Note: I am so, so sorry for the wait. I was on a hiatus. My life was extremely busy until about three weeks ago, and I needed break time before I thought about writing. I am really sorry. I know how much it sucks when people don't update their stories, lol. I hope you forgive me. Sorry if there are a lot of errors, I was in such a rush to get this out that I didn't really check. This next chapter is very angsty. I need to learn how to write happy, hehe. Hope you like it.
Feedback: Always appreciated! No flames please. Constructive criticism welcome.
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Barry yelled out a string of random expletives after coming up with another dead end on finding Jill. If he wasn't so frustrated, he'd be proud at how well she had been able to cover her tracks. However, he *was* frustrated, not to mention apprehensive about the way Jill had just disappeared. It wasn't like her to run away from her problems. She was usually the type of person to face them head on. Of course, when it came to the issue of love, Barry was no expert. All he knew was that love usually screwed everything up. Chris had said that the reason Jill left had something to do with him loving her. Though, that also didn't sit well with Barry. Any idiot, with the exception of Chris, could tell that she was as smitten with him as he was with her. So why the hell would she leave? Nothing in the situation made sense, and that made Barry very uneasy and extremely anxious to find out where Jill was.
The phone ringing alerted Barry from his thoughts, and he knew immediately in his gut that it was Chris. He dreaded answering the phone and telling Chris that he had found nothing. He only had one more idea, and he knew that Chris sure as hell wasn't going to like it. Nevertheless, he picked up the phone answering, "Burton."
"Barry, it's me," Chris replied, knowing full well that Barry would recognize his voice. "Forgive me if I skip the idle chit chat…but did you find anything?"
The anxiety that Barry was feeling, however, was nothing compared to what Chris was going through. The dreams he was having about Jill, where zombies were attacking her and he could do nothing to save her, had been going on for a week now, only they were becoming longer and more vivid. Chris was certain now that something was wrong, and she was in great danger. He couldn't explain how he knew…he just did. And that was good enough for him. The fact that he had been looking for her for a week and had virtually no clues as to her whereabouts was also taking its toll on him. She needed his help, and he was letting her down.
"I haven't found anything concrete. But there is one thing…" Barry hesitated. He had a feeling that this wasn't going to be pleasant.
"Barry, you have to tell me. I've looked everywhere I can think of, anyplace she's ever mentioned to me even in passing, and I've come up with nothing. Absolutely nothing. Please tell me." Chris was ashamed at the desperation in his voice, but he was becoming almost frantic.
"Okay, but you're not going to like it. Since I wasn't able to find any information on Jill, I decided to go another route. Basically, I used my sources to find the address of Carlos Olivera. I thought that maybe he might know where Jill might have gone, or… well, I thought she might be with him." When Barry only heard silence on the other end of the phone, he quickly continued. "If you'd rather me send a private investigator down there to check things out, that's fine with me. It's probably a real long shot anyway."
Chris felt his chest tighten at the name Carlos Olivera. He was almost tempted to tell Barry not to even waste his time. But if Jill really was in trouble, then he couldn't let his petty feelings of jealousy get in the way. "No Barry, that won't be necessary," he said calmly. "Give me the address."
Barry smiled. That was the answer he expected to hear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Would it be so hard for my stupid brother to take ten seconds out of his day and call me?" Claire yelled out to no one in particular. It wasn't unusual not to hear from Chris in a week, but she was still worried about him.
Rebecca was about to respond to Claire's ranting, but the phone started ringing. Her eyes went wide and she stared at Claire. "Wow, that was so cool! It's like you have special powers."
Claire rolled her eyes at Rebecca's comment, and then was further frustrated when Rebecca picked up the phone. "Hey! I want to talk to him first," she said, figuring it was Chris. Claire picked up a portable phone lying in the same room, and listened as Rebecca greeted the caller.
"Hi, this is Dr. Hart. I was wondering if I could speak to Jill Valentine?" the caller asked.
Rebecca was surprised that the doctor was calling. Doctors didn't usually call after check-ups unless something was wrong. "Why, is everything okay?" she inquired.
"I'm not really at liberty to say…you know, doctor-patient confidentially. But I was hoping that I could again try to convince Miss Valentine to come in for more tests."
"Uhmmm….I'm sorry, she's not here. Goodbye," Rebecca replied and hung up the phone. Claire hung up also. The looks that they were giving each other showed that they were thinking the same thing. "Didn't Jill say that everything went fine at the doctor's, and he told her that her problems were stress related?"
