Thanx for the reviews!! Once again they have inspired me. LOL
Thank you Gem-Sama, I did the Meryl thing like you suggested, only a little
different... Katrina Mama....the story never would've gotten past the
first chapter without you. Oh, and you're welcome for thanking you (that
sounded weird). Thanx to everyone else who reviewed - I appreciate it!!
~~~~~
"Here doggy, doggy, doggy..." called Legato hopefully, whistling and clapping his hands. "Come on! Where are you hiding?"
"I'm telling you, Legato, you don't have a dog!" Knives stood nearby with his hands on his hips, eyes narrowed at his servant's irrationality. Legato had been crawling around on the floor in search of a non-existent pet for hours now.
"Mr. Snacky says that he'll come back eventually," Legato informed his master. The purple bear dangled from Legato's backpack, destined never to leave his side again. "Oh, and Mastah, I've been meaning to ask you...when is my diet over? Mr. Snacky says - "
"You're diet is over when you are back to your lean, agile self - and when your mind returns from its vacation. And enough of what Mr. Snacky says before he ends up the same as Mr. Peppers."
"Hmm..." Legato pouted, lower lip quivering. "Well...what can I eat?"
"Anything without flavor. Now, I must check in on my brother and Wolfwood. Just keep looking for your...dog."
~~~~~~
Steam wisped from Wolfwood's coffee mug as he sighed gently, his breath stirring the heat of his drink. Another day with Vash the Stampede... The goofy, trench coat-clad outlaw was sitting across from him and munching happily on donuts, humming and singing the tune of 'Soundlife'. His peace was disrupted by Wolfwood coughing and choking violently, spitting out the hot, brown liquid he had been in the process of swallowing.
"Something the matter?" Vash asked politely, cheeks stuffed with glazed pastries.
"Look at this article!" Wolfwood weakly pushed the paper over towards Vash, his long, tan fingers trembling in disbelief.
Vash looked at the picture on the front page and then let his eyes skim the article. "Legato is into the snack-making business, eh?" he asked in amusement. "Says here his company is called 'Snacky Snacks' and they pride themselves on their secret ingredients...which contain little or no calories. It's special diet food. Hmm. So that's how he is so skinny. Personally, I resort to my freakish plant metabolism to keep myself in shape."
Wolfwood quirked an eyebrow and then muttered, "I wonder if Knives knows about this...."
~~~~~~
Knives had kept himself busy with setting up plans to cause his brother eternal pain and suffering, so he hadn't spent much time tending to Legato. However, the man became blatantly impossible to ignore when Knives came out to breakfast one morning and found all the gun-ho guns gathered around the table in their normal positions, carrying on their normal conversations, but one thing was different - they were standing.
"What's going on here?" demanded the testy plant, who was not a morning person, by the way.
Monev the Gale was the first one to turn to him and complain, "Legato took all the chairs, so none of us can sit anymore."
Now this presented a problem. If there was one thing Knives hated, it was standing and eating at the same time. But poor Knives could not present a solution to the problem, so it just continued to run rapid, and while Legato was back in his secret liar, grinding up the chairs to put into Snacky Snacks as his secret ingredient, none of the poor gun-ho guns could sit! So they all just stood there...and stood...and stood.
One day, Knives woke up and found that his home was strangely empty, so, in a panic, he ran through the halls and peeked into each room, screaming as many names as he could remember. "Wolfwood!!! Hornfreak!!! Domino or whatever!! Barney!!" Of course by Barney he was referring to Monev. Hey, they are both big, purple freaks! Anyone could get the two missed up.
Once the initial fear of being left to his own devices subsided, Knives sat down and flipped on the TV, grumbling angrily when he saw that the only thing on were commercials. Wait... Not just any commercial, but a commercial for....Snacky Snacks???
