Because I'm in demand
As it turned out, Severus didn't need to be so concerned about dancing in public. Hermione didn't seem to be holding him to his agreement to dance with her.
He sat at the end of a table in the Great Hall, just out of the reach of the dim light. He watched her dance. One by one, the young men from her class had claimed her. And why not? She was beautiful tonight. She was beautiful every night.
She was smiling and laughing and being silly with her schoolmates. Had he not been her lover, he surely would have offered a scathing remark by now. But, all he could do was watch, and wait.
Troubling thoughts ran through his mind; thoughts of age, experience, maturity. Seeing her spinning around the floor, he realized just how far apart they were in those areas right now.
He was pulled out of his deep contemplations by the voice of Albus Dumbledore. "Mind if I take a seat, Severus? This muggle beat has winded me a bit."
Severus motioned toward the chair next to him, his eyes still locked on Hermione.
"She is stunning tonight," Albus observed, "And she seems to be having such a good time with her friends."
Severus smirked at this. "The innocence of youth."
Albus' voice came back a bit sharper. "She and her classmates were robbed of their youth by Voldemort. They deserve to have a bit of fun. Don't begrudge her that, Severus."
"Oh, I don't begrudge her that, Albus. But what place do I have in that life? The hard, callous Potions Master. I hardly think that I would be conducive to 'partying down' with her friends."
"You hardly seemed so hard and callous this afternoon. I daresay, Severus, that you may even have enjoyed yourself. You forget, my friend, that Voldemort not only robbed your students of their youth; but he robbed you as well. And you also forget that this is one day out of a lifetime. We all need those times where we can let our proverbial hair down to laugh for the sheer joy of it, be wild, and dance. It doesn't make us any less mature or worldly, just a bit more human."
Severus gave him a scathing look. "Are you saying I should be out there doing the bump and grind with her? Fawning all over her like an enamored schoolboy? Perhaps I should get down on bended knee in front of everyone and proclaim my undying love? And to top it off, I can serenade her with a sappy love song or two."
Albus closed his eyes and imagined the sight. He laughed out loud at it. "No, dear boy, not even in your own school days would such behavior have been appropriate for you. But, sitting, brooding and alone, in a corner is hardly appropriate behavior for her. Emotions tend to get a bit jumbled up in dark corners." He rose and started to walk away. Pausing behind Severus' chair he added one last thought. "Where there is love, there is always a middle ground; even in a dance."
You're thinking of the way you should've held my hand
"Even in a dance" If it had come from anyone but Albus, Severus would have thought the choice of words to be coincidence.
Dancing, their whole relationship was about dancing. She danced, physically, erotically. Together they danced as one. And when it came to the emotional side of their relationship, Severus tap-danced around it. Whispered words of love spoken in the quiet dungeons were all he offered her. She seemed satisfied with that. Watching her here tonight, he realized that she couldn't be, not really.
Her behavior wasn't about immaturity or youth. It was passion, life, and love; feelings that she had no desire to hold back, or to hide from anyone. Except where he was concerned. Out of respect for him, she maintained a rigid public control of her feelings for him. In the privacy of their chambers, their passion ran free. Alone, they laughed, joked, and …danced.
Watching her react so openly and warmly to everyone around her, he realized what it cost her; what it cost him. The opportunities that were gone forever. Individual moments of laughter, smiles, embraces, touches; lost to his pride; which when accumulated could have meant extra hours, even days.
The driving beat of the song came to a halt and was replaced by a slower, haunting melody. "This is a place to begin"
He rose and made his way across the dance floor. She was dancing, somewhat awkwardly with Neville Longbottom. He tapped the young man on the shoulder. When Neville turned to see who was trying to cut in, Severus gave him his fiercest Potions-Master scowl. Quickly, stumbling over his own two feet, Neville released Hermione, mumbled a quick "Thank You," and was gone.
Hermione giggled at this, then tried to stifle her giggle with a cough. "What are you doing, Severus?"
He looked into her eyes and willed himself to shut the rest of the room out. "Finding a middle ground," was his simple explanation. Before she had the chance to question him further, he took her in his arms and danced. This dance, like so many of their other's, was only about the two of them. They were alone in it, sharing one beat. Until, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of amazed faces. His step faltered a bit under the close scrutiny.
"Severus, you don't have to do this. I know how you abhor this kind of public display."
He closed his eyes briefly to regain his demeanor and returned his gaze to the woman in his arms. "I told you once that I would need some guidance in this area of our relationship. I am asking now for that guidance."
She was clearly confused, unable to puzzle out his statements, to make sense of them.
He took her hand and guided her gently toward the door. She expected that they would be proceeding to the dungeon, for him to explain in a more emotionally comfortable setting. Instead, he walked to the front doors of the castle and slipped outside. He took a seat on the top step and pulled her down beside her.
He faced her and tried valiantly to put his feelings into words. "I watched you dancing and laughing tonight. You were stunning and I was jealous. Jealous of the attention you paid to everyone, but me." She tried to interrupt him then, only to be silenced by a finger on her lips.
"Let me continue, please. I was also quite annoyed by what I viewed as childish behavior on your part, giggling, joking, laughing. But as I observed you, and with a little guidance from Albus, of course..."
"Of course"
"I realized that you were simply enjoying the people you were with. Enjoying them openly and affectionately. Enjoying life and enjoying living it. I realized that your lack of affection for me had nothing to do with your feelings, but to do with my insistence that silly emotional displays were somehow, beneath me. And that what I viewed as childish behavior was nothing but affection for those you were with."
"I have been, for the most part, unyielding in the more public aspects of our relationship. I realize for this relationship to continue, for you to truly be happy, things have to change a bit. I have to learn to be somewhat more open-minded in some areas."
He was clearly struggling to put his feelings into words that she would understand. "You're eyes were so full of life tonight. I want to see those eyes looking at me, not just when we are alone; but at dinner, walking on the grounds, shopping in Hogsmeade. I love you, Hermione and while displays such as snogging in corners will always be beneath me, dancing slowly with you, holding your hand beneath the dinner table and walking arm in arm may not be. I just need your reassurance, your guidance."
Hermione moved into his lap now. He fought a bit of panic, realizing someone could walk by them at any moment and catch them in what he deemed such an unseemly position. She brought her hand up to his cheek, and ran her thumb along his bottom lip. She brushed her mouth over his, gently. She did not seek to deepen the kiss, not now.
The door opened up then and several couples poured out. Hermione felt Severus stiffen instinctively; but he did not pull away. "That's a good start," she thought.
"Oh, Severus, I do love you," she whispered.
He lifted her up and set her on her feet. He spoke loudly, as he pulled her to her feet, "I love you, Hermione." He smiled a bit devilishly at her now, and bowed slightly. "It's your turn to lead me, my darling. Just please be gentle."