"Yes, that's what she said," Claire confirmed. "But I have a feeling that she was lying. I mean, a doctor doesn't try more than once to convince you to come in for tests if you're just suffering from stress, right?" When Rebecca nodded her head, Claire decided to take action. "Rebecca, go and get Leon."
"Uh, why?" she asked nervously. Claire was up to something, and Rebecca had the feeling that she wasn't going to like it. And she was more than right.
"Because we're going to break into the hospital and steal Jill's files."
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Jill was lying down on her bed in Carlos's house, staring at the ceiling. She didn't have the energy to do much else lately. The worst part about the situation was that she was so helpless to do anything. All she could do was sit and wait, while thoughts of Chris plagued her mind. She yearned for him so badly. Jill wished more than anything that he could be with her during her final days.
Her final days. Jill smiled bitterly at that thought. The doctor that Carlos had brought her to, some sort of specialist, could do nothing to help her. She knew that now. It was impossible to ask a man who had never dealt with zombies or biohazards to suddenly develop a cure for a zombie virus. The poor guy was just a doctor who had been a good friend of Carlos, and who was the only guy they could trust with the Umbrella information. He was working very hard to develop a new vaccine, and Carlos refused to let Jill give up hope, but she knew that hope was futile. The doctor had told her that from the looks of how the virus was progressing, she had less than a week before she turned. Less than a week before she became a zombie.
But, if she couldn't spend her final days *with* Chris, at least she could think about him. She imagined him ten years from now, living happily, with thoughts of her erased from his mind. Maybe by then he'd be married, or have a child. She smiled at the thought of Chris having a son, just like him. More than anything Jill wished that she could give Chris a child, but she knew that it wasn't possible. But as long as Chris couldn't blame himself for her death, which she knew he would if he found out she was dying, he would be able to have whatever kind of life he wanted, and find the happiness that he deserved. *If only he was here with me now* she thought wistfully for the millionth time that week.
It's not that she didn't appreciate what Carlos was doing for her. She was more grateful to him than he would ever now. He took care of her, he gave her hope, he was extremely sweet to her, and he was trying as hard as he could to make sure that his friend Dr. Goodson found a cure. But, he wasn't Chris, he wasn't the man that she loved. *I wish you were here Chris,* she thought again. Unfortunately for her, however, her wish was about to come true.
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Chris stood outside of Carlos's house, wondering if he was doing the right thing. There were two main scenarios that played in Chris's head. In the first, Carlos answered the door and had no idea where Jill was, and Chris was right back where he started. In the second scenario, Carlos answered the door in a bathrobe, with a wedding ring on his finger, while Jill walked out of his room in a sexy piece of lingerie and asked if he was coming back to bed. Neither scenario was appealing, but if he had to choose, he'd rather the second one be true. He'd rather deal with a broken heart and know that Jill was okay than deal with the possibility that something awful had happened to her.
He took a long puff from his cigarette, then discarded it, and walked towards the door. "Here goes nothing," Chris thought, and knocked on the door. He was almost surprised when Carlos answered rather quickly. His surprise was nothing, though, compared to the shock he saw on Carlos's face.
"What are you doing here?" Carlos asked nervously.
"I don't even get a 'hello' from an old friend?" Chris asked mockingly. When Carlos just stared back at him, Chris sighed. "Look, I didn't come here to pick a fight. I just want to know where Jill is. And I know you know, I can see it in your face, so don't even bother lying."
Before Carlos even had a chance to lie, however, Jill walked towards the front door asking, "Carlos, what's going on?" When she saw Chris, her eyes widened as if she were a deer caught in headlights.
Chris felt a wide range of emotions, all triggered just from the sight of her. At first he was happy. It had been so long since he had seen her last. Then he felt jealous because it seemed as if Jill had gotten a little too comfortable at Carlos's house. Then he felt angry that Jill put him through all this worry just so she could have a 'good time' with Carlos. But lastly, he felt relief at knowing she was okay, and she was safe. In fact, he was so relieved to see her that he didn't even notice how pale and sickly she looked.
"What are you doing here?" she asked him angrily, with ice in her eyes.
Chris was taken aback. He had imagined a lot of reactions from her, such as awkwardness, annoyance, maybe even a little pity. He was not prepared, however, for the pure anger he found in her eyes and her voice.
"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay," he answered, suddenly unsure of himself. *Why does she keep looking at me like that?*
"Of course I'm okay. I have Carlos here with me," she said, and traced a finger slowly and seductively down Carlos's bicep. "I thought I told you not to look for me."