A techno version of 'Soundlife' began to play and none other than Vash, Knives' brother, hopped onto the screen in his trademark red trench coat. "What does the Humanoid Typhoon eat to keep this handsome and thin?" asked Vash in a bouncy little voice, that exasperating energy flooding Knives' already worn senses. "Why, Snacky Snacks of course! I'm always on the go, running from the law and bounty hunters and my brother and all, and these are easy, perfect and delicious!" Various scenes of Vash going through the said motions sailed across the screen, and then there was that dreaded bear...that Mr. Snacky - dancing and smiling in animated form. Knives nearly fell out of his chair.
"That is MY bear!" he screamed to no one in particular.
"Snacky Snacks," Vash said smiling, now holding a bag of the cookie-like products, "in three awesome flavors. Donut, pickle, and hot dog." His picture faded gradually as a woman's voice began to name all the side affects, speaking at such a rapid rate the words blurred. "Sideaffectsmayincludevomitingdiarrheanailbitingsexualsideaffectsskincancerc oloncancerheartattacklossofbreathdizzyspellsstomachacheheyisanyonereallyread ingthisorareyoujustskippingoveritcauseitisnotworththeeffortifyouarereadingth iskudostoyou."
Knives took his chin in his hand, contemplating his situation with a ponderous expression. "That explains where Legato is, but where have all the other gun-ho guns gone?" he murmured.
A new commercial came on, this time advertising a late night talk show. Knives watched in avid fascination as Dominique, wearing a slinky, black dress, walked down a red-carpeted aisle into a very fancy restaurant on the arm of none other than Legato, and in Legato's other hand dangled Mr. Snacky. The annoying guy talking over the scene was saying something about Legato being a success story on some show later that night, but Knives wasn't really paying attention, too busy watching in disbelief as Midvalley stepped onto screen, announcing himself as Legato's spokesperson. At his side was Legato's lawyer - Wolfwood.
Now Knives was infuriated. He wasn't going to take this lying down - er, standing, actually, since Legato had taken all his chairs and such. Gritting his teeth, he resolved to do something. ~~~~~~
Legato sat in his new, shiny office, twiddling his thumbs and waiting for the stage hand to come back and tell him it was time to prepare for his first live show, on which he would reveal information about his secret ingredient. Eventually, Monev did come and tell him it was time, and he stood up, Mr. Snacky in hand, and strode out quickly to the stage and before the applauding people, taking his seat opposite the host, who ironically happened to be Zazie.
"Guess what, Legato," Zazie said, because he is an annoying little kid and annoying little kids love to play the 'guess what' game.
Fortunately, so did Legato. "What?" he asked enthusiastically.
"Umm...I forgot." Monev ran out and whispered in Zazie's ear. "Oh yeah! We have a special guest for you! Everyone, give a big round of applause for my ex-boss, Millions Knives!"
Legato paled.
The audience was completely silent save for one hollering idiot in the crowd as Knives walked on stage, and eventually even that guy shut up when the two insurance girls that accompanied him pulled him back into his seat. Knives took his seat, and, smiling evilly, looked over at Legato with a glint to his eyes.
"And it seems Knives brought a friend," announced Zazie with a sickeningly sweet grin. "What's his name?"
"Timmy," supplied Knives, speaking of the ventriloquist dummy that sat on his knee. Hey, everyone needs a hobby.
Well, let me tell you, things did not go so well from there. Once it was announced that Legato used chairs as his secret ingredient to his snacks, Knives jumped out of his seat, declared that they had once been HIS chairs, and that he demanded some of the profit since he was paying for the ingredients. Legato was appalled by the idea and so was Mr. Snacky, or so Legato said, but Knives had been awaiting for Mr. Snacky to speak up, and he instantly launched into his ventriloquist act with Timmy, who, ironically, looked a lot like Knives himself. Go figure.
"It's not very nice to take someone's chairs and grind them up for people all around the world to eat," intoned Timmy in a freakishly high-pitched voice.
"Oh yeah? Well, Mr. Snacky says that it was only fair to get back at a certain Mastah who made me go on a diet."
"This is still about the diet?"
