Title: Just Say 'NI'(It, Myself and I Series 3)

By: Chen

Feedback: Do I have to ask?

Disclaimers: All things Buffy belong to ME (Grr! Argh!) and not to me.

A/N: Playing around with the whole getting a soul in Africa thing before it actually happened. So bear with me.

For all the blocked BtVS fan fic writers out there. I feel your pain.

-x-

Demon? Yes, the creature he had traveled half around the globe to meet and had finally found inside the thatched hut in the middle of nowhere, was unquestionably a demon. Spike had never seen one of that particular kind before though and didn't like doing business of such importance with this unknown quantity.

The demon towered over Spike at seven feet tall with a green body that faded into a pale, alabaster face. The thorns covering his arms and chest added to the demon's singularity, making him look like a white rose.  

A deformed and ugly white rose demon is my only hope, Spike thought bitterly.

"What is the airspeed velocity of an African swallow?"

Spike was startled out of his reverie and looked stunned for a moment only to get pissed once the question had been processed. "Are you joking?"

"What ever happened to the vampires that say 'ni'?" The absurdity of the situation was doubled when the demon shook his head showing his clear disappointment. "Oh well, not a Python fan I gather."

Powerful Demon or not this thing was starting to wear thin his patience. "Is that the challenge?"

"No, of course not. I was just trying for some humor. It isn't quite often that I get an English visitor, or any visitors for that matter." His tone was almost accusatory, "But it seems it's all business with you. What a pity." He sighed, "Have it your way then."

Conjuring an impressively long scroll out of thin air the massive Demon took his time reading over the documents. "Let's see, this contract states that you will undertake whatever challenge of my choosing and if successful I will be obliged to..." He looked up at the vampire. "What was your request?"

Spike had phrased the request very carefully, abiding to the numerous rules the demon had presented him. "To make me whole again."

"Yes, yes. Very nicely put I have to say. Not everybody manages to come up with the right request. Yes... You do understand that if you are unsuccessful you will be immediately terminated?" Spike nodded impatiently. "Well then, do you accept the challenge?"

"No, I came to Africa for the scenery. Of course I do!"

The acridity of the comment was lost on the demon as he had resumed reviewing the finer points of the contract after adding Spike's request to the proper clause. When he seemed satisfied, the scroll was ceremoniously handed to Spike who held his hand out for a pen to sign it with.

"You are not going to read it first?" The concept that Spike was ready to sign without reading the contract first seemed to fill the Demon with horror. "You should never sign a contract of this magnitude, or any other for that matter, without reading what it entails!"

"Not like I have a choice there. You *do* have the monopoly on this, er, kind of service." With that Spike took the pen and signed on the dotted line with a flourish.

Might be the last thing I do, he thought to himself.

The Demon checked the signature and eyed the blond vampire with amusement. Drawing himself to his full height he addressed Spike in what was now an impressive baritone voice, "The challenge has been accepted. Let it begin."

Next thing he knew, Spike stood in the middle of what looked like a deserted Roman arena. Feeling a weight in his hand he raised it to find in it a sword. The sword itself was a thing of beauty and elegance. He swung it around trying to get a feel for its weight and balance – yes it would do.

Clicking his tongue in satisfaction, Spike couldn't suppress a smile of utter delight. "Fighting, uh? Couldn't think of something a tad harder?"

He did a quick survey and his senses told him something was amiss; there was no foe he could see or sense. How was he supposed to fight and win a battle if there was no opponent?

"Hullo there, wanker."

Spike quickly spun around to face his opponent, his sword at the ready, only to stop dead in his tracks.

What the…?