"I know…I just thought that-"
"That I was in love with you," Jill interrupted. "Is that why you came? Well, I already told you…I don't love you, okay?"
Chris felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. "I understand. But you didn't have to leave. We can still be friends." He felt a chill pass through him when Jill just laughed coldly. This wasn't like her… something was wrong.
"No, you obviously don't understand, Chris. Well, let me explain it to you. It's not just that I don't love you. The truth is, you disgust me. You're like an emotionless machine. All you ever did was order me around. But, that night that we made lo-…that night that we had sex, I reached the height of my disgust. It was so awful, so pathetic. Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of that night, and I just want to puke. And that, my *friend,* is why I can't live with you. I tried to write you a note and spare your feelings, but you once again had no respect for anyone's wishes but your own, and had to come here. And naturally, you knew I'd be here because I was in desperate need of having a *real* man in bed."
At the look of raw pain on Chris face, Jill thought she was going to break into little pieces. *Please leave, I can't keep this up much longer,* she thought. She was only able to keep up this act because she knew he'd be feeling even more pain if he stayed and found out she was turning into a zombie. But she wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer. It killed her to hurt him. *But just one final stab should do the trick…* "Of course, Carlos leaves nothing to be desired. We're in love."
Chris wished that he were dead at precisely that moment. She was in love with Carlos. That was that. But his gut instincts, along with his stubborn heart, were telling him that something was wrong. With a firm resolve and a new strength, he asserted, "I don't believe you. I love you, Jill."
With those words, Chris saw the ice melt in her eyes, and he saw her look at him the way she used to, with adoration in her eyes. The look soon went away though, and was replaced by the ice again. "If you won't believe my words, believe my actions," she said. With that she grabbed Carlos and kissed him as ostentatiously as she could, while pressing against his chest with her breast and rubbing against his manhood. Carlos, being first a man, secondly a man still in love with Jill, and thirdly a man in shock, instinctively responded, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her tightly.
Chris watched in shock for a minute, but then got in his car a drove off. He felt like he was going to puke. Or beat the crap out of someone. Or both. He was sure that a slow, torturous death would feel better than he felt at that moment. He wanted to kick himself. Why did he have to go after her? Why did he have to believe that she had been lying? He was such a fool. But no more. "Goodbye, Jill Valentine. Have a nice life," he muttered.
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
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*Song Credit: Creep by Radiohead
Ahhhhhhh so much angst! What will happen? Do you care? Sorry again for the wait!
Feedback: Always appreciated! No flames please. Constructive criticism welcome.
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Barry yelled out a string of random expletives after coming up with another dead end on finding Jill. If he wasn't so frustrated, he'd be proud at how well she had been able to cover her tracks. However, he *was* frustrated, not to mention apprehensive about the way Jill had just disappeared. It wasn't like her to run away from her problems. She was usually the type of person to face them head on. Of course, when it came to the issue of love, Barry was no expert. All he knew was that love usually screwed everything up. Chris had said that the reason Jill left had something to do with him loving her. Though, that also didn't sit well with Barry. Any idiot, with the exception of Chris, could tell that she was as smitten with him as he was with her. So why the hell would she leave? Nothing in the situation made sense, and that made Barry very uneasy and extremely anxious to find out where Jill was.
The phone ringing alerted Barry from his thoughts, and he knew immediately in his gut that it was Chris. He dreaded answering the phone and telling Chris that he had found nothing. He only had one more idea, and he knew that Chris sure as hell wasn't going to like it. Nevertheless, he picked up the phone answering, "Burton."
"Barry, it's me," Chris replied, knowing full well that Barry would recognize his voice. "Forgive me if I skip the idle chit chat…but did you find anything?"
The anxiety that Barry was feeling, however, was nothing compared to what Chris was going through. The dreams he was having about Jill, where zombies were attacking her and he could do nothing to save her, had been going on for a week now, only they were becoming longer and more vivid. Chris was certain now that something was wrong, and she was in great danger. He couldn't explain how he knew…he just did. And that was good enough for him. The fact that he had been looking for her for a week and had virtually no clues as to her whereabouts was also taking its toll on him. She needed his help, and he was letting her down.
"I haven't found anything concrete. But there is one thing…" Barry hesitated. He had a feeling that this wasn't going to be pleasant.
"Barry, you have to tell me. I've looked everywhere I can think of, anyplace she's ever mentioned to me even in passing, and I've come up with nothing. Absolutely nothing. Please tell me." Chris was ashamed at the desperation in his voice, but he was becoming almost frantic.