Zazie perked up. "You're on a diet, Legato?"
Legato blushed redder than an overcooked hot dog. "So? Knives uses a pink night light!"
Everyone in the crowd gasped.
To draw everyone else's attention away from him, Knives then decided to unveil his own snack, tossing out free samples into the crowd and having them hurled back at him. Furious, he turned to Legato and screamed, "I hope you're happy!"
Legato shrugged, but shrieked girlishly when Knives snatched away poor Mr. Snacky and tossed him deep into the crowd. So, the only reasonable thing left to do was dive in after the bear, and Legato did so, only to land face first on the floor and nearly crack his head open. Fortunately, he was only unconscious for a few seconds. When he did awake, however, the first thing he saw was the face of an angel. An angel who was screaming in horror and kicking at him, trying to get him away. And look! At the same time she was shouting commands to Vash and Millie, which meant one thing - she could multi-task. In his deluded mind, Legato fell in love.
Meryl held onto Mr. Snacky for all she was worth when Legato dizzily rose to his feet, scowling at him and preparing to announce that the bear was now up for ransom. But what happened next was something she wasn't expecting.
"I love you," Legato announced in a heartfelt manner.
There was only one thing to do. Meryl turned tail and ran. What a stupid girl.
For weeks after that, Legato left disturbing messages on her answering machine, screaming things such as, "MERYL!! WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?!?!?! YOU COULD BE MY QUEEN OF EVIL AND DARKNESS!!! MEEEEEEERRRRRRRYYYYYLLLL!!!"
As for Snacky Snacks, it started to go down hill when everyone realized they were eating chairs. Legato's glamorous life fell apart as all the gun-ho guns returned to Knives and he spent all his money paying ransom for Mr. Snacky, and even then Meryl wouldn't love him. After the longest three weeks of his life, Legato decided to return to Knives.
Knives welcomed him with a gloating smirk. "So, you decided to come back?" he taunted. "Well, I'll show you what happens when you go and betray me for a teddy bear. You're on a stricter diet, Legato! And I am going to be watching every SINGLE thing you put in your mouth!"
Sadly, Legato turned away and quietly wept into his sleeve.
~~~~~
"Here doggy, doggy, doggy..." called Legato hopefully, whistling and clapping his hands. "Come on! Where are you hiding?"
"I'm telling you, Legato, you don't have a dog!" Knives stood nearby with his hands on his hips, eyes narrowed at his servant's irrationality. Legato had been crawling around on the floor in search of a non-existent pet for hours now.
"Mr. Snacky says that he'll come back eventually," Legato informed his master. The purple bear dangled from Legato's backpack, destined never to leave his side again. "Oh, and Mastah, I've been meaning to ask you...when is my diet over? Mr. Snacky says - "
"You're diet is over when you are back to your lean, agile self - and when your mind returns from its vacation. And enough of what Mr. Snacky says before he ends up the same as Mr. Peppers."
"Hmm..." Legato pouted, lower lip quivering. "Well...what can I eat?"
"Anything without flavor. Now, I must check in on my brother and Wolfwood. Just keep looking for your...dog."
~~~~~~
Steam wisped from Wolfwood's coffee mug as he sighed gently, his breath stirring the heat of his drink. Another day with Vash the Stampede... The goofy, trench coat-clad outlaw was sitting across from him and munching happily on donuts, humming and singing the tune of 'Soundlife'. His peace was disrupted by Wolfwood coughing and choking violently, spitting out the hot, brown liquid he had been in the process of swallowing.
"Something the matter?" Vash asked politely, cheeks stuffed with glazed pastries.
"Look at this article!" Wolfwood weakly pushed the paper over towards Vash, his long, tan fingers trembling in disbelief.
Vash looked at the picture on the front page and then let his eyes skim the article. "Legato is into the snack-making business, eh?" he asked in amusement. "Says here his company is called 'Snacky Snacks' and they pride themselves on their secret ingredients...which contain little or no calories. It's special diet food. Hmm. So that's how he is so skinny. Personally, I resort to my freakish plant metabolism to keep myself in shape."
