But now I've got someone who cares for me
The days passed by slowly at the castle. The staff was walking on eggshells. Those who knew exactly what had transpired between Sirius Black and Hermione Granger did not speak of it. Those who didn't know, got the distinct impression that they didn't want to.
Hermione had immediately noticed that Sirius was gone. She repeatedly pushed everyone she could find as to his absence, but each time was just told that he had left and would not be returning. Hermione came to the only conclusion that her insecurities would allow her. "Sirius left because of me."
She replayed their final encounter in the Common Room over and over. "You're just a kid," haunted her dreams, awake and asleep. Realization dawned on early one morning in July. "They all think I'm just a kid. No one will tell me where he's gone, I'm too young to handle it. Things are about to change."
She stepped in front of the mirror with her wand. A whispered charm and the baggy T-shirt she was wearing began to shrink and mold to her form. Another charm and the jeans she wore shrank upwards to just below her buttocks, revealing very long and shapely legs. A very careful use of Glamour Charm and the dark circles and sallow cheeks were gone. Her unruly hair was quickly tamed and drawn back at the nape of her neck.
She appeared at breakfast, born anew. Harry's mind grasped frantically at the sight of the woman who sat beside him. He chose his words carefully so as not to offend her,
"Wow, 'Mione you look great, but don't you think it's a bit overdone for hanging around the castle?"
"I just felt like I needed a change," she replied, carefully lowering her voice to a purr. She tilted her head to the side slightly and gazed across the table at the thin man sitting opposite her.
Remus Lupin's gaze followed the line of her neck appreciatively, but very quickly looked away under the heat of Severus Snapes glare. "Morning Hermione," he mumbled before guiltily looking at his plate. The rest of the staff very quickly followed suit, confused by the sudden and radical transformation, which sat in front of them.
Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore exchanged very worried looks. It was obvious to them that Hermione Granger was struggling with some sort of inner demon which was eating away at the very soul of the person she was.
Albus had to make a painful decision. "Minerva, Severus, Miss Granger, I would like to have a word with you after breakfast. Severus, may we make use of your office?"
Carefully hiding his confusion, Severus Snape inclined his head in agreement.
Following the meal, the four of them descended the stairs to the potions classroom. "Miss Granger, if you would be so kind as to have a seat, we will be with you momentarily." Albus gestured to a seat in the front row.
After the door to the Potions Master's office was closed and warded against sound, Albus turned to his colleagues. "I believe it is obvious that the time has come for Hermione to learn the true circumstances of her relationship with Sirius Black. I believe she has come to the erroneous decision that she is to blame for what occurred."
Severus snorted at this and sat down hard in the chair behind his desk. Allowing himself an unguarded moment, he closed his eyes, bowed his head, and ran his fingers through his black mane. "We certainly know that's not the case."
"And we certainly are aware the blame does not lie with you, either, my dear boy." Minerva laid a hand on his shoulder, only to remove it quickly as he flinched at that slight touch.
"If I may be allowed to continue," Albus said quietly. "Since the person most affected by this situation other than Miss Granger is you, Severus, it seems that you should be the person to share those memories with her." He walked around the other side of the desk, opened the bottom drawer and pulled out Severus' student pensive.
Horrified, eyes wide, Severus looked from the pensieve to the person holding it. "Surely you can't be serious."
"I assure you I am most serious. She has every right to know the game that Black was playing with both of you. Either you will share the contents of this pensieve, or I will. If she continues with this self-hatred this whole situation has created, she will be useless to us. Also, you are very aware of how susceptible the pull of dark magic can be on someone who views themselves as reprehensible and inconsequential as she does right now."
"You don't pull any punches, do you Albus?? Very well, I will open my memories to her and lay them at her feet. He grabbed the pensive from the Headmaster's hands and set it in the middle of the desk. "Now get out and give me a few minutes to compose myself." He was infuriated that he had been backed into this corner and that the Headmaster had dredged up his past. He mentally flogged himself constantly for the acts he had committed, both as Loyal Deatheater and as spy. Now, one of the few people he actually called friend had used it against him, in favor of the confused young woman who sat outside the door.