"Okay, but you're not going to like it. Since I wasn't able to find any information on Jill, I decided to go another route. Basically, I used my sources to find the address of Carlos Olivera. I thought that maybe he might know where Jill might have gone, or… well, I thought she might be with him." When Barry only heard silence on the other end of the phone, he quickly continued. "If you'd rather me send a private investigator down there to check things out, that's fine with me. It's probably a real long shot anyway."
Chris felt his chest tighten at the name Carlos Olivera. He was almost tempted to tell Barry not to even waste his time. But if Jill really was in trouble, then he couldn't let his petty feelings of jealousy get in the way. "No Barry, that won't be necessary," he said calmly. "Give me the address."
Barry smiled. That was the answer he expected to hear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Would it be so hard for my stupid brother to take ten seconds out of his day and call me?" Claire yelled out to no one in particular. It wasn't unusual not to hear from Chris in a week, but she was still worried about him.
Rebecca was about to respond to Claire's ranting, but the phone started ringing. Her eyes went wide and she stared at Claire. "Wow, that was so cool! It's like you have special powers."
Claire rolled her eyes at Rebecca's comment, and then was further frustrated when Rebecca picked up the phone. "Hey! I want to talk to him first," she said, figuring it was Chris. Claire picked up a portable phone lying in the same room, and listened as Rebecca greeted the caller.
"Hi, this is Dr. Hart. I was wondering if I could speak to Jill Valentine?" the caller asked.
Rebecca was surprised that the doctor was calling. Doctors didn't usually call after check-ups unless something was wrong. "Why, is everything okay?" she inquired.
"I'm not really at liberty to say…you know, doctor-patient confidentially. But I was hoping that I could again try to convince Miss Valentine to come in for more tests."
"Uhmmm….I'm sorry, she's not here. Goodbye," Rebecca replied and hung up the phone. Claire hung up also. The looks that they were giving each other showed that they were thinking the same thing. "Didn't Jill say that everything went fine at the doctor's, and he told her that her problems were stress related?"
"Yes, that's what she said," Claire confirmed. "But I have a feeling that she was lying. I mean, a doctor doesn't try more than once to convince you to come in for tests if you're just suffering from stress, right?" When Rebecca nodded her head, Claire decided to take action. "Rebecca, go and get Leon."
"Uh, why?" she asked nervously. Claire was up to something, and Rebecca had the feeling that she wasn't going to like it. And she was more than right.
"Because we're going to break into the hospital and steal Jill's files."
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Jill was lying down on her bed in Carlos's house, staring at the ceiling. She didn't have the energy to do much else lately. The worst part about the situation was that she was so helpless to do anything. All she could do was sit and wait, while thoughts of Chris plagued her mind. She yearned for him so badly. Jill wished more than anything that he could be with her during her final days.
Her final days. Jill smiled bitterly at that thought. The doctor that Carlos had brought her to, some sort of specialist, could do nothing to help her. She knew that now. It was impossible to ask a man who had never dealt with zombies or biohazards to suddenly develop a cure for a zombie virus. The poor guy was just a doctor who had been a good friend of Carlos, and who was the only guy they could trust with the Umbrella information. He was working very hard to develop a new vaccine, and Carlos refused to let Jill give up hope, but she knew that hope was futile. The doctor had told her that from the looks of how the virus was progressing, she had less than a week before she turned. Less than a week before she became a zombie.
But, if she couldn't spend her final days *with* Chris, at least she could think about him. She imagined him ten years from now, living happily, with thoughts of her erased from his mind. Maybe by then he'd be married, or have a child. She smiled at the thought of Chris having a son, just like him. More than anything Jill wished that she could give Chris a child, but she knew that it wasn't possible. But as long as Chris couldn't blame himself for her death, which she knew he would if he found out she was dying, he would be able to have whatever kind of life he wanted, and find the happiness that he deserved. *If only he was here with me now* she thought wistfully for the millionth time that week.
It's not that she didn't appreciate what Carlos was doing for her. She was more grateful to him than he would ever now. He took care of her, he gave her hope, he was extremely sweet to her, and he was trying as hard as he could to make sure that his friend Dr. Goodson found a cure. But, he wasn't Chris, he wasn't the man that she loved. *I wish you were here Chris,* she thought again. Unfortunately for her, however, her wish was about to come true.
