*Author's Note*: Sorry that this took so long! I've been in school hell.
Plus I also got sidetracked with the Winter Olympics. My apologies. Thank
you to those who have taken the time to review. I myself haven't had time
to check out stories lately, but I will soon. I hope you enjoy the story
:).
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Jill pulled up to the house with an extreme sense of dread. She had wanted to run away, to stay as far away from her friends as possible, but she knew that she couldn't do that. She had to tie up all the loose ends first.
There was no way in hell that she was going to tell them what was going on. Jill had lost many comrades in the fight against Umbrella, and knew how much it hurt. She couldn't, and wouldn't put them through that again. They had suffered enough. Instead, Jill would just have to face this on her own and hope that she could find a cure in time. If not, then this was goodbye.
Jill got out of her car and entered the house with a fake smile on her face.
"Where the hell have you been? Do you know how long you've been gone?" she heard a worried voice yelling immediately. *His* voice.
*Oh God…how am I going to be able to leave him?* she thought, looking at Chris. Nevertheless, she kept a smile plastered on her face. "Chill out, Chris. After my appointment I went to the mall and did some window shopping, that's all."
He calmed down a little bit. "Oh. Sorry for yelling. It's just that, because you took so long I thought that something went wrong at the doctor's. What did he say? Is everything alright?" he asked.
Jill felt a lump form in her throat. *I don't know if I can do this…* she thought. "Yep, everything's fine. The doctor said that I was too stressed out lately and everything. I told you it was nothing to worry about."
Chris sighed with relief. "Man, am I glad to hear that." He looked at her intently. *If anything ever happened to her, I don't know what I'd do…* he thought. Then he noticed a strange look in her eye. It was as if her eyes possessed a sadness that her face didn't express. "Jill, are you sure you're okay? I mean, is there something else bothering you?"
In response, Jill just let her smile get larger. "Of course not, everything's fine. Stop being stupid," she teased. "Now, if you're not busy, why don't we hang out together?" Jill already decided that she was leaving tomorrow and she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could before then.
Chris was still convinced that Jill was keeping something from him, but he shrugged it off. "No, I'm not busy. What did you have in mind?" he asked.
"Just, you know, everyday things that we never seem to have the time to do anymore." Chris agreed and the two decided to start by watching a movie together.
Afterwards, the pair did everything from playing a one-on-one game of basketball to playing against each other in video games. Jill almost forgot her soon-to-be fate, but she still never let her thoughts get too far from her.
Around dinnertime, Jill insisted to everyone that they all eat together. She watched them all carefully, as if she could make up for never seeing them again by cramming as much as she could into these last moments. While eating, Jill laughed as Leon got food all over his face and Rebecca spilled her water all over the table. Claire's knack for creating interesting dinner conversation was another thing she'd miss.
But most of all, she'd miss Chris. His cute smile and his boyish charm. The way he was protective about the ones he loved. And so many other things…
"You've been quiet tonight, Jill. Is everything alright?" she felt Chris whisper into her ear.
She nodded. "I've just been thinking, about everything and nothing," she told him. When he saw that she wasn't going to elaborate any further, Chris let it go. The group finally finished their dinner, and once Jill offered to do the dishes, everybody left to go do their own thing.
"I'll help you with that," Chris told her. He cleaned the plates as Jill dried them with a rag. While doing his chore, Chris was observing Jill. *She still looks so sad* he noticed. Feeling mischievous and wanting to cheer her up, Chris sprayed some water from the sink onto Jill.
The look she gave him was priceless. "You jerk! I'm going to get you for that," she said with mock anger. The two struggled for control of the faucet, and after a couple of minutes they both ended up drenched and laughing.
"Your hair is soaked!" Jill sputtered out between enormous laughs.
"Yeah, well so is yours!" Chris countered, which only made Jill laugh harder. She was laughing as if she was on the verge of hysteria. Chris looked and her and smiled. It was so good to see her laughing like that. *She looks so beautiful when she laughs…* he noticed longingly. Before he knew what he was doing, he said what he had been holding inside of him for so long. "I love you." As soon as he said the words, Jill's laughter ceased abruptly. Chris immediately paled. *Oh my God. Did I actually just say that?*
Jill was equally as surprised at his confession. "What…what did you just say?" she asked slowly. *Did he just say that he loved me?!?*
Swallowing hard, Chris worked up his courage and repeated his words. "I said, I love you."
