Title: Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition (It, Myself and I Series 5)

By: Chen

Feedback: That would be nice.

Disclaimer: All belong to ME (Grr! Argh!), not me.

A/N: Guess what? Almost over!

-x-

Spike leaned on his sword for support and wished for a fag with the last shred of energy he had in his body. He had defeated the vampire, but now what?

"Hey mate! A little help here?" he said to the now empty arena. Before he could sink to the floor he was back to the hut, back in front of the rose demon.

"Not complaining or anything, but you could have given me a little warning about not being able to go into game face."

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition." The demon didn't bother to mask the chuckle in his voice or the mischief in his eyes.

"Could you please spare me the Python references? I'm bleeding here."

"Oh – so you do know them?"

The joy was almost childish in its enthusiasm and Spike couldn't suppress a shudder of trepidation running down his spine. This was the Mighty demon who would now grant him his wish? What if he cocked-up everything? "I'm British, ain't I? Let's get back on track, shall we? Since I'm still here and not at the bottom of the dust bin, I assume that I passed the challenge."

"Yes. Brilliantly, I might add. I particularly liked the 'you mindless ugly bastard ponce' part. Very eloquent." The Demon eyed the little red puddle forming where Spike barely stood. "But you are bleeding."

"It will heal." The vampire dismissed it with a slight wave of his hand. What he really wanted more than anything was a fag.

"Now to the granting of your request." Pulling out the contract, he gave it a once over and then faced the wary vampire. "The chip is no longer active due to your new condition. You will not be a slayer per se... Let's say you'll be somewhat like a slayer. You did have some insight to where her powers are rooted – darkness of course. But we all have a dark side. Don't we?"

Receiving no answer from the flabbergasted vampire he went on. "You asked to be made whole. I did commend you on the wording of the request before. It is such a disappointment when they make it all the way over here and fail at that. The rules are quite rigid on this part of the process. The wording must meet what the challenger needs and not what he wants. Unfortunately so many are focused solely on what they want." Shaking his head like a disappointed parent, the demon let out a sigh, "Want. I have been around for millennia and I still don't get it."

Spike finally found his voice, "Slayer?" Was all he managed to get out.

"Oh pardon me for rambling on and on. It is just so rare to get an intelligent and pleasant young man like yourself to visit. One does get lonely, you know."

Spike eyed the demon again, trying to figure out if there was the possibility the Rose One was making a play for him. Nah, he was just another prissy anglophile. Hopefully that was all there was to it.

"Shall we then? Being whole, in your particular case, means you have now the balance that was missing. Your demon is no longer captain of the ship." He chuckled at his own metaphor? analogy?, but stopped when Spike failed to join in. "Your demon now shares the helm with your human side."

Spike felt the room sway and swayed with it. Did that blasted white, ugly rose demon say human? He frantically checked for a heartbeat and found none. "What do you bloody mean by human?"

Oh God, no. Please no. Not a soul. He felt something in him sinking and sat heavily down on the first space available. Almost too afraid to hear the answer, Spike tentatively asked, "Am I getting a soul?"

"Oh Lord no! Good heavens no!" The notion seemed to shock the demon and his answer was music to Spike's ears.

"You are getting two souls my dear!" The Demon informed Spike with glee.

And that was when Spike fainted.