Wolfwood quirked an eyebrow and then muttered, "I wonder if Knives knows about this...."
~~~~~~
Knives had kept himself busy with setting up plans to cause his brother eternal pain and suffering, so he hadn't spent much time tending to Legato. However, the man became blatantly impossible to ignore when Knives came out to breakfast one morning and found all the gun-ho guns gathered around the table in their normal positions, carrying on their normal conversations, but one thing was different - they were standing.
"What's going on here?" demanded the testy plant, who was not a morning person, by the way.
Monev the Gale was the first one to turn to him and complain, "Legato took all the chairs, so none of us can sit anymore."
Now this presented a problem. If there was one thing Knives hated, it was standing and eating at the same time. But poor Knives could not present a solution to the problem, so it just continued to run rapid, and while Legato was back in his secret liar, grinding up the chairs to put into Snacky Snacks as his secret ingredient, none of the poor gun-ho guns could sit! So they all just stood there...and stood...and stood.
One day, Knives woke up and found that his home was strangely empty, so, in a panic, he ran through the halls and peeked into each room, screaming as many names as he could remember. "Wolfwood!!! Hornfreak!!! Domino or whatever!! Barney!!" Of course by Barney he was referring to Monev. Hey, they are both big, purple freaks! Anyone could get the two missed up.
Once the initial fear of being left to his own devices subsided, Knives sat down and flipped on the TV, grumbling angrily when he saw that the only thing on were commercials. Wait... Not just any commercial, but a commercial for....Snacky Snacks???
A techno version of 'Soundlife' began to play and none other than Vash, Knives' brother, hopped onto the screen in his trademark red trench coat. "What does the Humanoid Typhoon eat to keep this handsome and thin?" asked Vash in a bouncy little voice, that exasperating energy flooding Knives' already worn senses. "Why, Snacky Snacks of course! I'm always on the go, running from the law and bounty hunters and my brother and all, and these are easy, perfect and delicious!" Various scenes of Vash going through the said motions sailed across the screen, and then there was that dreaded bear...that Mr. Snacky - dancing and smiling in animated form. Knives nearly fell out of his chair.
"That is MY bear!" he screamed to no one in particular.
"Snacky Snacks," Vash said smiling, now holding a bag of the cookie-like products, "in three awesome flavors. Donut, pickle, and hot dog." His picture faded gradually as a woman's voice began to name all the side affects, speaking at such a rapid rate the words blurred. "Sideaffectsmayincludevomitingdiarrheanailbitingsexualsideaffectsskincancerc oloncancerheartattacklossofbreathdizzyspellsstomachacheheyisanyonereallyread ingthisorareyoujustskippingoveritcauseitisnotworththeeffortifyouarereadingth iskudostoyou."
Knives took his chin in his hand, contemplating his situation with a ponderous expression. "That explains where Legato is, but where have all the other gun-ho guns gone?" he murmured.
A new commercial came on, this time advertising a late night talk show. Knives watched in avid fascination as Dominique, wearing a slinky, black dress, walked down a red-carpeted aisle into a very fancy restaurant on the arm of none other than Legato, and in Legato's other hand dangled Mr. Snacky. The annoying guy talking over the scene was saying something about Legato being a success story on some show later that night, but Knives wasn't really paying attention, too busy watching in disbelief as Midvalley stepped onto screen, announcing himself as Legato's spokesperson. At his side was Legato's lawyer - Wolfwood.
Now Knives was infuriated. He wasn't going to take this lying down - er, standing, actually, since Legato had taken all his chairs and such. Gritting his teeth, he resolved to do something. ~~~~~~
Legato sat in his new, shiny office, twiddling his thumbs and waiting for the stage hand to come back and tell him it was time to prepare for his first live show, on which he would reveal information about his secret ingredient. Eventually, Monev did come and tell him it was time, and he stood up, Mr. Snacky in hand, and strode out quickly to the stage and before the applauding people, taking his seat opposite the host, who ironically happened to be Zazie.