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Chris stood outside of Carlos's house, wondering if he was doing the right thing. There were two main scenarios that played in Chris's head. In the first, Carlos answered the door and had no idea where Jill was, and Chris was right back where he started. In the second scenario, Carlos answered the door in a bathrobe, with a wedding ring on his finger, while Jill walked out of his room in a sexy piece of lingerie and asked if he was coming back to bed. Neither scenario was appealing, but if he had to choose, he'd rather the second one be true. He'd rather deal with a broken heart and know that Jill was okay than deal with the possibility that something awful had happened to her.
He took a long puff from his cigarette, then discarded it, and walked towards the door. "Here goes nothing," Chris thought, and knocked on the door. He was almost surprised when Carlos answered rather quickly. His surprise was nothing, though, compared to the shock he saw on Carlos's face.
"What are you doing here?" Carlos asked nervously.
"I don't even get a 'hello' from an old friend?" Chris asked mockingly. When Carlos just stared back at him, Chris sighed. "Look, I didn't come here to pick a fight. I just want to know where Jill is. And I know you know, I can see it in your face, so don't even bother lying."
Before Carlos even had a chance to lie, however, Jill walked towards the front door asking, "Carlos, what's going on?" When she saw Chris, her eyes widened as if she were a deer caught in headlights.
Chris felt a wide range of emotions, all triggered just from the sight of her. At first he was happy. It had been so long since he had seen her last. Then he felt jealous because it seemed as if Jill had gotten a little too comfortable at Carlos's house. Then he felt angry that Jill put him through all this worry just so she could have a 'good time' with Carlos. But lastly, he felt relief at knowing she was okay, and she was safe. In fact, he was so relieved to see her that he didn't even notice how pale and sickly she looked.
"What are you doing here?" she asked him angrily, with ice in her eyes.
Chris was taken aback. He had imagined a lot of reactions from her, such as awkwardness, annoyance, maybe even a little pity. He was not prepared, however, for the pure anger he found in her eyes and her voice.
"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay," he answered, suddenly unsure of himself. *Why does she keep looking at me like that?*
"Of course I'm okay. I have Carlos here with me," she said, and traced a finger slowly and seductively down Carlos's bicep. "I thought I told you not to look for me."
"I know…I just thought that-"
"That I was in love with you," Jill interrupted. "Is that why you came? Well, I already told you…I don't love you, okay?"
Chris felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. "I understand. But you didn't have to leave. We can still be friends." He felt a chill pass through him when Jill just laughed coldly. This wasn't like her… something was wrong.
"No, you obviously don't understand, Chris. Well, let me explain it to you. It's not just that I don't love you. The truth is, you disgust me. You're like an emotionless machine. All you ever did was order me around. But, that night that we made lo-…that night that we had sex, I reached the height of my disgust. It was so awful, so pathetic. Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of that night, and I just want to puke. And that, my *friend,* is why I can't live with you. I tried to write you a note and spare your feelings, but you once again had no respect for anyone's wishes but your own, and had to come here. And naturally, you knew I'd be here because I was in desperate need of having a *real* man in bed."
At the look of raw pain on Chris face, Jill thought she was going to break into little pieces. *Please leave, I can't keep this up much longer,* she thought. She was only able to keep up this act because she knew he'd be feeling even more pain if he stayed and found out she was turning into a zombie. But she wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer. It killed her to hurt him. *But just one final stab should do the trick…* "Of course, Carlos leaves nothing to be desired. We're in love."
Chris wished that he were dead at precisely that moment. She was in love with Carlos. That was that. But his gut instincts, along with his stubborn heart, were telling him that something was wrong. With a firm resolve and a new strength, he asserted, "I don't believe you. I love you, Jill."
With those words, Chris saw the ice melt in her eyes, and he saw her look at him the way she used to, with adoration in her eyes. The look soon went away though, and was replaced by the ice again. "If you won't believe my words, believe my actions," she said. With that she grabbed Carlos and kissed him as ostentatiously as she could, while pressing against his chest with her breast and rubbing against his manhood. Carlos, being first a man, secondly a man still in love with Jill, and thirdly a man in shock, instinctively responded, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her tightly.
Chris watched in shock for a minute, but then got in his car a drove off. He felt like he was going to puke. Or beat the crap out of someone. Or both. He was sure that a slow, torturous death would feel better than he felt at that moment. He wanted to kick himself. Why did he have to go after her? Why did he have to believe that she had been lying? He was such a fool. But no more. "Goodbye, Jill Valentine. Have a nice life," he muttered.
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
_______________________________________________________________________________________
*Song Credit: Creep by Radiohead
Ahhhhhhh so much angst! What will happen? Do you care? Sorry again for the wait!