For a moment, Jill's heart was filled with an immense happiness. *He loves me! I've been hoping to hear him say that for so long…* Then, reality hit Jill. She was dying. He may love her, and she of course loved him, but it didn't matter. She would turn into a zombie soon, and he would be devastated. There was no way that she could tell him how she felt. *Just one night, Jill. Let yourself have this one night to remember him by…this one night to make up for all the days and nights that you will be robbed of in the future.* After convincing herself, Jill finally told him how she felt. "I love you too, Chris." She knew it was selfish to do this to him, to make him hope and dream about a future when she was just going to leave the next day, but she couldn't help it.
As soon as she said the words, Chris felt as if a huge weight was taken from his shoulders. He gently cupped her dripping face and pushed away a wet strand of her brown hair. With great care and gentleness, he leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips.
By neither of their faults, but rather because of a force so strong that neither could deny, the kiss soon erupted into a fiery passion. Each kissed the other with desperation, longing, and love.
Eventually, Jill broke off the kiss. "We shouldn't do this here," she said. "Let's go somewhere more private."
Chris nodded and took her hand in his, interlocking their fingers together. He slowly led her up to his room and closed the door behind them. Jill smiled devilishly and slowly took off her shirt, surprising Chris. He couldn't believe how fast they were taking this. But if she was ready, so was he. They both had been waiting a long time for this. Soon, Chris had lost all train of thought and simply reveled in Jill. The two came together and shared an amazing night of passion as they made love. Eventually, though, the night came to an end and both laid exhaustedly on the bed. Jill pretended to fall asleep as Chris lightly stroked her arm with his fingertips.
"I love you, my Valentine," Chris whispered to her still form, and he started to go into a slumber himself. He wrapped his arms around Jill protectively and closed his eyes, falling into a peaceful sleep.
Jill felt another lump form in her throat as he murmured his words of love to her. All she could think of was what she would soon be doing. She would leave and he would wake up the next morning, confused and heartbroken. *Maybe I should just tell him what's happening to me…maybe he can help* she thought hopefully. But then she remembered Claire's words to her earlier that day, referring to Steve:
"Even if we couldn't be together, it would be so much easier to move on if he wasn't...dead."
Jill couldn't let Chris go through life feeling the same guilt that Claire felt. She needed to make sure that he could move on with his life. It would be selfish of her to make him watch her die. Sure, it was possible that he could help her. Rebecca's medical skills would be especially helpful to her dilemma. But if her friends couldn't help, and she died, she knew that Chris would never forgive himself. If there was no hope for her future, she at least wanted Chris to have the opportunity to be happy. So she had to leave, never to come back unless she miraculously came upon a cure. And she had to make sure that he wouldn't follow her or look for her. She had to break his heart.
Carefully detangling herself from Chris's strong arms, Jill got off the bed and put on her discarded clothes. She wrote a final note to Chris, filled with untrue words that hurt her as much as they would hurt him. Before she left the room, she gave a last longing glance to his sleeping form and fought hard to hold back tears. "I love you. Please forgive me," she whispered, knowing that he couldn't hear her. She walked out the door, closing it softly behind her. Jill then went to her own room and gathered some clothes and whatever money she had.
With a firm resolve, Jill walked quietly throughout the house, heading for the door. As she left, she finally felt tears falling from her eyes. Jill didn't cry often; she didn't even cry when she found out she was dying. But between the overwhelming emotions that enveloped her and the extreme exhaust she felt, she found that she could no longer hold everything inside. She sobbed quietly for a few minutes before she was able to collect herself. Then, without looking back, she hailed a cab and ordered the driver to take her to the airport. She didn't know where she was going to go at that moment. All that she knew was that she had to get away and leave everything behind as soon as possible, before she changed her mind.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hours later, well after the sun had risen, Chris woke up. As he woke, memories of the previous night flashed through his mind. He smiled and felt around for the cause of his happiness. After he arms failed to find Jill, he opened his eyes to see that she wasn't there. Lying in her place was an envelope, with the name "Chris" scrawled on the front in Jill's handwriting. He grabbed the envelope curiously and wondered why Jill had left. *She probably went to get breakfast* he thought with a smile. Jill knew how cranky he could get in the mornings if he didn't immediately have some coffee. He ripped open the envelope, took out the letter, and read it slowly.
~Dearest Chris,
I wish that I had the guts to tell you this in person, but I don't. Last night was a mistake and it never should have happened. After you said those three words to me last night, I was in shock. I got caught up in the moment, and mistakenly told you that I felt the same way. I know that "being caught up in the moment" is hardly an excuse for breaking your heart, but sadly it is the truth. Please know that I am deeply sorry. You are my best friend and I care for you deeply. I never meant to hurt you. I know things have changed between us now, for we have crossed a line that friends can never uncross. To prevent the awkwardness I know that we will feel around each other, I had to leave…for good. I couldn't bear to see you filled with the pain that I had caused. Perhaps someday I will return. But if I don't, please don't come looking for me. I deserve the chance to move on in my life, and so do you. Please tell everybody that I will miss them all. I hope that one day you will understand, and believe that I am truly sorry.
