hug, closing his eyes and redoubling his grip on her) You're all mine, now.
KidK (blushing a bit): Free to be all yours, eh? Well…there are certainly worse things…good thing I've escaped from them all now…oh…(she too shuts her eyes, and holds her best friend close)………it's just so good to be home.
The End!
How Sweet. If Only It Had Really Happened That Way…
8/15/02 4:48PM
That's it for a while, guys, but fear not! I'll be home again soon. ^.^