"As you wish, Severus. After you Minerva." Albus opened the door for Professor McGonagall and slipped out himself, shutting it quietly behind him.
"Professor Snape will see you in a few minutes, Hermione" Minerva said softly. "It's time you got a few things straightened out and we feel it would be in your best interest to let Severus handle it. He will call for you when ready."
"Don't look so frightened, dear girl, he is not monster. Far from it." The older wizard put a comforting arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "I'm leaving you in good hands."
"Come Minerva, I hear the squid is quite active today. Care to take a walk by the shore?"
As the two old friends ascended the steps to the first floor, Minerva turned to Albus.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"No. All I do know is Hermione Granger isn't the only person in this castle whose soul is being eaten away with self-loathing. Perhaps, together, they can find a middle ground, a safe place where they can relax and enjoy themselves."
Wrote my name in silver sands.
The classroom door had no sooner slipped shut, than the door to the Potions Master's office swung wide. "Come in Miss Granger. Take a seat." Severus gestured to the chair opposite his own. Sitting in the middle of the desk was an hourglass shaped bowl, filled with some sort of silver sand.
"Do you know what this is?" he asked.
"It is a pensieve, a sort of recording device for the memories of its owner," she replied evenly, not wanting to give away her confusion.
"Very good. This pensieve has been altered as well. It also allows me to see what the students of this school are doing, just by speaking their name into it. Obviously, it has been very useful in keeping an eye on the goings on of my Slytherin House."
Hermione smiled at this. No, the Slytherin's were not a house that could be trusted to their own devices. Someone responsible had to keep an eye on them.
"It has been decided that some of the memories contained in this pensieve are to be shared with you. You are aware of the animosity that surrounds Sirius Black and myself, as well as the history behind it??" he quizzed.
"Yes, professor."
"Very well then. Go to it girl. I'm sure you are aware of how this works."
Severus laid his fingers on the base of the pensieve. Hesitating only briefly, Hermione did the same. Inside the bowl, the sands started to spin and whirl. Hermione found herself being pulled from one group of memories to another starting from most recent to earliest. Severus' mind controlled what memories she was allowed to see and denied access to those she wasn't.
Hermione quickly absorbed all she saw. From the episode which resulted in Sirius having his nose broken and being thrown out of the castle, to what he saw at the top of the Astronomy tower. She was made aware of the inner struggle he experienced, the need to protect her and the recognition that she was an adult, capable of making her own decisions. She saw him keeping watch on her through the pensieve, making sure Black stayed in line. She heard a conversation that had taken place early on the morning after the leaving feast. The conversation where Minerva had asked him to watch over her and protect her from Sirius. She saw the bits and pieces that she had lost; of the night she and Harry had gotten so drunk.
"He carried me to my room and took care of me." An embarrassing realization swept over her. Her eyes met his, "Oh Gods, I puked on you."
Severus chuckled briefly and motioned for her to finish watching. The last vision was that of Minerva whispering in his ear, "make sure she gets to bed safely."
The sands stopped whirling and they became aware that during the journey, their fingers had found each other around the side of the pensieve. Both pulled their hands quickly to themselves as they tried to reconcile what had been viewed.
Severus spoke first. "You see Miss Granger, Black was just seeking revenge on me."
Hermione countered, "Was he right, do you have a thing for me?"
Severus paused to collect his thoughts before answering such a delicate question. He wasn't quite sure he knew how to answer that question honestly. But he certainly didn't want to add anything more to the burden she was already carrying. "I assure you that I do care for you. You have been a magnificent potions student. The best I've ever had. Beyond that, I find that you are intelligent and find your company most intellectually stimulating. My interest in you is purely academic. You do understand that nothing that transpired is your fault, don't you?"
She smiled sadly at this. "I appreciate your candor Professor. I am now aware of the way Sirius manipulated both of us. I am also aware that, although quite well educated in most subjects, the opposite sex is quite a mystery to me. This is a situation I will remedy. I will make sure, should the situation ever arise again, I am prepared for whatever the next man, wizard or muggle, throws at me. I have some thinking to do. I do appreciate what you have shared with me tonight."
She was gone, leaving Severus Snape to stare after her, trying to unlock the meaning of her words.