Your friend,
Jill~
Chris blinked slowly and was filled with disbelief. Thinking he was imagining things, he read the letter over and over, hoping that the words would be different each time. But the words remained the same. Chris was glad that he was sitting on the bed because he started to feel dizzy, as if his whole world was falling apart. He felt his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces.
His Jill, his Valentine, didn't love him. Not only that, but she had left to God knows where, possibly gone forever. Was she really gone? He didn't know what to say, didn't know what he could do to make it all better. Chris half expected for Jill to come walking through the door any minute, telling him that it was a joke. Her emotions had seemed so real last night. Did he really just imagine that? It was probably his wishful thinking.
So many emotions rushed through him. Not only did he feel heartbroken and empty, he was also angry. How could she do this to him? If she didn't love him, she should have just told him last night. Sure, he would be upset, but dealing with rejection would be easier to deal with than this. Instead, she had gotten his hopes up and then tore them down with an unimaginable force. And the best she could say was the she was *sorry*?!? Why the hell should he care if she was sorry? At that moment, he felt like he hated her.
But at the same time, he knew that he could never hate her. As angry as he was, he still loved her with all his heart. He wanted so badly to go after her. Even if she didn't love him, he still needed her in his life. He simply couldn't imagine living each day without seeing her. However, she had asked him not to look for her.
*What should I do?* he wondered. Should he go after her or let things be? He had no idea of what course of action to take. *I'll decide later. I can't make my decision at this emotional state* he reasoned.
Chris got up and walked to the window, staring out with deep thought. *Where are you, Jill?* he wondered. *How could you leave me?* But as he looked into the distance, he knew that he had already forgiven her.
Love in our life
Is just too valuable,
Oh to feel
For even a second without it
But life without death
Is just impossible,
Oh to realize
Something is ending within us
Feeling yourself disintegrate
Feeling yourself disintegrate
Feeling yourself disintegrate
Feeling yourself disintegrate…
_________________________________________________
*Song Credit: "Feeling Yourself Disintegrate" by the Flaming Lips
Where will Jill go? Will Chris go after her? Do you even care? Please review and let me know :-).
____________________________________________________________________________ ____
Jill pulled up to the house with an extreme sense of dread. She had wanted to run away, to stay as far away from her friends as possible, but she knew that she couldn't do that. She had to tie up all the loose ends first.
There was no way in hell that she was going to tell them what was going on. Jill had lost many comrades in the fight against Umbrella, and knew how much it hurt. She couldn't, and wouldn't put them through that again. They had suffered enough. Instead, Jill would just have to face this on her own and hope that she could find a cure in time. If not, then this was goodbye.
Jill got out of her car and entered the house with a fake smile on her face.
"Where the hell have you been? Do you know how long you've been gone?" she heard a worried voice yelling immediately. *His* voice.
*Oh God…how am I going to be able to leave him?* she thought, looking at Chris. Nevertheless, she kept a smile plastered on her face. "Chill out, Chris. After my appointment I went to the mall and did some window shopping, that's all."
He calmed down a little bit. "Oh. Sorry for yelling. It's just that, because you took so long I thought that something went wrong at the doctor's. What did he say? Is everything alright?" he asked.
Jill felt a lump form in her throat. *I don't know if I can do this…* she thought. "Yep, everything's fine. The doctor said that I was too stressed out lately and everything. I told you it was nothing to worry about."
Chris sighed with relief. "Man, am I glad to hear that." He looked at her intently. *If anything ever happened to her, I don't know what I'd do…* he thought. Then he noticed a strange look in her eye. It was as if her eyes possessed a sadness that her face didn't express. "Jill, are you sure you're okay? I mean, is there something else bothering you?"
In response, Jill just let her smile get larger. "Of course not, everything's fine. Stop being stupid," she teased. "Now, if you're not busy, why don't we hang out together?" Jill already decided that she was leaving tomorrow and she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could before then.
Chris was still convinced that Jill was keeping something from him, but he shrugged it off. "No, I'm not busy. What did you have in mind?" he asked.
"Just, you know, everyday things that we never seem to have the time to do anymore." Chris agreed and the two decided to start by watching a movie together.
Afterwards, the pair did everything from playing a one-on-one game of basketball to playing against each other in video games. Jill almost forgot her soon-to-be fate, but she still never let her thoughts get too far from her.