"Guess what, Legato," Zazie said, because he is an annoying little kid and annoying little kids love to play the 'guess what' game.
Fortunately, so did Legato. "What?" he asked enthusiastically.
"Umm...I forgot." Monev ran out and whispered in Zazie's ear. "Oh yeah! We have a special guest for you! Everyone, give a big round of applause for my ex-boss, Millions Knives!"
Legato paled.
The audience was completely silent save for one hollering idiot in the crowd as Knives walked on stage, and eventually even that guy shut up when the two insurance girls that accompanied him pulled him back into his seat. Knives took his seat, and, smiling evilly, looked over at Legato with a glint to his eyes.
"And it seems Knives brought a friend," announced Zazie with a sickeningly sweet grin. "What's his name?"
"Timmy," supplied Knives, speaking of the ventriloquist dummy that sat on his knee. Hey, everyone needs a hobby.
Well, let me tell you, things did not go so well from there. Once it was announced that Legato used chairs as his secret ingredient to his snacks, Knives jumped out of his seat, declared that they had once been HIS chairs, and that he demanded some of the profit since he was paying for the ingredients. Legato was appalled by the idea and so was Mr. Snacky, or so Legato said, but Knives had been awaiting for Mr. Snacky to speak up, and he instantly launched into his ventriloquist act with Timmy, who, ironically, looked a lot like Knives himself. Go figure.
"It's not very nice to take someone's chairs and grind them up for people all around the world to eat," intoned Timmy in a freakishly high-pitched voice.
"Oh yeah? Well, Mr. Snacky says that it was only fair to get back at a certain Mastah who made me go on a diet."
"This is still about the diet?"
Zazie perked up. "You're on a diet, Legato?"
Legato blushed redder than an overcooked hot dog. "So? Knives uses a pink night light!"
Everyone in the crowd gasped.
To draw everyone else's attention away from him, Knives then decided to unveil his own snack, tossing out free samples into the crowd and having them hurled back at him. Furious, he turned to Legato and screamed, "I hope you're happy!"
Legato shrugged, but shrieked girlishly when Knives snatched away poor Mr. Snacky and tossed him deep into the crowd. So, the only reasonable thing left to do was dive in after the bear, and Legato did so, only to land face first on the floor and nearly crack his head open. Fortunately, he was only unconscious for a few seconds. When he did awake, however, the first thing he saw was the face of an angel. An angel who was screaming in horror and kicking at him, trying to get him away. And look! At the same time she was shouting commands to Vash and Millie, which meant one thing - she could multi-task. In his deluded mind, Legato fell in love.
Meryl held onto Mr. Snacky for all she was worth when Legato dizzily rose to his feet, scowling at him and preparing to announce that the bear was now up for ransom. But what happened next was something she wasn't expecting.
"I love you," Legato announced in a heartfelt manner.
There was only one thing to do. Meryl turned tail and ran. What a stupid girl.
For weeks after that, Legato left disturbing messages on her answering machine, screaming things such as, "MERYL!! WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?!?!?! YOU COULD BE MY QUEEN OF EVIL AND DARKNESS!!! MEEEEEEERRRRRRRYYYYYLLLL!!!"
As for Snacky Snacks, it started to go down hill when everyone realized they were eating chairs. Legato's glamorous life fell apart as all the gun-ho guns returned to Knives and he spent all his money paying ransom for Mr. Snacky, and even then Meryl wouldn't love him. After the longest three weeks of his life, Legato decided to return to Knives.
Knives welcomed him with a gloating smirk. "So, you decided to come back?" he taunted. "Well, I'll show you what happens when you go and betray me for a teddy bear. You're on a stricter diet, Legato! And I am going to be watching every SINGLE thing you put in your mouth!"
Sadly, Legato turned away and quietly wept into his sleeve.