Don't ever think you saw the best in me
Hermione raised her eyes to his. Her eyes moved away from his and focused on the fire. Struggling desperately, she searched for words.
She had felt his reaction as they danced. She had been amazed at the feeling of power that she felt surge through her body. She could completely change this man's entire rigid demeanor with just a touch. It was intoxicating. This is what she had gone looking for, control. The heat in the eyes bearing down on her was intense, strong. She could imagine what it would feel like to have this man over her, moving in her, taking her. "Oh Gods" Ripping, tearing, pain. "What am I doing?" she had thought. She stepped back, considering fleeing. He had stopped her then, just taken her hand and led her away. She had just followed him, like the child she was. Followed him into the darkness.
She was wrapped up warmly and swept away. She had no control. She never would. Dimly she was aware of the wind in her face and realized that he was taking her back to Hogwart's. Back to where the memories were fresh, the evidence of her stupidity around every corner and masked behind every face. Something deep inside her snapped then, and the tears began to fall. She grabbed a hold of his lapel and prepared to push him away, but found she couldn't. He made no attempt to treat her as a child, rocking away her tears. He uttered not one word of inconsequential mush. Just held her as her torments released themselves were swept away.
Tears spent, she became aware of his arms that held her, of the hand stroking her hair, and of his cheek resting on her head. She had never known that Severus Snape could be gentle. She had never seen this side of him. Something in the very core of her body screamed that she needed to know him better. That within him dwelled a man who could protect her, slay her demons, save her. She slid her arms around his neck and tried to move closer, tried to will her body to be absorbed in his. "This is a safe place." There was nothing to fear in this man. Time ceased to exist. She remembered hearing Albus' voice and then they were here, with him on his knees before her.
She felt his finger on her chin. He turned her face back to his. Inquiring dark eyes gazed at her, trying to read the deluge of emotions that shone in her eyes. She struggled to move back a bit, to get a little distance between the two of them. She couldn't think at all when he was this close. She needed to be able to think and to stay in control. She knew what she wanted; she just wasn't sure how to get it.
As she shifted position, he became aware of hints of black vinyl peeking out from gaps in his cloak. There was no way he could talk to her with her dressed like this.
He rose to his feet and clasped his hands behind his back to keep them from shaking. He turned his back to her and moved closer to the fire. "Change your clothing back," he snapped.
She was aware that he was struggling to keep the upper hand. She felt her confidence rise a notch. She rose to her feet, still wrapped in his cloak. "I don't think that would be wise," she whispered with exaggerated innocence.
He turned to face her. Although her lower lip protruded with a childlike quality, she held herself proudly erect and gazed at him intently. "We're back to this."
" I said we have to talk. You are obviously aware of what you are doing to me, so I will not beat around the bush. I cannot talk to you while you are dressed like that, so if you would please…"
"If you insist, Professor." She allowed the cloak to part at the bottom and raised one shapely leg to the sofa. She reached inside of her boot and pulled her wand out, very slowly, very deliberately. With a flick and swish the boots were gone, replaced by a pair of low yellow rain boots. She looked up at him, grinned, and kicked the boots off.
His only reaction was a slight twitching at the corners of his mouth. "The rest of it Miss Granger."
"Yes, Professor."
Another flick and swish and something fell to the floor. She held his cloak tightly around herself. He moved toward her and bent to retrieve… a vinyl dishwashing glove. She smiled at the shock on his face, confident now in her ability to control him. He brought his face to hers, almost touching her lips. He lowered his voice and whispered, "Wait here." He turned on his heel, and opened a door opposite his office.
"His bedroom." This was going better than she thought. She glanced around quickly, finally having a chance to take in the view of his room. Impressions of cherrywood, forest green velvet, comfortable furniture, and dark paneled walls. Before she could get a clear impression of the room he was back. He had removed his frock coat and replaced it with a spotless white linen shirt. He moved in behind her and, ever so briefly, let his body come in contact with her's. He placed his hands on her shoulders and guided her toward his bedroom.
She did not resist.
"You'll find something more suitable lying on the bed. Change and wash up. I'll be outside waiting."
She spun around with an expression of shock on her face, then determination. She made to drop the cloak and he turned from her before it could hit the floor. "I said we were going to talk." He walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.
There's a side you'll never know
When she emerged a short time later, he was seated on the sofa with a snifter of brandy grasped in one large hand. She was now dressed in a silk pajama top, which hung to her knees. She took a seat at the other end of the sofa, facing him. She pulled her knees up and rested her chin on the black fabric. "I had to roll the sleeves up a bit. The pants were just hopeless." He nodded slightly, and extended the snifter of brandy to her, which she accepted. Another one appeared in his hand. They sat quietly for a few minutes, staring into the fire, both trying to regain a measure of self-confidence.
He found his voice first.
"I feel that I do not need to recount to you my actions as a Deatheater, do I? Or that many of those actions were repeated as a spy?"
This was not what she had expected to hear. "No, sir," she answered carefully.
"I think we are beyond the formalities of Sir, Professor, and Miss. Would you not agree, Hermione?"
"Yes, Sir. I mean, Severus," she smiled slightly, a little more at ease.
His eyes sought hers, "I also believe that at this juncture of our relationship you are now aware that I have developed some feelings for you, both physical and emotional alike."
"Yes, Severus," she whispered.
"It is also plainly obvious, by your recent actions, that you did not enjoy what Sirius Black did to you. I'm not just talking about the brutal physical act, but more along the lines of what he did to your heart. Using you and throwing you aside."
She was shocked now and had to fight the urge to run from the room. She forced herself to remain sitting, but could only shake her head.
"I want it to be perfectly clear that I am not about to place myself in the same situation. I know that the students of this school view me as being inhumane and heartless. I am quite positive that a heart does beat within this chest. I am not about to turn it over to you to be a lab-rat in your studies. It beats like yours and can be broken the same. This will not be a quick shag with the Potions Master for some experience. I want more from you, Hemione."
"I give you my word that I will allow you to gain the knowledge and power that you are seeking. I will allow you full access to myself; body and soul. But, I expect the same of you. This is not to be a relationship where one is in constant control with the other following meekly. You and I are equals in this, and will gain and relinquish control to the other equally. Do you understand what I am saying?"
Her jaw was now gaping open and all she could do was nod dumbly.
"The only thing I cannot offer at this juncture are poetic proclamations. I have never been very good with that sort of thing, and do not expect to be so now. Perhaps you will be able to provide some guidance to me in that area. Time will tell."
He moved closer to her now. He took the untouched glass from her. He still held his drink in his other hand. Slowly he leaned closer and with an arm on either side, reached around to place both snifters on the table behind her. He leaned back again and unbent her legs, placed one in his lap and the other behind him. He raised one hand to her cheek and lowered his head to her. His mouth brushed hers ever so softly. Slowly, his mouth moved gently across her face, placing light kisses on her cheek. He stopped at her ear and whispered gently, "Are we clear on all of this?"
"Yes, Severus."