Around dinnertime, Jill insisted to everyone that they all eat together. She watched them all carefully, as if she could make up for never seeing them again by cramming as much as she could into these last moments. While eating, Jill laughed as Leon got food all over his face and Rebecca spilled her water all over the table. Claire's knack for creating interesting dinner conversation was another thing she'd miss.
But most of all, she'd miss Chris. His cute smile and his boyish charm. The way he was protective about the ones he loved. And so many other things…
"You've been quiet tonight, Jill. Is everything alright?" she felt Chris whisper into her ear.
She nodded. "I've just been thinking, about everything and nothing," she told him. When he saw that she wasn't going to elaborate any further, Chris let it go. The group finally finished their dinner, and once Jill offered to do the dishes, everybody left to go do their own thing.
"I'll help you with that," Chris told her. He cleaned the plates as Jill dried them with a rag. While doing his chore, Chris was observing Jill. *She still looks so sad* he noticed. Feeling mischievous and wanting to cheer her up, Chris sprayed some water from the sink onto Jill.
The look she gave him was priceless. "You jerk! I'm going to get you for that," she said with mock anger. The two struggled for control of the faucet, and after a couple of minutes they both ended up drenched and laughing.
"Your hair is soaked!" Jill sputtered out between enormous laughs.
"Yeah, well so is yours!" Chris countered, which only made Jill laugh harder. She was laughing as if she was on the verge of hysteria. Chris looked and her and smiled. It was so good to see her laughing like that. *She looks so beautiful when she laughs…* he noticed longingly. Before he knew what he was doing, he said what he had been holding inside of him for so long. "I love you." As soon as he said the words, Jill's laughter ceased abruptly. Chris immediately paled. *Oh my God. Did I actually just say that?*
Jill was equally as surprised at his confession. "What…what did you just say?" she asked slowly. *Did he just say that he loved me?!?*
Swallowing hard, Chris worked up his courage and repeated his words. "I said, I love you."
For a moment, Jill's heart was filled with an immense happiness. *He loves me! I've been hoping to hear him say that for so long…* Then, reality hit Jill. She was dying. He may love her, and she of course loved him, but it didn't matter. She would turn into a zombie soon, and he would be devastated. There was no way that she could tell him how she felt. *Just one night, Jill. Let yourself have this one night to remember him by…this one night to make up for all the days and nights that you will be robbed of in the future.* After convincing herself, Jill finally told him how she felt. "I love you too, Chris." She knew it was selfish to do this to him, to make him hope and dream about a future when she was just going to leave the next day, but she couldn't help it.
As soon as she said the words, Chris felt as if a huge weight was taken from his shoulders. He gently cupped her dripping face and pushed away a wet strand of her brown hair. With great care and gentleness, he leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips.
By neither of their faults, but rather because of a force so strong that neither could deny, the kiss soon erupted into a fiery passion. Each kissed the other with desperation, longing, and love.
Eventually, Jill broke off the kiss. "We shouldn't do this here," she said. "Let's go somewhere more private."
Chris nodded and took her hand in his, interlocking their fingers together. He slowly led her up to his room and closed the door behind them. Jill smiled devilishly and slowly took off her shirt, surprising Chris. He couldn't believe how fast they were taking this. But if she was ready, so was he. They both had been waiting a long time for this. Soon, Chris had lost all train of thought and simply reveled in Jill. The two came together and shared an amazing night of passion as they made love. Eventually, though, the night came to an end and both laid exhaustedly on the bed. Jill pretended to fall asleep as Chris lightly stroked her arm with his fingertips.
"I love you, my Valentine," Chris whispered to her still form, and he started to go into a slumber himself. He wrapped his arms around Jill protectively and closed his eyes, falling into a peaceful sleep.
Jill felt another lump form in her throat as he murmured his words of love to her. All she could think of was what she would soon be doing. She would leave and he would wake up the next morning, confused and heartbroken. *Maybe I should just tell him what's happening to me…maybe he can help* she thought hopefully. But then she remembered Claire's words to her earlier that day, referring to Steve:
"Even if we couldn't be together, it would be so much easier to move on if he wasn't...dead."
Jill couldn't let Chris go through life feeling the same guilt that Claire felt. She needed to make sure that he could move on with his life. It would be selfish of her to make him watch her die. Sure, it was possible that he could help her. Rebecca's medical skills would be especially helpful to her dilemma. But if her friends couldn't help, and she died, she knew that Chris would never forgive himself. If there was no hope for her future, she at least wanted Chris to have the opportunity to be happy. So she had to leave, never to come back unless she miraculously came upon a cure. And she had to make sure that he wouldn't follow her or look for her. She had to break his heart.
Carefully detangling herself from Chris's strong arms, Jill got off the bed and put on her discarded clothes. She wrote a final note to Chris, filled with untrue words that hurt her as much as they would hurt him. Before she left the room, she gave a last longing glance to his sleeping form and fought hard to hold back tears. "I love you. Please forgive me," she whispered, knowing that he couldn't hear her. She walked out the door, closing it softly behind her. Jill then went to her own room and gathered some clothes and whatever money she had.
With a firm resolve, Jill walked quietly throughout the house, heading for the door. As she left, she finally felt tears falling from her eyes. Jill didn't cry often; she didn't even cry when she found out she was dying. But between the overwhelming emotions that enveloped her and the extreme exhaust she felt, she found that she could no longer hold everything inside. She sobbed quietly for a few minutes before she was able to collect herself. Then, without looking back, she hailed a cab and ordered the driver to take her to the airport. She didn't know where she was going to go at that moment. All that she knew was that she had to get away and leave everything behind as soon as possible, before she changed her mind.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hours later, well after the sun had risen, Chris woke up. As he woke, memories of the previous night flashed through his mind. He smiled and felt around for the cause of his happiness. After he arms failed to find Jill, he opened his eyes to see that she wasn't there. Lying in her place was an envelope, with the name "Chris" scrawled on the front in Jill's handwriting. He grabbed the envelope curiously and wondered why Jill had left. *She probably went to get breakfast* he thought with a smile. Jill knew how cranky he could get in the mornings if he didn't immediately have some coffee. He ripped open the envelope, took out the letter, and read it slowly.
~Dearest Chris,
I wish that I had the guts to tell you this in person, but I don't. Last night was a mistake and it never should have happened. After you said those three words to me last night, I was in shock. I got caught up in the moment, and mistakenly told you that I felt the same way. I know that "being caught up in the moment" is hardly an excuse for breaking your heart, but sadly it is the truth. Please know that I am deeply sorry. You are my best friend and I care for you deeply. I never meant to hurt you. I know things have changed between us now, for we have crossed a line that friends can never uncross. To prevent the awkwardness I know that we will feel around each other, I had to leave…for good. I couldn't bear to see you filled with the pain that I had caused. Perhaps someday I will return. But if I don't, please don't come looking for me. I deserve the chance to move on in my life, and so do you. Please tell everybody that I will miss them all. I hope that one day you will understand, and believe that I am truly sorry.
Your friend,
Jill~
Chris blinked slowly and was filled with disbelief. Thinking he was imagining things, he read the letter over and over, hoping that the words would be different each time. But the words remained the same. Chris was glad that he was sitting on the bed because he started to feel dizzy, as if his whole world was falling apart. He felt his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces.
His Jill, his Valentine, didn't love him. Not only that, but she had left to God knows where, possibly gone forever. Was she really gone? He didn't know what to say, didn't know what he could do to make it all better. Chris half expected for Jill to come walking through the door any minute, telling him that it was a joke. Her emotions had seemed so real last night. Did he really just imagine that? It was probably his wishful thinking.
So many emotions rushed through him. Not only did he feel heartbroken and empty, he was also angry. How could she do this to him? If she didn't love him, she should have just told him last night. Sure, he would be upset, but dealing with rejection would be easier to deal with than this. Instead, she had gotten his hopes up and then tore them down with an unimaginable force. And the best she could say was the she was *sorry*?!? Why the hell should he care if she was sorry? At that moment, he felt like he hated her.
But at the same time, he knew that he could never hate her. As angry as he was, he still loved her with all his heart. He wanted so badly to go after her. Even if she didn't love him, he still needed her in his life. He simply couldn't imagine living each day without seeing her. However, she had asked him not to look for her.
*What should I do?* he wondered. Should he go after her or let things be? He had no idea of what course of action to take. *I'll decide later. I can't make my decision at this emotional state* he reasoned.
Chris got up and walked to the window, staring out with deep thought. *Where are you, Jill?* he wondered. *How could you leave me?* But as he looked into the distance, he knew that he had already forgiven her.
Love in our life
Is just too valuable,
Oh to feel
For even a second without it
But life without death
Is just impossible,
Oh to realize
Something is ending within us
Feeling yourself disintegrate
Feeling yourself disintegrate
Feeling yourself disintegrate
Feeling yourself disintegrate…
_________________________________________________
*Song Credit: "Feeling Yourself Disintegrate" by the Flaming Lips
Where will Jill go? Will Chris go after her? Do you even care? Please review and let me know :-).